Double-Cheque Your Knowledge

, , , , , , | Working | March 22, 2018

(I am ringing up a woman’s purchases. She tries to pay with a cheque, but we’ve not accepted cheques for years.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t accept cheques.”

Customer: *immediately on the defensive* “I rang you up earlier to ask if you accepted cheques and was told you did.”

Me: “You didn’t speak to me, because I would have told you that we didn’t. We haven’t accepted them for years.”

Customer: “I spoke to someone; it must be one of them.”

(I ask the staff if they’ve spoken to someone today regarding accepting cheques and am told no. The woman is still ranting and raving.)

Me: “I’ll see what I can do. I’ll make a call.”

(I call our regional manager and explain the situation.)

Manager: “I can’t okay this, but try calling [Security Manager]. We used to take cheques. I know we had to get authorisation from the bank and the customer needed to supply proper ID. The customer also can’t take the purchases until the cheque is cleared.”

(Just then, I hear the customer saying something.)

Customer: *still ranting* “Now I have to tell my son his cheque is wasted.”

(I mention that to the manager.)

Manager: “No, no, no! We have never taken cheques unless they are presented by the account holder with proper ID. Don’t bother wasting [Security Manager]’s time.”

(I pass the information on to the customer, who ends up buying the items with her card before leaving, still ranting.)

Me: *to coworker* “I wish I knew who told her that we accept cheques.”

Coworker: “We do take cheques, but they have to have ID.”

Me: “We don’t accept cheques.”

Coworker: *who has worked for us for eight years* “Since when?”

Me: “For well over six years. Was it you who told the customer we did? You said no when I asked.”

Coworker: “You said today; I told someone yesterday.”

It’s Credit-Crunch Time

, , , | Working | March 12, 2018

(I have recently started a new job, when the news of a credit crunch breaks in the media. A lot of companies are going into panic mode. I am just heading to lunch when my manager calls me to come and see him in his office before I go. I think to myself that this can’t be good. My concern must show on my face.)

Manager: “Oh, don’t worry; it’s all good. Just come in and take a seat for a moment. Now, I’m sure you’ve heard about the financial problems going on at the moment. Unfortunately, we can no longer afford you and have to let you go. Don’t worry about coming back after lunch. We’ll send you two weeks severance pay.”

Me: “Can I ask one question?”

Manager: “Of course.”

Me: “Whatever happened to, ‘It’s all good’?”

Acting Like A Baby

, , , , , | Working | March 9, 2018

(One of my coworkers, [Coworker #1], has had to go home. She walks past us in tears.)

Coworker #2: “I’m going to run after [Coworker #1] to make sure she’s okay.”

([Coworker #2] is back a few minutes later. She doesn’t look worried; in fact, she just rolls her eyes and shakes her head.)

Me: “What was wrong?”

Coworker #2: “Remember when [Coworker #1] told us that she and [Husband] had decided to start trying for a baby, so she was going to stop taking the pill?”

Me: “Yes, it was just a few days ago.”

Coworker #2: “Well, she got her period today and is now upset because she didn’t fall pregnant right away.”

Oh, Brother!

, , , , , | Right | March 8, 2018

(This takes place back in 80s before I am born. My mum is saying goodbye to her boyfriend at an airport. They are passionately kissing, with my mum straddled across his lap; they can barely take their hands off each other and they are being rather public about it. Eventually, they pull themselves apart and she goes to the check-in to get on the plane. In her defence, my mum has always had a wicked sense of humour.)

Air Hostess: *while at boarding gate* “Aw, saying goodbye to a loved one?”

Mum: “Yeah, that was my brother.”

Air Hostess: *literally jumps and stares at my mum in horror*

(Mum says she hopes one day that hostess realised she was joking.)

The Parent Is Not Always Right

, , , | Right | March 7, 2018

(I have just finished up with a customer at the counter and am tidying up a few loose ends before heading back to my assigned task elsewhere in the store. I see a woman come into the store with a three- or four-year-old boy.)

Me: “Good morning! How are you? Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “No, I’m fine, thanks. Just looking.”

(I finish my tidying and am just leaving the counter area when I hear the customer talking to the boy.)

Customer: “Okay, you sit there; the lady is just over there and she can keep an eye on you.”

(She’s positioned him in a spot that I have to crane my neck to see, right in line with the door. Even if I was able to stay at the counter, there’s no way I could see if he decided to take off outside, or worse. If another customer needed me out on the floor I’d have to leave, anyway.)

Me: “Excuse me, but you can’t leave him there. I can’t guarantee I will be able to stay at the counter.”

Customer: *to child* “Hmm… Looks like you are going to have to follow me around and be bored, seeing as the lady won’t let you stay here.”

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