Parenting May Make You Cry

, , , , , | Related | May 18, 2020

My niece takes a class in high school where you’re given a robotic baby that cries and records when you feed it, change it, turn it off, or whatever. For the most part, the baby is really easy. On the last night, however…

It’s around two in the morning. My mom and I are both night owls, so we go to the kitchen for a snack. My niece is still awake, and it’s a school night… and the robot baby has been crying for hours.

Niece: “This isn’t like a real baby! Real babies go to sleep!”

My mom and I start laughing.

Me: “You’ve never heard of colic?!”

Mom: “Your father didn’t stop crying or sleep through the night for two years! And I had to take your brother twice a week so your mom could get some sleep since he was making her sick with exhaustion!”

Four years later, my niece got married and had a baby. The baby is a year old and still hasn’t slept through the night. I guess real babies don’t stop crying, either!

He doesn’t cry all day and is super adorable. He just doesn’t sleep through the night.

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Aragog Makes An Unexpected Comeback

, , , , , , | Related | May 1, 2020

My oldest niece is in high school and a bunch of her friends are making fun of her because she has never read the “Harry Potter” books, only seen the movies. I have all of the books in hardback and she asks if she can borrow them and then let her little sister read them next. I say sure, lending them out one at a time.

She gets halfway through the third book when we hear a blood-curdling scream. I go running to her.

Me: “What’s wrong?!”

Oldest Niece: “There’s a huge spider squished in between the pages of this book!”

I started laughing and finally remembered I had been in bed reading when this spider came down in between my nose and the book. I am both scared to death of spiders and allergic to them, so I slammed the book closed on it and then forgot… for a few years.

The best part is, my niece didn’t clean the spider off and when my younger niece got to that same page a week later, there was another blood-curdling scream.

This story was featured in our May 2020 roundup!

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Right, Sleeping, Sure

, , , , | Related | April 13, 2020

This happened when my friend and I were thirteen. We went camping at the beach with my entire family. But being thirteen, we were teenagers! At least in our minds.

We brought a tent for us to share away from the family. The last full day that we were there, my friend and I went out into the ocean all day, so when we came back that night we were exhausted. 

My niece, who was six, asked if she could sleep in the tent with my friend and me, wanting to sleep with the big girls. We said sure and put her sleeping bag in between ours and we all went to sleep.

My niece, even to this day, is an active sleeper, meaning she moves around all the time in her sleep. But we were so tired that we didn’t even notice that she threw her arms wide and hit my friend and me in the face. We only found out the next morning when my friend had a black eye and I had a busted lip… and my niece was perfectly fine.

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Bath Time Is The Perfect Time To Be Gross

, , , , | Related | April 4, 2020

My sister and I live on different continents, so we keep in touch through lots of video calls. This also allows me to keep up with my niece and nephew, both toddlers.

I’ve spent time on the phone talking with them, eating with them, singing to them, and listening to crying, arguments, and tantrums. I’ve also been on video chats during bath time. I’ve heard a lot of hilarious things over the past two and a half years, but this has been the best, without a doubt.

After hearing my sister telling someone to stop peeing in the tub, emptying it, and refilling it, I suddenly heard, “No! Stop! Give me that booger right now!”

I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. She explained that the older one was waving around a giant booger on his hand and getting waaay too close to his little sister. She also agreed that it was one of the most absurd things she had ever had to say. Of course, my nephew thought we were laughing at him and tried to do it again.

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Bye-Bye, Boo-Boo

, , , , | Related | March 30, 2020

I’m video-chatting with my sister and almost-three-year-old nephew while he’s in the bath. Obviously, there’s been lots of fun and too much splashing, but he quiets down for a minute and then says:

Nephew: *Looking at his finger* “Mama, can’t find boo-boo.”

Sister: “You can’t find your boo-boo?”

Nephew: “No.”

He starts looking around in the tub.

Sister: “What are you doing?”

Nephew: “Looking for boo-boo!”

Sister: “You’re looking for your boo-boo in the water?”

My sister and I are already laughing, but since she’s sitting there with him she has to keep it together. I, on the other hand, do not!

Nephew: “Yeah! Swim away!”

Sister: “Your boo-boo is swimming away?”

Nephew: “On the wall!”

Sister: “It’s on the wall now?”

Nephew: “Yeah!”

Sister: “Well, what is it doing on the wall?”

Nephew: “Alligator got!” 

Sister: “Oh, an alligator ate your boo-boo? That’s too bad.”

I’m basically dying of laughter. My nephew is suddenly sad and looking at his finger again.

Nephew: “Yeah…”

Sister: “Buddy, don’t worry. It’s actually better to not have a boo-boo, okay?”

My nephew thinks for a second.

Nephew: “Okay.”

Of course, he then immediately went back to playing! Family is fun, even from far away.

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