Cash Is King, Princess!

, , , , , , | Right | February 18, 2021

I work in a $2 store that has pretty much everything you could ever need at relatively low prices. We also have a $5 minimum on EFTPOS transactions, meaning that customers have to pay in cash for small transactions. Most people are very understanding about this and either decide to leave the items or go and grab something else. We have a lot of little items that range from about $2 to $5 on the counter for this reason.

One day, a lady comes up to me with a foil tray, generally used for barbecues. I ring it up and the total is $4.50.

Customer: “I’ll pay on card, please.”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but we have a $5 minimum for EFTPOS. If you like, there are several—”

Customer: *Interrupting* “What? That’s ridiculous! I don’t have any cash on me! Look!”

She waves her purse in my face.

Me: “I’m really sorry, ma’am, but there’s nothing I can do as it is store policy. As I was saying, a lot of the smaller items on the counter are very cheap—”

Customer: “This is unacceptable! How can you expect everyone to carry cash on them? Get me your manager!”

The line is beginning to back up, and there are now five or six people waiting. I call my coworker to help me on the other register and grab my manager, quickly explaining the situation.

Manager: “Good morning, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “This lady here says you have a $5 minimum on EFTPOS transactions.”

Manager: “Yes, that is correct.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have cash, so I need to pay by card. You need to do this for me.”

Manager: “I’m really sorry, but we do have a $5 minimum on EFTPOS transactions, and there’s nothing I can do to change that. If you like, I can—”

As he’s speaking, the lady spins on her heel and walks out without a word, leaving her tray on the counter.

Me: “Well, that is one way to make an exit!”

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Their Organizational Skills Are Just Depressing

, , , , , | Working | February 17, 2021

I was on antidepressants five to eight years ago but have been off them for a few years. Recently, however, I haven’t been coping and my friends have encouraged me to make a doctor’s appointment. When I try to book online and select “mental health consultation,” the website tells me I can’t book this appointment type online and will have to call their office. After getting up the nerve to make the phone call…

Me: “Hi, I’d like to make an appointment for a mental health consultation.”

Receptionist: “Okay. What was your name?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Receptionist: “I notice that you used to see [Doctor #1]. He doesn’t consult here anymore. If you’d like to see him, you’ll have to call his current practice.”

I feel like she is about to hang up on me. I’m actually glad that [Doctor #1] doesn’t work there anymore as he refused to prescribe me medication for months the first time around, and I know medication is what I need once again.

Me: “No, that’s okay. I can see any doctor.”

Receptionist: “All right, I have nothing this week. How about next Wednesday at 3:00 pm?”

Me: “That’s perfect. Thank you.”

Receptionist: “Okay, you’re booked in with [Doctor #2] for next Wednesday, second December.”

Two hours later, I receive a missed call from the doctor’s office and have to get up the courage to call again. The same receptionist answers, though she obviously has no recollection of the previous call. After verifying who I am…

Receptionist: “Now, unfortunately, we will have to reschedule your appointment as [Doctor #2] is going away next week and will be away for quite some time, two to three months. What was the appointment for?”

Me: “It was a mental health consultation.”

Receptionist: “I see. Is it urgent? Do you want to wait until she gets back from overseas?”

I don’t even know [Doctor #2]!

Me: “No, that’s fine. I can see any doctor.”

Receptionist: “All right, I can get you in for the same day, a bit later. What was the reason we had you down to see both a doctor and a nurse?”

Me: “I don’t know. You booked it that way.”

Receptionist: “Let’s make it 3:45 on the same day so that you can see both [Doctor #3] and a nurse.”

Me: *Gives up* “Okay, thank you.”

Seriously? I’m sure you make dozens of appointments each day so you wouldn’t necessarily remember mine, but there is no way you didn’t know two hours ago that one of your practitioners was going to be away for months! And I understand that there may be some reasons why you can’t book a mental health consultation online, but then why isn’t it marked as one when the booking is made over the phone? And no, mental health appointments can NEVER be pushed back by months. And I still don’t know why I’m seeing a nurse.

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Sometimes That’s All It Takes

, , , , | Romantic | February 12, 2021

My wife and I text while she is at work. I receive this message.

Wife: “Today hasn’t been a good day. :(”

A few minutes later: 

Wife: “Oh, it got a bit better. There is cake!”

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I Don’t Work Here: Home Edition

, , , , , | Right | February 9, 2021

I’m in a hardware store, looking for a lock for a shed I’m working on, wearing my usual blue Tradie shirt with a pink hi-vis vest, both covered in my pink and black logo. The staff all wear red shirts and dark green pants and aprons.

Customer #1: “Excuse me. Can you help me with the chains in the next aisle?”

Me: “No worries. What do you need to know?”

Customer #1: “I just need three meters of this one here.”

Me: “Oh, you’ll have to grab a staff member to measure and cut it for you. I don’t work here. I thought you just wanted to ask about the different types.”

Customer #1: *Walks off in a huff*


Customer #2: “Miss, which gloves would you recommend for gardening?”

Me: “Okay, so if you’re doing light gardening I’d go for these ones here, but if you’re doing heavier stuff I’d get these; they’re pretty durable and they’re reinforced so you won’t accidentally stab yourself with anything spiky.”

Customer #2: “Thank you. You deserve a raise!”

Me: “I’ll be sure to give myself one.”

Customer #2: “I’m sorry?”

Me: “Oh, I don’t work here. Have a good day.” *Walks away*

And on a separate occasion, I’m wearing the same outfit in a homewares and clothing store, looking at vacuum cleaners. Their staff wear dark blue pants and light blue shirts with the store logo.

Customer #3: “Can you point me to wrapping paper?”

Me: “I’m honestly not sure, but there’s a lady near the entrance who can help you.”  *Points*

Customer #3: *Realising* “Oh, you don’t work here.”

Me: “No. Apparently, I just have a friendly face. Have a good one!”

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About To Be Rum-Punched Back To Reality

, , , , , , | Right | January 21, 2021

I’m standing in line at my local liquor store and see three young lads attempting to buy a carton of rum. 

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell this to you without seeing some form of ID.”

Customer #1: “Oh, yeah, sure.”

The customer hands over his license.

Cashier: “This says you’re only sixteen. I can’t sell you alcohol.”

Customer #1: “Oh, it’s just old. Can’t you accept it?”

Cashier: “Doesn’t matter how old it is; your birthday never changes.”

Customer #1: “All right, I got another way.”

He takes out his mobile phone and begins tapping, and then he holds it up to the cashier.

Customer #1: “See? It says you must be over eighteen to access this website. I hit this, and I’m in! I must be over eighteen!”

Cashier: “That doesn’t tell me your age. It just says to me that you know how to access an adult website. You need to leave now.”

The kids seemed really disappointed and left at that point.

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