I am getting gas. I am filling the tank and suddenly the local Sheriff’s office raids the gas station office! Half a dozen cop cars show up, block the exits, the whole nine yards!
I had to talk to a few officers to get my change back after the fill-up, so I was able to ask:
Me: “What are you all here for?”
Officer: “We’re busting the owner for selling fake pee for drug tests.”
I live in a fairly small coastal town where not much usually happens, but this week, we made county-wide news with a case of attempted grand theft. The story has to be one of the best examples of “the more you read, the worse it gets” that I have ever heard.
Our most posh neighborhood consists of a lot of mansions on the water. Apparently, the suspect tried to steal an extremely expensive kayak from the dock in the backyard of one of these mansions… in broad daylight… by paddling away in the kayak!
But it gets better. What makes this neighborhood so expensive is not just that it’s on the water, but also that through some clever engineering, the waterways there are not subject to the coastal tides, so the rich people can enjoy their boats and docks twenty-four-seven.
How did they achieve this? By closing off the waterways with locks! So, all the police had to do was to wait for the thief, furiously paddling in his getaway kayak, to get to the lock and then sit there — for five full minutes — waiting for the gates to open.
Needless to say, the suspect was arrested, and the posh kayaks are safe in their docks once again.
I am in court waiting for a trial for my son’s attacker. A couple is being tried for leaving their baby in a car while they shopped. The couple is using a translator.
Judge: “Why did you leave the baby in the car?”
The translator has a short conversation with the couple. He has to directly translate what he’s told.
Translator: “It was a hot day, and we didn’t want to take the baby out in the heat.”
Judge: “I can see that it was hot. It says here that it was 42 degrees (Celsius), but a car gets much hotter than that. It’s not safe for anyone, let alone a baby, to be left in a car in that heat.”
Translator: “We had the air conditioner turned on.”
Judge: “What? The air conditioner was turned on? So that means the car was running? Where were the keys?”
Translator: *Looking shocked* “In the ignition.”
Judge: *Raising her voice with anger* “You left a two-month-old baby in an unlocked, running car while you went shopping?”
Translator: “We were only going to be ten minutes.”
Judge: “I don’t care if you were only going to be gone for ten minutes. You’re very lucky that the person who found your child was not a car thief or worse. Your car and baby could have been gone by the time you got to the shop door.”
She calms herself down before reading the sentence. Luckily for them, it’s a fine and a good behaviour bond.
Judge: “Before I conclude this case, I want to make it very clear to you that you will never, ever leave any children in a car again. Do you swear to this court that you will never do it again?”
The couple agree. As the judge ends the trial, she adds:
Judge: “If you do, I will personally throw away the key to your cell.”
In Alaska, getting rid of nonfunctional cars through legal means tends to be pretty expensive because they usually need to be shipped “down south” for disposal. Consequently, it’s very common practice for people to abandon their derelict vehicles in whatever parking lot, bike lane, or piece of private property (rarely their own) they find most convenient. It is also common practice for these abandoned vehicles to remain in place for months at a time despite complaints, supposedly because the tow yards and police impound lots are full of other derelict, abandoned vehicles.
In January, two abandoned Subarus, complete with missing wheels and smashed windows, appeared in the parking lot of the local Little League baseball field, in clear view of a major road. Every day, I passed these cars while walking my dog and while driving to work. Around mid-April, the cars still had not been removed despite their obvious abandonment.
One evening, I took my dog out for a walk around 10:00 pm after a very long day at work. While passing by the Little League parking lot, I noticed a pristine black SUV parked next to one of the abandoned Subarus. A man appeared to be loading a box of something into the back of the SUV, and he gave me a good thirty-second death glare as I walked past on the sidewalk on the far side of the parking lot from him. He slammed down the trunk door, jumped into his car, and then blasted out of the parking lot so fast he skidded in the snow.
After getting home, I filed an anonymous tip to the cops that I thought the abandoned cars were being used as a drug drop.
Both cars were gone from the parking lot by noon the next day.
I’m selling my old car online. It’s in pretty great shape, so I list it for $10,000 — just a little under its Kelly Blue Book value. One buyer contacts me about the car, and we schedule a meetup so I can show it to him in person. Three days later, he arrives and I show him the car. He looks over it thoroughly and then looks at me.
Buyer: “You take $3,000.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Buyer: “You hear me. You take $3,000.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but I did state in the email and the listing that the price was firm at $10,000.”
Buyer: “You do not get $10,000. You take $3,000.”
Me: “Again, the price is not up for negotiation.”
Buyer: “You take $3,000.”
Me: “Then I’m afraid we’re not going to come to a deal. It’s either $10,000 or no deal.”
Buyer: “No, you do not get $10,000. You take $3,000!”
Me: “Okay, I’m going to have to ask you to leave now. I’ve said many times that my price is firm at $10,000. I am not going to be selling this car for $3,000.”
Buyer: “You do not get $10,000! You take $3,000! I drive fifty mile to look at your car! I do not leave without it! You take $3,000!“
Me: “No, I am not taking $3,000 for it. And as of right now, you are trespassing on my property. If you’re not out of here in sixty seconds, I’m going to be calling the cops.”
Buyer: “YOU TAKE $3,000!”
Me: “No. Leave my property. Now.”
Buyer: “FINE! I MAKE YOU TAKE $3,000!”
He then picks up a rock and throws it at my car, shattering the windshield and causing damage to the dashboard.
Buyer: “NOW YOU TAKE $3,000!”
I pull out my phone and call the police as he continues to scream, “YOU TAKE $3,000!” at me like a broken record.
Two officers arrive a few minutes later, and I explain to them that the buyer is refusing to leave after I asked him to and that he damaged the car. One officer turns to the buyer and is barely able to speak to him before he screams at the officer.
Buyer: “HE DO NOT TAKE $3,000! ARREST HIM!”
The first officer tried to calm the buyer down, but the buyer charged the officer, who then grappled and handcuffed him. Meanwhile, I showed the second officer footage from my security system, clearly showing the buyer throwing the rock at my car, and informed him that I wanted to press charges against the buyer.
Ultimately, the buyer was sentenced to probation, and he also had to pay me damages and restitution for repairs. The replacement windshield and dashboard came to a little over $3,000 after labor, so in a sense, yes, I did “take $3,000” that he wanted me to take — not the way he wanted me to take it, though, plus he had to pay additional damages on top of that. After I fixed my old car, I did eventually sell it to one of my friends, who lost his car when a drunken driver crashed into it.
