Stories about breaking the law!

What Do You Think Law School Is For?!

, , , , , | Legal | April 29, 2021

I’m a lawyer working at a law office. One day, a group of four people enters the office and sits on the couches in the waiting area. There are clear signs at the door that, because of the health crisis, all appointments must be reserved by email or phone before coming to the offices and that the number of people attending any meeting is limited to two.

A secretary goes to greet the customers and inquire about the purpose of their visit. After a while, she comes to my room.

Secretary: “They say they have an appointment here to close a long-negotiated issue, but I can’t find any appointments under their name. Could you please double-check with me?”

We look through our appointment system and all the lawyer’s calendars but can’t find anything with the name they provided. I go and talk to the customers to get more info. Their matter is in the field of law that we operate in, so I start to fear that we have messed something up. Their issue would require a lot of preliminary work and there is absolutely no way to make the documents here and now. I go and check all our systems again, but nothing comes up — no files, no billing information, nothing. I brace myself and go talk to the customers. I talk to a middle-aged woman who seems to be the most agitated.

Me: “I apologize, but there must be some kind of a mix-up. There are no records of your case in our files. Are you sure you are at the right law office?”

Woman: “Yes. Look, here is the text message invitation to the meeting.”

She shows me a text on her phone. It is the right time and our address.

Me: “Yes that is our address. Who is this [Man] who sent this message to you?”

Woman: “He is my cousin. He made the appointment with you and sent the time and place to the rest of us. He will be here any moment. [Man] knows how to handle things. [Man] will clear things up.”

We wait a few minutes and [Man] comes through the door.

Woman: “[Man]! Thank God! This lawyer says he can’t find any of our documents.”

Me: “Yes, sir, that is true. I’m sorry but there seems to be no record of your case in our system.”

Man: “Of course there isn’t. I looked at the pricing on your website and frankly, it is ridiculous. Your fees are way too high. It was a simple matter to draft the documents myself, so I did.”

He has a smug look on his face. I am totally confused.

Me: “So… why are you here now?”

Man: “We are here to make some minor changes, like the date and the names of the witnesses, to the documents, and then sign them. We require a room for an hour or two at most, a printer, and two of your lawyers to bear witness to our signatures.”

I am having a hard time believing what I’m hearing.

Me: “You didn’t contact us at all before coming in and inviting a bunch of your relatives to our office?”

Man: “No, why should I have? It will take you no more than five minutes to act as witnesses and according to the hourly fees on your website—”

I cut him off.

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You have some self-made legal documents. You expect us to just drop everything we are doing, give you a room and a printer, and sign our names and our company’s name to some random papers we’ve never seen?!”

Man: “Well, I …”

Me: “Firstly, I never sign any papers without thoroughly going through them, nor does any other lawyer that I know of. Secondly, most lawyers will never witness any documents that are made by a layman, as the lawyer’s signature at the end of the document gives most people the impression that the lawyer has made said documents. And thirdly, I don’t think there is a company on earth that will give the use of their rooms and office equipment to strangers who just barge into their office.”

Man: “This is your field of law and—”

Me: “I am completely amazed that anyone would think they can act this way. Please leave.”

The man started to argue but his relatives pushed him out, apologizing profusely. The secretary and I just stared at each other in disbelief.

I got a call maybe two weeks later from the woman customer and she apologized again. I told her it was no trouble and asked how their legal issue was doing. They had gotten a great lawyer, who looked through [Man]’s papers. After a week of correcting for [Man]’s mistakes, the documents were ready. They had signed them at the lawyer’s office, and that time, they had had an actual appointment. [Man] had been very quiet during the meeting.

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At Least He Ended Up On His Good Side!

, , , , , | Legal | April 27, 2021

This happened to my grandfather when he was seventeen. He had worked at a job in an amusement park for a while, and eventually, he got promoted to the ticket booth. While he was being trained, his trainer took him to the side and pointed out a man. He told him that if the man, who was extremely muscular and absolutely huge, were to come up to the booth and demand all the money, he should give it to him.

Fast forward to later in the summer. My grandfather was working on closing the booth at night when four fairly large teens came up and asked for tickets. My grandfather said no and they promised to beat him up.

Sure enough, when my grandfather was leaving, the four guys were waiting for him in the parking lot. My grandfather, who weighed in at under 100 pounds and was a skinny, scared teen at the time, prepared to fight when the four guys ran away. My grandpa, feeling pretty good about himself, turned to see the huge man standing there, protecting him!

Fast forward once more to many years later. My grandfather was sitting and reading the paper when he saw a familiar face on the front page. The man who protected him was actually a hitman for the mafia and had pistol-whipped an old woman because her husband had owed the mafia money! And that’s the story of how my grandfather was unwittingly protected by the mafia.

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Mess With The Cub, You Get The Papa Bear’s Claws

, , , , , , | Legal | April 25, 2021

CONTENT WARNING: Assault

When I’m fifteen, my family stays in a hotel for an extended time. This hotel has a few washers and dryers on site, which is very convenient for us. My father and I are unloading two dryers, mine on the bottom left and his on the top right. While I bend down to unload my dryer, I feel someone grab my backside.

I stand abruptly, turn, and find myself staring at a strange man. He grins at me, reaching out as if to grab me again. I slap his hands away.

Me: “Don’t touch me.”

Father: *Closing his dryer door* “I didn’t touch you.” *Seeing the other man* “Did you touch her?”

Man: *Stepping back* “No.”

Me: “He grabbed my butt.”

My father is the kind of person who catches spiders in the house and releases them outside, so I never thought he’d be the type of person to do what happens next. He grabs the other man by the back of his neck and slams his face into the dryer door hard enough that it leaves a small dent, before throwing him backward. The other man stumbles, stunned.

My father stays standing between us.

Father: “You should go now.”

Man: *Glaring* “A**hole.”

My father takes a step toward the man.

Father: “Leave.”

The man made a speedy exit. We stopped at the front desk and reported him. The police came and took our statements asking the usual — what was I wearing, what was I doing, did I engage with the man at all before he touched me? I noticed the officer wasn’t writing anything down as he asked, only looking at me with a raised eyebrow before saying they probably wouldn’t be able to do anything.

I never heard anything about it again but we did get charged to repair the dryer door. My father contacted the hotel’s corporate office, apologizing for the dent and explaining what had happened. The charge was removed without comment.


This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of April 2021 roundup story!

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More Like A Bemusement Park

, , , , , | Legal | April 23, 2021

My job is making change so people can play amusement park games. It’s a slow night, and a big, tall man comes in.

Me: “Hello, sir. Do you have any questions about the game?”

The customer says nothing and moves into my personal space. I back up.

Me: “You use your quarters to push quarters off the end of the board, and it gives you one ticket for each quarter.”

The customer moves into my personal space again, looming over me. I put my hands in my change apron.

Me: “The tickets can be traded for prizes—”

The customer shoves his hand into my right apron pocket. I grab his wrist and squeeze.

Customer: “Let go of my hand!”

Me: “Your hand is in my pocket. Now open it up, and we’ll move it out of my pocket slowly.”

I squeeze more tightly for emphasis. His hand comes out, and he’s not holding anything.

Me: “Good. Now either you can leave, or I can call my boss and you can try explaining why your hand was in my pocket.”

He chose to leave. I was left to wonder why somebody so big went for trying to pick my pocket, and why he didn’t at least take the time to figure out that I kept bills in the LEFT pocket.

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This Receptionist Might Be TOO Receptive

, , , , | Legal | April 21, 2021

My office is very strict about getting personal items delivered to the office. I think there was some theft or something in the past and issues with insurance etc. Whatever the reason, it is made clear that it doesn’t happen unless you have the permission of the senior director, a man who is never here and is a very stern person.

I normally never work on reception, but today I’m covering the receptionist who had to be sent home sick. A courier drops off a load of parcels and I email each owner in turn to let them know. I get to a name I don’t recognise, so I head to the office, but they don’t know either. They send me to Human Resources, and the HR director says they will keep the package safe.

I get back to the desk and find a guy standing there.

Me: “Can I help you?”

Guy: “Where’s [Receptionist]?”

Me: “She’s out sick. Can I help?”

Guy: “No! Well… it’s just, I saw the courier and wondered if there was a parcel for me?”

Me: “What’s your name?”

He gives me his name and yes, it is the one on the mystery parcel.

Me: “Because I didn’t have your name on the approved delivery list, I had to place it upstairs for safekeeping.”

That’s a lie, but I guess that this isn’t a business-related delivery and he is going to act out if he finds out I am the one that got him into trouble.

Guy: “S***, where is it?”

Me: “Upstairs. You can ask [HR Manager] for it.”

He thought about it for a while and then went upstairs. I went on my lunch and didn’t think any more about it.

Weeks later, I heard that there is a vacancy for a new receptionist. Apparently, the guy was running some sort of bootlegger operation using the company mail, and the receptionist was being paid to look the other way. They were both fired, and I’m not sure how they thought anything else would happen.

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