You’ve Crumbled Your Own Cookie

, , , , , | Working | August 17, 2018

(I’ve just started in an office where everyone puts in $2 a week to cover tea and coffee supplies, and whatever is left at the end of the year goes towards a Christmas party. Since I don’t drink tea or coffee, but occasionally a certain brand of hot chocolate, I buy the hot chocolate sachets and just use the milk and sugar while paying my $2 even though I sometimes don’t even use them. As the sachets are expensive, I keep them in my drawer in my desk. The lady who organizes the supplies doesn’t notice this until this happens. A coworker is pregnant and can’t handle tea or coffee.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], I have [Brand #1] honeycomb hot chocolate and little marshmallows. I even have [Brand #2] chocolate chip cookies. Want some?”

Pregnant Coworker: *eyes light up* “Oh, yes, please! [Brand #1] hot chocolate and [Brand #2] cookies are amazing, but so expensive. You sure?”

Me: “Not a problem. How many sugars?”

(After getting her order, I take just enough of my supplies with me to make two cups. The coworker who organizes the supplies see me.)

Coffee Coworker: “Ooh, hot chocolate.”

(She grabs a sachet, opens it, and dumps it into her cup. I’m shocked, as she clearly knows that I’ve bought these myself, and doesn’t even ask or say thank you.)

Me: “Just for next time, I buy these as I don’t like tea or coffee. They’re not for everyone.”

Coffee Coworker: “But all tea and coffee supplies are for everyone, as long as you pay your money.”

Me: “I get that, but a box of these is [price roughly the same for ten sachets as a jar of cheap instant coffee she buys]. I buy them for myself. I’m only making two now because [Pregnant Coworker] wants one. I can’t afford to supply the whole office.”

Coffee Coworker: “Fine. God, it won’t happen again.”

(She spots my cookies and grabs a huge handful, even though she doesn’t supply biscuits, leaving just two cookies, and goes back to her desk. I make another cup for myself, and from then on I only take exactly what I need to make a cup for myself. One day the coffee coworker comes and stands near my desk, talking to my pregnant coworker.)

Coffee Coworker: “God, it’s so cold. I’d really love a hot chocolate right about now.”

(Seeing as she doesn’t get any reaction from me, she says even louder:)

Coffee Coworker: “Mmm… A nice hot chocolate with some chocolate chip cookies would be really good right now.”

(I keep ignoring her, but my now heavily-pregnant coworker has had enough.)

Pregnant Coworker: “If you hadn’t been such a b**** and just taken it before, maybe you could have had one.”

(The coffee coworker went bright red and walked back to her desk in a huff.)

Has A Sinking Feeling About This

, , , | Legal | August 15, 2018

(My mum used to joke that I had everything in my handbag except the kitchen sink. One day she goes to a garage sale and picks up a plastic toy sink and gives it to me. About a week later I get stopped at a police check for random drug and alcohol testing, license checks and searches of cars. I pass the drug and alcohol testing and license checks then am I asked to get out of my car with my handbag.)

Officer: “Anything in your bag or car I should know about?”

Me: “No. But as this is going to take awhile can I please call my work to let them know I’ll be late?”

Officer: “Let me search your bag, then you can.”

(I hand him my bag which is quite big and is mostly full with the toy sink sitting near the top.)

Officer: *trying not to laugh* “Seriously? In all my years as a cop that’s the first time I’ve seen everything including the kitchen sink.”

(He hands me my bag, keys and license back.)

Officer: *still laughing* “Have a good day, miss.”

(I get a few dirty looks from other people in the line as I drive away but am pleased to be able to make it to work on time.)

They Rostered Their Own Last Days

, , , , , , , | Working | August 6, 2018

(I have a coworker and manager who for some reason don’t like me. They’ve tried to get me fired by not doing their duties and blaming me, or getting friends to make complaints against me, etc. All their attempts been disproven. Our roster is posted a month in advance and emailed to all staff. Three months prior, I applied for and was granted ten days off for my brother’s wedding and a family holiday in another state. Two days before I leave I overhear this on my way to my lunch break:)

Coworker: “[Friend who had made a bogus complaint against me] has an extra ticket for [four-day Music Festival]. I really want to go but it’s too late to get time off.”

Manager: “Get someone to swap you.”

Coworker: “Only [My Name] could do it. She has ten days in a row off.”

Manager: “What? [My Name] has no life. Ask her; if she says no, I’ll just change the roster, anyway.”

(I quickly clock out and take a photo of the posted roster with the time and date showing. Another coworker who also heard the conversation assures me that they will back me up and tells me to enjoy my holiday. After my break, [Coworker] comes up to me.)

Coworker: “You need to work [four days in the middle of my holiday]. I’ll swap shifts, but we’ll work it out later.”

(She then goes to walk off.)

Me: “[Coworker], I can’t. I’m away for ten days starting the tenth.”

Coworker: *with a smirk* “Too bad. [Manager] already said you have to swap.”

Me: “Sorry, but [Store Manager] already approved my leave three months ago. I’ll be in Perth, then. Find someone else.”

Coworker: “You’ll be sorry.”

(She storms off in a huff. But I hear nothing from either of them. I have the next day off and don’t work my last shift with either, but knowing [Manager] is working the shift after, I check the roster to see it hasn’t changed. I take another photo just in case. While I’m away, I receive six messages from the manager and store manager saying that I’m in trouble for not turning up for my scheduled shifts, which I ignore. On my first day back at work, I’m called into the office with the store manager.)

Store Manager: “[My Name], I’m really surprised. You’re not usually someone to just not turn up for your shifts. I wanted to give you a chance to explain.”

Me: “I had ten days off to go to Perth. You approved it, and even gave me advice on things to do as you used to live there.”

Store Manager: “Oh. Yes, I remember that, but as you’re down on the roster I figured you had changed your mind about going.”

Me: “Definitely not, and when I had my last shift, I wasn’t on the roster until today. I have photos to prove it.”

(I showed her the photos, and suggested having a look at the roster and checking when it was changed in the system. Sure enough, I had been swapped with [Coworker] after my last shift, when [Manager] was the only one with access to change it. With that, the photos, my other coworker’s statement about the conversation, and the previous problems, [Coworker] and [Manager] were both fired.)

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Ocean’s Berate

, , , , , , | Right | July 31, 2018

Caller: “What is your best rate for an ocean view room for Friday night?”

Me: “$350 for that night.”

Caller: “I’m not paying that! Give me a better rate.”

Me: “Well, we have a better rate on a non-ocean view room: $269.”

Caller: “NO, I don’t want to look at the alleyways! I can get a better rate than that on the Internet!”

Me: “Which website? We can match rates if you see a cheaper one.”

Caller: “Any website! No one ever pays full price for a room. If I was Indian, you would give me a better rate!”

Me: *baffled silence*

Caller: “Because I would keep talking until I wore you down! If that’s the best you can do, I will go elsewhere!”

Me: “Sir, $350 is the best rate I can do. Have a good evening!”

(The caller, stunned that I didn’t immediately try to please him to get his business, left a long pause, then slowly hung up.)

Got A Vegetarian Chip On Her Shoulder

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 27, 2018

(I’ve gone to dinner with a few friends and am sitting next to a friend who is a vegetarian. She is always talking about how being a vegetarian is so healthy.)

Friend: *to her husband* “I can’t decide what to choose; what are you getting?”

Husband: “That’s easy. I’m getting the biggest steak on the menu.”

Friend: “Okay, [My Name], what are you getting?”

Me: “I’m tossing up between [vegetarian meal] and the fish.”

Friend: “Ooh, [vegetarian meal], that sounds nice.” *looks at her menu* “Ew, it’s got vegetables in it. If I wasn’t vegetarian, I’d have the fish.”  

(I point out a few more vegetarian options.)

Friend: *shakes her head at them all* “I’m a vegetarian that doesn’t like vegetables; I guess I’m going with a bowl of hot chips.”

Husband: “We go through this every time, and she always orders the chips. I don’t know why she even looks at the menu.”

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