I’m a manager at a fast food place and had this happen the other day….

A female customer said I need to learn customer service. She ordered a hamburger kids meal then got upset there was no cheese. I explained she ordered a hamburger and it doesn’t come with cheese. She complained and said ” I MEANT cheeseburger even though I said hamburger”. Soooo…. I told her okay…so you want a piece of cheese for it? She said “no I want it melted like how it’s supposed to be made”. When
I explained that cheese only comes melted if it been sitting there for awhile she cursed at me. Then she finally gave back the hamburger. I got irratated with her so I got petty… had a grill guy put cheese on it then rewrap it like a cheeseburger (the burger was fresh and was untouched). She then asked if I put cheese on it and rewrapped it as I wasn’t wearing gloves. I told the truth and said I didn’t touch the sandwich. Then she said you need to learn customer service. And I was done at that point so I shrugged and said okay. She drove off mad that I didn’t react the way she wanted.

I play violin at various events, most often weddings. I get most of my clients by responding to requests posted online. This email conversation is just one of several similar responses I receive when replying to ads in the gigs section of a popular classifieds site.

Me: [Typical opening pitch].

Response: [My name], thanks so much for the response. We did get the gig filled, but I have referred your name to my daughter’s wedding planner.

Here’s what I don’t understand: why are you paying a wedding planner and also posting ads for musicians and who knows what else for a wedding that is only two weeks away? Has your wedding planner failed to find someone in the time you have been working with them and so you are now having to plan the wedding yourself? Isn’t the point of hiring a wedding planner to let them plan the wedding so you don’t have to? Either the wedding planner is scamming you, or you are not allowing them to do the job you hired them to do.

In seventh grade, I fall and break my shoulder and thumb at a school dance. Because this happens at the very beginning of the year, I’m not moved out of my PE class because I should be out of the sling and mostly able to participate in the latter half of the semester.

The first sport I’m able to participate in is volleyball. The doctor warns me not to overexert myself because the bone is still delicate. This is fine for the first week. We only practice underhand moves.

Then, one day, we’re learning to serve overhand. This is a sharp, snapping motion that I can tell will hurt my shoulder. The teams rotate positions, so I start as far away from serving as possible and hope class will end before it’s my turn. It doesn’t.

Me: “I can’t serve. That’ll hurt my arm.”

Classmate #1: “Come on, [My Name]. it’s what we’re doing today. You have to do it.”

Me: “Let me ask [Teacher].”

Classmate #2: “She’ll just tell you the same thing. Hurry up.”

I try and fail to get my teacher’s attention because she’s on the other side of the room. After a few minutes of my classmates insisting I have to try, I succumb to peer pressure and give it a shot.

As soon as I do, I hear a crack, and I fall to the floor in pain. The other students play for a minute before they realize I’m actually hurt. The teacher comes running over.

Teacher: “You didn’t need to serve if it was going to hurt your arm! Go to the nurse.”

The nurse sent me home, and I returned to the doctor with instructions to go back in the sling for a little longer. I did rebreak my shoulder, but it healed relatively quickly. At least I learned not to listen to peer pressure.

I’m at the doctor’s. One of the nurses is obviously very pregnant.

Me: “So, when are you due?”

Nurse: *Stares daggers at me* “I’m not pregnant.”

Me: “Nice try, but I heard you talking to the other nurse about being pregnant.”

Nurse: *Smiling* “Dang.”

My wife has a tour company, and we often have military reunions — mostly WWII guys — come to town with multiple buses, which require us to have multiple guides. I’m standing at the second coach. 

Customer: “Are you our guide?”

Me: “I’m one of them, yes. Do you have a question?”

Customer: “Yes. Are you going to be our guide?”

Me: “I am if you are on this coach.”

Customer: “Good. I’m just making sure I’m not on the coach with the same guide from yesterday.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. That was the city tour, yes? What didn’t you like about it?”

Customer: “She talked the whole time we were on the bus.”

I ignore the irony of wanting a silent tour guide.

Me: “Okay, do you remember her name?”

Customer: “No, but she’s standing next to the other bus; that’s why I want to make sure that woman isn’t our guide.”

Me: “Oh, you mean my wife? Yes, she’ll be on the first coach. I’ve got this one.”

The customer muttered something under his breath, got on the bus, and sat in the back and talked to his friends during the entire tour. I still have no idea why someone would take a city tour but not want to hear any information about the city!