(My coworker has just finished scanning and bagging a customer’s groceries, which have all been stacked into his trolley. The customer goes to pay, but it doesn’t work. At first, he seems quite nice about it. I am watching from the register opposite.)

Customer: “This is a new card. Maybe it hasn’t been activated yet. I’ll just run down to the bank and check.”

(The bank chain in question has a location in the same shopping centre as my store, and is about a two-minute walk away. It’s not unheard of for cards to not work and for customers to run down to the bank to sort it out. They’re rarely gone longer than 15 or 20 minutes before they come back and pay.)

Coworker: “No worries. I can save your transaction and you can pay when you get back. You are coming back, right?”

Customer: *suddenly very stern and angry* “No!”

(And with that, he marched out of the store, leaving my coworker speechless and with a trolley stacked high with groceries to deal with.)

Me: *picking up ringing phone* “Hi, welcome to [Solar Installation Company]. I’m [My Name]; how may I direct your call?”

Caller: “We got solar panels installed by you lot seven years ago, and now the [Component] isn’t working, and it’s not fair that it’s out of warranty; who can I speak to?!”

Me: *pause* “Miss, I’m very sorry, but the [Component] is only covered by a five-year manufacturer’s warranty—”

Caller: “But it’s not fair! Can’t you do anything for me?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no; it’s the standard warranty and practice for [component].”

Caller: “But it’s not fair!”

(Cue me head-desking and sighing.)

(A customer has come in with a blind that he purchased from us. He is livid, while his wife just looks embarrassed.)

Customer: “I bought this from you and it’s got the wrong fitting inside; I’ve had to come all the way back here to get the right fittings.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Just let me grab another blind so I can give you the right fittings.”

(I race off to grab a blind and bring back the smallest blind we carry in that style.)

Customer: “Oh, for God’s sake, you brought the wrong size. Now you are going to waste my time even more.”

Me: “Uh, sir, all sizes have the same fittings.” 

(I open the blind and pull out the fittings.)

Customer: “Oh, look at that, again with the waste of time; that’s got the wrong fittings, too.”

Me: *comparing the old and new fittings* “But I’m sure these are the correct fittings.”

Customer: “No! They have to be left and right, and you can clearly see that they are identical. You obviously don’t know anything about blinds.”

Me: “Okay, just let me look at the instructions for a moment.”

(As I pull them out, I notice that the blind end has both a square peg at the top and a round peg at the bottom, while the fittings are triangular in shape with a square and round hole.)

Me: “Am I right in thinking that the other end of the blind has the square peg on the bottom and the round one on top?”

Customer: “Yes! Why do you ask that?”

Me: “Um…” *flips the second fitting around so the round hole is on top*

Customer: *jaw drops* “Is that all I had to do?”

Me: “Yes, I’m afraid so.”

Customer: *now looking more embarrassed than his wife* “I owe you an apology; I have treated you so badly and you’ve been nothing but nice to me. I am sorry about my behavior.”

Me: “I’m happy I could help.”

I work in store for Australia’s number 2 telco. Some companies rent our network to sell to customers, and it’s common for these customers to ask us for help (even though we really can’t in any way) since these companies are small, cheap, and tend not to have physical stores.

Customer: The reception is pretty spotty on my phone, could you have a look?

Me: Sure!

Upon taking the customer’s phone I immediately notice that he’s not with us, not even a reseller, but actually with our biggest competitor.

Me: I’m sorry man, I’d like to be able to help but I can’t at all, only (competitor) can access the stuff that’ll fix the problem.

Customer: Yeah, but I was walking past and thought it’d be a quick one. I only did cos (competitor) don’t have any stores around here!

Competitor has stores all over the country. Including three doors down from where the customer was standing at the time.

Customer: “Phone!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Phone! Do you have one?”

Me: “You want to use our phone?”

Customer: “Jesus Christ! No, my phone!”

Me: “Your phone?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have it?”

Me: “Oh, you’ve lost your phone?”

Customer: “For f***’s sake! Yes! Have you seen it?”

Me: “Not personally, but I’ll ask my coworker at the lost and found. Hey, [Coworker], has a phone been handed in?”

Coworker: “No, no one’s handed anything in.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, no one’s–”

Customer: “Thanks for nothing!”

(The customer stormed off. Ten minutes later, another customer handed me a phone she’d found in the store. Unfortunately, the angry customer stormed off so fast, I wasn’t able to get any contact information off him, so we weren’t able to reunite him with his phone. What a shame.)