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The Truth Hurts, Doesn’t It, Buddy?

, , , , | Legal | May 31, 2022

My mum has recently bought a house after divorcing my dad. I live with her and pay board each week to cover groceries and some bills. However, I am definitely not renting, nor do I have anything to do with mortgage repayments or homeownership.

I receive a call from an unknown number. Since I’ve been applying for jobs, I answer.

Me: “Hello, [My First Name] speaking.”

There’s a long pause, which I recognise as a scammer calling, about to begin their script.

Scammer: “Yes, is this [My Full Name] speaking?”

Me: “Yes?”

Scammer: “Do you own the house you are currently living in?”

Me: “Oh, no, I do not.”

Scammer: “Are you renting? We have ways of helping people who are renting.”

Me: “No, I am not renting.”

Scammer: “So, you own the house, then?”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

Scammer: “So, you are renting, then?”

Me: “Nope. Not renting.”

Technically, I’m not lying. Also, I have time to spare, so let’s have some fun!

Scammer: “So, you own the house?”

Me: “No, I really don’t.”

Scammer: “So, you don’t own the house, and you’re not renting?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Scammer: *Frustrated* “Well, it has to be one or the other! You can’t live in a place that you don’t own or rent! Do own the house or do you rent the house?”

Me: “I told you, neither!”

He let out an exasperated sigh and hung up on me. I told my mum, and she laughed and congratulated me for getting a scammer to hang up.

They’ll Learn Or They’ll Lose

, , , , , , | Working | May 23, 2022

It’s the late 1970s in Australia, and barcode scanners have just been introduced. Because each item no longer has its own stick-on price tag, a lot of customers are very concerned that they’ll be charged the wrong price at the checkout and not realise it. In response, many of the large retailers have instituted a policy that if an item scans at the wrong price, you get the first one free and any others at the right price.

I go in to buy a full carton of cigarettes, and when I go to pay, it scans at a price that is considerably more than the price on the shelf.

Me: “Sorry, that’s the wrong price. It should be [correct price].”

Cashier: “Just let me check…”

After a short check, the cashier admitted that it was wrong but re-rang it at the lower price. I pointed out their policy, which was listed on a card above the checkout — that I should be getting it for free. She flatly refused, so I asked to speak to a manager.

After a long delay, the manager put in an appearance and (very rudely) admitted that I was right and gave it to me for free. Given that it was the equivalent of about $100 in today’s money, I can understand his reluctance, but I didn’t make the policy!

Shift forward about a day, by which time I felt that they’d had more than enough time to fix the incorrect price in their computers if they had any intention to do so. I went back and got another carton, which promptly scanned for the same incorrect price!

At this point, the s**** really hit the fan, with the manager loudly abusing me while I pointed out that I had done nothing except take advantage of their own store’s policy. In the end, I was given the second carton free and told not to come back.

And, yes, I have long since given up smoking!

If The Stuff In Your Mask Is Like The Stuff In Diapers, You’ve Got PROBLEMS

, , , , , , | Right | March 23, 2022

I live in Western Australia, and we haven’t had to mask up much compared to other places. I worked in a very busy cafe in a very rich suburb from 2019 to 2021.

I would see people put their masks on at the door, come to the counter, and complain about wearing a mask, and then they would sit down and take their masks off.

Meanwhile, I was stuck serving, talking, and breathing in a mask for ten hours.

One day, a man came in without a mask.

Customer: “I don’t wear chin diapers.”

Me: “This is Australia; we call them nappies here. You’ve been watching too much South Park.”

I refused him service and never saw him again.

Just a tip, don’t go up to workers who have to wear masks all day and complain about them.

A Jandal Vandal

, , , , , | Right | October 18, 2021

What Americans call “flip-flops,” we Australians call “thongs,” and New Zealanders call “jandals.” At the time of this story, I have never heard the word “jandal” before and have no idea what it means.

Customer: “Hi, do you sell jandals?”

Me: *Thinking I may have misheard* “I’m sorry, do we sell what?”

Customer: “Jandals.”

Me: “I’m really sorry, I have no idea what that is.”

Customer: *Getting angry* “Jandals! JAN-DALS! For your feet?”

I’m really confused, and now I’m getting nervous as she is raising her voice.

Me: “Um, are they like socks or something?”

Customer: “Ugh! I can’t believe you don’t know what jandals are! You know, like—” *slowly and loudly* “—FLIP. FLOPS!”

Me: “Oh! Flip-flops! As in thongs? Yes, we have those!”

I start to walk her over to the aisle, but she continues ranting.

Customer: “No, not thongs, jandals. Thongs go up your butt. Jandals go on your feet. Back in my country, they’re called jandals. If you said the word ‘thong’ to anyone, they would laugh at you!”

Me: “But… we’re not in your country. We’re in Australia.”

She glared at me but had no response and stormed off. I have no issue with people of different cultures having different names for items, but don’t tell me I’m wrong when you’re in my country.

Will Have To Add Sexual Harassment To The Audit

, , , | Right | August 10, 2021

I’m the night auditor for a resort-style hotel. At approximately 1:30 am, just after the local bars have closed for the night, a woman enters the front desk area to go to her room.

Me: “Evening! Have you had a good night?”

Guest: “Yeah, I’ve had a great night. What about you? You look a little lonely.”

Me: “A little, but I have a lot of work to do, so it’s not too bad.”

Guest: “Well, you can always come up to my room; it’s just around the corner.”

I laughed awkwardly and she left. About five minutes later, I got a call from — though I didn’t realize it at the time — the same guest saying that her air conditioning wasn’t working. I went to the room to check the air conditioner and the guest greeted me at the door in her underwear. Being a very masculine-presenting but also very gay man, I simply turned on the air conditioner — it wasn’t broken — and walked out of the room.

Here’s a tip ladies: it’s still sexual harassment even if it’s a woman doing the harassing. Stop it.