I do CAD design. Unfortunately, the company I work for has been somewhat idle. I am drawing random images in the software to keep myself active. It’s no great secret to my supervisor.
Supervisor: “Are you drawing pentagrams?”
Me: “Pentacles.”
Supervisor: “What’s the difference?”
Me: “The point’s at the top. One summons positive forces, the other negative. I’m trying to manifest some work.”
Supervisor: “Carry on then.”
The customer is making small talk.
Customer: “So what do you do for a living?”
Me: “Particle physicist.”
Customer: “Wow, really?”
Me: “Considering you are currently getting tattooed by me, in a tattoo parlor named after me… no… not really.”
Customer: “Well, you can draw and talk at the same time, so I don’t know the limits of your multitasking…”
I was hired to shoot and edit a series of educational videos. Post-production had become a bit of a nightmare: endless revisions, unclear responsibilities, and constantly changing scope. I was growing weary of the project.
Eventually, another production company was brought in and agreed to take over the remaining editing.
There was one technical complication: I had edited the project in Avid Media Composer. Their editor used Premiere and didn’t know Avid.
I agreed to convert the project for them. Anyone who has moved a complicated long-form project between NLEs knows this isn’t necessarily a simple export-and-open operation. The picture transferred reasonably well, but the audio didn’t translate properly.
I tried several workflows. I even brought in another experienced Avid editor to help troubleshoot it.
As the conversion dragged on, I suggested the obvious Plan B:
Me: “Can you find someone who can continue the project in Avid? That would bypass the conversion entirely and let them work directly from the existing project and media you already have.”
They didn’t.
Eventually, I found another conversion method that worked on my system. I sent their editor a test Premiere project. All I needed her to do was open it, check whether the media linked correctly, and compare the timeline against my screener. If it worked on her system, I’d finally cracked the conversion.
She refused to test it and said she no longer wanted to pursue the conversion.
After some additional unpleasantness, I’d had enough and withdrew from the project.
A few days later, an editor I know received an email from the production company.
They had a project originally edited in Avid and were looking for an Avid editor.
The person they contacted?
The same Avid editor I’d brought in months earlier to help troubleshoot their conversion.
Apparently, nobody recognized his name.
CONTENT WARNING: Feces
In my part of the US, some explosive diarrhea is going around, and I do mean explosive. I call my boss to tell him I won’t be coming into work today for this reason. I’m what my chain of sandwich store calls a ‘sandwich artist’; we make the sandwich for the customer as they ask for specific ingredients.
Boss: “You need to come into work no matter what.”
Me: “Did you hear my reason why I can’t come in?”
Boss: “No excuses.”
Me: “Okay, but can you line up some blank canvases behind me while I’m making the customer’s sandwiches? Sandwich artist and actual artist!”
Boss: “Huh?”
Me: “I might as well bend over, pull my pants down, and make a Jackson Pollock kinda art every five minutes. Do something creative, eh? If you don’t mind me coming into work with explosive diarrhea, I’m sure the customers won’t either!”
I got the day off…
Customer: “Who did the engraving on your store sign out front?”
Me: “We did. We’re an engraving store.”
Customer: “Oh, you are?”
Me: “The engraved words you just read outside say ‘ENGRAVING SERVICES’.”
Customer: “Oh, well, I didn’t read it. I never really read, I just liked the look of the words. Can you engrave pens?”
Me: “Depending on the pen, yes.”
Customer: “It’s a nice metal one. I never use it, but I wanted my name on it.”
Never reads, never writes, but wants their name engraved on a writing utensil. That tracks…