Getting Their Guitar Strings Crossed

, , , , , , | Legal | December 6, 2019

My father told me this story from when he worked in a pawnshop in the 1980s.

The pawnshop specialises in musical instruments and equipment and is the largest second-hand dealer of those goods in the city. One day, a friend of Dad’s wants to pawn a 1970s Ibanez Les Paul-type guitar with a sunburst finish. It doesn’t have a serial number — not unusual for Ibanez at the time — but it has some identifying marks: belt buckle scratches on the back and a small Brazilian flag sticker on the back of the neck. The deal is made and his friend walks away with the money.

As the months go on, Dad’s friend doesn’t come back for the guitar, so Dad calls up and tells him that it will have to go to auction. It fails to meet the reserve price at auction, so Dad calls him up again and says it will go on the shop floor for sale but that if he wants it back he can come in and pay for it — at a discount — before it’s sold.

One day, a man walks in and sees the guitar on display. The man claims it is his and describes it to dad in detail — the scratches, the sticker — without touching it. Dad calls the police and a detective from the theft division is sent out. The guitar is taken as evidence and Dad’s friend is subsequently charged with dealing in stolen goods.

Some months later, another man walks in wanting to sell a guitar. It is a 1970s Ibanez Les Paul-type guitar with a sunburst finish, belt buckle wear on the back, a Brazilian flag sticker on the back of the headstock, and with the same case and accessories as the other guitar.

Dad stalls the second man and is able to convince him to get a coffee across the street while they do additional ID checks. Then, he calls the police and speaks to the detective, who confirms that the original guitar is still in evidence.

The detective comes to the shop with the original guitar. It is confirmed that there are two nearly identical guitars.

Then, the customer who claimed the original guitar was his walks in!

Dad suggests to the detective that the customer plays both guitars and tells them which is actually his. The customer confirms that the second guitar is his, because he had adjusted the string height to be lower than the other guitar.

The man trying to sell the second guitar is charged and Dad’s friend is cleared.

We’re not sure why the two guitars were identical, but we suspect that there was one owner who bought them new and sold them separately. This would explain the similar belt buckle scratches and the Brazilian flag stickers.

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They Ended Up Spending Quality Time Together After All

, , , , , , | Legal | December 4, 2019

(I am picking up some stuff for Christmas dinner with my family, looking like a cross between a college student and hipster, when a rather rude man approaches me.)

Rude Man: “Hey, hot momma, where you been hiding?”

Me: *instantly on guard* “Nowhere that concerns you. Excuse me, please.”

Rude Man: *doing his best to block my exit* “Where you think you’re going? Here I am being a nice guy, and you just blow me off!”

Me: “I apologize; I am in a bit of a hurry and not feeling up to chatting with a strange man at the store. I need to get past you so I can check out and get home to my family. Please step aside, now.”

(I admit, the word “now” came out with more force than I intended. The man is over a foot taller than me, blocking me into a very small space, and causing me to feel very crowded. I have PTSD from some pretty nasty events I have experienced at work, and I dislike being blocked off, so my “work” personality is creeping out. As a brief backstory, I work in a maximum-security prison, but I do not look like it in any way when I am not at work. I purposely make sure I look feminine and am friendly when off-the-clock as it takes a toll to always be the tough guy. Unfortunately, that, coupled with the fact I look barely 18, makes me be underestimated by basically everyone. At this point, the man starts to puff up; he shifts his stance to be more aggressive and “intimidating.”)

Rude Man: *while leaning towards me* “You need to change your tone, little lady, or a man might have to step up and change it for you.”

Me: *internally sighing from frustration* “Bigger and scarier men than you have tried; you are not even phasing me at this point. Step aside, and let me get home to my family. I am not about to deal with this nonsense when I am off the clock.”

Rude Man: *clenching his fists and acting like he is about to either grab at me or swing* “I am not done talking to you yet!”

(He started to raise his voice and started swearing at me and threatening me. This allowed the clerk at the register nearby to realize that there was a person being blocked by this troll, and he and another male employee came over and helped to defuse the situation, allowing me to get to the register and out of the store. I promptly forgot about this man shortly after regaling my family with the story while popping some popcorn for our movie bash that night. What brings me to write this story now is that a few hours ago, I was processing some new intakes from our diagnostic facility and came across one with a 15- to 50-year sentence, recently convicted, and already with a staff-assault under his belt and pending in the court system, that looked oddly familiar. When I collected him from intake to restrain and escort him to our segregation unit, he got a deer-in-headlights look before saying, “S***, I f***** up now.” It was the guy from the store, and turns out he has a few assault charges now.)

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We Knew The Pacific Coast Highway Was A Scam!

, , , , , | Legal | December 2, 2019

(A work friend of mine is hacked on a social networking site, leading me to get a text from someone claiming to be him. I know immediately it isn’t him and I decide to have some fun. This is the exchange verbatim, grammatical errors and all:)

Faux Friend: “Hello How are you doing?”

Me: “I’m good, thanks. How about you?”

Faux Friend: “Good, Well Life Is Treating Me Good And God Has Blessed Me Through (PCH) , I Don’t Know If You Have Heard About Them?”

Me: “Pacific Coast Highway? I used to drive it all the time, back in the day.”

Faux Friend: “I Meant The Cash Donated To Randomly Selected People By The Publishers Clearing House(PCH) to Help and Support People Financially…You’ve Not Gotten Yours?”

Me: “You’re talking about the Illuminati, aren’t you?”

Faux Friend: “OMG. I Got $300,000 Cash From Them! But I Saw Your Name Entitled To The Cash Bonus When Mine Was Delivered To My Doorstep…And I Thought You Would Have Gotten Yours. Am Serious About This And It’s a Life Time Opportunity. Do You Know How To Contact The Claiming Agent To Find More About What Am Actually Talking About?”

Me: “I’ve told you before, I want nothing to do with them! They ruined my math teacher’s life! You should stay away from them! You don’t know what they’ll expect you to do for that money!”

Faux Friend: “This is real and legitimate I was only asked to pay for certificate fee which is $300 And I was delivered in 2 hours.”

Me: “It’s not about some measly $3,000 fee. It’s about what comes next. Have you sworn the oath already?”

Faux Friend: “And also there are a lot of scams am sure that’s why your teacher was scammed But PCH program is real and legitimate, more so I got my money delivered to my Doorstep”

Me: “You think the Illuminati is nothing but a scam? They’re the ones who murdered Vince Vaughn, not Hillary Clinton!”

Faux Friend: “I dont know about the illuminati program but, I will share you the direct PCH manager link so you can claim your winning money asap.. Thank me later you will never regret because asap you got your money you can also tell you Teacher about it…”

Me: “You need to give back that money before it’s too late.”

Faux Friend: “The money is mine [My Name] and not fake I can never pull your leg trust Me apply for it and thank God through me.”

Me: “I KNOW IT’S REAL MONEY!”

Faux Friend: “So you should not doubt me, I will share you now And also the federal government is aware of this and you will see the PCH is 100% real and is not a gimmick.”

Me: “Look, you probably have some time, a grace period. Come over; I’ll call Henry. He can get you someplace safe. Leave the money!”

Faux Friend: “[LINK TO “PCH”]”

Me: Why couldn’t you just have joined the Scientologists, if you needed money so bad?”

Faux Friend: “Text them now that you are ready to claim your winning money.”

Me: “I’ll text saying you want out. Leave the money on the doorstep. And stay away from the windows!”

Faux Friend: “Just text them now and let me know how it goes… I want to hear the good news from you.”

Me: “I can’t. I’m calling your mother.”

(I never heard from him again. BTW, I deliberately changed his $300 to $3,000 because I wanted to keep him around. The thing about Hillary Clinton murdering Vince Vaughn came from I guy I met on a bus in 2009, who assured me he knew many things about her. I was disappointed not to be able to throw him off his game.)

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Say My Name, Say My Name

, , , | Legal | November 30, 2019

(We get a few computer scammers, but my husband usually answers. Today, I get the scammer.)

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: *starts a spiel about how our computer came up in a report for infected computers*

Me: “Really? That’s amazing that you can do that.” *shooing my son away to concentrate on the call*

Scammer: “Ma’am, I need you to open [program].” *call quality is spotty*

Me: “Hold on, I’ll try to get that up.” *aside to son* “Not now, just a minute!”

Scammer: “Ma’am, are you playing with your child? You really need to pay attention, because your computer is at risk.”

Me: “Okay, no. This is not serious, you are trying a scam on me. The program you want me to pull will show me errors you say are viruses.”

Scammer: “No, no. We have a report that your machine is sending out viruses to others—”

Me: “Okay, what’s my computer name?”

Scammer: “What?”

Me: “What’s my computer name? If you are getting reports and can trace it back to me, you obviously have some identifying information. So I assume you know my computer name.”

Scammer: “Look, ma’am, you need to take this seriously. This puts computers at risk—”

Me: “Why, so you can access my files remotely? Tell me my computer name, and we’ll do business.”

Scammer: “This is serious security!”

Me: “What is my computer name?”

Scammer: *click*

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Getting Some Good Reception

, , , | Legal | November 27, 2019

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business]; this is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?”

Scammer: *heavy accent* “Hello. May I please speak to [CEO]?”

(The caller uses the CEO’s full name, which she never goes by. The CEO refuses all calls that come in through the main number.)

Me: “I’m sorry, she’s unavailable at the moment. May I please take a message?”

Scammer: “Yes, this is in regards to your office space.” *launches into a spiel that, even if legit, would not apply to us*

Me: “Sorry to interrupt, but we are not interested; please take us off your list.”

(I hang up before he can reply. A few minutes later, he calls back.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business]; this is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?”

Scammer: “That was very rude. Put me through to [CEO].”

Me: “No.”

Scammer: *long pause* “What? You… you have to. You’re just the receptionist.”

Me: “I’m not going to.”

Scammer: *curses and hangs up*

(A few more minutes pass and he calls several times, but always hangs up when he gets me. I am the only one who answers the main line. Eventually…)

Scammer: “I’m going to tell [CEO] that you would not transfer me.”

Me: “All right.”

Scammer: “I’m going to get you fired. You’re just the receptionist. You have to transfer my calls.”

Me: “Okay, go right ahead.”

Scammer: “I’m very powerful; you’re just a receptionist.”

Me: “Okay.”

Scammer: “I know where you work.”

Me: “I know where I work, too?”

Scammer: *curses some more and hangs up*

(That was six months ago. He’s never called again and so far I haven’t been assaulted at my office!)

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