(One of my students was absent the day of a test and she has had just handed it in.)
Me: “Okay, class. Now that [Student] has done the test, I can give you them back.”
(I hand out the test papers.)
Student: “Where’s mine?”
Me: “You just did yours today. I’ll have it back to you tomorrow.”
Student: “But you just said!”
Me: “How was I supposed to mark it in five minutes?”
Student: *completely serious* “Doesn’t it just automatically mark itself?”
(I work at a bakery that cuts bread with a machine.)
Me: “Okay, sir, would you like me to cut your bread for you?”
Customer: “How?”
Me: “This machine here will cut it.”
Customer: “You use a machine rather than cutting it by hand?!”
Me: “Yes, sir, it is quicker and gets the job done well.”
Customer: *at this point he is getting furious* “This is outrageous! You use a machine to do a man’s job! You are putting people out of their jobs! You are ruining the natural process of man and the cutting of bread.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t realize. Would you like me to cut your bread by hand?”
Customer: “No, use the machine! I’m in a big rush to get to my sister’s place. It’s her birthday, you know.”
This story is part of our Ironic Customer roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
23 Times The Post Office Was Unable To Deliver That Much Stupid
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Read the Ironic Customer roundup!
(We are having our federal election. I have just given a voter her ballot papers, and she told me she was familiar with how to vote. However, about 5 minutes later, I see her desperately trying to get her hand into the ballot box.)
Customer: “Someone help me!”
Me: “What is it? Are you okay?”
Customer: “No! I voted for the wrong person! I don’t want that evil man running my country! I just got confused!”
Me: “I’m so sorry, I can’t get into the ballot box until 6 pm tonight. Tell me what happened, and I’ll ask my supervisor if there’s anything we can do.”
Customer: “I meant to vote for Julia Gillard but I accidentally put my preference down as Labour!”
Me: “I think you’re okay then. Julia Gillard is the Labour representative.”
Customer: *suddenly looking shifty* “Well duh. Why else would I have voted for Labour?”
Me: “Hi, your order comes to [total].”
Customer: “Is it okay if I pay on my credit card even though it’s under $10?”
Me: “Sure. May I please have your card?”
Customer: “Oh, do I actually have to swipe it? Your machines inside don’t need swiping. I just wave my card in my purse and it works.”
Me: “None of our machines do that, sorry.”
Customer: “I just hold up my purse and wave it around and it works!” *she begins waving purse, at least half a metre from the Eftpos machine*
Me: “No, ma’am. It won’t, I’m afraid.”
Customer: “Oh, all right; here’s my card. You really should fix your machines, you know!”
This story is part of the Worryingly Weird Checkout Encounters roundup!
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(A customer comes in and throws a bag of food at me.)
Customer: “It’s f****** cold! Your chicken is terrible and the bun is stale!”
Me: “Uh, this is–”
Customer: “No, shut up! You guys always f*** me over; you’re not getting away with it today!”
Me: “You didn’t–”
Customer: “Fine! Get your manager, if you won’t help me. Enjoy being fired, a**wipe!”
Another Customer: “You’re at [Fast Food Place], mate. You bought your food from [Rival Store], next door.”
Customer: “Oh.” *awkward silence* “Can I have that bag back?”
This story is part of our Oblivious Customers roundup!
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