(This takes place on Christmas Eve.)

Customer: “What’s this about you guys closing tomorrow?”

Me: “Yes, we are closed for Christmas day so we can have time with our families.”

Customer: “But if you’re closed, then what am I supposed to feed my family with!? You guys are supposed to be open all the time!”

Me: “But what about our families? Can’t we spend time with them?”

Customer: “No, because you’re supposed to be here working and serving us food!”

This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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(A client calls in regarding a payment he is expecting from us. I determine the reason for the delay, correct it, and all that is left is the processing of the payment.)

Me: “How would you like the payment, sir? Electronically or by cheque?”

Client: “Electronically, please.”

Me: “Not a problem. I just need your bank account details so we can transfer the payment.”

Client: *short pause* “Who are you again?”

Me: “I’m [My Name] from [Government Department].”

Client: “So this is [Government Department]? How do I know that’s true?”

Me: “Well, you called me.”

Client: “Did I? I’m still not sure. I think you’re faking it.”

Me: “Well, sir, if you’re uncomfortable providing your bank account details over the phone, we can send the payment via cheque.”

Client: “No, a cheque takes too long.”

Me: “We currently don’t have your bank account details, so you will need to provide them to us if you want electronic payment.”

Client: “Well, that’s no good.”

Me: “Cheque, then, sir?”

Client: “I guess. Do I have to give you my address?”

Me: “No, we already have your address unless… have you moved recently, sir?”

Client: *exasperated sigh* “How would I know that?”

Me: “Welcome, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, what’s the time in the UK now?”

Me: “It’s 9:00 pm. They’re ten hours behind.”

Customer: “Oh, so if I call the UK in another half hour, what time will it be?”

Me: “It’ll be 9:30 pm.”

Customer: “You mean if half an hour passes here, it will also be half an hour later there?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: *surprised* “Oh! So, that’s how it works?”

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(There is a deal at my store that reduces the prices on DVDs if you get five or more. A customer rings up four DVDs.)

Me: “So, you know if you get another movie, it’ll cost you fifty cents less than what you have right now?”

Customer: “What did you say to me?”

Me: “Um, well, we have this deal…”

Customer: “If I wanted another DVD, I would have gotten one before. And I would pay for it, too, because I believe in the system we have running here. I don’t need no filthy communist telling me how to use my money!”

Me: “I really don’t think that’s how communism works, but okay. That’ll be eight bucks.”

Customer: “Don’t you tell me how communism works! I fought in that war!”

Me: “Which war?”

Customer: “The Cold War!”

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(I work in enrollment in my university.)

Me: “What degree would you like to enroll in?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, what are you interested in?”

Customer: “Hot girls.”

Me: “You mean ‘Women’s Studies’?”

Customer: “Does that have lots of girls in it?”

Me: “Pretty much all girls.”

Customer: “Awesome, I’ll do that.”

(Note: ‘Women’s Studies’ studies feminism.)

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