“Easy Assembly”… Riiiiight… 

, , , , , | Related | July 12, 2020

After years of offering to upgrade the furniture in my son’s room, he and his girlfriend finally decide to go to a popular Swedish build-your-own furniture store with my blessing to pick out a new piece of furniture to replace the ancient, decaying futon couch that he and his girlfriend sleep on.

This is the first piece of furniture that he has ever picked out completely on his own. I help them clear out the old futon and leave them to put the new one together.

Me: “Do you guys need anything else?”

My son speaks with an abundance of confidence.

Son: “No, we got it. This should go quickly!”

Two hours later, my son sticks his head into my office where I am holding office hours with my engineering design students.

Son: “Can you please ask them to design self-assembling furniture?”

It took them about four hours to put that thing together in a fairly warm room, and in the process, my son developed a new appreciation for all the furniture my husband and I assembled over the years. Pretty sure they slept well that night!

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Unfiltered Story #199873

, , , | Unfiltered | July 3, 2020

I work at an indoor public market, and I’m usually the only one at my stall. Often, I stand out front and smile at passers-by, but this particular day it was near the end of my shift so I was a bit lost in thought when an older man approached me (I’m a woman in my early twenties).
Man: Smile.
Me: …pardon?
Man: You should smile. You look too serious.
Me: I’m just minding my stall, sir.
Man: Yes, but you should smile!
Me: *stunned silence*
Man: Look, I didn’t mean it in a harsh way! I just think you should smile!
Me: Um…excuse me; I have to go check on something.
I ducked into the back and thankfully he hasn’t come back since.

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He Tried To Give Her The Moon

, , , , , | Right | June 30, 2020

My husband and I, along with our three-year-old son and baby daughter, have just attended a wake, so we’re quite dressed up. On the way home, we go to a nice restaurant for dinner, and on the way in, we stop to admire the bright full moon.

Waitress: *To my son* “My, don’t you look so handsome tonight!”

Son: “Thank you. Would you like to go outside and look at the moon with me?”

We got SUPERB service that night, and after we paid our check, our waitress did, indeed, go outside to look at the moon with our son.

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Unfiltered Story #197511

, , , , | Unfiltered | June 20, 2020

I work in the administrative offices for several doctors who work in the neonatal ICU at my hospital. Our department doesn’t have a clinic, but the building does have OB-GYN offices, so we sometimes get calls for their offices downstairs and I am familiar with most of the doctors that work in the building.

Me: Newborn Medicine, this is Jill.
Adult male: Yes, can I make an appointment with [Random doctor I’ve never heard of]?
Me: I think you may have the wrong number, this is newborn medicine at Brigham and Women’s Hospital.
Guy: Yes, that’s where she practices. I need an appointment.
Me: …okay, is this for an obstetrician, or for a newborn?
Guy: No, it’s for me.
Me: Um, okay, let me look her up in our directories. *does this* It looks like she practices at [community health center not affiliated with our hospital].
Guy: Yes.
Me: ….oooookay. Let me get you their number. (I give him the number listed on Google, and assume this is the end of the conversation.)
Guy: Wait, I have a question. Can I make an appointment for Friday afternoon? I don’t have a PCP, but I had an accident and I just got stitches so I need to make an appointment.
Me: I don’t know, you’ll have to call them and ask. We don’t make appointments here.
Guy: Really? Not even for your hospital?
Me: …No, this is the administrative office for Newborn Medicine at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, not Harvard Vanguard, and the doctor you’re looking for doesn’t work here. Our doctors work with premature newborns, and are not PCPs. If you call the number I gave you, they can help you.
Guy. *clearly still confused* okay, thank you… *hangs up*

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Stacking Up The Minutes Until The Check Comes

, , , , , , | Working | June 19, 2020

My boyfriend and I go out to eat one night. We are seated next to a wait stand, where wait staff can get trays for checks or pens or anything else they need.

After finishing our meal, our waitress removes our dishes and we wait for her to bring the check. And we wait. And wait. The wait staff all seem to be rearranging part of the restaurant, possibly for a large party later, but no one is paying any attention to us. We try multiple times to get the staff’s attention, but no one will even look our way. We think about dine-and-dashing, but we’ve both waited tables before and are inclined to be forgiving of wait staff screwups.

But after waiting for fifteen minutes for someone to notice that we have no food and are just sitting there, we get bored. Because we are in no hurry, and because we are easily amused, we grab the entire stack of check trays from the wait stand next to us — maybe seven trays –and start trying to build towers with them.

For the record, they don’t work well for tower-building.

After several minutes of this, one of the wait staff notices the noise coming from our table and comes over to investigate.

Waitress: “Um… what are you doing?”

Boyfriend: “Playing with the check trays.”

Waitress: “Why?”

Me: “Because we’ve been waiting for our check for twenty minutes. Could you find our waiter and ask him to get it for us, please?”

Waitress: “Sure.”

The waitress then takes the stack of check trays we’ve been playing with and puts them back on the wait stand — still within easy reach of us — and walks away. After waiting another five minutes for the check, we start playing with them again. We see the waitress who took them away from us look over at us, say something urgently to another member of the wait staff, and then come back over to us.

Waitress: “You can’t play with these.”

Boyfriend: “We’d be glad to stop playing with them, just as soon as we’ve settled our bill.”

Waitress: “…”

The waitress removed the check trays again and this time placed them out of our reach. Thirty seconds later, another waiter dropped off our check and waited while I got out my card to pay. Two minutes later, I signed the check and we left.

This story has been included in our June 2020 roundup as one of that month’s most memorable stories!

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