You Won That Throwdown

, , , , , | Right | June 13, 2018

(I work in a small specialty mall store, and my manager is awesome. Cell phones aren’t a thing yet, so we are very eager to help anyone and otherwise find ways to amuse ourselves. One day, a super-important-type comes in looking for a blacklight for his kid. The guy is an a**hole the entire half-hour I deal with him, and then I get to ring him up for his purchase.)

Me: “That’ll be [amount].” *extends hand for payment*

Customer: *throws a couple bills at me, deliberately under my outstretched hand, not saying anything*

Me: *digging for change; looks over at manager*

Manager: *nods in the affirmative*

Me: *throws change at rude guy* “Here’s your bag! Have a great day, and thanks for shopping with us!”

Manager: *laughing, walks to the back*

Will Have To Vault Over Your Expectations

, , , | Right | June 11, 2018

(A guy comes up looking for “The Lion King,” which turns out to be in the Disney vault at the time and not available for sale.)

Me: *looks up movie* “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks like that movie is in the Disney Vault right now.”

Customer: *confused face* “Well, is there any way you could go back and get it out of the vault?”

(The dude thought we had a literal vault in the back room where we kept the Disney movies.)

Would Be Easier To Find Robin Hood

, , , , , | Right | June 4, 2018

(I work at a place that is well-known for its bridal registries. In order to find the registry, I have to know the full — first and last — name of the registrant, with correct spelling.)

Me: “What’s the last name of the bride or groom?”

Customer: “[Common Last Name].”

Me: “Okay, what’s the first name?”

Customer: “Robin.”

Me: “Robin with an I or with a Y?”

Customer: *looks as me as if I’m stupid for a moment* “With an I!”

(I look up the name, but as it’s a nationwide database going back ten years, it’s not uncommon to have a dozen or even more than a hundred brides with the same name.)

Me: “What’s the wedding date?”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “Some time in September!”

(That still leaves two registries. Instead of asking more questions, I quickly look up their locations. If one of them is local, it’s probably the right one. Neither is.)

Me: “Okay, is Robin getting married in New York or Nevada?”

Customer: “Neither! She lives here in town and has all her life. I’m her mother’s best friend, so I know that. The wedding is in [Nearby Town]! I don’t understand why this is so hard!”

(I do a little backtracking and try spelling Robin as “Robyn” and then just type in “Rob,” in case her name is really Robbin or something similar. Nothing pops up.)

Me: “Sorry this is taking so long, but I don’t have any Robin [Last Name] getting married here in the metro in September. Do you know the groom’s name?”

Customer: “NO! I know they’re registered here! Just find the registry!”

Me: “I apologize, but I am not having any luck with this search. Just double-checking, her name is R-O-B-I-N, and her last name is spelled [only spelling of very common Last Name]?”

Customer: “I already told you that!”

Me: “Then I’m sorry, but I can’t help you any further. Either they have not registered, or she’s registered under some other name. Maybe you could call someone and double-check? Sometimes brides register under their married names.”

(The customer walks away in a huff, muttering about bad customer service. Ten minutes later, I am helping another person when the original customer cuts to the front of the line. Wanting to avoid a scene, I finish my customer and gesture to another employee to take over my register so I can help her.)

Me: “What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Sarah. Sarah [Last Name]. Robin is her mother.”

(I found the registry right away!)

Can’t Even Make A Clean Break

, , , , , | | Working | May 30, 2018

(I am moving out of an apartment for which the landlord requires professional cleaning in order to receive back the full deposit. About a month in advance, I make an appointment with a cleaning service for 2:30 pm on the day before the walkthrough with my landlord. The cleaning service is headquartered in a small town about 20 miles outside of my city, but their website clearly lists my city as within their service area. On the day of the service, I am at work in the morning, and on a break around 11 am, I check my phone to see three missed calls and a voicemail from the cleaning service. I call back.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name], and I missed a few calls from you.”

Cleaning Service Owner: “Hello, the maids are at your house now and need to be let in.”

Me: “My appointment is at 2:30. It’s 11:00 and I’m at work. I can’t let them in now.”

Cleaning Service Owner: “The appointment before you cancelled, but the maids had already arrived in the city. They can’t drive back here and then back to the city, so you need to let them in now.”

(There would have been more than enough time for them to drive back and forth in time for my appointment.)

Me: “They could do that, or they could find somewhere to wait. It is not my fault that the appointment before me canceled. I can’t let them in now because I’m at work. We had an appointment for 2:30, and that’s when I expect them to be there!”

Manager: “That will not be possible. Either you need to let them in now, or we can reschedule.”

Me: “I can’t reschedule! The apartment will no longer be mine after tomorrow morning, and if I don’t get it cleaned today I will lose my deposit. We had an appointment, and the cancellation is not my fault!”

Manager: “There’s nothing I can do. Either you let them in now, or we will reschedule, and that is final.”

(I was absolutely furious at this point, but I desperately didn’t want to lose my deposit, so I told my boss the situation and he graciously let me leave to let them in. On top of all of that, they refused to clean the basement because “they didn’t have the right tools,” so I ended up having to do that part of the cleaning after they left. On the bright side, I got my full deposit back, and I left the cleaning service a cathartically scathing online review.)

Out Of Stock, Out Of Mind

, , , , , , | | Working | May 24, 2018

(My family is vacationing in the Ozarks, and we drive past a music store. My brother asks my dad to stop, as he is in the market for a new pedal for one of his guitars. There is only one man working there when we walk in. My brother asks him if he has a certain pedal in stock, or at least one that can do the effect he is looking for.)

Man: “Hmm. I’m not sure. I’ve never heard of anything like that. Hang on one second.”

(The owner walks around the desk, picks up the phone, and makes a call. I assume he is calling his boss or their guitar part supplier. NOPE! He orders a pizza! After his food has been ordered, he walks away and starts straightening up. My family just stands there, looking perplexed. After a few seconds, he notices my family is still there and looks surprised.)

Man: “Oh, did you need something else?”

Brother: “Apparently not.”

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