I had the opposite experience from this story. 

My then girlfriend and I were buying breakfast after a big night out, the total came to about $17, and she gave the cashier a $50. The cashier counted out $23 in change.

Before she could hand it over, I said:

Me: “She gave you a $50, you’ve shorted us by $10.”

Cashier: “No, you gave me $40.”

Girlfriend: “Why would I give you two $20’s for a $17 meal?”

The cashier ‘uhmed’ and ‘ahhed’ for a second, then gave us the extra $10. 

Twenty-something years later, I’m still not sure if she was trying to scam us or just more hungover than I was.

Back in the 1990s, I recall some tradesmen (tradies, as we call them) were doing some work on my street, about three houses down. One of them has partially parked in front of my driveway, so I can’t pull out (I have tall hedges on both sides).

Me: *Approaching the group of tradies.* “Excuse me, gents, but whoever of you drives that car there, could they move it somewhere else? It’s blocking my drive, and I can’t get out.”

Tradie: “That’s me, mate, but that’s the only place I could park on the street that’s free.”

Me: “Well, I know that’s annoying, but—”

Tradie: *Starts up a power tool to drown me out.*

Me: *Shouting.* “—I gotta get to work, so—”

Tradie: “Can’t hear ya, mate!”

Me: “Maybe if you turned off the power tool, you would.”

Tradie: *Laughing with his mates.* “Like this c*** knows what a power tool is!”

I sigh and walk back to my driveway, past my car, and into my garage. I walk back out with a fuelled-up chainsaw, start it up, and start walking to the part of his car that’s blocking me in. The tradies have all turned to look my way thanks to the sound of my very loud chainsaw. The owner of the vehicle starts running over.

Me: “Power tools like this?!”

Tradie: “Jesus f****** Christ mate! I’m moving it! I’m moving it!”

They didn’t park within three houses of me the rest of the time they were working there.

This was prompted by this story:

When I was working at a bank, some colleagues said to my girlfriend and me that they would like to talk to us about a money-making opportunity at home. We reluctantly agreed, but only on the proviso that it wasn’t multi-level marketing. 

Well, it soon became clear on the day that it was indeed multi-level marketing. We weren’t pleased.

After having pointed out to them that the same shirts they were selling were available in [well-known department store] for half their price, the vitamins were really no different from other vitamin brands, and so on, they came to demonstrate the superiority of their bleach.

They tried to compare it to another bleach, but I pointed out:

Me: “That thing is a ‘bleach brightener’, not a bleach.”

Colleague: “It’s the same thing.”

Me: “No, brightener is a noun adjunct. It’s no more the same thing as a car wash is the same as a car, or a door lock is the same as a door. Look at the ingredients, there’s not a thing in there that’s an oxidiser, it’s a digester. You can’t compare them.”

This is where the other story comes in. I don’t normally talk about my degrees, but this guy, annoyed, said:

Colleague: “Oh, and I suppose you have a degree in chemistry from Sydney University?”

I went into the office, took it down off the wall, came back, and said:

Me: “Yes, here it is!”

A couple are checking in with me at the airport.

Guy: *Handing me their passports.* “Yeah, we’re going to Bali.”

Me: “Oh, how nice!”

The guy then looks up and down the check-in area and leans in to whisper.

Guy: “Yeah, Sydney is getting waaaay too Muslim lately, so we needed a break from it, know what I mean?”

Me: “…riiiight.”

Guy: “We noticed you were the only Australian doing check-ins today, so we let some people go ahead of us so that we could get checked in by you.”

Me: “Well, all of my colleagues are more than capable of—”

Guy: “—yeah, yeah, DEI and all that. You know what we mean.”

I thought being anti-DEI was an American thing, but oh well…

Me: “Anyway, here are your boarding passes. Please enjoy your flight to Bali, Indonesia, the country with the largest Muslim population in the world!”

Guy: “The what?!”

I’m knowledgeable enough that I know Bali is the only Indonesian province that’s more Hindu than Muslim, but I also know that most racists are stupid by default, so I wasn’t expecting him to know that.

Many years ago, I was working at a department store in the Sydney suburbs. Lost kids always ended up at the information desk. Normally, we page the parents, they rush over, and everyone moves on. 

But some parents, the “regulars”, treat it like free childcare. They wander the store for ages, knowing their kid is safe, probably eating an ice cream, being watched by staff (it was a different time back then). 

It’s a busy Thursday night, and one of these regular kids has been with us far too long. He’s getting restless and anxious. My coworker working the desk has clearly had enough. She picks up the microphone.

Coworker: *Over PA.* “Attention shoppers… you’ll be relieved to know that the poor lost child has been collected by his father and uncle and is now on his way home.”

Thirty seconds later, a mother comes sprinting up to the desk, absolutely hysterical.

Mother: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HIS FATHER AND UNCLE?! WHERE IS MY SON?!”

My coworker calmly points to the kid, still sitting behind the desk with a half-melted ice cream. The mother snatches him up, furious, but also very clearly caught out.

She nearly got fired for that stunt… but the parent never used us as free babysitting again!