We Knew The Pacific Coast Highway Was A Scam!

, , , , , | Legal | December 2, 2019

(A work friend of mine is hacked on a social networking site, leading me to get a text from someone claiming to be him. I know immediately it isn’t him and I decide to have some fun. This is the exchange verbatim, grammatical errors and all:)

Faux Friend: “Hello How are you doing?”

Me: “I’m good, thanks. How about you?”

Faux Friend: “Good, Well Life Is Treating Me Good And God Has Blessed Me Through (PCH) , I Don’t Know If You Have Heard About Them?”

Me: “Pacific Coast Highway? I used to drive it all the time, back in the day.”

Faux Friend: “I Meant The Cash Donated To Randomly Selected People By The Publishers Clearing House(PCH) to Help and Support People Financially…You’ve Not Gotten Yours?”

Me: “You’re talking about the Illuminati, aren’t you?”

Faux Friend: “OMG. I Got $300,000 Cash From Them! But I Saw Your Name Entitled To The Cash Bonus When Mine Was Delivered To My Doorstep…And I Thought You Would Have Gotten Yours. Am Serious About This And It’s a Life Time Opportunity. Do You Know How To Contact The Claiming Agent To Find More About What Am Actually Talking About?”

Me: “I’ve told you before, I want nothing to do with them! They ruined my math teacher’s life! You should stay away from them! You don’t know what they’ll expect you to do for that money!”

Faux Friend: “This is real and legitimate I was only asked to pay for certificate fee which is $300 And I was delivered in 2 hours.”

Me: “It’s not about some measly $3,000 fee. It’s about what comes next. Have you sworn the oath already?”

Faux Friend: “And also there are a lot of scams am sure that’s why your teacher was scammed But PCH program is real and legitimate, more so I got my money delivered to my Doorstep”

Me: “You think the Illuminati is nothing but a scam? They’re the ones who murdered Vince Vaughn, not Hillary Clinton!”

Faux Friend: “I dont know about the illuminati program but, I will share you the direct PCH manager link so you can claim your winning money asap.. Thank me later you will never regret because asap you got your money you can also tell you Teacher about it…”

Me: “You need to give back that money before it’s too late.”

Faux Friend: “The money is mine [My Name] and not fake I can never pull your leg trust Me apply for it and thank God through me.”

Me: “I KNOW IT’S REAL MONEY!”

Faux Friend: “So you should not doubt me, I will share you now And also the federal government is aware of this and you will see the PCH is 100% real and is not a gimmick.”

Me: “Look, you probably have some time, a grace period. Come over; I’ll call Henry. He can get you someplace safe. Leave the money!”

Faux Friend: “[LINK TO “PCH”]”

Me: Why couldn’t you just have joined the Scientologists, if you needed money so bad?”

Faux Friend: “Text them now that you are ready to claim your winning money.”

Me: “I’ll text saying you want out. Leave the money on the doorstep. And stay away from the windows!”

Faux Friend: “Just text them now and let me know how it goes… I want to hear the good news from you.”

Me: “I can’t. I’m calling your mother.”

(I never heard from him again. BTW, I deliberately changed his $300 to $3,000 because I wanted to keep him around. The thing about Hillary Clinton murdering Vince Vaughn came from I guy I met on a bus in 2009, who assured me he knew many things about her. I was disappointed not to be able to throw him off his game.)

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Say My Name, Say My Name

, , , | Legal | November 30, 2019

(We get a few computer scammers, but my husband usually answers. Today, I get the scammer.)

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: *starts a spiel about how our computer came up in a report for infected computers*

Me: “Really? That’s amazing that you can do that.” *shooing my son away to concentrate on the call*

Scammer: “Ma’am, I need you to open [program].” *call quality is spotty*

Me: “Hold on, I’ll try to get that up.” *aside to son* “Not now, just a minute!”

Scammer: “Ma’am, are you playing with your child? You really need to pay attention, because your computer is at risk.”

Me: “Okay, no. This is not serious, you are trying a scam on me. The program you want me to pull will show me errors you say are viruses.”

Scammer: “No, no. We have a report that your machine is sending out viruses to others—”

Me: “Okay, what’s my computer name?”

Scammer: “What?”

Me: “What’s my computer name? If you are getting reports and can trace it back to me, you obviously have some identifying information. So I assume you know my computer name.”

Scammer: “Look, ma’am, you need to take this seriously. This puts computers at risk—”

Me: “Why, so you can access my files remotely? Tell me my computer name, and we’ll do business.”

Scammer: “This is serious security!”

Me: “What is my computer name?”

Scammer: *click*

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Getting Some Good Reception

, , , | Legal | November 27, 2019

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business]; this is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?”

Scammer: *heavy accent* “Hello. May I please speak to [CEO]?”

(The caller uses the CEO’s full name, which she never goes by. The CEO refuses all calls that come in through the main number.)

Me: “I’m sorry, she’s unavailable at the moment. May I please take a message?”

Scammer: “Yes, this is in regards to your office space.” *launches into a spiel that, even if legit, would not apply to us*

Me: “Sorry to interrupt, but we are not interested; please take us off your list.”

(I hang up before he can reply. A few minutes later, he calls back.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business]; this is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?”

Scammer: “That was very rude. Put me through to [CEO].”

Me: “No.”

Scammer: *long pause* “What? You… you have to. You’re just the receptionist.”

Me: “I’m not going to.”

Scammer: *curses and hangs up*

(A few more minutes pass and he calls several times, but always hangs up when he gets me. I am the only one who answers the main line. Eventually…)

Scammer: “I’m going to tell [CEO] that you would not transfer me.”

Me: “All right.”

Scammer: “I’m going to get you fired. You’re just the receptionist. You have to transfer my calls.”

Me: “Okay, go right ahead.”

Scammer: “I’m very powerful; you’re just a receptionist.”

Me: “Okay.”

Scammer: “I know where you work.”

Me: “I know where I work, too?”

Scammer: *curses some more and hangs up*

(That was six months ago. He’s never called again and so far I haven’t been assaulted at my office!)

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Scam Me Once…

, , , , | Legal | November 24, 2019

(This begins when “Pokemon Go” has just become a thing.)

Wife: “I really hope you like your Christmas present this year.”

(Christmas arrives, but the present doesn’t.)

Wife: “This is so annoying! They said it would be here by now!”

(January 15 arrives and it’s still not here.)

Wife: “I can’t believe this! Why isn’t it here yet?!”

Me: “Let me look into it. Show me where you ordered it.”

(She had gone through Amazon to get me a “Pokemon Go Plus.” After checking over the reviews…)

Me: “It was a scam.”

Wife: “WHAT?!”

Me: “Yep, look at all these comments. Let’s put in for a refund.”

(Two years later, I am at an appointment speaking with someone when my phone keeps vibrating incessantly, alternating between my wife and a mystery number.)

Me: *sighs* “I’m sorry, but this keeps happening. Do you mind if I get this?”

Appointment Man: “No problem.”

Me: *answers for wife* “What?!”

Wife: “There’s another number that should be calling you! You have to pick up!”

Me: “Okay…” *does so next call*

Man: “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Man: “Hey, I’m calling to congratulate you! You and your wife have won a trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter!”

Me: “Oh, really?”

(Admittedly, you’re reading this and thinking, “Come on, don’t fall for it,” but we recently had, in fact, put our names into a contest for this at a comic-con*

Man: “Yes! It couldn’t have happened to a nicer pair of teachers. Now, all we need is a card number to put down a deposit.”

(My wife is patched in now, as well, on a three-way call, and she is gushing over her excitement. Alarm bells are going off in my head, but admittedly, I need to get back to my appointment and can’t deal with this.)

Wife: “This is so exciting! We really needed this!”

Me: “Is my part done here? I kind of have to get back to what I’m doing here…”

Man: “Yes, no problem. Congratulations, again!”

(I finish up with my appointment and then head home, starting to look into the company from the invoice that was very quickly sent. My heart quickly sinks as I can’t find a BBB rating for them, the site has only had a domain for 160 days despite them claiming to have been a travel company for ten years, etc. I explain it to my very disappointed wife who doesn’t want to believe that we’ve been scammed, yet again, but I point out the facts and she grudgingly accepts it. Turns out, though, she gave them our debit card number and I learn the hard way that it is much harder to get a payment reversed on a debit card than a credit card. We spend the next month and a half sweating over possibly losing $400, but in the end, we get it back. One year later…)

Wife: “I really hope your anniversary present gets here in time. They said it should be here by now.”

Me: “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

(The anniversary arrives and, lo and behold, nothing.)

Wife: “I can’t believe this! You want to look into it?”

Me: “Sure… Where’s it coming from?”

Wife: *gives me the site* “I even emailed them and they didn’t email me back!”

Me: *thinking* “Not again…” *looks into site* “Third time’s the charm, honey.”

Wife: “What?”

Me: “Scam.”

Wife: “OH, COME ON!”

(Yes, we did get the money back on that one, too. At least this time it was on a credit card.)

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Your Excuses Carry No Currency

, , , , , | Legal | November 21, 2019

(My daughter is a driver for a restaurant delivery company and is delivering a meal.)

Daughter: “Hi. I have your food. The total is [price].”

Customer: “I paid with a card already.”

Daughter: “I’m sorry, but the order says ‘cash.’ I have to collect that from you before I hand it over.”

Customer: “I tell you, I paid cash.”

Daughter: “Okay, that’s fine. Let me see your receipt.”

Customer: “It’s on my phone.”

Daughter: “Yes, I know. If you can show me, I can give you the food.”

Customer: “My phone is dead. It needs to charge.”

Daughter: “That’s fine. I can wait a few minutes so you can show me.”

Customer: “Just give me my food and I’ll show you when it’s charged.”

Daughter: “No, sorry. I need the receipt first.”

Customer: “F*** you!” *slams door shut*

Daughter: *to the closed door* “I thought so.”

(The customer got a permanent ban on ordering. You have to wonder just how stupid someone has to be to have the capacity to use a telephone, yet think it’s a bright idea to rip off others while giving a real name, address, and phone number.)

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