Oh What Fools These Mortals Be, Act II

, , , , | Right | February 9, 2021

Customer: “I was looking for a copy of Romeo and Juliet and I was hoping you could help me. I need a specific version for school.”

Me: “Of course I can help. What version do you need?”

Customer: “The Shakespeare version.”

Me: “The No Fear Shakespeare version?”

Customer: “No, the original.”

Me: “The original script from 1595?”

Oh What Fools These Mortals Be

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Pages Of Joy

, , , , , | Right | January 20, 2021

I’m waiting in line for the checkout machines at the library. In front of me is an adult with a four-year-old child. The child is hugging a picture book and singing softly, “I’m so happy, I’m so happy.”

I wasn’t having a bad day, but it still made my day better to see a child so happy with a book.

This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for January 2021!

Read the next Feel Good roundup for January 2021 story!

Read the Feel Good roundup for January 2021!

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I Bet You’re Worried. I Was Worried.

, , , , , | Working | January 15, 2021

I work in a library. One day, the phone rings and my coworker answers it. She is a middle-aged lady who is very mature and proper.

Coworker: “Hello, [Library], how may I help you?”

I hear the garbled sound of the caller speaking over the phone.

Coworker: “Oh, my! Watch your mouth, young lady!” *Hangs up*

Me: “What did she say?”

Coworker: “She was a prankster. She said she wanted something called The V-A-G-I-N-A Monologues.

Me: “Um, [Coworker], you do realize there is an actual book called The Vagina Monologues, right?”

My coworker turned bright red.

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A Bit Of Light Reading And Heavy Pronouncements

, , , , | Right | January 11, 2021

Due to the iffy public transport where I live, I usually have to wait about half an hour after my shift ends before I can catch the bus home. Therefore, I usually bring a book or two, and after my shift is done I read at one of the tables by the window.

One day, I’m done with my shift, so I sit at the table. I’ve got two books, one that I’m just finishing and one that I’m about to start. About five minutes later, two young men come in.

Customer #1: “I’m telling you, man, the only people who work in stores like these are kids or idiots! Or special needs weirdos.”

Customer #2: “Dude, you’re being an a**hole. Not everyone can afford Uni on their own. Most people need jobs like these.”

Customer #1: “Uni? Nah, no way any of these losers is at Uni. I’ll prove it.”

Sure enough, [Customer #1] walks up to me. I mentally sigh.

Customer #1: *Ridiculously loud and slow* “What are you reading?”

Me: *In a normal voice* “It’s an analysis of the opioids problem in the United States.”

He suddenly speaks in a normal voice, sounding a little put-off.

Customer #1: “Oh. But what about this one?”

Me: “My other book? An exploration of the use of submarine warfare during the Cold War and how it affected the evolution of submarines.”

Customer #2: “Wait, what kind of history degree are you doing?”

Me: “None? I’m doing primary teaching. This is just fun reading.”

Customer #1: “No way. No one reads these sorts of books for fun.”

My coworker, who is on the front register, decides to speak up.

Coworker: “Oh, this is nothing. Last week she was reading up on medieval torture devices.”

Oddly enough, the guys decided to leave me alone after that.

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Having To Endure That Abuse Is Dystopian

, , , , | Right | December 15, 2020

I work in an old movie theater with only two screens. It is a pretty laid-back place to work and our managers allow us to read and/or do homework while working at the box office since many of the employees are college students. This happens to my coworker during one shift.

Customer: “What book are you reading?”

Coworker: “Oh, it’s really good. It’s set in a dystopian future—”

The customer interrupts him and scoffs.

Customer: “What a town we live in, where even a theater employee knows what ‘dystopian’ means!”

This was only one of the many condescending comments we got when customers noticed us reading. One customer even remarked, “Oh, good for you!” when they saw me reading “The Divine Comedy,” which I was reading for class.

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