Feminine Products Of A Curious Mind

, , , , , | Related | December 15, 2017

(I’m browsing through the hygiene aisle when a father and his young daughter stop near me.)

Daughter: “Dad! Do you need feminine hygiene things?”

Dad: “No, sweetheart. I’m a male. I don’t need them.”

Daughter: “Oh. Do I need them?”

Dad: *pauses* “We can worry about that when you’re older.”

Not Everyone Wants To Go Back To Vinyl

, , , , | Right | December 14, 2017

(Our large store is only staffed sparingly, usually only two people on at one time. If one goes on a break the other is left alone. I am at the counter serving with several people lined up patiently waiting when a customer comes to the beginning of the line.)

Me: “Do you have a question?’

Customer: “No, I want someone to cut some vinyl for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you will need to join the line.” *I keep on ringing up sales*

Customer: “Join the line? I just want some vinyl cut.”

Me: “Yes, I know. I will need to serve the people on the line before I can serve you.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I don’t want to be served; I just need vinyl cut.”

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t leave here; I am the only one serving. You will need to join the line and wait your turn.”

Customer: “I’ll just wait at the vinyl, then.”

Me: “No, I really need you to wait here on line. Although, if you have other shopping, you can get that first before getting on the line for me to serve you.”

Customer: “I don’t need anything else. I just want vinyl cut. Why do I have to wait here on line?”

Me: “Because I can not leave a line of customers who have been waiting for much longer than you, and if you don’t wait here there’s a chance I’ll forget you are over there seeing as I am so busy right now.”

(He goes and stands metres away from the line, pacing back and forth, shooting me dirty looks. A few moments later my colleague comes off lunch.)

Me: “[Coworker], will you please cut vinyl for that man?”

(I apologise to each of the customers as I serve them.)

Customer #2: “Oh, my God! The sort of thing you have to put up with! I would have told him to eff off.”

Me: “Yes, I think I need a break now.”

Customer #3: “Well, you deserve it. Is there any booze out there?”

The Beard Is Feared

, , , , | Friendly | December 11, 2017

(This happens in the days before self-service petrol stations. We are heading to a fancy dress party, with my male cousin dressed as a woman.)

Service Attendant: *approaching the driver’s window from behind and noticing what looks like a gorgeous redhead in the driver’s seat* “Hi, honey, what can I get you today? How about my phone number?”

Cousin: *giggling like a girl and acting embarrassed, with his hands covering his lower face, turns, and bats his eyes at the attendant* “Ooh, can you fill it up please?”  

Service Attendant: *winking and smiling* “Sure thing, honey.”

Cousin: *using his normal, deep, male voice* “And hurry up about it.”

Service Attendant: *looks back in shock at my cousin, who has now revealed his bearded chin*

(After we drive away and are all having a good laugh:)

Cousin: “That felt so good. I can’t understand how you lot have to put up with that sort of s*** constantly. The look on his face was so worth it.”

Unfiltered Story #101616

, | Unfiltered | December 11, 2017

(I am at the head office, today. We manage an outlying clinic, open two days a week, that is due for a fire safety check.
It’s late in the afternoon when I answer the phone):
Fire Safety Rep: Yeah – I’m at your clinic to do the check and no one’s here!
Me: I’m sorry – where are you calling from?
Rep: I’m here at your clinic to do your fire safety check and there’s no one here! Our office was told you’d be here on Tuesdays and Thursdays, your sign at the front says you are open Tuesdays and Thursdays and I’m here waiting and ready and there’s NO ONE HERE!
Me: Today’s Wednesday.
Rep: Oh, sh*t!
(He hangs up)

A Needling Attempt At A Refund

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(A coworker has come to me about a refund that she is unsure about.)

Coworker: “I have a lady who wants to return knitting needles, but I wasn’t sure if we did refunds on those.”

Me: “Yeah. We shouldn’t, but we do. Where’s the lady? I’ll help her.”

(She leads me over to an elderly lady who is standing near our knitting needle displays.)

Customer: “Hello, dear. I have some knitting needles here that I would like a refund for. Can you do that?”

Me: “I can, but first I need to see what needles they are, and I will need the receipt.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have the receipt.”

(She starts pulling out needles that are so old that they are in imperial sizing. They look ancient.)

Me: “Um, we don’t sell these brands. Did you say you bought these here?”

Customer: “Oh, no, I’ve had these at home for years. I can’t knit anymore. I just want a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry; that’s not how refunds work. We can only refund on brands we sell, that you have actually bought from us, and have a receipt for.”

Customer: “But you sell knitting needles.”

Me: “Yes, we do, but we don’t sell or buy used knitting needles. I am so sorry, but there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “I am sorry for taking up your time; thank you for being patient.”

(As she shuffles off my coworker turns to me.)

Coworker: “Oh, thank you for that; I didn’t know what to do with her.”

(I felt so bad for the old lady.)

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