Yabba Dabba Don’t Go There

, , , , , | Friendly | October 13, 2018

(I am at a house party. One of our mutual friends has two small children, who are seemingly only entertained by TV. We decide on “The Flintstones Movie.” Their father walks into the living room, sees the TV, and watches for a few minutes. I am already with the kids.)

Me: “I forgot about this movie!”

Friend: “When did Land Before Time do live action movies?”

Leave The Parenting To Your Coworkers

, , , , , | Friendly | September 19, 2018

(I am in my mid-twenties, working at a bookstore with another woman who is a few years older and has five kids. We become friends. She invites me and a few other coworkers to her son’s third birthday party. I don’t have any children of my own, but I have a lot of little cousins, and I love buying them presents, so I buy some fun toys and get extra batteries. I wrap everything up and go to the party and have a nice time. When it’s time for the gifts, all the kids help their little brother tear into them, and they’re all books, except for mine. The kids all go nuts, ripping apart the boxes, putting in the batteries and pushing all the buttons that make the toys move, beep, light up, etc. I’m really glad they’re having such a good time with the things I picked out, but when I go to leave, my coworker takes me aside, frowning a bit.)

Coworker: “I guess I forgot to tell you; we only wanted [Son] to get books this year for his birthday.”

Me: “Oh, no, you didn’t tell me that.”

Coworker: “Well, it’s not that I don’t appreciate your gifts, but I really didn’t want them to have toys like that. They’ll fight over them.”

Me: *at a loss* “Oh, well, I’m sorry? I’m sure they’ll get tired of them in a few days; you know how kids are.”

Coworker: “Yes, but I wanted him to just get books.”

Me: *a little irritated now* “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. You didn’t tell me not to buy toys, so I assumed that toys would be an acceptable gift for a three-year-old.”

Coworker: “You need to tell them they can’t have them and take them away.”

Me: “Excuse me? You want me to take away the toys I gave a three-year-old boy for his birthday?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

Me: “Forget it. No way.”

Coworker: “They’re going to fight over them!”

Me: “And if I take them away, they’re going to cry! I’m not making a bunch of little kids cry because you failed to tell me you didn’t want me to buy toys!”

Coworker: “You work at a bookstore! I just assumed you knew.”

Me: “Well, I didn’t. Since you also work in a bookstore, I figured your kids probably had plenty of books. If you’d told me, I would have bought books. If you don’t want them to have the toys, you can take them away.”

(I left, furious and feeling bad for those poor little kids. The next time she needed a ride home from work — she lived over forty minutes away from where I did, but I used to give her rides all the time to help her out, since I knew all about her financial difficulties — I told her I couldn’t, and we barely spoke again until I quit a few months later.)

The Husband Finally Shows Some Teeth

, , , , | Romantic | September 3, 2018

(I am at a surprise party that one of my friends has thrown for his wife. After the surprise, she goes back inside to change into some more comfortable clothes: a tee shirt and some velvet shorts with owls on them.)

Her Friend: “Oh, those are cute shorts!” *laughs*

Wife: “My husband actually wears them sometimes, too!”

Her Friend: “How does he pull that off?!”

Husband: “With my teeth!”

A Very Awkward Engagement

, , , , , , , | Related | August 23, 2018

(When my boyfriend asks me to marry him, his parents announce that they are going to throw us an engagement party.)

Me: “Thank you! Where would you like to have it? We could have it at our house…”

Future Mother-In-Law: “Oh, no. We’ll have it at our house.”

(Her house is in a town that’s a two-and-a-half-hour drive from where my fiancé and I live.)

Me: “Oh… That’ll be kind of a long drive for all our friends, though.”

Future Mother-In-Law: “That doesn’t matter; I’m not inviting them.”

Me: “Ah, who were you planning to invite?”

Future Mother-In-Law: “Family members, plus some of [Future Father-In-Law]’s colleagues.”

Me: “Um… Okay.”

(Cut to a few weeks later. My fiancé and I are driving to the party.)

Me: “It’s nice of your parents to do this, but I’m confused about why they’re inviting your dad’s colleagues. We’ve never met them.”

Fiancé: “I don’t get it, either.”

(We arrive at the party. There’s a big sign that says, “CONGRATULATIONS, [My Name], [Fiancé], [Additional Name #1], and [Additional Name #2]”.)

Fiancé: “Mum, whose names are on the sign?”

Future Mother-In-Law: “That’s are your dad’s assistant and his fiancée. They got engaged at the same time as you, and we wanted to throw them a party, so we figured we might as well kill two birds with one stone and have one for you at the same time!”

Fiancé: “…”

(That was one awkward event. We were pretty upset at sharing a special time in our lives with another couple, especially since we’d never met them before.)

Can’t Make Up Over This Make Up

, , , , , , , , , | Related | August 15, 2018

(My boyfriend’s mother insists that we organize an engagement party, where we have to follow the traditions of his family — not mine — and there are tons of rules to follow. She insists this due to the pressure of other relatives of hers, which I never liked, since their reasoning is that we have dated for so long, we should get engaged. It is quite a disaster! Even though his grandmother tells us she is going to help pay for the photographers, she later claims it’s too expensive and only pays 30%! And when it comes to decoration, we have a hard time choosing it, as the relatives have lots of opinions, even though the party should be about my boyfriend and me, not about them. One of my boyfriend’s aunts does bridal makeup. When we ask for a makeup trial to see the colors, and ask for the price, it is very unreasonably high. She also uses the very same makeup brushes for all her clients without washing them after using! We find another bridal makeup artist who is willing to give much better prices, and does the makeup and hair so much better than that aunt. On the day of the engagement, his grandmother keeps rushing us to finish changing my dress — after the first prayer, I have to change my saree into another saree which is the official engagement one — and that stupid aunt and her son take all the chocolates that are offered to the groom’s family. My boyfriend sister is really mad at this matter:)

Sister: “That is the offering from the bride’s family to the groom’s. This should be shared to the groom’s first before being further shared to the relatives.

Aunt: “I’m part of the groom’s family; why can’t I take anything? Not to mention that you guys owe me the money for doing your makeup!”

Sister: “What? You said that was just a free trial. You have done this business for many years; of course you need to understand there are times where you might not get any business deals.”

Aunt: “I WON’T FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT PAYING THE RIGHTFUL MONEY TO ME!”

(This is not the first time she did something like this. Previously, another relative was really unsatisfied with the bridal makeup she did, so she asked for a discount as she thought it totally ruined her big day. Not only did she not apologize or do anything of the sort, she kept insisting that she was not in the wrong, and even asked her to pay more than the amount they agreed on prior! To this day, I don’t talk to that aunt and her rude son, who is as rude as she is.)

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