(I’m a systems and technology librarian. It’s during lunch breaks, so we are low on staff, and I’m the only librarian not at lunch. One of the clerks calls me over to the phone with the description, “Secret librarian business; she won’t tell me what she needs.”)

Me: “Hello. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Are you a librarian?”

Me: “Yes, I am. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “What kind of librarian?”

Me: “Systems and technology.”

Customer: “You’re the wrong librarian.”

Me: “Unfortunately, everyone else is at lunch, so I’ll see if I can help you, and if it turns out that I can’t I will get someone to contact you back.”

Customer: “Are you sure that you are a librarian?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “I used to volunteer at the library in the seventies, and I have never heard of a systems and technology librarian before; that doesn’t sound real.”

Me: “It is a more modern position; with the growing use of technology in libraries, it has become a need.”

Customer: “Because I would rather speak to the children’s librarian.”

Me: “She is at lunch, like I said. Give me a try, and if I’m out of my league, I will get her to call you.”

Customer: “Promise?”

Me: “I promise.”

Customer: “Who writes the Maisy books?”

Me: “Lucy Cousins.”

Customer: “HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?”

Me: “I have a three-year-old.”

Customer: “I’m going to need that confirmed by the children’s librarian; she will need to contact me before three pm, at [number]. It’s really inconvenient that she’s unavailable. The world just doesn’t stop for lunch.”

(A drunk man has entered our store and asked a few customers for money.)

Manager: “You can’t do that here; you need to leave.”

Man: “But I lost my wallet and I just need some bus fare. Can you give me some?”

(He walks over to stand in front of the manager where there are shelves and our registers between him and her. He’s so drunk he leans against the shelves.)

Manager: “No, I want you to leave now.”

Man: *on his way out* “Some b****** stole my wallet and I just need a little money to get home.”

(He approaches a few passersby outside the store.)

Manager: “That’s it. I’m calling the police”

(She rings the police and as I’m serving I hear her say that the man threatened staff and customers, and she hangs up the phone.)

Manager: “That will get them here quicker”

(By the time the police arrive, the guy has moved on. I leave the manager to talk to them while I keep serving, but can hear the conversation.)

Policeman: “Can you tell us what happened?”

Manager: “A drunk man came in and wanted money.”

Policeman: “He tried to rob you?”

Manager: “No, he asked customers for money for bus fare, and he asked me, too, because he lost his wallet.”

Policeman: “You specifically said he threatened people. What did he do?”

Manager: “He asked customers for money.”

Policeman: “But did he actually threaten anyone?”

Manager: “Uh, no.”

Policeman: “Well, why did you say he did? You know, you could be in trouble for making false accusations.”

Manager: “Oh… I’m [Nationality] and couldn’t think of the right words in English at the time because I was upset; I meant to say I felt threatened.”

(It was not the first time I’d heard her lying to save her own skin, but this time she realised that she could have been in big trouble, and on the occasions that I’ve heard her calling the police, she’s never tried that one again. She had come to Australia as a small child and had spoken English with an Australian accent for over thirty years.)

(Our old store manager is notorious around our town for caving into abusive customers and giving them whatever they want, no matter how crazy their requests are. Head office recently “redistributed” him to a lower position at another store, so we have a new store manager who, unlike our previous one, stands up for the workers. This takes place during her first week.)

Me: “Hi. How are you?”

Customer: “I want to return this and I don’t have a receipt.”

(The customer places a large container of olive oil on the register, but it’s our competitor’s brand.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but it looks like you bought this at [Competitor]. We can’t actually do refunds on things purchased from there.”

Customer: “Bulls***! You do price matching, so it’s pretty much the same as that. I paid around $20 for this, so refund it.”

Me: “As I said, it’s not a brand we sell, so I cannot refund it.”

Customer: “Get me [Old Store Manager], now!”

(I call up our new store manager. The customer stands there calling me every four-letter word you can imagine until the manager walks over and I explain the situation to her.)

Manager: “As you purchased this item from our competitor, you will need to go to them for a refund.”

Customer: “Who the h*** are you? Get me [Old Store Manager].”

Manager: “He no longer works in this location, ma’am, and I am the new store manager here.”

Customer: “Well, then do your job, you [long list of swear words]; otherwise, I’ll smash your face in, and his!” *pointing at me*

Manager: “If you think you are going to get away with this BS, you are sadly mistaken.”

(Our manager pulls out her phone and takes a picture of the customer.)

Customer: “What the h***?”

Manager: “As you have just threatened me and my employee, I am taking your picture to show the police when they get here. Furthermore, I will give this picture to all of my staff, including security, to ensure that you are denied service here any longer. Plus, I will send this picture to all our surrounding stores, as well as our competitor, so they are aware of your violent streak.”

Customer: “I don’t have time for this.”

(The customer left the store in haste and left her olive oil on the counter. She tried to shop at our store two more times that I know of, but each time was stopped by security. Our new manager, needless to say, has stopped a great majority of abusive customers in the past few weeks. It’s been great.)

(When I am seven and a half months pregnant, my husband passes away suddenly of an undiagnosed heart condition. I have no other family, just some close friends. Things have been tough emotionally and financially. Christmas Eve, I’m buying just essentials — nappies, formula, bread, etc. — but nothing you would class as festive. While waiting in a very long line at the checkout, my six-month-old daughter starts to fuss. A guy in his 50s is behind me and starts making funny faces, causing my daughter to stop crying and laugh, instead. As we get near to the belt, he turns to the lady behind him and says he forgot something and asks if he can run to grab it. She agrees to hold his spot in line. He comes back with a gift card and a box of chocolates in addition to the groceries already in his basket. Once I’m ready to pay, he steps forward.)

Gentleman: “Wait. Please add my things and put $100 on the gift card. I’ll pay for it.”

Me: “Thank you, sir, but that’s okay.”

Gentleman: “Please, I’d like to. Call it an early Christmas present.”

(The cashier rings up his things, as well. The total comes close to $250, with my stuff close to $100. I’m now in tears.)

Me: “Thank you so much. I’ve had a really hard year and this means everything to me. I don’t know how to thank you.”

(He takes out the box of chocolates and gift card and hands them to me, as well.)

Gentleman: “The world could do with more kindness. Not enough people care about others. Take these and enjoy your Christmas with your gorgeous daughter. Things will get better. Merry Christmas, and I hope 2019 is a better year for you.”

(Before I could say anything else, he walked away. Not only was I in tears, but so were the cashier and the lady behind me in line. I was really speechless as I’d heard about things like this but had never witnessed it, let alone had it happen to me. To the gentleman who did this, I really hope you’re reading this. Thank you for your generosity. You made an extremely difficult time of year and a really crappy year so much better. I hope, in times to come, I will be in a position to pay it forward.)

Working in a deli partment.
Customer: I want some hot dogs.
Me: Sure, how many?
Customer: *after thinking for a while* A quantity
Me: …. can you please be a bit more specific?