Fraud, Sew It Seems

, , , | | Legal | June 7, 2018

(A manager from another store has called us to arrange a transfer of some sewing machines. She said the customer needs them urgently and that she would come over to pick them up in the afternoon. We also have a visit from our national manager around the same time. He sees the transfers waiting for collection.)

National Manager: “I’m going to [Store location] in the morning. I could take those with me now.”

Me: “[Manager] is on her way to collect them now. She has customers waiting for them this afternoon.”

(Oddly, the manager arrives close to closing time to pick them up. The next morning I get a phone call from the national manager, asking if the machines had been picked up.)

Me: “Yes, late yesterday, just before we closed. I had her sign our copy of the transfer.”

National Manager: “You’re sure about that?”

Me: “Yes.”

National Manager: “Okay, thanks. I’ll have to get back to you.”

(Later I find out that the national manager had noticed that there were no machines at the other store and that none had been sold. He asked the other manager, who denied that she had picked them up. She didn’t know that he had remote access to our CCTV and it clearly showed her collecting the machines. They discovered that she had done this for other transfers at different stores as well. She would wait a few weeks and call to say the items hadn’t arrived and then have the transfer cancelled. And she had swapped the signed copy for her unsigned copy when I was helping her carry the machines out. Thank goodness for cameras; otherwise it might have been me charged with theft.)

Their Misinformation Campaign Is Under Attax

, , , | | Legal | June 6, 2018

(The phone rings.)

Caller: *thick Indian accent* “Hello! Is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Speaking.”

Caller: “Good evening, ma’am, I am Agent Jim Smith with the IRS and I need to talk to you about a tax judgment that has been made against you.”

Me: “I’m a veteran. I don’t pay taxes.”

Caller: “And you owe… What? You don’t pay taxes?”

Me: “In the US, veterans don’t pay taxes.”

(Normally I just hang up on these guys, but tonight I was in the mood to mess with their crooked little brains. Let’s see if my misinformation campaign keeps them from calling me back.)

Social Insecurity Number

, , , , , | | Legal | June 5, 2018

(I am a new hire at a popular clothing retailer, but I pick everything up rather quickly. The process for looking up a customer’s [Store] credit card is much like every other store that has a credit card — I require the driver’s license, and the customer inputs their own Social Security number. The following occurs when I am looking up a customer’s account because she forgot her card.)

Customer: “You know, someday they’ll find out this is illegal.”

(I stare at her blankly a moment, not knowing who “they” are or, to be honest, what “this” is. I worry she’s about to accuse me of being a criminal.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Someday they’ll find out it’s illegal for you to ask all this information.”

Me: “Well… I never see your SSN, ma’am, nor do I input any of your info. I just—”

Customer: “Well, someday! It’s totally illegal, asking for such personal info. Someone will end up causing you legal trouble, and it’ll all blow up in your face.”

Me: “Well… this is how every credit card account is looked up, you know. Even [Popular Nationwide Grocer/Retailer] does this, not just us—”

Customer: “Oh, I know! But there’ll be a class-action lawsuit someday! You’ll see!”

(The thing that baffles me the most is that to sign up for the card alone, she would need to give me the ID, the SSN, and additionally her phone number, street address, full name, and yearly income. How she didn’t see the irony is beyond me.)

No Red Alerts For This Red Light

, , , , , | | Legal | June 4, 2018

(I pull up to a red light next to a police officer.)

Officer: “You want to race to the next light?”

Me: *surprised* “Sure!”

(I won! No, I didn’t get pulled over; we were both on bicycles. Possibly the first and only time a police officer has challenged someone to a road race.)

You’re A Dog, You Like Socks, And Paying Off Your Student Loans

, , , , | | Legal | June 3, 2018

(I am sitting at home, enjoying my day off when an out of state area code phone number calls my home phone. Upon answering, I am greeted with an automated greeting letting me know that this is “Amanda” and that my student loans are in danger of going into default even though they have been cleared for years now. Knowing it’s a scam, I pull up my music library on my cell phone and pick a song to play by the comedy metal band “Psychostick.” I press the number for a “representative” and wait for them to answer.)

Telescammer: *in obvious non-English accent* “Hello, this is [Bogus Student Loan Office]; my name is Mary. May I have your—”

Psychostick: “I’m a dog and I like socks! I like socks! I’m a dog! I’m a dog and I like socks! I like socks! I’m a dog! GIMME THAT SOCK! OM NOM NOM! GIMME THAT—”

Telescammer: *click*

(Haven’t heard from them since.)

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