Green With Envy Over Your Ability To See Color

, , , , | Healthy | March 10, 2020

(I know my coworker and his wife pretty well — I went to their wedding — and they’re often in the store either helping with or participating in events when they aren’t working. They’ve finished both of their events this day and are going past the counter to leave, and they walk by me. I overhear their discussion, and they rope me in.)

Coworker: “It’s brown!”

Coworker’s Wife: “It is not! [My Name], what’s the color of my shirt?”

(Because she is wearing a BRIGHT RED JACKET, it’s pretty obvious what color the shirt is; however, if you just glanced at it, it might be misconstrued as brown.)

Me: “Uh, it’s green?”

Coworker: “Is it? But it’s brown!”

Me: *peering at it* “No, it’s green; it’s a dark green.” 

Coworker’s Wife: “It’s emerald green.”

Coworker: “Well, it had better not be olive green, because that’s a color that doesn’t exist.”

Me: “But… What?” 

Coworker’s Wife: “What color are [My Name]’s bracelets?” 

(On my wrists are a paracord bracelet and a FitBit band, respectively.) 

Coworker: “Well, I know that one is bright green and purple, and that one is… well, I dunno.”

Me: “[Coworker], it’s green. You’re colorblind.” 

(I guess you learn something new every day — and this came as a bit of a shock to him, too!)

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It’s A Dragon! It’s A Kangaroo! No, It’s A Whole Mess Of Rabbits!

, , , , , , , , | Learning | February 28, 2020

I’m in my final year of high school. My Science Extension class is quite small and has a very casual atmosphere. We’re also fairly close with our teacher.  

I quite enjoy origami, and one day, I make a little dragon to de-stress. On a whim, I decide to drop it off on my teacher’s desk for her to find. She really likes it and asks me if it’s a crane. This happens as well with a kangaroo that I’d made for another teacher, a parrot — also for another teacher — and a rabbit.  

Later on, we’re discussing something unrelated and the topic turns to her inability to distinguish origami animals. I jokingly say that I should cover her desk with rabbits due to how they multiply explosively, and I think no more of it. The next day, however, I find another method for an origami rabbit, remember what I said to her, and put together a plan.  

I’d given her the first “parent” rabbit — the same rabbit that she mistook for a crane — on a Monday, so I spent Tuesday gathering materials and folding the second “parent” rabbit. As the first rabbit was folded with yellow paper, the second rabbit was folded with blue paper to contrast the first one, using the different method that I’d found. This rabbit was delivered on Wednesday, just before our class started.  

On Thursday, I took three sheets of green paper, divided them into quarters, and started making tiny rabbits, using both methods. I also made a little exploding envelope, complete with directions on how to operate it. On the inside, I drew a cartoony explosion — complete with a “BOOM” in the middle — and wrote, “I did say that rabbits multiply explosively!” underneath.

On Friday, I waited until she’d left the staffroom to put the last stage of my plan into action. As soon as she’d left the building, I snuck up to the staffroom, scattered the “baby rabbits” all over her laptop, and left the envelope with the directions facing upward. I then ran back to where I usually sat and waited until I saw her head back to the staffroom.  

This next part is a combination of what I’d heard after I ran up to the staffroom and what was relayed to me after she’d found the rabbits.

She didn’t see anything amiss at first… until she walked closer and saw her laptop covered in tiny little origami rabbits. She went, “Oh, my God, that’s a lot of rabbits!” in a fairly excited tone. After she’d said that, she saw the envelope, picked it up, and followed the directions. The envelope “exploded” as it was supposed to, and after she read the message, she started laughing.  

All in all, I think it was a pretty successful prank.

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Turning Being Cheap Into An Artform

, , , , | Right | February 20, 2020

(I am an artist and this is about my first convention, about ten years ago — around 2010. I am very nervous and because I don’t know what to do the whole day, I decide to make an art piece, in the hopes it attracts people. It does and it helps my sales a bit. The piece I am making is A3 sized and I start it at 9:00 am. I finish at 4:00 pm. A few people visit me throughout the day to see my progress.)

Lady: “Oh, you finished! It looks wonderful!”

Me: “Thank you.”

Lady: “I saw you started this piece this morning and I was amazed you finished it this fast.”

Me: “The atmosphere really gave me energy.”

Lady: “Let me buy this from you.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but I don’t sell originals. Only prints.”

Lady: “What? Don’t be silly! I’d pay a good price for it. Here, let me pay you 5€.”

Me: “No, ma’am, I really don’t sell my originals. Maybe you can find something on my table that interests you? The prints are quite affordable.”

Lady: “Oh, come on. I like this piece. How about 6€?” 

Me: “Ma’am, I worked all day on this. And I don’t sell originals. If I would, I couldn’t offer these affordable prices on the prints.”

Lady: “Then what do you want? 10€? It’s not worth 10€; it’s just a kid’s drawing!”

(I am twenty-six years old.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to sell this. I can have it made as a print for you and ship it to you, if you’d like that?”

Lady: “No, I want the original. It’s quite clear you don’t know how things work around here. You won’t make any money as an artist if you go on like this!”

(The lady left. I may not be a world-famous illustrator, but I do know my worth.)

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Not Much To Draw From

, , , , | Right | January 27, 2020

(I am taking a call from a gentleman in relation to a claim. He has sent in some of the evidence, but not all of it. One of my colleagues has requested some more documents. It’s about an injury.)

Me: “Okay, Mr. [Client], I see you have supplied a letter from yourself, a confirmation from the company, and a completed form, but we will need some medical documents from the GP.”

Client: “That’s silly. I have supplied all the evidence you need. Have you even gone over the documents?”

Me: “I personally have not seen the actual documents myself. I’m simply going from the notes.”

(He reasonably requests that I review what he has sent whilst he holds, so I do so. I see the documents which my colleague refers to in her notes and then come across a letter. This isn’t unusual since older customers tend to think a “letter of complaint” will more adequately supply the claim than the telephone call we favor. I scan about a third into the letter to ensure I don’t miss any inserted documents. I go over the rest but I don’t see any. On the fifth page, something catches my eye. Intrigued, I continue to scan the letter. This guy has illustrated a fifteen-page letter featuring hand-drawn pictures of how his wife fell off of their raised decking onto a flower bed leading to her being injured. Whilst hilarious — not for her, obviously — and descriptive and actually, somewhat artistically accomplished, it’s still not medical evidence.)

Me: *taking him off hold* “I’m sorry, but there’s no medical report here; we do require that to continue with the claim.” 

Client: “Really? But I drew out how this happened.”

(I had to tell him that unless he could supply genuine medical evidence, we couldn’t proceed, and I hung up. Months later, though, I saw a print-out of one of the illustrations framed on my colleague’s desk and we shared a chuckle. Gladly, this was one of the easier cases to deal with. Thank you, random artist guy, for brightening up all our days!)

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The (Water)Mark Of The Cheapskates

, , , , , | Right | January 23, 2020

I am an artist and I post my work online. In the early days, I only added my signature, next to the image. Then, my art got stolen, signature edited out. I posted my signature next to the image and added a digital signature over the bottom. My art got stolen, the digital signature cropped off. I added the digital signature halfway down the image, and it still got cropped off. Tired of all the theft, I created a large watermark. You can still see the image, but if you wish to crop it out, you’d only have like half a face. 

Two days after releasing my work with a huge watermark, I get a message from someone who has been following my work for a while, but always complained I was in it for the money, should do more freebies, and that I should think of the fans more; they are the base of my success!

“I don’t understand why you’d want to ruin your art like this. Please don’t use that ugly watermark any more. Now I can no longer print it out and hang it on my wall. You are losing fans, starting with me!”

I didn’t listen to him and am now bankru– Oh, wait, nothing happened. Still in the business, but the art theft decreased significantly!

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