Some friends and I are talking at a backyard party, mingling with some neighbors of the host.

Neighbor: “Yeah, so my wife and I have two kids in the household, one seven and an infant. One from a previous marriage.”

My Friend: “No way, your kid isn’t seven!”

Neighbor: “You’re right, because otherwise I’d be raising my wife’s infant from another man?”

My Friend: “Ooooh, yeah. I’m dumb, sorry. I’m bad with the whole kid thing.”

Other Friend #1: “And numbers!”

Other Friend #2: “And sequence!”

I’m about six or seven at the time of this specific New Year’s party.

Me: “So… what are we supposed to do when it turns midnight?”

My mom made the motion of doing the toast, but didn’t explain or tell me other details. 

The party stopped for a second right after I threw my champagne glass at the ceiling.

I’ll admit I’ve never been a huge partier, so going all out on New Year’s Eve has never appealed to me; however, I always enjoyed working them because most people are in a fantastic mood. Though my favorite part, maybe it’s petty, is the morning of New Year’s Day. If I’m on the front desk, I will happily enjoy my coffee while watching the hungover revelers stumble and bumble their way into the lobby.

Tiny snippets from this New Year’s Day so far:

A man in pajamas walked into the wall directly across the elevators, bonked his head, and stated in a groggy voice: “Why is there a wall here?”

A family of four, all in matching pajamas, arrived. The parents were trying to get the kids to play The Quiet Game because “mommy and daddy’s grown-up juice made them sick.” Their words, not mine.

A heavily disheveled couple came to the desk and tried to communicate. I couldn’t understand them because they weren’t using words so much as grunts and attempts at speech. They pointed to my coffee cup, so I gently guided them to where the coffee station was.

Working in hotels is always an interesting way to start the new year!

I get a call from my manager on New Year’s Day.

Manager: “Any chance you could cover [Coworker]’s shift?”

Me: “Oh no. Is she okay?”

Manager: “I don’t know. She’s a no-show, and she’s not picking up her phone. I know she had a New Year’s party last night, so I’m assuming hungover for now.”

I don’t have a lot on today, and I could do with the money, so I agree to come in.

New Year’s Day passes without incident, but we don’t hear from [Coworker] at all, so I’m a little worried.

Jan 2^nd is my regular shift, so I am setting up the store to open when the work phone goes off. I answer, and it’s [Coworker]!

Coworker: “Hi! I’m running a little late, but I’ll be there in about twenty minutes!”

Me: “[Coworker], are you okay?”

Coworker: “Yeah! The party was fun, but I overslept, but I’m almost there and—”

Me: “—You’re not scheduled to work today. You were scheduled yesterday.”

Coworker: “I did work yesterday, and I’m scheduled to open today.”

Me: “It’s Jan 2^nd today.”

Coworker: “No, it’s not, it’s New Year’s Day.”

Me: “[Coworker]… that was yesterday.”

Coworker: “No, it’s not, it’s…”

There’s a moment of silence where I assume [Coworker] looks at her phone screen and focuses on the date, not just the time.

Coworker: “…oh f***.”

Me: “Did you sleep for an entire day?!”

Coworker: “…”

Me: “Just how crazy was that party?”

Coworker: “…”

Me: “Are you still there?”

Coworker: “…”

Me: “Well… happy New Year’s, I guess?”

I hang up and continue my opening procedures.

[Coworker] shows up, looking sheepish, and walks into the manager’s office. She was written up as a no-show, but was back the next day for her next scheduled shift.

[Manager] said it was the first time he’d ever written up someone for being “twenty-four hours and twenty minutes late”.

I am five years old, and it is December 31^st, 1999. I am excited to see in the new millennium (yes, yes, I know it started in 2001, but I was five, okay?).

Me: “So what do we do after midnight?”

Mum: “What’s this “we” business?”

Me: “I… I want to stay up for the new millennium.”

Mum: “You’re five! You’re going to bed at your normal bedtime!”

Me: “But muuuum! It’s the new millennium!”

Mum: “You can stay up late for the next millennium.”

That was when I, at age five, learned that my mum was not blessed with much brain…