I’ve been working reception at this auction house for about three weeks, and today I had a truck driver come in to collect a client’s purchase. As I’m getting the paperwork ready, we’re having a casual chat about the weather.

Truck Driver: “It’s hot in this office!”

Me: “Is it still chilly outside?”

Truck Driver: “Not too chilly, but windy.”

Me: “Yeah, it always seems to be windy in this area.”

Truck Driver: “You know why, right?”

Me: *Not sure where this is going.* “I’m really not sure.”

Truck Driver: “Well, you’re right near the airport here, you’ve got all those planes around!”

Me: *Confused.* “I don’t think the planes cause wind.”

Truck Driver: “Haven’t you heard about chemtrails?

At this point, I see where he’s going. I try hard not to roll my eyes, but there is definitely an eye-roll in my voice when I say:

Me: “Yeah, I’ve heard about chemtrails.”

I’ve finished up his paperwork, and I hand it to him and send him on his way, then the other receptionist says to me:

Receptionist: “He’s in here all the time, he’s always full of crap like that. I was looking anywhere but at him, so he couldn’t draw me in!”

…Well, thanks for leaving the nutcase for me to deal with!

I’ve just finished checking in at the airport, which took much longer than it should have – I had my boarding pass in Google Wallet, and the kiosk wouldn’t scan my QR code. An older lady stops me to ask for help, and she’s having the same problem, so I try to see what I can do.

I check the phone’s settings quickly and hand it back. She hits the App Overview button to find her pass, but its window only appears as a white screen, and she closes it.

Lady: “What have you done?!”

Me: “Huh?”

Lady: *Frantically searching her open apps.* “It’s gone! You’ve ruined it!”

Me: “…You can get it from Google Wallet—”

Lady: “—I don’t have Google Wallet! It’s gone forever now!”

She opens Google Wallet. The button leading to her pass is on screen, clearly marked.

Me: “That’s it. Just tap that.”

She leaves Google Wallet and begins searching her emails for her boarding pass.

Lady: “You’ve helped enough!”

I consider making an obviously stressed-out airport patron feel like an idiot, but I decide it’s better to apologise and walk away.

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Lady: *Relaxing.* “It’s fine. It’s my fault for asking you.”

She checks in another way and heads to the bag drop kiosk, which also asks to scan your boarding pass. The last I saw of her, she was getting help from airport staff. I hope they had better luck!

It’s near the end of the day. A couple has just entered.

Me: “Just letting you guys know, we’re closing in fifteen minutes.”

Husband: “No problem, we’re just gonna have a quick look.”

About five minutes later, the husband says he couldn’t find anything he wanted, and decided to wait in the car while his wife finished looking. At closing time, she’s still looking around when her phone goes off.

Wife: “Oh, that’ll be my husband. I can ignore it.”

Ignore it she does, only for it to ring again. She ignores it again, and it rings a third time.

Wife: “Oh, for God’s sake.” *Answers the phone.* “WHAT?!”

Pause.

Wife: “Yes, I know they’re closing, but—”

Pause.

Wife: “But I’m still looking.”

Pause.

Wife: “But I—”

Pause.

Wife: “Ugh, whatever.”

She hangs up her phone and grouchily buys the handful of items she picked out.

I’m another customer, waiting to order behind this one.

Customer: “I want a lamb burger, no bun, without salad, with a salad on the side.”

Cashier: “So, the salad from the burger on the side or one of the other salads?”

Customer: “No, no salad.”

Cashier: “Just the hamburger patty?”

Customer: “Yes, with salad.”

Cashier: “Just double-checking, you want the hamburger patty and a side salad.”

Customer: “I don’t want salad.”

Cashier: “Okay, did you want fries on the side?”

Customer: “NO, I want SALAD on the side.”

Cashier: “Lamb patty, with salad.”

Customer: “No, lamb burger, no bun, no salad. Side salad.”

The cashier takes a deep breath, writes down the order on the pad.

Cashier: “Anything else?”

Customer: “A latte.”

Cashier: “Do you want plant milk?”

Customer: “No, thanks.”

The customer sits down, and a few minutes later, her coffee arrives. She sips it.

Customer: “Um, this isn’t oat. I wanted oat.”

Me: “You didn’t order oat!”

Customer: “I shouldn’t HAVE to order it!”

Her food order was, apparently, correct as she had no other complaints.

My friend’s son, let’s call him Davy, was five or six years old and had been given some toys he wasn’t quite sure how to operate. I show him how to convert them between their robot and vehicle forms.

Davy: “How did you know how to do that?”

Me: *Solemnly.* “It’s because I’m a genius.”

Davy stares at me, wide-eyed.

Later that day, one of his little friends visits, and Davy introduces us.

Davy: *Proudly.* “This is my genius!”