(I have ordered textbooks for class online and go to the reception building to pick them up. After signing for the package, I go to take the books from the man behind the counter.)
Man: *playfully pulls the box away from my hands*
Me: *jokingly* “Go ahead. They’re books on literary theory. You can have them if you want.”
Man: *looks from the box to me* “Take them.”
The college I attend has a rather large exchange program with a university in South Korea. They speak English quite well, but they don’t always know what they’re looking at, especially when it comes to animals. One fall, as it starts to get cold, the following messages appear on the “maintenance requests” board in our dorm hall:
“There are a few bugs in our room. They seem to be coming in through the window.”
A few days later: “There are a lot of bugs in our room. We are worried, as we do not know what kind of bugs they are.”
A few days after that: “WE ARE BEING INVADED!!! Our window is FULL of round, red bugs. PLEASE, someone come help us; we are very afraid because they can fly, and we don’t want to be bitten.”
A few days after that one: “We have been informed that ladybugs are not dangerous. We are not afraid anymore, but please do send someone, because there are still a lot of them.”
Lest someone think my school was lax in letting it go that long: an appointment had been scheduled for someone to come look at them after the first message had been posted, but it took that long for the person to be able to come out. It was that time when ALL the bugs were trying to come inside to stay warm, so he was very busy around town.
But every year when the bugs start coming in, I think of those poor Korean girls, terrified of ladybugs.
(I am volunteering at a science festival, doing science activities with children. We have an activity where it is relevant to mention that a baby is made from an egg and a sperm. The activity is specifically designed so that we never have to mention how these two get together in the first place, but we do name the two cells. I am supervising a girl of around nine, and a few other kids.)
Me: “The baby is made from two special cells from the mum and the dad. Does anyone know what the special cell from the mum is called?”
Nine-Year-Old: *raises hand excitedly, then calls out at the top of her voice* “Vagina!”
(I carefully avoid making eye contact with any of the other adults at the stand, knowing that I will not be able to contain myself if I do.)
Me: *very calmly* “You’re very close. That’s actually where the baby comes out of the mum.”
(We are presenting projects about Erikson’s stages in psych. In this project, we apply each stage to our own life and project into the future. The dialogue is from each student in their presentations.)
Student #1: “Part of my identity is that I plan never to have children.”
Student #2: “I also never want children.”
Student #3: “I want a lot of children, and I want to adopt, to give children who wouldn’t otherwise have a better chance at a happy life.”
Teacher: *quietly* “So, if you guys get knocked up, you know who to call.”
(The teacher immediately looked horrified and the class burst into laughter. Absolute chaos ensued for about two minutes, with the teacher insisting that we could not tell any of the school officials.)
It’s time to carve that Jack-o-Lantern, put on your costume, and collect the candy! Or will you spend the night watching scary movies? Having a costume party?
To celebrate Halloween, here are some of our favorite tales of ghosts and witches, monsters and creatures, the spooky and scary and weird, and things that reach out from under the bed to tickle your funny bone. These stories are sure to give you a frighteningly good laugh!
This Story Will Haunt You Forever — Claims of bravery may be exaggerated.
Thrill You More Than Any Ghost Would Dare To Try — A classic song for a spooky evening.
Ice Screaming Monsters — Which will give you more indigestion, the food or the monsters?
Scare Me? Not A Ghost Of A Chance! — Everyone wants their own ghost, right?
They Usually Go For Black Cats — The fuzziest kind of witchcraft.
Pray They Weren’t Watching Christine — Poor kid got honking scared!
More Daylight, Less Twilight, Part 7 — Every old school horror fan just screamed in terror.
The Son Of Mondegreen — The monsters are where?!
Halloween Has-Been — Surprise!
The Customer Is Always Fright(ened) — Must have been too fussy for that poor ghost.
The Ghost Of Theories Past — But they say it’s haunted!
Trumps All Other Scary Stories — The horror story of our times.
Happy Halloween, everyone! Post pictures of your costumes!
