(A customer brings in her desktop for repair.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir, can you help me? I’ve done something terrible.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. What seems to be the problem today?”

Customer: “Well, I was on the computer, and all of these naughty images started to pop up. Well, I didn’t want my grandkids thinking their grandma was into something nasty, so I started to delete things and, well… I’ve deleted the Internet!”

Me: “It will be all right, ma’am. I think we can save the Internet.”

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Customer: “Do you all have a public bathroom?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. It’s out of order.”

Customer: “What! What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “Well, someone clogged the toilet with paper towels and it doesn’t flush.”

Customer: “Well, can I use it and not flush?”

This story is part of our Grossest Customers Ever roundup!

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(A couple approaches the counter.)

Me: “Can I help?”

Customer: “Yes, can you give me advice about his stool?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give medical advice. Perhaps you’d like to speak to our pharmacist, or consult your doctor?”

Customer: “No, I’m sure they’re very busy. I just want someone to tell me if it’s normal.”

Me: “The law says I can’t give advice. Let me get the pharmacist.”

Customer: “No, really, I have some here.” *whips out a clear bag of poo on the counter* “See, it’s all gritty. That’s not normal, is it? Do you have pills for that?”

Me: “Ma’am, you might want to take that to your doctor. We can’t accept biological waste.”

Customer: *to her husband* “See, Joe, I told you it was wrong. That’s why I save them.”

Me: “Hi, ma’am. Is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “I am looking for a solar-powered charger for my cell phone. Do you have anything like that?”

Me: “Yep, just follow me.”

Customer: “Also, can you tell me which ones can work overseas?”

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Guest: “Kamsamnida!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Guest: “Did I not pronounce that right? Kamsamnida! It means ‘thank you,’ doesn’t it?”

Me: “Oh! I’m sorry, I’m Taiwanese, not Korean.”

Guest: “Oh! I’m so sorry! Wow! Taiwanese, eh? Is Thai food good? I’ve always wanted to try Thai food! Teach me how to say ‘Thank you’ in Thai?”