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Stories about breaking the law!

Crocs and Robbers

, , , , , , | Legal | November 10, 2025

I’m a policeman on patrol. A young boy sees me and immediately drops and starts tying up his shoelaces in a blind panic. As I get closer, he starts crying.

Me: “Is the little fella alright?”

Mum: “I… um… might have told him it’s illegal to go outside with your laces untied.”

Me: *Trying to suppress a smile.* “I see.” *Leaning down to the little boy.* “Wow, those are some tight shoelaces! Well done! It’s always safer to have shoelaces done up when outside.”

I stand up and wink at the mum.

Mum: “Do you think you could tell him it’s illegal to wear Crocs?”

Me: “You mean it isn’t?”

Blinker, You’ll Miss It

, , , , | Legal | November 3, 2025

I’m in the third lane of a three-lane highway in heavy traffic when I see that I am about to pass a police car in the middle lane. I have no idea what the speed limit is, so I slow down and start to pass the officer VERY slowly. Meanwhile, I have this guy in a sports car who is now riding my bumper aggressively and swinging his car left and right behind me.

Just as I get even with the police car, the officer flicks on his lights and siren for a second, which I take as a signal that we are already over the speed limit, and if I pass him, I’m getting a ticket. So, I slow down and put my blinker on to pull in behind him, and the guy behind the police car slows down to make room for me. The guy behind me is going nuts.

As soon as I was halfway into the second lane, the car behind me used the breakdown space next to the speed lane to pull around me and shot past the cop like a bullet. The cop pulled out immediately with his lights and siren on in pursuit.

I have no idea how that person could have missed the police car, especially after the officer was nice enough to give me a warning blast. Sure enough, five minutes later, I pass them on the side of the road, the other driver getting at LEAST a speeding ticket.

The Bat Signal Hotline

, , , | Legal | October 27, 2025

I’m a 911 dispatcher. I was on a call with my trainee around 11 PM:

Caller: “I’ve got a bat in my bedroom!”

Trainee: “A bat or a bird?”

Our response after 9 PM is different, which is why we’re trained to ask. If it’s a bird, the caller will be told to open her window. If it’s a bat, we’ll send out animal services because they’re a rabies vector.

Caller: “A bat!”

My trainee sets up the call and checks once more before sending:

Trainee: “And you can’t tell if it’s a bat or a bird?”

Caller: “It must be a bat because birds don’t fly at night!”

My trainee and I just stared at each other. It’s been years, and I feel like we’re still staring at each other.

Knife, Camera, Legal Action

, , , , , , , , | Legal | October 20, 2025

My brother works as a police officer. He got called to a residential house, as did a slew of paramedics. Upon arrival at this corner address, there were several firefighters and two paramedics scattered around the front lawn of the address, some with visibly broken bones, some unconscious, all bandaged in some way. They first took the statement of the captain, who was also injured, but stable enough to give a statement immediately.

Captain: “We showed up for a fall victim. He was exhibiting signs of a stroke, so our paramedic informed his adult son and daughter that they were transporting him to [Hospital #1]. The son freaked out, grabbed a knife, and started stabbing us. He kicked, too, and she punched too, but the knife was always going. We got ourselves out and called for you.”

They questioned more of the firefighters, and those who could give statements on-scene gave matching statements. Only then did they approach the door. Before they had finished their ascent on the small stairs, the daughter opened the door. In hindsight, my brother would recognize that he and his partner had already concluded the adult children were in the wrong and let that slip into how they addressed her. Which is very likely why her response to them asking for her side was:

Daughter: “Before I give my statement, would you go back to the firemen and ask them if they’re really sure they want what they told you to be their official statement to you? And maybe remind them that, in this state, lying in an official statement to the police is a felony?”

Something in her delivery seemed to snap my brother from his prejudice, and he indulged the request. Since the paramedics moved the critical ones first, they were able to verify every statement they had already acquired, and while they clarified that they were guessing on a few of the smaller details, the statements were unchanged where it mattered. Then they returned to the daughter, who had since prepared her phone.

Daughter: “So for a little clarification: our dad is suffering from liver cancer. Since we can’t guarantee we’ll be home all the time, we set up nanny cams so that we can watch him while we’re out. They also record audio and let us talk to him.”

She then plays the video of the encounter with the firefighters and paramedics. Everything matches the statements, save for one critical omission; more on that in a bit. Once they get to the turning point, however…

Paramedic: “We’re going to transport your father to [Hospital #1].”

Daughter: “Absolutely not!”

Son: “Any other hospital!”

Paramedic: “He has to go to the nearest hospital per stroke prot—”

Son: “He did not have a stroke.”

Paramedic: “He’s exhibiting all the signs—”

Son: “The only ‘sign’ I see is his speech. I explained to you he had a stroke a couple of months ago and hasn’t yet regained full control of his speech. And I said he regresses to full stroke-speak when his ammonia levels spike. His face is less droopy than it’s been since his stroke, and every visible sign of a stroke can also be attributed to his ammonia levels spiking. Unless there is a sign that cannot be attributed to his cancer causing an ammonia spike, there’s no reason to call this a stroke.”

Paramedic: “His speech is reason enough. Now, he’s going to—”

Daughter: “—Still not [Hospital #1]. How about [Hospital #2]? That’s where you’d be taking him if we lived across the street.”

Paramedic: “Protocol dictates—”

Daughter: “He can’t go to [Hospital #1]! We’re currently suing them for medical malpractice and wrongful death! If their legal team has any brains, they’re going to tell you to take him someplace else! And if they don’t, I don’t like Dad’s odds of leaving alive. Literally anywhere else!”

Paramedic: “He has to go to the nearest hospital, whi—”

Son: “Okay, fine.” *He turns to the firefighters assisting with the lift.* “Guys, this is no longer a transport. This is a lift assist. You can put Dad on the bed, in a chair, or in my truck, but he’s not getting in your ambulance.”

Paramedic: “You need to back off and get out of the way! You can’t—”

Daughter: “—Actually, he can. The law says we can’t tell you where to send the ambulance, but it also says you can’t force him into an ambulance or force him to accept treatment. As his advocates, we’re telling you no.”

Paramedic: “You can only advocate for him if he’s unable to assist in his own care.”

Son: “Oh, really? So Dad has control?”

Remember that omission I mentioned? Well, from the moment they walked in the bedroom:

Father: “No… Please stop… Go away… Get your hands off me… Stop… Please stop…”

He went on constantly. Despite this, the paramedics continued treatment.

Son: “So, everything you’ve been doing has been illegal? Or are you saying he’s stable enough to advocate for himself now and you’re about to do something illegal?”

Daughter: “If Dad’s rational, he says no. If he’s not, we said no. Either way, you all need to f****** stop.”

At the moment, one of the firefighters laid hands on the son to knock him out of the way. That is when the fight broke out. Though the knives were right beside them, neither the son nor the daughter reached for them, or even seemed to acknowledge them; they fought bare-handed, even as more firefighters stormed to subdue them. Then out came the other paramedic who was holding a syringe. As my brother put it:

Brother: “I’m no paramedic, but I cannot think of any treatment for a stroke or cancer patient that involves holding a needle like Vincent Vega. And his fingers and palm may have covered most of the needle, but that plunger looked drawn.”

Only as this paramedic came running into the fray did the son draw a knife on them and proceed to slash and stab. At the first sign of the knife, the captain and those who were only slightly injured (read: those who gave a statement) turned and ran.

Once everyone else had been subdued, the daughter carried them out the front door while the son took their dad out the back door; my brother later confirmed the only vehicle in the driveway was an SUV, and concluded the son drove his father to the hospital himself in his aforementioned pickup truck while everyone was waiting for the police and more paramedics.

After getting a copy of the audio and video from the daughter, my brother called in the details. After confirming everything the daughter said on the legalities was correct, more officers were sent, and they formally arrested everyone who had already given a statement.

They also secured the rest, ensuring no one could inform them what had happened and what could happen. Nearly all of them wisely told the truth without coaxing (as far as we know, anyway); the exceptions were the firefighter who shoved the son and the paramedics.

The truth-tellers escaped discipline, with the department willing to call their actions “good faith.” Only those who lied lost their jobs and pensions and got blacklisted in exchange for not being charged with a felony.

The paramedics and firefighter who started and escalated this whole thing took their own deals, which only reduced their time served; they were still fired, still lost their pension, still blacklisted, and still convicted felons who have gone to prison. And the siblings avoided any trouble and got their father a payout from the city.


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The Wurst Bomb Scare

, , , , , , , | Legal | October 13, 2025

CONTENT WARNING: Dark Humor

 

This story isn’t mine, but I was close to it, and it even appeared on the (local) news.

We went to a costume party, and my not-clever roommate decided to go as a suicide bomber. He made a girdle of “dynamite sticks” of hot dogs, red paper, and wires to complete his costume. The costume really didn’t go down well with everyone, but we had a fun time anyway and got quite drunk. When we wobbled home, my friend decided to ditch his “bomb” in a bush in the local park.

He awoke the next morning and was very hungover. He realized that his phone must have gotten lost along with his “bomb”, so we went there to look. We found the “bomb” surrounded by the bomb squad, a bunch of police cars, and a confused crowd.

My friend quickly realized what had happened, elbowed his way to the front, and explained the situation. The bomb squad chewed him out for being stupid, insensitive, and leaving dangerous-looking things out in the open, but didn’t fine him or anything.

The cops did, however, tell him and me this: The “bomb” had been discovered early in the morning by someone walking their dog, a retired police dog. The dog had gotten crazy about the weird thing, and the human had made the reasonable assumption that it was something police dogs were trained to find. The police had gotten there with THEIR dogs, who also were weirdly obsessed with the “bomb”. When they saw the cell phone light up (when we called it early in the morning to find it), they drew the conclusion that the “bomb” would be triggered by an SMS or something, sealed off the area, and called in the bomb squad, who ALSO used dogs to confirm that it was something strange. They called in a robot to check closer – and that’s when we came by.

My friend had, by accident, made his “bomb” from the same brand of cheap hot dogs that all of these dogs were conditioned with, and so all pretence of professionalism had been vaporized in contact with the pile of Reward Sausage. And all the dogs got to chow down, after my friend removed the wires and made sure that there were no sharp bits left. They were, indeed, very excited to have done their job very well.