When Paper Towels Are Worth More Than Gold

, , , , , , | Related | March 29, 2020

Our home computer is in the kitchen/dining room area. My mom is at the computer and I am in the kitchen. I’m puttering around when I feel the need to blow my nose, so I tear off a paper towel and blow.

Nothing comes out. No snot, boogers, or mucous-like substances. Just hot air. So, now, I’m standing there with a perfectly good paper towel, wondering what to do with it, when I spot a water spill on the counter. Happy that the paper towel shall not go unused, I quickly wipe up the spill with the non-nosed side of the towel and turn to toss it.

That’s when I see my mother looking at me as though she is replaying my entire childhood in her head and wondering where exactly we went wrong with my upbringing. I explain that I’d actually failed to blow my nose, and we share a laugh, but I don’t know if she actually believed me or just thought I was covering for myself.

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Do Yourself A Service And Leave Service Dogs Alone

, , , , , | Friendly | March 26, 2020

(I have a service dog for multiple disabilities. I don’t always work with him with any identifying gear because people are more likely to leave us alone if they can’t tell he’s a service dog. In this instance, he is wearing a vest marking him as a service dog. My father and I are running errands after my classes end for the day and I’m entering the store a few minutes after him so that [Service Dog] could relieve himself. As we approach the door, there is a man in his car in the accessible parking spot who sees my service dog and leans out the window of his car.)  

Man: “HEY, PUPPY! Come here, puppy!” *makes kissy noises* 

Me: *to my service dog* “Leave it.”

(He doesn’t need the reminder, but sometimes people get the hint and leave us alone when I say that. We start to enter the store.)

Man: “WHAT THE F***?! WHAT THE H*** IS WRONG WITH YOU, TAKING A F****** DOG IN A F****** STORE?!”

(Thanks, random man who decided I needed to be screamed at for taking my vested service dog into a store. Also, to make things worse, I was wearing my jacket from my alma mater so, for all he knew, I was a high school student. It’s always adults, too; we never have issues with kids.)

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They Haven’t Studied Occupations Yet

, , , | Learning | February 3, 2020

(I’m a teacher and have to go to the bathroom during my break. I hate stall bathrooms so I go to the single person bathroom and double-check the door is locked as young students will just barge in.)

Student: *frantically tries to open the door* 

(I give the student a minute to realize there is someone in here and that is why the door is locked, but the connection is not made.)

Me: “Knock first!” *thinking now he will realize*

(The kid starts pounding at the door.)

Me: “It’s occupied!”

Kid: “I don’t know what that means!”

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Well, What Else Did You Expect From Pirates?

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 29, 2020

(I’m playing an online pirate game with three friends; only four people can fit in a crew. One of my friends finds a girl on an empty ship and is about to leave the game for the night. This is good news. Room for all of us and a fully-stocked ship? H*** yeah! She invites three of my crew to her ship but refuses to invite the fourth, me. I am also a girl.)

Me: “Send me an invite? I can’t join until you invite me.”

Girl: “My friend is actually going to play.”

Me: “Uh…”

Crewmate: “She’s part of our crew. Can’t your friend play with someone else?”

Girl: “No, I want my friend to play on this ship.”

Crewmate: “Why does it matter? We’ll be strangers to her anyway. It would be no different than any other crew she will join. Let our crewmate join, please.”

Girl: “No. I’m the captain and what I say goes.”

(While the game has natural leaders that shine through during the game, nobody has more authority than another. Everyone is on an equal level.) 

Crewmate: “Wow. That’s pretty rude.”

Girl: “I don’t care. This is my ship and I get to decide who plays.”

(At this point, we all could leave and find our own ship, but we don’t feel like being friendly anymore.)

Crewmates: “MUTINY! B****! LOCK HER IN THE BRIG!”

Girl: “Don’t you dare! I invited you to this ship. It’s mine!”

Crewmate: “It’s three against one; this is our ship now.”

(They lock her in the brig.)

Girl: “You motherf*****s! I’m going to make sure I’m on as long as possible so your fourth can’t get on!”

(She presumably put a rubber band on her controller as her character spun in circles for ten minutes and then got kicked from the game for inactivity. Never saw her again.)

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Email Fail, Part 24  

, , , | Right | November 15, 2019

(I’m a network administrator for a medium-sized company, and we use Microsoft Outlook for our corporate email. One day, I get a call from one of our employees:)

Caller: “My email isn’t working! I can’t send or receive anything!”

Me: “Okay, let me check a few things.”

(I check the network account for the user, and also the email server. Everything looks okay. I send a test message to trace and it appears to go through.)

Me: “Did you get the message I sent?”

Caller: “Yes, I got that, but I still can’t get into my email.”

Me: *very confused* “Are you getting any kind of error message?”

Caller: “Yes! I entered my phone number and it says my account isn’t found!”

Me: *light bulb going on* “Okay, you’re trying to get into your Gmail account. I can’t help with that.”

Related:
Email Fail, Part 23
Email Fail, Part 22
Email Fail, Part 21

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