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Stories from school and college

She Was Doing A Brief Stint As A Newt

, , , , | Learning | August 16, 2021

In a financial aid office at a private university in Florida, I ask a student for his mother’s federal tax form, as required by the federal government to receive financial aid. He says she is dead. We tell him we are very sorry for his loss and request a death certificate, again, as required by the federal government. The student goes away and returns three days later.

Student: “Here is my mother’s federal income tax form.”

Me: *Stunned* “Is this your stepmother?”

Student: “No, my mom.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I thought she was deceased?”

Student: “She got better.”

I’ve seen everything that happens in colleges.

Me: “Okay.”

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Shady, Seedy, But Not The Least Bit Weedy

, , , , , | Learning | August 14, 2021

In high school, I had a friend who had access to many different kinds of tea. We bonded as fellow tea-drinkers in a country that vastly prefers coffee, and sometimes we swapped recommendations over text or during our lunch period.

One day, she got a box of herbal tea bags and offered me some. I accepted the offer and we decided to do the exchange at lunch the next day.

We were halfway through the process when we realized that we were high school students in the middle of a lunch area and she was giving me a plastic bag full of little baggies of green plant matter.

I’m still so glad no one mistook the tea for weed!

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We’ll Pay You To Shut Up, But Only For Charity

, , , , , | Learning | August 12, 2021

We have been fundraising for charity. Many students take on a sponsored activity and get people to pay them. Some run and get paid per mile; others bake and sell cakes. [Student], the class voice box, decides to do a sponsored silence.

Everyone is surprised; [Student] cannot keep quiet even when saying nothing at all. But all day, she says nothing at all, not even on break.

The next day, everyone is talking about donations and collections. [Student] pipes up.

Student: “I raised £53!”

Me: “That’s really good.”

Student: “Yeah, I got my whole family to sponsor me, as well as people from school.”

Friend: “Well done.”

Student: “Yeah, I don’t know what I will spend the money on.”

Me: “You don’t get to keep the money. You realise that? It’s for charity.”

Student: “No! I did the sponsored silence; I raised the money.”

Friend: “Yeah, I don’t think you know what you’re talking about, [My Name].”

Me: “You guys know this is for charity, right? The whole day is for charity.”

Student: *Sarcastically* “Yeah, sure. Don’t forget you both owe me money for yesterday.”

I blew her off. I’m not paying when she was supposed to be donating it. Apparently, many others didn’t, either. [Student]’s mum ended up coming to the school to complain only to be told that she needed to give the money to the school. I don’t think that money ever made it to the charity.

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Their Example Went Up In Vapors

, , , , | Learning | August 10, 2021

I was in my sophomore year of high school when vaping really started to kick off into becoming a more “mainstream” thing. Once people started doing it at school, administration decided to bring in some guest speakers to try and curb the issue. Those guest speakers ended up being two uniformed police officers and a guy in handcuffs.

The officers gave the typical “vaping is bad for your health” presentation before letting the handcuffed man speak. He proceeded to tell us about how he had gotten a hold of some knockoff vape juice packs. Apparently, he had then sold some to someone our age who ended up dying from them since they were contaminated, and he had been among those arrested for the whole situation. He also told us his full name.

Almost immediately after the talk, some younger students looked the guy up, and do you know what they found? The handcuffed man was also a police officer! The fact that the sob story they used to try and scare us was completely fabricated spread quickly and immediately turned the entire talk into a laughing stock amongst students and teachers alike. Apparently, administration wasn’t in on this little scheme either and they were livid, although I’m not sure if anything ever came out of it from them.

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Well, You Have Our Attention

, , , , , | Learning | August 8, 2021

It’s my freshman year of high school, and my biology class is just finishing up our nervous system unit with a test. The class is deathly quiet when, suddenly, this woman from the front office pops into our room, yells, “PENIS!” and darts right back out and down the hall. Our teacher almost immediately starts choking on her spit trying not to laugh out loud as she briefly goes into the hall to calm down, leaving all of us completely baffled as to what the h*** just happened.

It turns out that our next unit is on the reproductive system, and our teacher asked the woman — a good friend of hers — to come to all of her classes to yell that as part of our teacher’s tactic to get our immature amusement of the topic out of our systems in the first lesson. Unfortunately for her, our teacher forgot to mention that our specific class period was running a class behind her other periods, so all she really did was scare and confuse the crap out of us during a test!

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