Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered
Stories about breaking the law!

I Guess It Really Is About Who You Know

, , , | Legal | November 11, 2021

Years ago, I worked at a gas station that was often frequented by police officers, to the extent that they pretty much knew me and had a positive opinion of me. One day, I was riding as a passenger in my dad’s pickup while Dad drove, and he got pulled over.

Officer: “License and registration, please.”

Dad: “Here you go.”

He handed them over.

Me: “Hi!”

Officer: “Oh, hi!”

He handed the paperwork back to Dad.

Officer: “You’re free to go.”

And he walked away back toward his cruiser.

Dad: “Wait!”

The officer returned.

Dad: “What was I pulled over for?”

Officer: “Oh, your license plate light is out. Be sure to get that fixed.”

We were left dumbfounded at the encounter.

True Crime And Truer Idiots

, , , , , | Legal | November 9, 2021

I’m waiting for some building materials to show up. People can’t always tell which house is mine so I’m waiting out the front. I’ve been there for quite a while when I spot a woman walking up the path in my direction. She goes from staring to seeming quite angry.

Woman: “What exactly are you doing? “

Me: “What exactly is it to do with you?”

She seems to be taken aback by this.

Woman: “People standing around on street corners have everything to do with me!”

Me: “Yeah, I don’t think so.”

She goes from angry to ballistic. She goes to swing her bag at me but it falls short. She half-screams, half-grunts at me.

She makes a lot of noise… and then the lorry turns up. I open up the gate and try to guide the guy to reverse in, but she jumps behind the lorry, blocking it.

Now the lorry is stuck, the road blocked, and traffic quickly backing up. The lorry driver tries to reason with her, but the beeping and shouting of drivers do nothing to help. Eventually, police are called, and after a few attempts, they manage to move her out of the way.

Policewoman: “What is this all about, then?”

Woman: *Gestures at me* “It’s his fault and the lorry driver’s.”

Policewoman: “They did what?”

Woman: “Well, I… Him. Him! He was looking into people’s homes, and then the lorry driver tried to run me over.”

Lorry Driver: “I’ve got cameras front and back. Nothing like that happened.”

Policewoman: “Come on and sit in the back of my car. We can talk down at the station.”

She seemed to settle, but then in a move that surprised everyone, she pulled away from the policewoman and lunged at me. Thankfully, the other officer managed to grab her before she could hurt anyone.

They called me a few days later and explained that if I didn’t want to press charges, nothing would happen. I asked what on earth happened. It turned out that the woman had gotten herself into a bit of a state of watching a lot of true-crime TV and not sleeping. She convinced herself that she was going to catch a criminal that day.

Please Hang Up And DO NOT Try Your Call Again

, , , , , , | Legal | November 7, 2021

This is in the early 2000s. My cell phone rings with an unfamiliar landline number.

Me: “Hello?”

Teenage Girl: “Who is this?”

I’ve had my share of prank calls and drama with exes spying on me through creative means. I know not to answer that.

Me: “Who are you looking for?”

Teenage Girl: “Again, who are you?

Me: “And once again, who are you looking for?”

Teenage Girl: “I found this number on a piece of paper in my house. Tell me who you are! Now!”

Me: *Deepening voice* “You dialed the wrong number!”

I give an evil vampire laugh and then hang up. I toss the phone on my couch and go back to playing my game. The phone rings again with the same number. I pick up again.

Teenage Boy: “Who the f*** is this?”

Me: *Deepened voice* “You tell me.”

Teenage Boy: “You want me to come kick your a**?”

I hear the girl in the background.

Teenage Girl: “Don’t threaten him! You have no idea who it is; he could be some sick serial killer!”

Teenage Boy: “S***! Okay, listen, I’m sorry—”

Me: *Sinister cackling* “Too late!” *Hangs up*

The phone rings again — same number. This is getting almost comical. I briefly debate letting it go to voicemail, but then I remember that I state my first and last name in the voicemail greeting. This time, I pick up and push the “End” button to immediately hang up. This happens three consecutive times before I decide to answer again.

Me: *Deep voice* “And who is annoying me this time?”

Middle-Aged Woman: “Excuse me, who is this?”

Me: “Jack the Ripper. Would you like to order a hit? I accept vehicle titles, property deeds, and written wills.”

Middle-Aged Woman: *Slight pause* “You’re going to jail! Why are you harassing and threatening my children? You want a nine-millimeter in your head? We got plenty of guns here!”

Me: “To my recollection, I’m the only person who is literally receiving harassing and threatening phone calls from you, my lady. Of course, if you would care to feel safer, you should consider hanging up and not dialing this number ever again.”

Middle-Aged Woman: “WHO ARE YOU?”

Me: “Who are you?”

Middle-Aged Woman: “WHO ARE YOU?”

Me: “Who are you?”

Middle-Aged Woman: “WHO ARE YOU?”

Me: “Who are you?”

Middle-Aged Woman: “You’re in deep! Hope you like jail!”

Me: “I’m shaking in my boots.” *Hangs up*

Thirty minutes later, the phone rings again with a different, unfamiliar number.

Officer: “Good afternoon, this is [Officer] with [City] Police. I received a complaint that you’ve been making threatening phone calls to a family—”

Me: “Officer, I will gladly run over to my cell phone provider right now and have them fax your precinct my cell phone records, which will show that not one single call from my number was placed to those bozos, and every single call was from their number to mine. If they feel any discomfort, they can feel free to stop calling me as, more than likely, they dialed the wrong number.”

The officer asked for my side of the story, I gave it, and she gave a relieved laugh and let me know she’d inform them of what was going on.

I never heard back from them again.

You’re Not Buying Your Items, We’re Not Buying Your Excuses

, , , , | Legal | November 5, 2021

A couple comes to my register with their cart and begins unloading on the belt. I scan everything and total their purchase. The entire time, they are glancing at each other and then at the door. I have a weird feeling about them but say nothing.

Me: “Okay, your total is [amount].”

Husband: “Okay, thanks.”

He starts walking away with the cart.

Me: “I’m sorry, we have to finish the transaction before you can leave. But we’re almost done!”

Woman: “Excuse me? Are you serious?”

Me: “If you’ll just slide your card, I’ll get your receipt and you can be on your way.”

They exchange a look.

Man: “You’re a b****.”

The man takes the cart and walks off. The woman looks at me with a smug expression as her husband breezes past the door greeter. The greeter grabs his walkie and says something but the man keeps walking.

Woman: “Now what?”

Me: “Now that.”

I point to the door her husband just walked through to show him being escorted back into the store by a police officer. I knew he was there because we just caught someone else stealing not too long ago.

Cop: “This gentleman seems to have lost his receipt.”

Woman: “We weren’t stealing!”

Cop: “Well, you weren’t paying, either.”

Woman: “I’ll have you both fired.”

Cop: “Okay, ma’am. How about you pay so we can go on with our days? You can get us fired later.”

The woman slammed cash on the counter. I handed the receipt over and smiled. The cop walked them back out of the store. She did call corporate and complain that I had allowed her to walk out, knowing she hadn’t paid, because she was going to give me cash directly. Nobody bought it.

This Trip To The Garage Is Going To Cost You. A Lot.

, , , , | Legal | November 3, 2021

I’m working in a garage. I’m finding it really difficult to learn and fit in. I’m finding myself walking on eggshells already when this customer walks in.

Customer: “Hey! Can you look at my car?”

I’m clearly busy; I’m under a car struggling to loosen a bolt.

Me: “Yeah, give me a minute.”

I struggle some more and finally get it loose. Before I can even move:

Customer: “Come on, mate! I need to get to work!”

Me: “Yeah? And it’s just me here, you didn’t call ahead, and you can see the yard is full. I’m clearly busy.”

The man starts to get in my face.

Customer: “You need to watch your mouth.”

I’m not a big guy, but I am still carrying the massive wrench.

Me: “Or what?”

Customer: “Just look at my car, will you?!”

The car looks a mess at the front, bracket, bumper, and light, scuffs down the side, and the wheel looks bent in.

Me: “What is this, your getaway car?”

Customer: “Err, no, just had an accident, that’s all.”

Me: “All right, leave it there. I will get someone to call with a price.”

Thankfully, he left. I fully intended to just not look at the car and give it to one of the other guys. But all my jobs took less time than I thought, so I gave it a look over.

Clearly, the car had been driven hard. The tyres were balding, there was damage all over, the seat belts were ripped, and it was filthy inside. I turned a blind eye to the small packet of white powder, but then I noticed the orange cap of a used needle.

Nope, they don’t pay me enough. I shut the door and called the police. They turned up pretty quickly and took the car. They didn’t confirm, but I got the idea that they had been looking for this car.

My boss gave me an earful as “some of the customers don’t appreciate when cars get taken away by the police.” I told him exactly what he and his customers could do and quit there and then.

Apparently, the garage had more of a reputation than I realised; I found a job at another garage who told me that the place was well known in the trade and, up until recently, would have police presence every month.