Well, They Were A British Colony…

, , , , , | Right | January 20, 2019

(I work in an outsourced call centre for a well-known mobile phone brand. I have a “received pronunciation” accent which means that, although I’m Australian, born and bred, I sound like I’m an upper-class Brit. Most callers like my accent, which can lead to very difficult conversations along the “thank God you’re not an Indian” lines. This time, though, was a bit of a twist on that conversation.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Are you in India?”

Me: “No, I’m Australian, in Australia.”

Caller: “No, you’re Indian.”

Me: “Do I sound like I’m Indian?”

Caller: “Yes! Yes, you do!”

Me: *laughing* “Well, then, I guess I’m Indian…”

(The caller hung up.)

Can’t Be Scammed If You Can’t Hear The Scam

, , , , , | Legal | January 18, 2019

(I get a call from a scammer. I realise it because there is a period of dead time when I first answer the call.)

Me: “Hello.” *hears nothing* “Hello? Hello?”

(There’s a click, and instantly there’s a lot of background noise consisting of a number of people talking.)

Scammer: “Hello, is that Mrs. [Surname]?”

Me: “Hello? Hello? I can’t hear anything; is someone there?”

Scammer: “Yes, I’m here, calling you from Microsoft.”

Me: “Is someone there? I can’t hear anything”

Scammer: *louder* “Can you hear me now?”

Me: “No, I can’t hear you.”

(He hung up for some reason.)

Shoplifting Your Spirits

, , , , , | Legal Right | January 3, 2019

(We have had a shoplifter who stole hundreds of dollars worth of items, so the manager is checking the CCTV footage and calls me in.)

Manager: “[My Name], I’ve just seen you talking to the woman who stole that stuff on the footage.”

Me: “Really?”

(I check the footage and laugh.)

Manager: “What are you laughing about? It’s no laughing matter; she stole from us.”

Me: “True. I’m laughing because it’s obvious she is trying to keep her face away from the camera, and also about what she is asking me right at that moment.”

(The footage shows the woman leaving and then coming back in a few minutes later.)

Manager: “What did she ask you?”

Me: “If she’s allowed to park her car right in front of the store.”

Manager: *now laughing, too* “Are you kidding me?”

(We got great footage of her and her children putting the stolen items into her car — and a clear shot of her number plate — on our outside camera. The police are very confident that she will be convicted and serve prison time because she’s out on bail for doing the same thing elsewhere.)

Won’t Lose Any Sleep About Letting Them Go

, , , , , , | Working | December 29, 2018

(Our store has a huge storage and dock area which is run very efficiently by one man. Even after being diagnosed with cancer, this man works as much as he can. It’s decided that we will employ another staff member to help him so that he won’t have to worry about the work falling behind, while he takes a couple of weeks off for more treatment. It’s not even the end of the first week when we need to get something from a storage area that only has two keys; the store manager has one, and the dockman has the other.)

Coworker #1: “Has anyone seen the new guy from the dock? I need to get into [room].”

Coworker #2: “No, haven’t seen him. Is he on a break?”

Me: “He shouldn’t be on a break yet; it’s not even ten am. I’ll let [Store Manager] know you need her to open the room.”

(I give the message to her and take over what she is doing. Not long later I see her walking to the front door with the new guy, who is carrying his bag, before she comes back to me.)

Store Manager: “Can you stay here until I can get someone else to come in? I have to work the dock today.”

Me: “What happened?”

Store Manager: “[New Guy] just quit, after I found him sound asleep in [room]. He thought he had the only key, and then he tried telling me that the job was too much for one person. I told him that if it’s not too much for a sixty-year-old man with cancer then it’s not too much work for a healthy twenty-year-old. He quit before I had the chance to fire him.”

Won’t Take This Sitting Down

, , , , , , , | Right | December 27, 2018

(I’m picking up a few last-minute, small presents four days before Christmas. As expected, it’s absolute chaos. This centre has mobility scooters and wheelchairs shoppers can hire. I’m a complete paraplegic and have my own, very expensive, custom-made wheelchair that looks nothing like the ones you can hire. After my second shop, a lady approaches me.)

Lady: “You need to give me that.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

(I’m confused, as I have only picked up a necklace for my wife that I’d had custom made.)

Lady: “That wheelchair. You need to give it to me.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is my chair; I need it. Customer service has wheelchairs you can hire.”

(I turn away.)

Lady: *now yelling while grabbing the back of my chair* “They don’t have any left, and my mother needs this wheelchair!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is my own chair. I’m sorry, but you can’t have it.”

Lady: *still yelling and holding my chair* “Listen, you little s***. My mother needs this wheelchair; you will let her use it, because you’re just a lazy piece of s*** that can’t be bothered to walk.”

(She tipped the back of the chair forward, effectively landing me on the ground, and took off with my chair. A crowd of people had stopped and someone went to a nearby shop to get me a seat while I waited for security. Another shopper who was an off-duty paramedic checked me over. Security found the lady in the car-park and held her until the police showed up. She was charged with theft and assault.)

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