(I’m cleaning up after a cat incident, letting out harsh, barking coughs every few seconds. After a few minutes of this, my housemate sticks her head out her door in concern.)
Housemate: “You okay? What happened?”
Me: “[Cat] caught a bird. It wasn’t hurt, so I let it go outside, but it lost a lot of feathers.”
Housemate: “Aren’t you allergic to feathers?”
Me: “EXTREMELY.”
(I work at a fast food place in a shopping centre. It is the middle of the day when a family of four comes to the counter)
Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Yeah, can I get two kids meals with four nuggets?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but we only do three or six nuggets with the kids meals.”
Customer: “Ok, can I get four nuggets then?”
Me: ….
(In high school, when I sneeze I sometimes sound like I am yelling, or doing a “scream sneeze” as my English teacher calls them. Because the school only consists of six large classrooms, I can be heard quite well through the school. One day, I sneeze while in Science.)
Me: “Excuse me.”
Student: *from two classrooms room away* “SHUT UP, [MY NAME]!”
Me and a few friends decide to get some doughnuts from a popular doughnut chain that recently opened in our city.
Friend: Hi I’d like a strawberry doughnut and a glazed doughnut and…
Worker: How many doughnuts total did you want?
Friend: ummm six
Worker: And would you like those in a box or bags?
Friend: Yeah sure
Worker: Which one?
Friend: Yes
Me: Oh my god he’s asking if you want a box or bag, it’s not a yes or no question
Friend: Oh um bags
Worker (to me): Thankyou so much
I get so many people like my friend at my work that I couldn’t resist having a go
(I work for a fairly well known paint company in Australia. My store in particular is in a very posh area and I often get customers who want everything yesterday. This was a Saturday so I was working by myself. I’m also the assistant manager as my nametag states.)
Customer: *hands me a piece of paper* I want this colour in one of those big tubs.
(The paper had written (company name) – Low sheen, followed by a forumla for a custom colour. This is usually fine but to recreate a colour like this I need to know what size tin it was originally in.)
Me: Alrighty. What size can was this mixture from?
Customer: What? Why do you need to know that?
Me: Well you see, if it was originally a 10ltr can and I put this in a 4ltr tin, it will be a lot darker than Intended.
Customer: What are you talking about? The colour is written right there.
Me: Yes and I can read it fine. But I still need to know what size tin it was mixed into.
Customer: Don’t talk stupid. What do you know?
Me: Giving me this is like giving me a cake mixture without telling me how many eggs to add, but expecting me to get it perfectly like another cake.
Customer: That’s stupid. I’ve never known a paint company not be able to mix a colour when they have that mixture. You’re so out of touch. Shouldn’t be working here.
Me: Well I can give the other stores a call for you, and you’re welcome to ask them. They will tell you the same thing as I have. .
Customer: Stupid! This is stupid! I want to speak to your manager.
Me: It’s a saturday. I work on my own an-
Customer: Well you shouldn’t be working here at all! You can’t even do your own job correctly! Me: Thank you for that concern. I’ve been working with (company) for over a year and have been an assistant manager for half of that time. Now this isn’t going to change. I can’t mix this exact colour for you without you finding out what can it was originally in. You’re welcome to take a drive to our closest store in (place) but it is now ten minutes until closing time and they’re half an hour away.
(The customer snatches his paper and huffs. He turns to leave and all the while, cursed at how stupid it was. I spent the next week hoping that he came back but he never did. . )
