Fake Names Get Fake Service

, , , , , | Right | November 28, 2018

(I work at a self-service photo lab. You enter your memory card into a computer, select your photos, and enter your name. It prints off a slip, you pay, and you come back later to collect your photos. Every single time, we remind customers to hold onto the receipt with the slip, as it not only proves you paid for your photos, but has your name and order number on it, so we know what photos are yours.)

Customer: “I’m just here to pick up my photos.”

Me: “Sure, no problem; can I get the receipt?”

Customer: “Sorry, mate, I lost it.”

Me: “That’s okay; it happens. What name were they under?”

Customer: *gives his name*

Me: *looks for photos* “I can’t find any order by that name. Did you order them today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I did it like twenty minutes ago.”

Me: “Okay, cool. Let me just look again.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “I still can’t find any photos under that name. Are you sure that’s the name that you ordered them under?”

Customer: *gives me a condescending look* “Mate, I’m pretty sure I know my own name.”

Me: “Fair enough. Let me look again to be sure.”

(I look for the photos again.)

Me: “There is definitely nothing under that name. Are you sure that you printed and paid for them here?”

Customer: “100% sure.”

Me: “There definitely isn’t anything under here with that name.”

(I go through all the orders and show the customer the first photo of each order to see if he recognises his order. We aren’t really meant to do this, but it’s the only way I can think of to ID his order. After about thirty orders:)

Customer: “Yep, that’s one of mine. The next photo should be of a boat.”

(The next photo is indeed of a boat, so I’m confident this is his order.)

Me: “These photos are under the name of [Completely Different Name].”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, that’s right; I used a fake name. Sorry about that.”

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here: The Book

, , , , | Right | November 11, 2018

(I work in a library, and one of the best parts of my job is when I get to go shopping for new books with what essentially amounts to a blank cheque. The bookstore we have an account with knows us, and when I or my colleagues turn up to do some buying they usually give us a big trolley to pile up our purchases in. These are staff trolleys; most customers in the shop wouldn’t use anything bigger than a shopping basket. I’m dressed in casual shopping clothes; the staff have uniforms, name tags, and lanyards. Another customer approaches me while I’m pushing my trolley around selecting books.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you know if you have [New Popular Cookbook] in stock?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t work here!”

Customer: “Oh, I just thought…” *gestures at the trolley*

Me: “Yeah, I know it’s confusing. But I actually work for a library and I’m here buying some new stock!”

(The customer stares at me blankly before walking away. This has happened to me before, and this is the second time that line has gone down with blank stares and borderline hostile reactions, as if it’s my fault that they made the mistake and can’t just laugh it off or admit that they’re super jealous that I get paid to shop for books. I continue on my merry way, until about five minutes later, when the same woman approaches me again in a different aisle.)

Customer: “Do you know where [Some Other Specific Book] is?”

Me: *incredulously* “I still don’t work here?”

Customer: “Oh, I know. I just thought you might know, anyway.”

(The store is busy, but there’s always staff around who are knowledgeable and eager to help. I have no idea why she decided that I was more likely to know than they were, or why she doubled down on being wrong. But my library got new books, so it’s all good!)

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 33
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 32
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 31

To Protect And To Serve Misogyny

, , , , , , | Legal | October 30, 2018

(My old and very tricky car is hot wired and stolen, but only makes it halfway down the road before it breaks down. The thief takes my car seat covers and runs. I have to file a police report for insurance.)

Me: “Hey! Someone tried to steal my car. We found it, but I need to file a report.”

Police Officer: *laughs* “Aw, sweetheart. Are you sure it was stolen?”

Me: “Pretty sure, yeah.”

Police Officer: “Sure you didn’t just park it and forget where you left it? Girls sometimes forget things.”

Me: “Well, considering I tend to not rip all of the wiring out of my dashboard when I park it, I’m pretty sure.”

Police Officer: “Oh. Right. That makes sense.”

Maybe Their Brain Needs More Gas

, , , , | Working | October 30, 2018

(I need to put petrol in my car but I’m not sure I have any money on my credit card. Not wanting to be stuck unable to pay, as I’m a long way from home, I go inside to pay before filling up.)

Me: “Hi, I’m not sure I have any money in my account, so can I pay $50 before I fill up?” *holding up my credit card*

Cashier: “You want to prepay?”

Me: “Yes, please, $50.”

(She seems confused, but progresses the payment, which gets approved.)

Me: “Phew. Wasn’t sure that would work”

Cashier: “You know you can just preselect 50 at the pump?”

Me: “Yes, but I wasn’t sure I had the money to pay for it.”

Cashier: “Yeah, but you can just select 50 at the pump.”

(For those that don’t know, this literally just delivers $50 worth of fuel; it has nothing to do with payment, which must be done from inside the building.)

Me: *holds up card again* “Yeah, but it was my card; I wasn’t sure would work.”

Cashier: “Just select 50 at the pump next time.”

Me: “But I wasn’t sure I could pay for it.”

Cashier: “You just press the 50 button.”

(I just sighed and walked out. She watched me from the window, with a confused expression the whole time, as I filled up $50 worth and drove off.)

It’s Going To Take A Winding Route(r) To Get There

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2018

(A customer has just asked me to answer some questions. In Australia, it is still the norm to have data-limited plans for home Internet, although many ISPs sell higher-tier unlimited plans.)

Customer: “So, will this ADSL modem and router give me unlimited Internet?”

Me: “Yes, if you pay your ISP for such a service; the router is not what stops you from getting unlimited data.”

Customer: “So, the router will give me unlimited Internet?”

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