Shifty Behavior

, , , , , | Working | March 5, 2019

(I’m on the bus on my way home when I get a call from work.)

Me: “Hello.”

Supervisor: “Hi, [My Name], this is [Supervisor]. I was wondering if there’s any chance you’d be able to work tomorrow?”

Me: “Um, I’m actually already working tomorrow.”

Supervisor: “Really? What time?”

Me: “Ten to three, same as every week.”

Supervisor: “Oh, that’s the shift I wanted you to work. I guess [Department Manager] cut your shift and didn’t tell you. We need someone to work it. Can you do it?”

Me: “Sure.”

Weaponizing Murphy

, , , , | Working | March 1, 2019

(I work in a pizza store, and we do takeaway, eat-in, and delivery. On this night I am working up the back on prep and taking orders over the phones, while [Coworker] is up the front taking orders and waiting tables. It has been rather quiet for a Thursday, and in a free moment, I walk up the front to drop off some cutlery. All of the six tables are clear at the moment, and no customers are waiting for takeaway.)

Me: “It’s been rather quiet for a Thursday, hasn’t it?”

Coworker: “Yeah, it has…” *realises what I just said* “Oh, no, you didn’t.”

(I start grinning, as this is always the easiest way to get a rise out of them, and turn towards the back. Some customers then walk in to sit down. [Coworker] glares at me.)

Coworker: “You did this. You’re not allowed to talk anymore.”

(I just chuckle and make my way back to the phones. When I look to the front again a moment later, there are even more customers entering the store, and [Coworker] is making a rude gesture towards me below the bench so customers don’t see. It takes me a moment to see it, but when I do, I laugh out loud. We end up going from empty to fully seated in the space of 15 minutes. Later, when [Coworker] is dropping dishes up the back:)

Coworker: “I hate you.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry!”

A Heated Debate Of When Coffee Stops Becoming Coffee

, , , , , , | Right | February 21, 2019

(I’m working the first register while my coworker is taking a coffee order.)

Customer: “—and I want it EXTRA, EXTRA, EXTRA hot.”

(We can only heat it so far until the milk boils, so I wander over to see what coworker has written. She’s written, “Milk 100+ degrees)

Me: *whispering* “Hey, do you reckon he wants his coffee hot?”

Coworker: “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him?”

Me: *laughs* “But in all seriousness, the milk will boil.”

Coworker: “I know, but it’s what he asked for, so I’ll take it as high as I can without boiling it.”

(I notice she’s written down that he wants five sugars, but I say nothing and go back to my work.)

Customer: “Y’know, this is my second favorite place to buy coffee. If the other place isn’t open I come here. It’s good coffee, but I have to have it really hot and really sweet, or I can’t drink it!”

Coworker: “Well, I got the milk to 95; if I keep going it’ll boil and curdle, so I can’t heat it anymore.”

Customer: “Okay, it’ll do.” *takes it and leaves*


Coworker: “Yep.”

Me: “How does he know it’s good coffee if he dumps so much sugar in it?! Although, he probably needs to; sounds like his ‘extra, extra, extra hot’ coffees burned his taste buds off years ago!”

Please Just Talk Freely

, , , , , | Right | February 14, 2019

(My girlfriend and I are at a Pho restaurant, where they usually give us tea when we sit down. This time, they give us ice water. The waitress has an obvious accent, and it is clear English is not her first language.)

Girlfriend: “Actually, could we have some tea? Oh, is it complementary?”

Waitress: *deer in headlights look* “Um… pardon?”

Girlfriend: “Is it complementary?”

Waitress: *same uncomfortable expression* “Pardon?”

Girlfriend: “Is it complementary?”

Waitress: “Uh…”

Me: “Is it free?”

Waitress: “Oh! Yes! I just thought since it’s summer, you’d like a cold drink!”

Girlfriend: “Oh, yes, thank you. We just really like having your tea.”

(While you should never assume someone doesn’t understand the language, if they’re clearly having trouble with a certain word, repeating it over and over isn’t going to help. Best to rephrase and try again.)

A Walkman Through The Past

, , , , , | Related | February 8, 2019

(I’ve bought some old home movies on VHS tapes over to my mum and step-dad’s so he can transfer them to DVD. My sister and eight-year-old nephew happen to be visiting at the same time.)

Nephew: *looking at the tapes* “Hey, what’s that?”

Me: “They’re videos; Grandpa is going to put them onto DVD for us.”

Nephew: “What’s a video?”

Me: “Before DVDs were invented, movies came out on video.”

Nephew: “Oh, my God. There was something before DVDs?”

Me: *laughing* “Yep, and before videos, there were eight-tracks.”

Nephew: “Wow, that’s trippy.”

Me: “You know that before mp3s, there were CDs, right?”

Nephew: “Yep, when Mum got rid of hers, me and [Nieces] used them for frisbees.”

Me: “Well, before CDs, there were cassettes. I think Grandpa might even have some, along with a Walkman. We could see if we can find them.”

(He readily agreed, and we found some old cassettes and Walkmen, along with our old super Nintendo and games. Everything still worked. After hooking the gaming system up to an old TV, my nephew and I spent the rest of the day reliving my childhood. While it made me feel incredibly old — I’m 32 — it was a great day reliving the past and showing him things that had been lost to the younger generation.)


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