Stories about breaking the law!

What A Doggone Fool

, , , , , | Legal | April 11, 2021

I am walking my family’s two dogs a little later than usual, when the streets are busier and more people and animals are around. One of the dogs spots people walking their dog and starts barking her little head off, so I do my best to pull her and our other dog away without causing issues for the other dog walkers. Just as we put more distance between the other dog and us:

Man: “HEY! LADY! EXCUSE ME!”

I turn around and there is an elderly man approaching me, spitting mad.

Man: “How dare you let your dogs go crazy like this?! If you cannot keep them controlled, you should keep them muzzled since they’re clearly aggressive!”

One of the dogs has been calmly sniffing trees around us and the other one is eyeing the man distrustfully and lightly growling since she dislikes raised voices.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t see the other dog as we were turning a corner, and I did my best to control the situation—”

Man: “I don’t care! Your dogs are a danger and you’re an awful dog owner! I’ll call the police on you!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry—”

Passerby: “Hey, man, leave the girl alone! It’s not a big deal, and you’re causing more chaos at this point.”

Man: “NO! She needs to be punished! I’ll call the police on her! She’s disturbing the peace!”

This goes on for a few minutes before I get fed up, apologise to him again, and turn away to continue walking the dogs, with him shouting after me about how he’ll call the police on me for having aggressive dogs, But I think nothing of it, because hey, what police officer would go out because a dog barked at another dog?

Later, as I go around the block and start heading home, I see a police car pull up behind me and two officers get out. Surprised, I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

Me: “Oh, don’t tell me he actually called the police on me!”

Police Officer #1: “We got a report about aggressive dogs in the area. Do you know anything about that?”

I recount the story as best as I can, starting to shake a bit from anxiety over this. While I’m telling the story, one of the dogs is gladly taking the chance to lay down and the other is making friends with the officers and getting petted by one of them.

Police Officer #2: “Well, clearly, this was a pointless call, as your dogs are clearly friendly and not aggressive at all.”

They gesture to the dog who’s basking in their colleague’s attention.

Police Officer #2: “Carry on, miss, and have a good day!”

Me: “Thank you! You, too, and I’m sorry for the trouble!”

Shaken, I returned home and told my mum about what happened. She was understandably upset, and my dad helped me walk the dogs the next few days, just in case the crazy old man came back again. The kicker? I remembered seeing the man before that day when I was retelling the story to my mum; he had come up to me to ask for directions a few weeks before and had even admired how well-behaved the dogs were, petting the very same dog he deemed “aggressive and dangerous”! Thankfully, I haven’t seen him since then, but I do hope he’s nicer now.

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A Terrifying Kind Of Stupid

, , , , , | Legal | April 9, 2021

Working for a criminal defense attorney, I meet all kinds of people and hear all kinds of stories. Most of our clients are very nice people, in spite of the trouble they’re in. One, however, really stands out.

She was on at least her second or third DUI and just couldn’t understand why the police and the courts made such a big deal out of it. She insisted that “everyone” drinks and drives and she was sure I could not name a single person who had not done so.

But the clincher was when she told me that drinking and driving couldn’t possibly be illegal because, after all, bars have parking lots! I thought that was the punch line to a joke, but she was dead serious.

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Good Thing You’ve Got No Skeletons In Your Closet

, , , , , , | Legal | April 5, 2021

At around 0430 one morning, I woke up because I thought I heard someone knocking on my front door. I waited a few moments, and as there was no further noise, I decided that I must have been dreaming.

However, when I got up about an hour later, I found a card through my door which claimed to be from the police, asking me to contact the station immediately but with no explanation about why.

I phoned the number given on the card, but the operator on the police system had no details about why it had been left and could only make a note that I had called. In the absence of any further information, I decided to shower and get ready for work, so obviously, that was when they called back with an utterly bizarre story.

They had received a report from a mental health charity that someone had phoned them who seemed very unstable and implied that they were going to harm themselves and had already hurt someone else. All the charity’s rep could get out of them was a first name, house number, and postcode. They passed this information to the police and, through some sort of cosmic fluke, the postcode and house number lined up with my address.

The police were pretty sure it was a hoax — hence I didn’t get my door broken down — but did ask to come out and search my house just in case. They arrived about half an hour later and had a quick look around — waking my wife and baby — but left after a quick apology, and that was the last I heard of it. 

So, the long and short of it was I had to go to work and tell my boss that I was late because the police were searching my house for dead bodies. Somehow, I managed to get through the day without Human Resources involvement, but I got some mileage out of that story.

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I Can See Clearly Now… You’re An Idiot

, , , , , , | Legal | April 2, 2021

I’m a police officer. We are driving a patrol around the area when a car driving on the opposite side of the road coming toward us starts flashing its lights. Thinking the driver might need assistance, we stop in the road, our window level with his.

Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

Man: “Why haven’t you got your lights on?”

Me: “Why would we need our lights on, sir?”

Man: “It’s the law; you have to have them on.”

It’s an overcast day, a little grey, but visibility is good and road conditions are good. In the UK, the highway code states that headlights must be used when visibility is seriously reduced to under 100 meters. However, this is nothing like today’s conditions.

Me: “Sir, the highway code states visibility of fewer than 100 meters.”

Man: “Yeah, so you should have your lights on, then!”

Me: “Pull over, sir, and we can talk.”

He is getting pretty aggressive, almost spitting at us. Something just doesn’t seem right, so we pull over to the side of the road. My partner drives out 100 meters and I point him out to the man.

Me: “He is around the distance you need to have lights on. Can you see the car clearly?”

Man: *Slightly smug* “No!”

Me: “Sir, do you have a set of prescription glasses you need to wear while driving?”

Man: “Well, I, err… left them at home.”

We got into it and eventually discovered that the man had severe sight problems, and he must wear strong glasses as part of his insurance.

Judging by his prescription, the guy was a massive risk on the road; if a child ran out in front of him, he wouldn’t have seen them until it was too late. With two schools between us and his house, it was a good job we caught him.

He argued and couldn’t see what he did wrong but he still ended up with points on his licence and a fine.


This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of April 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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No Return To This Burner

, , , , , | Legal | March 29, 2021

One company that I contract with has an app that must be used for scheduling. The downside to this is that when the app is used to call the customer, they now have your cell phone number.

I can’t use an office phone, so I got a prepaid “burner” phone with no ties to me or my name, even with a different area code from where I live.

The phone doesn’t ring; it’s only used for outbound calls and the ringer is on vibrate. 

Tonight, I was sitting at my desk doing paperwork and the phone started to vibe. Odd.

I answered it and a woman announced that she was calling to save me money on my car insurance. Uh-huh.

I lowered my voice — and I’ve already got a deep voice — and said, “You’ve called a drug dealer’s burner phone. Do you really want to do this?”

She hung up. I must remember that one!

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