(This takes place after setting up an installation date for the caller’s service.)
Me: “Now, do you have any pets or animals that we need the technician to know about?”
Caller: “Nah, he’ll be all right. I’ll just tie my kids up in the backyard.”
This story is part of the Dad Jokes roundup!
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Caller: “I have a question about my account.”
Me: “I’d be happy to help! What email address do you use to log in?”
Caller: “It’s rogue at [email host] dot com.”
Me: “Sorry, sir, I can’t seem to find that email in the system. To confirm, let me spell out the full address: r-o-g-u-e at [email host] dot com?”
Caller: “No, it’s r-o-u-g-e!”
Me: “Oh, ‘rouge’ like the makeup. The word ‘rogue’ is spelled r-o-g-u-e.”
Caller: “That’s not how ‘rogue’ is spelled! I can’t believe how stupid your customer service is!”
Me: “If you want to be sure, you can check a dictionary for the correct spelling.”
Caller: “Fine, I will! I’m going to search [Dictionary Website] right now!”
(A minute passes as he searches.)
Caller: “F***! I’ve been using this email for years! I can’t believe my guild members never pointed this out to me!” *hangs up*
This story is part of the Bad With English roundup!
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Customer: *hands me a printer* “Is this all I need to print? My last printer broke.”
Me: “No, ma’am. You still have to purchase ink and a printer cable for it.”
Customer: *grabs random ink off the shelf* “Okay, here we go.”
Me: “You have to get the specific brand and number listed on the box.”
Customer: “Oh, well, normally you can just mix and match. I’m new to this Web 2.0 nonsense but I think I know a little about setting up a printin’ machine!”
(I am calling a customer.)
Me: “May I speak to [Customer], please?”
Woman: “He’s not here.”
Me: “This is [My Name], with [Phone Company]. I am calling to remind you that your phone bill was due on the fifth and is in danger of being disconnected. Can you tell me when you will be able to pay it?”
Woman: “How did you get this number? It’s unlisted!”
Me: “Ma’am, this is the phone company. We gave you this phone number.”
Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”
Customer: “I deposited a cheque in your ATM and wanted cash back, but it won’t let me. I need that money!”
Me: “All right, let me just pull up your file.”
(I find her in the system and see the deposit’s held as she’s overdue on her credit card payments by several months, which caused her accounts to freeze.)
Me: “Your deposit was definitely completed and is in your account, but unfortunately I cannot give you any cash as your accounts are frozen.”
Customer:”What?! No! They can’t do that! That’s my money!”
Me: “Well, yes, they can, because you haven’t made a single credit card payment in months.”
Customer: “So?”
Me: “So, you need to pay it back.”
Customer: “I have to pay? Why?”
Me: *blinks* “You didn’t know you had to pay it back?”
Customer: “No one told me!”
Me: “Miss, it’s a credit product, meaning you’re borrowing money from us. We don’t give money away. After you borrow the money, you’re expected to pay it back. All of it’s explained in your Card Agreement.”
Customer: *stares blankly at me*
Me: “The agreement you would’ve received in the mail along with your card.”
Customer: “That sheet full of ‘garbledygook’ that no one ever reads?”
Me: “Just because you didn’t read it doesn’t mean you’re exempt. By using the card, that means you agree to the terms associated with the card.”
Customer: “But I need my money! They can’t do that; it’s my money! I got no job! I have no money!”
Me: “Don’t worry, I’ll call them and speak with someone for you. We’ll figure out a solution together based on your current situation, okay?”
(I call them and discuss with the rep, then they ask to speak to the customer. I hand the phone over, and within seconds she starts yelling.)
Customer: “GIVE ME MY MONEY! You can’t do this! No one told me I have to pay!”
(She slammed down the phone, storming off while shouting “They won’t give me my money!” to random people on the way out.)
