I am working as a substitute teacher in my local elementary school. At the time of this story, I was asked by my administration to be the one-on-one aide to a first-grade girl. What started out as a two-week trial period became a permanent position during the last month and a half of the school year. 

This story happens around Memorial Day. The class had just learned about the importance of the holiday, and why they get a day off from school because of it. My little girl has finished her work and is quietly drawing a picture.

First Grader: “I’m drawing a soldier in the army next to an American Flag, Mrs. [My Name]!”

Me: “You are very good at drawing! [Husband] is the army, too.” 

The student gets really serious at this and puts one hand on her heart and the other on my arm.

First Grader: “Did he die with honor?”

Me: *Trying not to laugh.* “Well, [First Grader], he’s still alive, so no!”

First Grader: “But, when he does, he will be honored for it?”

Me: “Yes. He will receive recognition for his time in the army.”

At this point, the rest of the kids in our group begin asking questions about my husband’s job. I explained that his main job is a broadcast technician, but we were sent to the current area as part of his recruiting assignment.

Later that day, I told the story to the staff in the lounge, and when my husband picked me up from work that afternoon, I told him that my little girl was apparently planning his funeral!

I’m half Inuit. In sixth grade, I did a social studies project on Inuit people/lifestyles. During my presentation, I brought up the fact that I’m half Inuit and pointed out different things my grandmother was teaching me.

A boy in the class goes:

Classmate: “Wait, you’re Indian?!”

Me: “Well, ‘Canadian Indian’ refers to First Nations, but Inuit are more—”

Classmate: “—How can you be an Indian? I thought they were like… extinct?”

Teacher: “And this is why we need this class! Keep going, [My Name].”

My friend group is all going to college in the fall, and we’re discussing it. One of the friends in the group is one year younger than all of us, but is still interested in hearing where we’ll all be going.

Me: “Yeah, so I’ll be on campus by the end of summer, so wild.”

Younger Friend: “Oh, so you’re going to campus?”

Me: “Uh, yeah. I’ll be staying on campus, at least for the first year.”

Younger Friend: “So many people go to campus. It must really be a good school.”

Me: “The way you’re speaking, you make it sound like campus is the name of the college.”

Younger Friend: “It is… isn’t it?”

Me: “No, it’s the name of… wait, do you think I’m going to a college called campus? ‘Campus College’?”

Turns out, she had heard the word ‘Campus’ used so often she thought it was the name of a college.

Other Friend #1: “Gooooo Campus! My favorite team!”

Other Friend #2: “I also go there! My degree is studying.”

Younger Friend: “Shut up, you… you old people!”

We all laughed, even her. We hope she also goes to campus with us next year…

I’m starting a new European medieval history class at college.

Professor: “Before we start the class, I want to give an opportunity to you all to ask anything you’d like about the subject. I want to gauge your expectations as students. There are no dumb questions.”

Student: “How far back were the Starks, Lannisters, and Targaryens?”

The whole class pauses for a moment. The professor composes himself.

Professor: “There’s no such thing as a dumb question. However, there is such a thing as an inquisitive idiot…”

I’m in a class talking about genetics. The professor gets onto the subject of genetic lineage.

Professor: “…This brings us to the topic of Mitochondrial Eve. She’s a woman from whom the whole of the human race can be traced back. Just one woman in Africa!”

Classmate: *Gasps.* “Is… is she still alive?”