Stories about breaking the law!

End Call, THEN Gloat

, , , | Legal | March 25, 2021

I work for the customer service department of a big Dutch webshop. I have an irate customer who keeps on screaming their new Xbox 360 hasn’t arrived. Track and Trace says it was delivered, but the customer insists it was not.

When something that big goes missing, we need to inform the Losses Department, who will contact the carrier and will investigate the issue. I inform the client that I will be doing that and they’ll hear about it in the coming five days.

Most of the time, packages just show up and it was a faulty registration. Anyway, it’s the end of my workday, so I sign off and go home. On my way out, I pass a colleague who has an irate customer. When he confirms the address, I realize he’s talking to my customer.

Since I know this will be his last call, as well, I decide to wait for him so we can complain about customers together. He finishes the call and waits for the client to hang up; we are only allowed to hang up if people forget to do so. He uses this time to add to the case.

Suddenly, my coworker grabs his headphones. His eyes widen. His mouth falls open. Then, I see the line disconnecting. 

Me: “Are you okay?”

Coworker: “They… Oh, my gosh…”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “They thought they had hung up already! Oh, my gosh… You’ll never guess what I heard!”

Me: *Curious* “What?”

Coworker: “’There! Now we’ll have a free Xbox for sure!’”

Guess which RECORDED call was passed through to the Fraud Department? And guess which delivery address was banned forever, alongside the customer’s account?


This story is part of our Best Of March 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of March 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of March 2021 roundup!

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Thanks For The Heart Attack, Officer

, , | Legal | March 23, 2021

I am in the movie theater when I get a call, and since I can’t pick up, it goes to voicemail. After the movie, I listen to the message.

Police Officer: “Hi, Mr. [My Name]. I am calling you about an incident with a car with the license plate [Mom’s license plate]. You are listed as secondary contact. Please call me immediately on [number] and ask for [Police Officer].”

At first, I think it is a joke, but I can’t get a hold of my mom, or my sister who is with her, so I call the number. I get a message saying that the police department is closed and to call the emergency services.

I freak out even more and call the emergency services number, and because I am in a different city from the officer that called me, I get transferred three times before I get a hold of him.

Me: “You called about an incident about a car with the license plate [Mom’s license plate].”

Police Officer: “Yes. It was just to let you know that we did a patrol on the carpool parking where your car is parked, and it’s just to let you know that you didn’t lock the doors.”

Me: “Okay, I will try to contact someone to sort that out. But just a small suggestion: next time lead with, ‘The doors are unlocked.’ Don’t leave a message about ‘an incident with the car, call back immediately.’ I have been worried sick about my mom and sister for the last half-hour.”

It turned out that my mom’s key fob wasn’t working anymore and she thought she had locked the car. My boyfriend said he’d never seen the color drain from a face as fast as when I was listening to that voicemail.

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The Wheels On The Bus Go Brrrrrrr

, , , , | Legal | March 21, 2021

At the time of this story, the public transit tickets in my city were low-tech cardboard rectangles, with printed serial numbers as their only security device. At work, we’d occasionally joke about how easy it would be to counterfeit the tickets. I never took it seriously; it cost around $80 per month to commute to work on the bus while our company gave us $400 per month, tax-free, to cover downtown parking.

But one of my coworkers always seemed to bring up the subject of fake tickets. Although he had the reputation of being a man who always looked for an edge, no one believed he’d be that cheap.

Then, one fateful Tuesday, the coworker came in three hours late. He just said “something” had happened on his bus and he didn’t want to talk about it. Then, in the late afternoon, he was called into the manager’s office, and twenty minutes later, he was marched out the door with his personal effects.

It turned out he had done more than just talk about counterfeiting tickets. On that day, the transit police had arrested him as he was about to drop a phony ticket into the bin. His downfall was that he had only copied one ticket over and over so the five he had in his wallet were the same — and identical to several dozen that they had accumulated over a few months. He faced a misdemeanor and a hefty fine.

And, of course, he’d used our company’s high-quality color printers to make them. As luck would have it, we’d had an IT audit the night before. It seemed our printers kept digital records of what was printed and who printed them, and his ID came up associated with the images he’s been forging.

To save less than $1000 per year, he risked and lost a six-figure salary. Talk about instant Karma.

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That’s The Trouble With Scammers; They Never Think Things Through

, , , , | Legal | March 19, 2021

Recently, we have been receiving a bunch of scam calls at my work. I knew it was only a matter of time before I got one. We are on the opposite side of the country from the headquarters, and they are three hours later than us. Also, they are never in the building on weekends. This call takes place on a Sunday evening.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Scammer: “I need to talk to a manager.”

Me: “I’m the supervisor on duty. How can I help you?”

Scammer: “This is [Scammer] from corporate. We are seeing a high number of gift card sales just going through your Point-Of-Sale system. We believe you have been infected with malware.”

Me: “Sorry, but I know you’re not from corporate. You’re gonna have to try again later. Good effort, though.”

I think I was mostly baffled that they thought somebody would believe there was anybody in our corporate office at 11:00 pm on a Sunday!

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They May Take Our Time, But They Will Never Take OUR FREEDOM!

, , , , , , | Legal | March 17, 2021

I keep an old pay-as-you-go mobile phone at home which I use to maintain a social media tool and for banking, because my bank, like most, sells telephone numbers to marketing lists for profit because they’re scum. Nobody that I care for uses that number, so I know that whenever it rings, the caller is a salesperson or a scammer.

My phone rings and, out of boredom, I pick up and answer in a very frail, old person’s voice.

Me: “Helloooooo… [Fake First and Surname] speaking.”

Scammer: “Good day, Mr. [Fake Surname], this is John Smith from the Internal Revenue Service. Were you aware that you have a significant amount of unpaid taxes?”

Me: “Pardon me… Who did you want to talk to? I’m not sure that they’re here.”

Scammer: “I wanted to talk to you, Mr. [Fake Surname], about your unpaid taxes. Now, really, sir, you need to sort this out or you could go to prison! You’re in very serious trouble.”

Me: “Oh, no, no… There’s—” *shifty voice* “—no Mr. [Fake Surname] here. You must have the wrong number.”

Scammer: “Sir, you answered the phone with your name. This is childish; you are definitely you. Now, this is a serious matter and you need to address it.”

Me: *In a harsh voice* “Well, you got me, you b*****d. You found me out! Well, you’ll never take me alive! COME GET ME, YOU PIGS! COME GET ME! FREEDOM! FREEDOM! FREEEEEEEEEEEEEDOMMMMM!”

Scammer: “Sir, sir, stop shouting at me! We’re coming to get you! You’re going to jail! This call is being recorded and will be used as evidence against you! NOW, BEHAVE AND SETTLE YOUR ACCOUNTS, OR ELSE!”

Me: “I’m armed! I AM ARMED AND DANGEROUS! YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!”

This goes on for a while until, finally, the scammer hangs up. With a raw throat, I put down the phone with a happy sigh, only to hear a wheezing noise behind me.

Wife: “What the actual f*** was that about?”

The scammer never called back. Not that it matters. I’m not allowed to answer the phone anymore.


This story is part of our Best Of March 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of March 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of March 2021 roundup!

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