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A Disgusting Customer, And Management’s No Help

, , , , , , | Right | February 6, 2023

I am on the phone with a customer who is angry due to issues with his router. I am running around to different departments, trying to get him a new router sent out via next-day delivery.

I am asthmatic, and I’m out of breath from running up and down stairs when I return to the phone.

Me: “Okay, sir, I can get next-day delivery for you!”

Customer: “Listen to you, all out of breath. You’re so fat and lazy! If you can’t get fitter, you should just go kill yourself.”

Me: *In a firm and authoritative voice* “Do not speak to me like that, sir, or I won’t help you.”

Customer: “How dare you?! I want to talk to a manager!”

My managers blamed me, even after listening to the call and hearing what the customer had said, and I was threatened with disciplinary action.

Your Internet MAY Be Disconnected, But Their Brains Already Are

, , , , , | Working | January 4, 2023

I work from home, so I need my Internet to be able to actually work. One day, I notice an email from my Internet company stating that they’re going to be doing Internet work and I will experience up to two consecutive hours of downtime with intermittent downtime throughout the rest of the day. The time of the day when it’s expected to start isn’t mentioned, and the email was sent about five business days ahead of the event.

While my employer is understanding that stuff can happen suddenly, when there’s going to be extended downtime, they prefer notification so that we can keep an eye on staffing if needed. Plus, I sometimes deal with sensitive information, so going to a coffee shop for Internet isn’t really a good option. Because I am working when I get this email, I log onto the chat feature for my Internet company, hoping to get some more information.

Chat Robot: “How can I help you today?”

Me: “I’m reaching out about this email that I received stating there’s going to be maintenance done next week. I’m hoping I can get a more specific timeframe.”

Chat Robot: “I’m having trouble understanding your question. Please try to use fewer words.”

Me: “Agent.”

It takes me entering “Agent” like four times before it finally transfers me to someone.

Agent #1: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Me: “Hi. I got an email that you guys are going to be doing work on the Internet in the area next week that’s going to mean at least two hours of downtime. The email didn’t indicate when this is going to start, and I need to be able to let my manager know.”

Agent #1: “Let me check your account. Can I get your full name and address, please?”

Me: “Don’t you have that already since I signed into my account?”

Agent #1: “I need this information to check your account.”

I provide my name and address information.

Agent #1: “I’m not currently seeing an outage in your area. Are you currently having access issues?”

Me: “I’m not trying to report an outage. I’m asking about this email that you guys sent stating that there’s going to be an outage. I’d like to be able to let my manager know when my Internet’s going to be out.”

Agent #1: “There’s no outage in the area. Let me test the line.”

Me: *Head-desk* “I’m not trying to report an outage. My Internet is currently fine. I just want some more information regarding this email that you sent stating there’s going to be an outage.”

I copy the body of the email and paste it into the chat.

Me: “All I’m asking is for the time that this is going to occur because that is not indicated in this email.”

Agent #1: “Hmm… Let me transfer you to another agent.”

Me: “…”

Agent #2: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Me: “I just want to get some information about an email you sent stating that there’s going to be an outage next week. It didn’t include any estimated start time, and I’d like to be able to advise my manager.”

Agent #2: “I’m not currently seeing an outage in your area, but let me test the line.”

Me: “Just to be clear: there is not currently an outage. I’m asking about an outage that you guys have scheduled. I just want more clarification on this as it’s going to affect my ability to work, and I would like to keep my manager informed.”

Agent #2: “Yes, I see that you’re asking about this upcoming outage. I’m not currently seeing any outages in your area. Let me look at this and, if need be, I can dispatch a technician to check locally.”

Me: *Head-wall* “Look, my Internet is currently fine. I wouldn’t be able to chat with you otherwise. I’m not reaching out about a current outage. I just want information on this outage that you said was happening next week because it’s going to prevent me from working, and I just need to be able to plan accordingly.”

Agent #2: “I see. Well, we will, of course, credit your account $10 for this inconvenience, but let me just test the line really quick as I don’t currently see any outages in your area.”

I’m done explaining to him and just want to end the conversation.

Me: “Great, thank you.”

Agent #2: “I have added a note on your account regarding the credit and added a note about this outage. Please let us know if you have any issues.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Agent #2: “Before you disconnect, let me see if your account qualifies for any discounts. What’s your phone plan currently?”

Me: “I’m not looking to change my phone plan.”

Agent #2: “Okay, I see here that I can upgrade your Internet. It will drop your bill about $30 a month, and you’ll see increased upload and download speeds.”

I’m mildly interested but also wary because I don’t want to get caught in some weird contract.

Me: “What’s the catch?”

Agent #2: “I’m just trying to save you $30 a month.”

Me: “Right, but this isn’t something where you’re going to randomly throttle the speeds or randomly turn around and raise the rent $50 or something like that, is it?”

Agent #2: “Nothing like that. I’m just trying to save you $30 a month.”

Me: “Okay, let’s do it.”

Agent #2: “Okay, bear with me while I update your account.”

I do slightly blame myself for not thinking this through, but whatever this guy did ended up rebooting my router… while I was on a call with a user. I guess I should have thought it through, but honestly, I figured he’d, you know, warn me since that’s usually a polite thing to do.

My Internet finally came back up, and the chat session had expired anyway, so I just logged out. I was able to get a hold of my user and help her out.

I told my manager that there was supposed to be an outage, but I had no idea when, so there was a possibility I’d just randomly disconnect. But so far, the outage hasn’t actually occurred unless they managed to do the work overnight and didn’t bother to tell anyone.

Now I’m waiting for the day I can switch ISPs.

Sadly, We Think He Might Have Been Right

, , , , , , , , | Right | November 27, 2022

I’m new, working for a tech support line for an ISP in the earlier days of the Internet (around 2003, before common wireless capabilities). I get my very first call after finishing my training and mentoring period.

Caller: “My Internet won’t work!”

Me: “I am sorry to hear that, sir. Let’s go through some troubleshooting to see if we can identify the problem.”

Caller: “I charged my Internet all night, and now it won’t work when I unplug it from the modem.”

Hoo, boy…

Me: “Your modem does need to be plugged in to provide Internet, sir.”

Caller: “But it should be fully charged!”

Me: “It’s not a battery-operated device, sir. It needs to remain plugged in at all times.”

Caller: “Well, that’s stupid! Fine, I’ll just preload the Internet into my computer so I can unplug it from the modem, then.”

Me: “That’s not possible, either, sir. Your computer needs to be connected to the modem.”

Caller: “So, my computer needs to be connected to the modem, and my modem needs to be connected to the power?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “Humans have to plug themselves in to use the Internet! It’s the matrix! I don’t like it!”

Me: “I’m… sorry you feel that way, sir.”

Caller: “Does the government know about this?”

Me: “I think so, sir.”

Caller: “Well then, I’m gonna tell them anyway! This is gonna damage society, I tell ya!”

Me: “I understand, sir.”

Caller: “So… do you have the government’s email address?”

I took a break after my very first solo call.

Like A Spy Movie But Somehow Way More Satisfying

, , , , , | Working | November 18, 2022

I just moved and signed up for Internet. It’s a small town, so the only Internet provider was a small one-office company I’d never heard of before. I looked at their website using my smartphone and saw that they had a plan for $39.99 a month for two years, so I drove to the store to sign up. The only available associate was a man in his forties.

Associate: “The only option is $89.99 a month.”

Me: “I don’t understand. On your website, it said—”

Associate: “Unfortunately, if you don’t enter your full address, the results are inaccurate.”

Me: “I entered my full address, and your website gave me—”

Associate: “Then you must have done something wrong. Now, I can get a tech to your house on [date two weeks away]. It will be $100, and it needs to be paid up front.”

Me: “I’m going to have to decline. Thank you for your time.”

Associate: *Throwing his hands in the air* “Fine. Your choice. Have a nice day!”

I went back to the car and called my parents. My dad came out the next day and went to the store. He called me using his Bluetooth earpiece while I sat in the car so I could feed him the details. 

Dad: “I’m looking at this $89.99 plan, but it’s a little more than I wanted to pay.”

Me: “I’ll only have a couple of devices linked at once. Just streaming and surfing.”

Dad: “I don’t need all the bells and whistles. Maybe two devices connected at the same time.”

Associate: “Oh, no problem! I looked up your address, and there’s a plan for $39.99, and I can throw in a [Streaming Device] for no cost.”

Me: “He never offered that to me!”

Dad: “That’s great! I love it.”

Me: “The tech visit?”

Dad: “What about the tech coming out? My dogs don’t like strangers, so I want to be prepared.”

Associate: “Nah, you don’t need that. This house had Internet up to a couple of months ago, so you can just download the app on your phone and go through self-installation.”

Dad: “Oh, awesome. I’m going to have my kid come in and talk to you.”

Associate: “Great! I’d love to meet him.”

As soon as I walked in, the associate’s face fell.

Me: “Hi there. Remember me? So glad you changed your mind about my Internet!”

Associate: “Well, see, there are—”

Dad: *Casually* “No, don’t worry about it. You’re an a** who tried to scam my daughter into paying over double what she needed. Do you get commissions?”

Associate: “Yes, but—”

Dad: “Great. I’ll have someone else process this, then. Perhaps your supervisor.”

He gave the associate a brilliant smile.

The associate stood and went to a manager. They talked briefly before the manager came over. 

Manager: “Hello, folks. I’m [Manager]. I just spoke with [Associate], but can you tell me what’s going on?”

My dad tells [Manager] what happened. He gets more upset as the story goes on.

Manager: “I see. Let me take care of this for you.”

The manager gave me the streaming device for free, six months of router rental for free ($15 a month), and signed me up for a paperless billing discount ($10 a month). I don’t know what happened to that associate.

Sounds Like He Hasn’t Built His Echo Chamber Yet

, , , , , , | Right | November 13, 2022

I work for an ISP, and I get this call.

Caller: “You need to cancel some Internet pages! They’re saying things that I don’t like about [President]!”

Me: “Sir, we just provide you with access to the Internet. We’re not responsible for what is actually on the Internet.”

Caller: “Well, that’s stupid! As a patriot, you shouldn’t be allowing these people to say these things about [President]!”

Me: “Sir, the Internet is an open forum for lots of opinions about every subject. If you don’t agree with them, then—”

Caller: “Oh, these aren’t opinions. It’s the news!”

Me: “News?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “If they’re verified news, then what is your complaint?”

Caller: “Aren’t you listening, son? I don’t like them!”

Me: “Maybe you should avoid that particular website, then, sir?”

Caller: “But it’s on all of them! Here, I made a list of sites for you to close: CNN, NBC, BBC—”

Me: “Sir, we can’t do that!”

Caller: “Useless! I never would have gotten this Internet thing if I’d known it would tell me things I didn’t want to hear!” *Click*