Me and a few friends decide to get some doughnuts from a popular doughnut chain that recently opened in our city.

Friend: Hi I’d like a strawberry doughnut and a glazed doughnut and…
Worker: How many doughnuts total did you want?
Friend: ummm six
Worker: And would you like those in a box or bags?
Friend: Yeah sure
Worker: Which one?
Friend: Yes
Me: Oh my god he’s asking if you want a box or bag, it’s not a yes or no question
Friend: Oh um bags
Worker (to me): Thankyou so much

I get so many people like my friend at my work that I couldn’t resist having a go

(I work for a fairly well known paint company in Australia. My store in particular is in a very posh area and I often get customers who want everything yesterday. This was a Saturday so I was working by myself. I’m also the assistant manager as my nametag states.)

Customer: *hands me a piece of paper* I want this colour in one of those big tubs.

(The paper had written (company name) – Low sheen, followed by a forumla for a custom colour. This is usually fine but to recreate a colour like this I need to know what size tin it was originally in.)

Me: Alrighty. What size can was this mixture from?
Customer: What? Why do you need to know that?
Me: Well you see, if it was originally a 10ltr can and I put this in a 4ltr tin, it will be a lot darker than Intended.
Customer: What are you talking about? The colour is written right there.
Me: Yes and I can read it fine. But I still need to know what size tin it was mixed into.
Customer: Don’t talk stupid. What do you know?
Me: Giving me this is like giving me a cake mixture without telling me how many eggs to add, but expecting me to get it perfectly like another cake.
Customer: That’s stupid. I’ve never known a paint company not be able to mix a colour when they have that mixture. You’re so out of touch. Shouldn’t be working here.
Me: Well I can give the other stores a call for you, and you’re welcome to ask them. They will tell you the same thing as I have. .
Customer: Stupid! This is stupid! I want to speak to your manager.
Me: It’s a saturday. I work on my own an-
Customer: Well you shouldn’t be working here at all! You can’t even do your own job correctly! Me: Thank you for that concern. I’ve been working with (company) for over a year and have been an assistant manager for half of that time. Now this isn’t going to change. I can’t mix this exact colour for you without you finding out what can it was originally in. You’re welcome to take a drive to our closest store in (place) but it is now ten minutes until closing time and they’re half an hour away.

(The customer snatches his paper and huffs. He turns to leave and all the while, cursed at how stupid it was. I spent the next week hoping that he came back but he never did. . )

(I’m working the refunds desk when a very chipper woman comes to the counter.)

Me: “Hello. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: *with a huge smile* “Hi there. I bought this shirt here yesterday but I need to return it.” *hands me the receipt*

Me: “All righty, no problem. May I ask what was wrong with it?”

Customer: “It was a couple of sizes too big. Can I get an exchange for a smaller size? God, I haven’t been able to say that in ten years. I’m so freaking happy right now.”

Me: “Excellent. Congrats on that. Absolutely you can; just bring it to the other side of the desk when you have it.”

Customer: “Thanks so much. Today is an awesome freaking day!”

(I have seen her often over the years. She doesn’t shop in plus-size anymore, and the last time I saw her she was wearing an engagement ring.)

(My mum, my mum’s partner, and I are in the kitchen while dinner is being made. He likes to “stir the pot” and Mum likes to tease him for “being old.” For reference, he is 63, and she is nearly 50. Also, he is an electrician.)

Mum: “You know, there was a time before electricity? The Dark Ages? You should know, you’re an electrician!”

Mum’s Partner: “Yes, the dinosaur age.”

Mum: “Exactly! Do you remember it?”

Mum’s Partner: “Of course. I had a pet one. Terry.”

Me: “Terry the T-Rex?”

Mum’s Partner: *without missing a beat* “No. Terry Dactyl.”

(All of us just pause for a second before bursting into laughter. After a few minutes:)

Mum: “I think that was the ‘daddest’ of dad jokes!”

(Dad jokes are bad, but this one was so bad, it was almost good!)

(I am the senior member of staff on the evening shift. I’m around 18 years old, but I look a lot younger. Two other colleagues are in their late 20s, but have worked at the cafe for less than three months, so I am the manager for the evening. A customer comes up to us with a completely clear plate.)

Customer: “I’m not happy with these pancakes.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, but it appears you ate them, regardless. If you would like to provide feedback to the chefs, I will be happy to pass it along.”

Customer: “No, I want a new meal and a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that; you have eaten the meal. If you had let me know there was a problem earlier, I would have happily taken them back to the kitchen for you or given you a refund, but you did seem to enjoy the meal enough to eat the whole thing.”

Customer: “No, this is unacceptable. I demand to speak to your manager.”

(My older colleagues are standing behind the service bar at this time and the customer is looking between them, expecting one of them to step forward.)

Me: “I am the manager on duty, so you are speaking to the manager.”

Customer: “No, you’re not the manager.”

Me: “I wouldn’t be allowed to say I was the manager if I wasn’t.”

Customer: “I want to speak to the other manager.”

Me: “There is no other manager. You’re welcome to come back later when my supervisor will be here; however, they won’t be on shift for a few days.” *gives them the date and time*

Customer: “This is unbelievable, letting someone like you be manager! You’re in high school!”

Me: “Regardless of if I am in high school or university, or if I’m a full-time worker here, it doesn’t make me any less the manager. If you would like, I can take your plate.”

Customer: *slams the plate on the bench and walks away*