Nursing A Good Tale

, , , | Learning | June 20, 2017

(I am hanging out with some friends between classes. One of my friends has her two-month-old son with her, and I’m holding him. Another friend joins us, bringing along one of their classmates that the rest of us haven’t met before. We’re chatting, and someone asks the classmate what their major is.)

Classmate: “I’m an engineering major.”

Friend #1: “Me, too!”

(They go around the group, talking about their majors, and then they get to me.)

Classmate: “What are you doing, [My Name]?”

Me: “Oh, I’m nursing.”

(The classmate gets a weird look on his face, and he glances at the baby in my arms.)

Me: “Major! I’m a nursing major! This is [Friend]’s baby!”

When Homework Doesn’t Work

, , , | Learning | June 20, 2017

(Our teacher has a rule that any work we don’t complete in the lesson is to be completed as homework. However, as she doesn’t care much for homework either, she usually gives up 10 minutes at the start of a lesson to catch up.)

Friend: *huffs* “I hate homework!”

Teacher: “I do, too…”

Friend: “Why do you force it on us, then?”

Teacher: “[Friend], I’ve taught you for three years. My policy has always been the same. If you have homework, it’s your fault.”

Friend: “It’s a stupid policy. Why can’t you just not give us homework?”

Teacher: “Because then you would never get your work done.”

Friend: “What do you mean?”

Teacher: *sighs* “Every time you have homework, it is because you didn’t finish your work off in the lesson.”

Friend: “Wait, what?”

Teacher: “Why do you think [My Name] and [Other Friend] have never had homework?”

(Friend looked at all of us as though this was a shocking revelation. Three years! It took him three years to clock on!)

A Signature Death

, , , , | Learning | June 20, 2017

(We are going on a trip in the new couple of weeks, so consent forms have been sent out to our parents for us to return to the school reception.)

Me: *handing form over* “Here you go. Year nine, [Group].”

Receptionist: *taking it* “This is a consent form.”

Me: “Yes. Year nine, [Group].”

Receptionist: “It needs to be completed by your parents and returned to us.”

Me: “I know. They’ve signed it.”

Receptionist: “They need to complete it in case something happens.”

Me: “I know.”

Receptionist: “Like you die.”

Me: “…”

(She hands the form back to me and wanders off. I turn to the other receptionist.)

Me: “Can you?”

Other Receptionist: “Sure… I don’t know about you, but that was really weird.”

Me: “Don’t worry, though. I’ll try not to die at the library.”

It’s Not Your Imagination

, , , | Learning | June 19, 2017

(I work for a daycare centre. I am saying goodbye to the children before we close, when a young boy asks me a question.)

Boy: “Can I bring my dog tomorrow?”

Me: “Sorry, but we aren’t allowed pets.”

Boy: “What about imaginary?”

Me: “Oh, imaginary is fine!”

(His face lights up and I say I’m looking forward to meeting his dog. The morning after, the owner comes into the office where I am printing the register for the day.)

Owner: “Did you tell the kids yesterday that they could bring pets?”

Me: “No— Oh, there was one boy who wanted to bring an imaginary dog.”

Owner: “[Boy]? Well he’s brought a REAL dog.”

(I follow the owner out and see a bunch of children playing with a border terrier puppy.)

Boy: “Miss, come see!”

(I walk over and pet the pup. It’s seems perfectly content.)

Me: “I thought you said you had an imaginary dog?”

Boy: “I do!”

(I look at him and then his father, who looks rather amused. The owner then tries to convince the boy that he’s wrong, with the boy adamant that he’s right. Then the thought hits me.)

Me: “May I?”

(I pick up the pup and check its nametag. I’m actually silenced by the revelation and show the owner. She looks equally as stunned before laughing hysterically. The dad then owns up and admits he wanted to see our reaction before taking the dog home. The owner was impressed enough that she decided to let it stay as long as the other parents were ok with it. A couple weren’t pleased, but after seeing how happy their children were, decided to go with it. So Imaginary the dog got to spend the day with us.)

Never Free Of Unit Three

, , , , | Learning | June 19, 2017

Teacher: “There will be three units to complete. Unit 1 is weighted at 40% and Unit 2 is weighted at 60%.”

(Long silence.)

Me: “Does that mean Unit 3 is optional?”

Teacher: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Is Unit 3—”

Teacher: “Are you talking back to me?”

Me: “I’m asking you a question.”

Teacher: “It sounds like you’re talking back to me.”

Me: “…”

Student: “So is it?”

Teacher: “Detention! You and [My Name]!”

(We never found out if the ethereal Unit 3 was optional.)

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