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It’s A Nice Song And That’s The Gospel Truth

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2023

I work in a small store where we play music from the boss’s radio. 

Customer: “This is a nice song! Who is it by?”

Me: “This song is called Ever Fallen In Love. The band is called Fine Young Cannibals.”

The religious customer stopped mouthing the words, froze, crossed herself, and then quickly finished her shopping while trying to cover one or both ears.

It’s The Principal Of The Thing

, , , , , , | Learning | January 19, 2023

I am in charge of my school’s social media account. The principal insists that he must approve every photo I post to the account. He emails me one day.

Principal: “You recently posted pictures of [Event] without my approval.”

Me: “You emailed me those pictures and told me to post them.”

Principal: “You still need to get my approval.”

He’d forgotten he was the one who sent me the pictures but didn’t want to admit it. So, from then on, every time he sent me pictures to post, I’d immediately send them right back asking if I could post them.

Is This What A Cost-Benefit Analysis Is?

, , , , , , , , | Working | January 3, 2023

I’m a librarian. I’ve just received a large order of books, but something’s not right. I call the publisher.

Me: “Hi, I ordered a bunch of books from you and paid for processing. However, all the bar codes and spine labels came in an envelope, instead of already attached to the books, which I paid for.”

Representative: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Me: “So, can I get a credit for the $5 I paid to have them come already attached?”

Representative: “We can’t offer you credit. If you like, we can send you a mailing label, you can box them back up and ship them to us, and we’ll stick the labels on and return them to you.”

Me: “You’d rather pay like fifty dollars in postage and delay my order for over a week, rather than give me a five-dollar credit?”

Representative: “Um… Yeah… We’ll credit you.”

Customers Can Not Be Remodelled To Read

, , , , , , | Right | January 3, 2023

I work for a newspaper that has a copy center and gift shop attached. We are not yet ready to open the copy shop door, so people usually only use the main one.

The air conditioning recently broke and flooded our floors so, this week, the new floors are being laid, the baseboards are being painted and put in, etc. Naturally, we have a sign up in front of the main door that says, “Use Copy Door To Left,” complete with a bright red arrow.

Reactions to this sign mostly involve people completely ignoring it, but these are the most memorable reactions.

Old Man: “I saw the sign. I just didn’t know what it meant.”

Later, while one of the workers is on a ladder painting door trim, the door swings open and smacks him.

Old Woman: “Why are you in front of the door? It’s a work day!”

Sigh. I’ll be so glad when the remodel is done.

If The Geeky Shoe Fits…

, , , , , , | Learning | December 14, 2022

I’m at my ten-year high school reunion.

Acquaintance: “I haven’t seen you since school! So, what are you doing these days? Computer programmer? Computer engineer? Computer technical support?”

Me: “You just assume the geeky guy went into computers, huh? Well, I’ll have you know I’m a teacher.”

Acquaintance: “Oh? What subject?”

Me: “Computer skills.”