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The One That Ended In 2004

, , , , , | Friendly | January 28, 2026

My friends and I are talking to a single friend about how to flirt with girls. One guy is giving obviously terrible advice, as well as teasing him a bit, so a girlfriend asks him:

Girlfriend: “[Guy’s Name], just stop. How long has it been since you flirted with anyone?”

Guy: “How you doin’?”

Girlfriend: “So over twenty years? Since Friends went off the air?”

She then moved on to give our friend some more sound advice, while the guy looked up the year when Friends went off the air, did the mental math, and looked horrified.

The Calm Before The Store-m

, , , , , | Working | November 28, 2025

It’s Black Friday in our big box retail store, before opening. You can already hear the muffled mumbling of customers outside.

Manager: “Alright, team, we’ve got fifteen minutes till we open. Everyone stretched? Hydrated? Emotionally prepared to question humanity?”

New Hire: “They sound really… excited out there.”

Veteran #1: “That’s not excitement. That’s the sound of a thousand people who think a $19 air fryer will fill the void.”

New Hire: “It’s my first Black Friday. Any tips?”

Veteran #2: “Don’t make eye contact. If you make eye contact, they’ll think you’re the keeper of the secret stockroom.”

Veteran #3: “Never say we’re ‘sold out.’ Say, ‘Let me check in the back.’ Then go in the back, drink some water, have a cry, and come back five minutes later looking apologetic.”

New Hire: “But… what if we do have it in the back?”

Manager: “Then congratulations, you just volunteered to be trampled.”

Dad Did A Job On You

, , , , | Related | June 23, 2025

I love my dad, but he thinks that holding the same job for over twenty years and then retiring has made him an expert on the modern job market. Some of the tips he’s given me on how to find a job in 2025:

1. You need to spend forty hours / week on job searching. If you’re not spending the equivalent of a full-time job on job searching, you don’t really want a job.

2. You get your forty hours in by walking into places and handing them your resume. It doesn’t matter what their online portal says, in person is the only way to go.

Funnily enough, I have actually taken my resume in-store to places before, but I call ahead and ask if that’s something they’re willing to take! I don’t just take them in, unsolicited.

And the last “helpful” tip I’m going to share:

3. If you find a company you want to work for that isn’t hiring, go in and tell them that you just believe in their mission so much that you’re willing to work for free. Do this for a couple of months (MONTHS) and then tell them that you can’t afford to keep volunteering & ask if they’d be willing to hire you.

Just do those three things and you’ll definitely get a job in 2025. I promise. Sigh.

We Hope He Sees The Link Between His “Tips” And The Consequences

, , , , , , , | Right | May 15, 2025

I was managing a client’s professional Facebook page. The owner encouraged me to post something myself, so I posted a link to a related YouTube video that his followers might find interesting. 

I swiftly got a message from the owner who just “wanted to give me a few tips”. After giving me some of the worst branding advice I have ever heard, he shared this little nugget.

Client: “Never give an external link to YouTube or Vimeo or anything like that unless it’s one or two hours long or very good content. If people leave the page to see the video on YouTube, they are surely not coming back to comment on it. If it’s two or three minutes, just upload it to the page!”

I asked him to clarify, just to make sure he was really saying what I thought he was saying.

Yes, he wanted me to illegally repost other people’s work. When I told him this was illegal, he vehemently argued with me until he removed my admin permissions.

I was not sad to see that page go, but I did track down the original creators of the videos in the page’s history and send them some emails about stolen content.

He Said The Thing! (And Then Learned A Thing!)

, , , , , | Working | April 25, 2025

I’m eighteen and have just gotten my first job in retail. My manager, who isn’t that much older than me, has only recently been promoted to his position of authority, shortly before I was hired, because the previous manager disappeared. (I’m realizing as I write this that I never got the full story for that.)

On my first day, about twenty minutes before we open, I’m watching the training video in the manager’s office. He comes in to take something from a file cabinet, which I can see is a printed page in a plastic sleeve, with the words “The Customer Is Always Right” printed on it. I must get a funny look on my face, as [Manager] pauses and explains.

Manager: “My mom told me this. She said I should remember it, so I figured, why not put it up on a sign and make sure everyone does, right?”

Because I’m eighteen, this is my first job, and I don’t want to insult this guy’s mother, I hold my tongue, despite having heard horror stories from friends and family — and from this very site. 

I’m getting into my shift, and I notice that the “The Customer Is Always Right” sign is posted above the screen of the cash register, so it will be within my line of sight every time I look over at the screen. I get the distinct feeling that I’m not going to enjoy working here.

Luckily, the vast majority of the customers I assist at the register, with [Manager] at my shoulder to assist as needed, are perfectly fine and polite, with only one slightly grumpy customer who, to be fair, looks tired after a night shift. It is this customer who notices the sign above my register, and as he is paying, speaks to the manager.

Customer: “Were you forced to put that up?”

Manager: *Confused* “No, sir? I put it up this morning. I was told—”

Customer: “‘In matters of taste.'”

Manager: “…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “The whole thing. It’s ‘The customer is always right in matters of taste.’ It means they can feel or think a certain way, but it doesn’t mean they’re correct.”

Manager: “Sir, I don’t think—

Customer: *Pays and starts to leave* “Look it up, man. You got a computer, right?”

As the customer walks off with his groceries, [Manager] frowns, looking a little perturbed, before telling me to take a fifteen-minute break while he goes into the office.

After fifteen minutes, I go back to the register. [Manager] comes back out shortly after to take down the sign he’d made, take it out of the plastic sleeve, and then crumple the paper up and throw it away.

Manager: “I need to call my mom later.” *To me* “Did you know that there was a whole thing to ‘The Customer Is Always Right’?”

Me: “Well, yeah, but—”

Manager: “Next time I say something stupid, you have my permission to inform me. Er, politely, please. Unless you have a good reason to be impolite.”

Me: “Yes, sir. I’ll do my best.”

I proceeded to work at that store for four years. It still had its issues, but a spineless manager was, thankfully, not one of them, so I didn’t have to be impolite.