(At the cinema the water is really expensive. The bottle we sell costs $5.10 but anywhere else it would be $2.)
Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”
Customer: “I’ll just grab a water, thanks.”
Me: “Sure, that’ll be $5.10.”
Customer: *shocked* “$5.10!?”
Me: “Yeah, sorry, just our prices.”
Customer: “But it’s water. You know, that s*** comes from the sky, right?”
This story is part of our Water roundup!
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(An elderly man, his son, and a nurse stop by the hospital cafe. The man is looking at the soft drinks in the fridge.)
Man: “I want a lemonade!”
Me: “Are you allowed to have lemonade?” *to son* “Isn’t he diabetic?”
Son: “No, he’s Lebanese.”
(A customer comes to my register with prenatal vitamins and a book on conception.)
Customer: “The tablets scanned at $32.50. They’re supposed to be $20!”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll just get someone to check the price. Won’t be a moment.” *checks* “No, I’m sorry. $32.50 is the correct price.”
Customer: “$32.50 is way too expensive! I don’t want to conceive that much!”
This story is part of the Cheapskate Customers roundup!
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Customer: “Excuse me!”
Me: “Yes, ma’am?”
Customer: “I want to return this laptop I bought from you yesterday.”
Me: “Oh, really? Why? Is there a problem with it?”
Customer: “Yes there is! It has witchcraft in it!”
Me: “Witchcraft?”
Customer: “Yes! When I tried to install a program on it, it said it was starting a wizard. Wizards and witchcraft are evil! I don’t know why you would sell such things at a store like this!”
Me: “Ma’am, a ‘wizard’ on a computer is just the name of the program that helps the install process. It makes it quick so that it is like magic, hence the name ‘wizard’.”
Customer: “I don’t care about your make-believe hullabaloo religion! It goes against my beliefs to have anything to do with that type of thing! Now give me my refund so I can be out of this evil place!”
Me: “Sure, ma’am, this way.”
(I’m serving a family at the box office. The wife keeps looking nervously at the ‘Vampires Suck’ poster we have on display.)
Me: “You’ll be in Cinema six for Tomorrow. Enjoy your movie, guys!”
Wife: “Excuse me, I just have one question.”
Me: “Yes?”
Wife: *leans in close* “Are people actually watching Vampires Suck?”
Me: “Yes, it’s very popular with young teenagers and has sold out a few times.”
Wife: “But… but… it’s insulting Twilight!”
Me: “I know; I saw it, too.”
(The husband quickly grabbed his wife by the arm before she could say anything else.)
Did you find this story using our Vampire roundup?
