I work in a pharmacy in a large grocery store. I am speaking to one of my coworkers about how uncomfortable some of the men who come to the pharmacy counter make me feel. They often call me pretty, try to touch me, or ask me when I’m leaving. 

Coworker: “You know, you’re pretty small, but if you can’t physically beat a man, you can always out-crazy him.”

Later, I am taking the trash out. In order to do so, I have to go into the back of the store which is usually empty of people. As I’m putting the trash into the bins, a man approaches me.

Creepy Guy: “What’s a girl like you doing back here all by yourself? You know there’s no camera back here, right?”

Remembering my coworker’s advice, I put my hands up like a cat and hissed at him. 

He didn’t seem scared, but he did back up. He also now refuses service from me. 

“If you can’t physically beat a man, you can always out-crazy him” was and still is some of the best advice I have ever received.

Related:
Fighting Crazy With Crazy, Part 2
Fighting Crazy With Crazy

I’m the author of this story, about working for my uncle for a ridiculously low “salary”. One day while I was working for him, I and several coworkers at his nonprofit were called into a meeting with a “consultant” that my uncle had hired. She spent half an hour or so giving advice that seemed pretty meaningless and generic to me — lots of buzzwords and platitudes — but no worse than any other consultant.

Then, at the end of the meeting, this happened.

Consultant: “You need to focus on consolidating for a while and not start any new projects because Mercury is in retrograde.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Consultant: “Well, it just makes sense, right? That’s why [Coworker] got overwhelmed and had to go home early.”

Me: “She has the flu!”

Consultant: “No, the energy just isn’t right for new things because of Mercury.”

I’m making $100 a week, but it’s nice to know that at least the company can afford vital resources like an ASTROLOGER!

And to top it off, my uncle gave me a lecture that afternoon about how I needed to be more open-minded. I’m so glad to be out of there now.

Related:
There’s No Room For Error When Working With Family

I am browsing solar-powered lights to put on my garden fence. I have picked up a box and am reading it when an elderly woman steps up next to me.

Old Lady: “I’ve bought those. They’re no good; they’re not bright at all. I had to bring them back.”

Me: “Oh, uh, thank you?”

I pick another box up to compare them.

Old Lady: “They’re useless.”

Me: “I’m just comparing them. Thanks, anyway.”

I kind of turn my back on her, and she moves away. I don’t need bright lights; I just want a dim glow to show my fenceline, and these lights look perfect for what I need. I get four boxes. On my way to the checkout, I go past the old lady and she looks at my trolley.

Old Lady: “Oh, you got those? They’re really rubbish. Honestly, you can’t see a thing with them. You’d be better with the other ones.”

Me: “These are fine.”

I walk away and behind me, I hear her say loudly:

Old Lady: “Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you!”

I won’t.

I’m working at the help desk at a large grocery store when I see a young man, probably around sixteen, come up to me. He looks a bit nervous as he hands me a piece of paper. He clears his throat and speaks what sounds like a well-rehearsed sentence.

Boy: “Hello. I’m currently a job seeker, and I would like to hand in my resumé for your consideration.”

Me: “That’s wonderful! However, we stopped taking in physical resumés a while ago. If you go to our website, at the bottom where it says, ‘WORK FOR US!’ you can upload your resumé.”

Boy: “Oh, okay! Thank you.”

He walks back out and I smile a little before helping another customer. Within seconds, an angry-looking older man storms up to me with the boy from earlier following sheepishly.

Older Man: “Why didn’t you take my grandson’s resumé?!”

Me: “We only accept them online now, sir.”

Older Man: “Nonsense! Young men these days need to pound the pavement!”

Me: “Sir, we stopped accepting physical resumés a while ago now. If your grandson is looking for a job, then uploading it online is his best—”

Older Man: “No! No, no, no! None of this computer nonsense! My grandson spends too much time on that d*** thing already! Now, you’re going to take my grandson’s resumé, and you’ll take it to the guy in charge!”

He shoves the resumé into my hands and storms off, dragging his grandson with him.

Older Man: “See, my boy? That’s how you get it done. Follow my advice and you’ll have a job by next week!”

When they were gone, I crumpled up the poor boy’s resumé, threw it in the trash (as per policy), and continued with my original customer.

My sister works in a fast food restaurant, and she’s the worker who hands food to people. She has been playing a game of name association with her coworker, where they try to name celebrities or famous fictional characters based on the names that are on the orders.

This particular order has the name “Wayne,” and she has come up with the alter-ego of Batman. When the car pulls up, she accidentally asks the customer, a somewhat elderly man:

Sister: “Hi, was it for Bruce Wayne— I mean, Wayne?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s Wayne. What did you say?”

Sister: “Is your name Wayne?”

Customer: “No, before that.”

Sister: *Trying to play it off* “Oh, I was just thinking about something.”

Customer: “Were you thinking about your hot date for tonight?”

Sister: “Nonononono, not at all!”

Customer: “Don’t worry about it. Just remember, marry for money and not love.”

And then he just drove off with his food. What?