I come home after school one day, and my stepdad greets me with this question.

Stepdad: “Do you have a favorite spoon?”

Me: “No? Why?”

He explains that this morning he dropped my mom’s favorite spoon, one more circular than our other spoons, down the garbage disposal, and the blades left nicks that ruined it. Mom asked him to buy another one while she’s at work, so he headed off to a local department store, spoon in hand.

Employee: “How can I help you today?”

Stepdad: *Showing the spoon* “Do you have a spoon just like this?”

Employee: “Oh, you dropped your wife’s favorite spoon down the garbage disposal, hm?”

The employee did show him where to find a replacement spoon, but he had this conversation with two other employees while he was there. Apparently, this is a common occurrence!

I work in a hotel as a front desk rep. I used to do the morning shift but started doing the overnights more. The hotel I work at is located right next to a mall, as well as several restaurants, and is really close to the main highway. It’s usually very busy.

Every single day, I get calls from guests and also non-guests asking about OTHER businesses. And I don’t mean just restaurants or shops close by, but for other hotels. Normally, they just ask for directions or what restaurants have on their menus. I usually just Google the information, but after a while, I begin to memorize some things because of how frequently it happens.

However, with the health crisis hitting us, many businesses have either closed or reduced their hours and menus, and I don’t have them all memorized anymore. As restrictions begin to lift, the businesses begin to change hours and many restaurants begin to offer their regular menus.

One night, I get a call from someone who I assume is a guest of ours. The speaker on the other end says that they want to know the business hours of a restaurant across the street from us. I Google the information and relay the hours as well as the menu for the speaker.

Caller: “Do they do delivery?”

Me: “Well, their website says they use [Delivery Service], but since they’re closing in thirty minutes, I don’t know if they’ll still do any delivery orders. You can definitely call and ask.”

Caller: “Well, I was hoping you’d know.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I only know whatever Google tells me. I’ve never ordered from them before, and I know a lot of businesses do deliveries differently. I would recommend calling them and asking if they could deliver at this time. But it is right across the street from us.”

Caller: “I see. Well, I’m not really in a position to go and pick it up myself.”

This does puzzle me a bit, since it is literally across the street and an easy five-minute walk. But, I figure maybe they already showered and are in bed, or they have kids and don’t want to take them with or leave them behind. It’s not really my business, but I don’t know how to help them with that.

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry I can’t help you any further. I suggest calling them directly and confirming their deliveries.”

Caller: “Well, that’s just ridiculous that you don’t know, and that you had to use Google in the first place. Do they not deliver to your hotel?”

Me: “I dunno, probably. But most times, guests just go across the street themselves and get it.”

Caller: “Well, I’m not staying at your hotel; I’m actually at a different hotel.”

Me: “T-then why did you call and ask me? Surely your hotel desk could’ve helped. Or why didn’t you call the business instead?”

Caller: “I once stayed at your location and really liked that restaurant, but you didn’t have any rooms open, so I had to go to a different hotel.”

Me: “I see. Well, I’m glad you found something you like, but I really do suggest you call the restaurant. They’re closing in twenty minutes.”

Reluctantly, they hung up with me and I just stared at the phone in amazement. Sure, I get when stranded travelers come in and ask for help or even just random people off the street ask for directions because “you work close by to where I need to go” but still, I’ve never had something like that happen before.

In my town, if you are planning to dig in your yard, you call a number and they’ll come out and mark the location of all sewer, gas, and water lines, etc., so you don’t accidentally dig into one. I call the number.

Me: “I’m planning on putting in a little shed.”

Operator: “Okay. How deep are you planning on digging?”

Me: “I’m not actually going to have to dig.”

The shed is a kit that you bolt to a heavy wooden platform that sits directly on the ground.

Operator: “Sorry, we only mark dig sites.”

Me: “Yes, but I want to make sure I don’t build this on top of a line.”

Operator: “Dig sites only.”

Me: “Yes… but say I build this on top of the water line, and then five years later they have to work on it? I don’t want to have to take the whole thing down.”

Operator: “Dig sites only, sorry.”

Me: “So, what should I do?”

Operator: “Call the water, power, phone, gas, and cable companies and ask if they’ll come out and mark the lines.”

Me: “Is that free, like you guys?”

Operator: “No, they’ll probably each charge you for a service call.”

Me: “You know what? I think I am planning on digging.”

Operator: “How deep?”

Me: “A quarter-inch.”

Operator: “We’ll send someone out this week.”

I couldn’t tell if she was trying to give me a hint or was just that officious.

It’s a quiet weekday, around lunchtime, and I’m doing a shift at the cash register. I see a man in a business suit come in with one of our store bags and head in my direction.

Me: “Hello, sir! Did you have a return or exchange you wanted to do today?”

The man sets the bag on the counter and pulls out a hardcover book. The whole time he speaks to me, he’s perfectly polite and never raises his voice, but his tone shows his frustration and annoyance.

Customer: “Yes, I bought this book on Saturday, and when I sat down to read it, I found that it was bound upside down. I know I could just turn it over, but if I spend this much on something, it shouldn’t be messed up. So now I’ve had to use my lunch hour to come all the way back here…”

As he’s speaking, I slip the dust jacket off, see that the title stamped on the book’s spine is upside down, flip the book over, and put the dust jacket back on.

Customer: *Notices what I’ve done* “Oh, good grief. Am I the stupidest customer you’ve ever seen?”

Me: *Laughing* “No, sir, sorry. This is not even in my top ten! Since you’re here, maybe you’d like to stop by the café, so you don’t miss lunch?”

Customer: “Hey, good idea!”

He submitted a good survey for me!

I am playing a quiz game with my wife.  

Me: “Who is the leader of the Decepticons?”

Wife: “I don’t know. Evil Optimus Prime. Optimus Crime.”