Drive You To Have Fun

, , , , , | | Romantic | May 23, 2018

(I’ve had a rough couple of months, splitting up with my abusive partner, changing stores for work, and moving to a new place. I have scraped together basic furniture but have no luxuries like a washing machine, TV, or stereo. I also regularly walk 35 minutes to work, then wait 45 minutes in the dark to catch the last bus home. My closest friends and family all live in another state, about a 10-hour drive away. This year my birthday falls on a long weekend. My best friend rings me early on the Friday morning.)

Best Friend: “Hey, how are you? Sorry if I woke you.”

Me: “No, that’s okay. I’ve got to see if the laundromat is open today, anyway. I’m okay. How are you?”

Best Friend: “I’m good. Since I got a bonus at work, [Housemate], [Close Friend], [Other Close Friend], and I are on a road trip down the coast. Just thought I’d check in on you.”

Me: “Oh, that’s sweet. I hope you guys have a good time. Say hi to everyone.”

Best Friend: “Will do. Any plans for your birthday?”

Me: “Nope. Just some housework.”

(We chatted for a few minutes before hanging up. A few minutes later, there was a knock at my door. I opened it to find my friends. My best friend had bought me a good secondhand car with six months rego on it, a new washing machine and dryer, TV, and stereo, among other little things. My friends then hired a trailer, packed up the car, and made the long trip to surprise me for my birthday. They had booked a nice motel, took me shopping for new clothes, out for dinner on my birthday and sightseeing around the city, before flying home on Sunday, without me spending a cent. My best friend had spent pretty much all of the money from his bonus on the car and other things for my flat, while my other friends had pooled their money and paid for their flights, the motel, and shopping. I will be ever grateful for their love and support.)

When Meeting Is Fleeting

, , , , , | | Working | May 20, 2018

(I am due to meet with my boss at 4:00 pm one Friday afternoon for our monthly one-on-one catch-up meeting. At 2:45 pm I get a call from him about said meeting. I think he might have had something come up and is cancelling on me; this has happened many times before. Instead, he comes out with this gem:)

Boss: “So, I really can’t be bothered working any more today. You want to get out of here early and go get a beer with me, instead?”

(Of course, I immediately agreed. Best meeting ever!)

Cookies Don’t Cause Cancer

, , , | Right | May 15, 2018

(I live in Australia. I work at a petrol station and as it is around Christmas time, our work has bags of cookies we can give away free to customers. A customer has just finished paying for her fuel.)

Me: “Would you like a complimentary cookie today?”

Customer: “Oh, no! I can’t possibly have that; it’s summer season! I have to watch my figure!”

(Having heard this from a lot of people that day, I let it go and wish her a good day. She then turns back around.)

Customer: “Oh, I almost forgot! Could I get a pack of [cigarettes]?”

Time To Get Some Sexperience Points

, , , , , , , | Romantic | May 7, 2018

(At home, my significant other is playing a medieval-style video game. I’ve just gotten out of the shower and am walking back to our bedroom to finish getting dressed when he updates me on what’s happening in his game.)

Significant Other: “Hey, baby, I just f***** the princess!”

Me: *laughing* “That’s awesome, hun. Want to do it again?”

Significant Other: “Nah, I don’t think I can get back to that part of the game again, because it’s story-based.”

Me: “Uh… Babe…”

Significant Other: “What?”

Me: *raises eyebrow, looks down at towel covering me, looks back at oblivious fool*

Significant Other: “Oh. Well, then…” *races me to the bedroom*

I-Wrecky

, , , , | Right | May 2, 2018

(A coworker comes to the back of the store. She looks angry.)

Me: “[Coworker], what’s wrong?”

Coworker: “Stupid, rude customer just reported me to [Store Manager] and says she is going to report me to head office for being racist.”

Me: “What did you do?”

Coworker: “Nothing. I was serving a customer at the counter when I heard someone calling out from [Department]. They wanted someone to come and help them find something. I called out that I would be with them in moment when I finished serving. When I went over there, they demanded to see [Store Manager] and accused me of being racist because I didn’t come straight away.”

Me: “Could you see them from the counter?”

Coworker: “No, they were at [section].”

Me: “With two aisles of stock separating you? There’s no way you could have seen them; don’t worry about it.”

(She calms down and heads back to her station. [Store Manager] comes back, looking flustered.)

Store Manager: “That b****! First, she accused [Coworker] of being racist. I pointed out that where she was, there was no way that she could have even seen her. I was with a customer and saw the whole thing. She said that because she is Iraqi, she was ignored.”

Me: “But [Coworker] is Iraqi.”

Store Manager: “I pointed that out; now I am being reported for being racist, as well.”

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