A woman came in looking for a book at my bookstore. That’s what she started with. It was initially like pulling teeth for her to elaborate.

Customer: “I am looking for a book.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Okay, well, you’re in the ballpark… Do you have any idea which book, specifically?”

Customer: “It’s about dogs.”

Me: “Fiction? Non-fiction?”

Customer: “It’s a kid’s book about dalmatians.”

Me: “Ah! Okay, it might be 101 Dalmatians! It’s a popular—”

Customer: “No, no, no! 101 dalmatians is too many! I want the book to be about three dalmatians.”

This stopped me cold. I had to stop and wait for my brain to reboot for a second.

Me: “Um, okay… I can look for a book with that title, but I don’t think there are any books in print about specifically only three.”

Customer: “Well, 101 of them is way too many. Just fix it so the book is only about three or fewer.”

I stopped again.

Me: “You want me to… change the published book so that there are only three dalmatians in it?”

Customer: “YES! That’s exactly what I’m looking for!”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. If you want the book 101 Dalmatians, I can help you, but literally no one in this or any other bookstore is able to change the story.”

Customer: “I would like to speak to a manager about your unhelpfulness.”

Long story short? After an argument, my manager told her that she could either buy the book as-is or she could shop elsewhere because she was being unreasonable. Yes, he did tell her that to her face. I was gobsmacked by the flying pigs at the time.

After fuming, she finally bought the book and stormed out, complaining about how “101 Dalmatians” was just too many dogs.

I am in a bookstore, standing in this incredibly small section of manga, trying to find a new series I might like. A guy walks up to me.

Guy: “Whatcha lookin’ for?”

Mind you, this is not an employee, just a big man with a cowboy hat.

Me: “Uh… nothing in particular. Just browsing.”

Guy: “Ah… what is this stuff?”

Me: “Manga.”

I realize that word means nothing to him, so I add:

Me: “It’s kind of like Japanese comic books.”

Guy: “Ah. Like that Sailor Moonie stuff?”

Me: “Uh. Yeah.”

Guy: “Okay. See, the only book I read is the Bible. You know what Bible stands fer?”

Me: “No?”

Guy: “Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.”

Me: “Oh.”

Guy: “Yup! Y’all have a good one! God bless!”

Me: *With a total look of bewilderment* “You, too!”

The guy was super nice; I just didn’t know what the eff was going on!

I was watching my niece, who was in either kindergarten or first grade.

Me: “I think one of the most fun times in my life was college. I finally got to meet a lot of other geeks like me.”

Niece: “I don’t want to go to college.”

Me: “Oh, but college is great! Why don’t you want to go?”

Niece: “Because they would force me to learn to read!”

Me: “Trust me; you’ll be reading long before then — and probably loving it, too, going by your genetics.”

Niece: “Oh.”

My niece is now in fourth grade and reading books well above her grade level for fun.

Though come to think of it, I haven’t checked what her thoughts on college are lately.

At a bookshop I frequent, they pride themselves in having a large selection of books in other languages, but obviously, there are limits. One day, as I am browsing, I overhear this conversation.

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for [YouTuber]’s book but translated into Albanian. Do you have any?”

Bookseller: “I don’t think we have it — or that it exists at all — but I can try to look.”

Customer: “I’m sure it exists. I saw it on [Website], and it said it was available in Albanian.”

Bookseller: “Then I’ll look it up and place an order for it.”

A little later, I go to the till. I see the bookseller furiously typing away and then sighing resignedly.

Bookseller: “I am sorry, madam, but that book isn’t translated into Albanian, or into any language; it’s only in Italian.”

Customer: “How’s that possible? [YouTuber] is popular in Albania, too. They must’ve translated it for sure!”

Bookseller: *Turns the monitor* “You’re free to take a look.”

The customer looks at the screen in icy silence for a long while and then stomps her feet before shuffling out.

Customer: “F****** [YouTuber], not wanting to pay for an Albanian translation…”

Related:
Lost In No Translation, Part 5
Lost In No Translation, Part 4
Lost In No Translation, Part 3
Lost In No Translation, Part 2
Lost In No Translation

I worked at a bookstore for a while, which I referred to as “selling to support my habit”. While I was employed there, a friend of mine published several cozy mysteries. On the release date for the second one, I brought it up in our pre-opening meeting as something I was going to be trying to hand-sell since I wanted to help my friend out. It hadn’t arrived yet, but I was hopeful that it would show up as we got that morning’s shipment unpacked.

Sure enough, when I checked on it an hour or so into my shift, I saw that it had been received, so I popped down to the basement to grab it and bring it up to the section to show to customers. While I was digging it out, I overheard two managers in their office. [Manager #1] and I loathed each other, but [Manager #2] had hired me in the first place and we got along well.

Manager #1: “I bet [My Name] doesn’t even know that author and just wants an excuse to be obnoxious.”

Manager #2: *Pauses* “You know she basically can’t lie, right?”

Manager #1: “Everybody lies. How else would anything get done?”

Meanwhile, I had found the book I was looking for, flipped it open, and — OOH!

Me: “Hey, [Manager #2]! Look at this! She actually dedicated the book to me and didn’t tell me!”

I showed both managers the dedication page, which clearly had my first and last names, the combination of which is unique.

Manager #2: “Okay, now that is cool. Right, [Manager #1]?”

[Manager #1] turned several interesting colors.

I did in fact manage to hand-sell all six copies we got over the next few days. One customer even asked me to sign the dedication page, which I found odd, but what the heck? Why not?