Outlining Her Complaint

, , , , , | Right | June 23, 2020

I work as a caricature artist at a theme park, and though we get the occasional rejection, this one always confuses me. I have just drawn the basic outline of a girl’s face.

Mother: “It doesn’t look like her.”

Me: “I… but… what?”

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Unfiltered Story #196515

, , | Unfiltered | June 13, 2020

I work in an art supplies store when an old couple comes in, so I go up to them to see how I can help

Me: hi there can I help you find anything
Old lady: yes, hi. I am sponsoring a little kid from (poor country) and he is into drawing so I would like to get him some pencil crayons
Me: excellent! Well we have this set of 12 colours for a very good price (I hand her the set of pencils)
Old lady: (looks at the set of pencils and frowns) hm I don’t know if this will do, there is a picture of a girl on it and if he opens it and sees that he will not want to use it.. do you have any other sets for boys?
Me: (very confused) he can very well use this set, pencil crayons are unisex
Old lady: yes but there’s a drawing of a lady on it, you know how kids are. If you saw that you wouldn’t want that
Me: (even more confused, thinking how grateful a kid in an undeveloped country would be for a set of nice pencils despite what is on the case) no i really don’t think it will matter to him mam. But here is a set that doesn’t have anything girly on it, but it’s 3 times more expensive than the first set..
Old lady: 3 times more? *Scoffs* okay we will get the first set then.
Me: okay…..

A True Expert In Suxxitude

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 20, 2020

I post different pieces of artwork to various websites. Most of the time, I’m lucky to get five or six likes and maybe a couple of comments. However, one time, I woke up after having posted a sketch before going to bed, and I found that it had over 200 comments on it.

The first couple of comments were typical “Nice” or “Good Job” type of comments. However, one person had given the comment, “this sux”. Two minutes later, he’d then posted the comment, “hello?”, followed a minute after that with “this sux” again. He’d then proceeded to repeat “this sux” every couple of minutes for three straight hours.

This had, apparently, drawn the attention of other commenters, who had ended up splitting between telling me that it didn’t suck and directly mocking him and his stream of “criticism.” My favorite was a couple of people who went back and forth “agreeing” with him, talking about how the “suxxitude” of the piece had reached “terribad proportionisms,” and how it was reminiscent of the great “Suxxirian masters” of the past.

I ended up writing a post, saying, “Thank you for the critique.” Not even ten seconds after I hit the post button, he had replied with what must have been a copy-pasted rant about how he was allowed to have opinions, and how I needed to “suk it up and admti you sux”.

To this day, it is still the funniest “criticism” I’ve ever received.

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Red Paint In A Hospital Ward Is Just Asking For Trouble

, , , , , , | Healthy | May 4, 2020

I was in hospital for a severe illness. Because doctors were unable to identify what was causing it at my age, given I was in my twenties, I was in a ward for many weeks while they did multiple tests. 

Being a fairly active person prior, I didn’t take sitting idle very well. So, after a few days, I was restless, despite being unwell. 

I really enjoy crafty activities. The hospital happened to be holding an in-house competition where each individual ward got a theme, with the best decorated getting a prize. 

Being absolutely bored out of my mind, I asked if I could help them out with making decorations, which they agreed to. They provided the crafting gear and paints, and we made some pretty cool decorations. 

However, I will never forget the poor cleaners that came to do their rounds through the ward one afternoon and found me cross-legged on my bed, arms and gown covered in red paint, because I had dropped a large painted piece of decoration on myself. 

One emergency call to nurses later, and I ended up not doing most of the painting activities following that. 

That ward won the competition, and after an emergency surgery, I’m doing much better.

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Green With Envy Over Your Ability To See Color

, , , , | Healthy | March 10, 2020

(I know my coworker and his wife pretty well — I went to their wedding — and they’re often in the store either helping with or participating in events when they aren’t working. They’ve finished both of their events this day and are going past the counter to leave, and they walk by me. I overhear their discussion, and they rope me in.)

Coworker: “It’s brown!”

Coworker’s Wife: “It is not! [My Name], what’s the color of my shirt?”

(Because she is wearing a BRIGHT RED JACKET, it’s pretty obvious what color the shirt is; however, if you just glanced at it, it might be misconstrued as brown.)

Me: “Uh, it’s green?”

Coworker: “Is it? But it’s brown!”

Me: *peering at it* “No, it’s green; it’s a dark green.” 

Coworker’s Wife: “It’s emerald green.”

Coworker: “Well, it had better not be olive green, because that’s a color that doesn’t exist.”

Me: “But… What?” 

Coworker’s Wife: “What color are [My Name]’s bracelets?” 

(On my wrists are a paracord bracelet and a FitBit band, respectively.) 

Coworker: “Well, I know that one is bright green and purple, and that one is… well, I dunno.”

Me: “[Coworker], it’s green. You’re colorblind.” 

(I guess you learn something new every day — and this came as a bit of a shock to him, too!)

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