A Pinch Of Good Parenting Can Go A Long Way

, , , , , | Related | July 21, 2018

(I work at a petting zoo which has emus. Emus are big and scary-looking, but ours are friendly and enjoy treats. However, they’re occasionally over-eager, and if you hold food on your flat hand, they might accidentally get your skin with a peck. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s uncomfortable. For that reason, I give kids lettuce to give to them, instead of their usual pellet treats, since you don’t have to use your flat hand.)

Boy: “We’re out of lettuce. Can I feed them those?” *points at buckets of pellets nearby*

Me: “Are you sure? We just need to make sure your mum is okay with it. Sometimes they do peck a bit harder than they mean to, so it can pinch.”

(The kid is very eager, and the mum gives us the go-ahead, so I help the kid hold out his treats. Shortly, this happens.)

Boy: “He pinched my hand!” *starts to cry*

Boy’s Mother: “Wow, isn’t that cool?! You got a kiss from the emu!” *to me* “Can I have a treat? I want an emu kiss, too.”

Boy: *suddenly stops being upset* “Wow! I got an emu kiss! Can I feed them again?”

(Great parenting, and unlike with most parents, I didn’t get blamed for the emu pinch that I warned them about!)

Egging You On

, , , , , | Right | July 12, 2018

(I work in a drive-thru at a fast food store.)

Customer: “I would like a bacon egg burger.”

Me: “Was that a bacon and egg muffin?”

Customer: “Yes, but add tomato and ketchup.”

Me: “Okay, that’s $4.95. Please drive forward.”

(The customer pays, gets his muffin, and then drives away. He comes back through the drive-thru about five minutes later.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I ordered a f****** bacon egg burger, and you gave me this s***.”

Me: “I’m sorry. You ordered a bacon egg muffin with tomato and ketchup. What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “I just wanted a burger.”

Me: “So, a hamburger with bacon, egg, and tomato?”

Customer: “Yes, just give me my f****** burger.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll get that out to you.”

(He gets his burger and drives away, but he’s soon back in my drive-thru.)

Customer: “How f****** hard is it to make me a f****** burger?”

(I’m tired of his ranting.)

Me: “So, exactly what do you want?”

Customer: “A f****** bacon egg burger.”

Me: “Yes, but what exactly on the burger and what bun?”

Customer: “A normal bun with bacon, egg, burger, tomato, and ketchup.”

Me: “Right, I’ll get that to you.”

(I then go make a quarter-pound burger with no cheese added, bacon, egg, and tomato, with ketchup, worth double his original payment.)

Me: “There you are; just so you know, next time you order just say that you want a quarter po—”

Customer: “I don’t give a f*** what I say; you should know what I want!” *drives away*

Weak In The Knees

, , , , , | Healthy | June 14, 2018

(I have gone to my general practitioner to get a referral to a specialist for endometriosis. My regular GP is a middle-aged, Singaporean man, but I don’t mind having male doctors for female issues.)

Me: “I’m seeing [Specialist] for endometriosis, and I need a referral.”

GP: “You realise that you’ll have to have surgery to know for sure?”

Me: “Yes, I have a family history.”

GP: “Okay, I just have to make sure that you have a reason to go. Do you have painful periods?”

Me: “Yes, definitely.”

GP: “So, it hurts in your abdomen region? Is it cramping, or other pain?”

Me: “Actually, my knees hurt.”

GP: “Come again?”

Me: “I get pain from my knees up during my period. But it’s worst in my knees.”

GP: “Really?” *chuckles* “All right, just give me a minute to write that referral.”

(I honestly hadn’t realised how weird it was, before that. I did end up having endometriosis — it turned out the knee pain was nerve damage from that.)

Unfiltered Story #113833

, , | | Unfiltered | June 3, 2018

Prank Phone Call

My job is an administration job, and during the week, I am raising credit claims, and calling suppliers for credit claims, which usually means that I do not deal with Customer Enquiries. But on the weekend, I assist with the Cash Desk Duties and Reception Duties, as I am fully trained to do so. This particular story happened on the weekend when I was working on the Cash Desk and Reception. Our store sells, Kitchen Appliances, Small Kitchen Appliances, Bathrooms and Laundry Appliances, but some of our neighbouring stores sell other items like computers, and very often customers get us mixed up)

The Phone starts to ring…
Me: (picks up the phone to answer) (NAME OF STORE & LOCATION) How may I direct your call?

Caller: (In a very ‘obviously attempted’ Native Australian Accent) Listen, I was in your shop yesterday looking at your computers (we don’t sell computers) and I left me 2 year old daughter in your store… I’ve lost her.. can you see if she’s there?

Me: (Straight away, I know that this call is not a legimitate customer issue or query and may cause some security issues, so I try to be as discreet as possible with the information I give out, at the same times as not losing my cool to the caller on the phone) If you were in our store yesterday, and you said you left your daughter in here, she would definitley not be in here anymore, as our store franchisee would know, and he would get a phone call in the middle of the night from security telling him that the alarm went off. But he would definitley not lock up the store with a small child remaining in side. So I can definitley tell you your daughter is not in this store, and also we do not sell computers at this store, could it have been a different store?

Caller: I know my daughter is in your store… I left her there, did you check everywhere? She could of stayed there overnight?

Me: This is the (Location) Store, are you sure it was our store? We are a small store, and we had no one in our store last night that should not have been when we locked up. None of the sales men have mentioned a lost girl? But I am very happy to keep my eyes out for you? Have you mentioned this to the police?

Caller: No way, you see… I was drunk when I lost my girl… and I don’t want to get the cops involved! Look my little girl could be out there now, she could be getting murdered by some freak! Why can’t you just get up and have a look for me?!!

Me: Oh I see, well if I see anything I would be very happy to let you know! What were your details?

Caller: My daughter’s getting killed right now and you want my details??!! How the hell is that going to help?! Where the f*** is my child?! You’s a useless! You can’t even help me find my child? What the b***** h***!

Me: Well, if you are unhappy with our service would you like me to go? I am sorry we could not help you further, but like I said, I am very happy to take down your details and call you if we see anything.

Caller: Fine… but what if my daughter is being killed right now, and you won’t help me! I’m just gonna get more drunk because you won’t help me find my daughter!

Me: Well it is unfortunate that you won’t call the police, because you were drunk when you lost her, but I think that it would be the best solution, as they can do a search for her! But try not to drink at the moment because how are you going to find your daughter if you are drunk?

Caller: Look I’m trying to get off the alcohol, I need to for me daughter. I don’t know if she went to a friends house you know.

Me: Well, like I said I can take down your details and as soon as your daughter shows up in the store we will let you know, but we can’t let you know if you don’t leave us any details!

Caller: My names (made up name)

Me: Your phone number please?

Caller: (gave us the number of the legal brothel near the cities casino)

Me: And your street address please? Just in case we find your daughter, we can call her a cab so she can go home straight away?

Caller: (Made up street address, near the brothel and casino) you fullaz better call me if you find her.. she’s my daughter!

Me: Okay, we will most definitley do this.

Caller: Can you put me through to your computer department, I want to buy 2 of your laptops,


Customer: Yeh, I want to buy 2 of your laptops.

Me: I’m very sorry, we don’t sell computers, camera’s, tv’s, anything to do with them.

Customer: What store is this?

Me: (Name & Location of the store)

Customer: Oh…. (hangs up phone)

I then proceed to contact the police, I am sure that the details are false, and let the police know that it was a couple of pranksters but at least I can make them aware of the situation, in case it happens again.

Unfiltered Story #113832

, , | | Unfiltered | June 2, 2018

Our store is the Head Office Location, as well as a Retail Store and the location for the commercial store, as well we have the clearance centre 2 doors down from us. At the moment we are extremely busy, and I am working the Reception as well as doing some Administration Jobs and assisting on the Cash Desk at the same time, we have 5 of us employed to the various duties at the same time. We have recently had a few stores shut down due to the recession, and at the moment, our telephones are receiving all the phone calls for the 3 stores that have closed, as well as the clearance centre phone call, commercial phone calls, Head Office phone calls, and also phone calls for our floor staff. Occassionally we get some lines crossed, and we end up receiving phone calls for completely difference locations that are not linked to our store. On this one occasion I have had a very confused gentleman call me.

Me: (Store Name & Location) How may I direct your call?

Caller: (Asian Man on the other End) You HANG UP ON ME! That is so rude!! I trying to get the number from you! Give me the Number now!!

Me: I am very sorry, I don’t recall hanging up on anyone recently, you do know this is a retail store that you have called?

Caller: (Shouting) YOU HANG UP ON ME! Whats the point of dialing your stupid numbers if you CANNOT Help ME!!

Me: I’m sorry…. were you after caller directory? This is (Store Name & Location) a retail store?

Caller: Are you idiot??? Give me the number now!!!!

Me: Ummm…… What number were you after?

Caller: I JUS TOLD YOU!!

Me: I don’t recall you telling me any number I’m sorry…


Me: Again, can I please clarify this is a R-E-T-A-I-L Store!!


Me: All I can do for you is google the number, because, like I told you… we are a RETAIL Store….


Me: Alright.. but all I did was google it? (Recites number)

Caller:…. hangs up

Me to my Coworker: You would not believe the call I just had….!

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