A-Mounting Humor

, , , , , , | Learning | May 4, 2018

(I am a student teacher. Today, my class is on a trip to a fire station. The RCMP — Royal Canadian Mounted Police — officer is talking about bike safety, and starts answering questions from the students.)

Student: “Were you alive in the 1920s?”

RCMP: “I’m not sure how to take that. No, it was a bit later.”

(The RCMP officer gets back to his presentation. The following remarks happen in the next five minutes.)

RCMP: “Well, back when I started policing, in the 1920s, we used horses and tractors.”

RCMP: “During the Crimean war, which I fought in during the late 1800s, we used our swords to catch bad guys. Then we would ride to the police station on our horses.”

Blind To Your Ability

, , , , | Learning | May 4, 2018

(I am a current student in high school. I am also blind, and because of this, I have received a lot of annoyances from people. Being talked to like a child and people asking me how I do normal everyday things are just a couple of the problems I face in school. I’d have to say the most aggravating thing about people is how they try to help me, no matter what I say. I have just gotten out of the car and am walking in, like I usually do, when a guy — probably a teacher — comes up to me.)

Teacher: “Here, let me get the door for you.”

Me: “No, thanks. I got it.”

(I begin walking faster because I know he isn’t listening to me and is trying to get there first, but he reaches out in front of me and pulls the door open anyway.)

Teacher: “There you go.”

Me: *exasperated sigh, annoyed tone* “Thanks.”

(This was not the first time I had something like this happen to me. One time, a girl asked me if I wanted her to grab my backpack, and when I told her no, she did it anyway. I got upset with her because she did what I asked her not to do. The only reason I didn’t get upset with the teacher was because I was having a bad morning, and I didn’t want to get lectured by one of the teachers about how I need to be nice because they were “just trying to help.” People seem to have the general idea that blind people can’t do much of anything because of their disability, which just saddens me.)

That Went Down The Tubes

, , , , , | Learning | May 3, 2018

(I’m a teacher’s assistant. A physics teacher has a demonstration that he’s used for years: he draws a cello bow across a glass tube, making it hum, and shows how gradually dipping it in water changes the pitch. This year, the demonstration takes a different turn.)

Teacher: “As you can see, I have a glass tube, a cello bow, and a bucket. Now, we’ve been talking about frequencies and vibrations, and I’m sure you remember the slow-motion video of the violin from last week. I’m going to slowly draw this bow across the tube. What do you think’s going to happen?”

Student #1: “It’s probably going to make a noise.”

Student #2: “No, no, it’s not flexible like the strings. Nothing’s going to happen.”

Student #3: “But remember, we watched the video with wine glasses? Glass can-–”

Student #4: *interrupting* “IT’S GOING TO EXPLODE!”

Teacher: “Well, let’s see.”

(He places the tube in its stand and begins to pull the bow. The tube instantly shatters, and the fragments fall into the bucket that he would have otherwise filled with water.)

Teacher: “[Student #4], very good. The minute vibrations induced by the bow are too much for a fragile glass tube like this to handle. Next week, we’ll introduce tubes of varying thickness to see what happens then.”

(After class, I hear the story.)

Me: “So, I hear your tube demonstration went wrong today.”

Teacher: “Ah, no, it went perfectly. The important thing isn’t the expected outcome; it’s that they got a chance to learn something new.”

(He thinks for a second.)

Teacher: “And that they don’t realize I screwed up a demonstration I’ve done for every class for the past fourteen years.”

Sadly, We Know This Type Of Teacher

, , , | Learning | May 3, 2018

(This takes place in the late 90s just as computers are becoming super common in households, but some low-income families such as mine don’t have one yet. I also have very bad handwriting, which has caused a lot of problems with graded assignments. Most teachers have been understanding, but my English teacher is not. I constantly get bad grades and comments on my work to use a computer so she can read it. One day, she pulls me aside.)

Teacher: “This is unacceptable! Your scruffy handwriting is difficult enough in class, but I will not have assignments like this anymore! You NEED! NEED! NEED! to type them up from now on.”

Me: “I don’t have a computer at home; we can’t afford it.”

Teacher: “Everyone has a computer. Even if I believe you, you could always use the IT department or go to a library.”

(IT does not let students work on non-IT projects in their rooms, and the only library nearby is open nine am to three pm on weekdays, school time, which I explain to her.)

Teacher: “You are just giving me excuses now. I’m sure you are lying! Now, type this up before next week, or I will be having words with your parents.”

(I cannot type it up. IT won’t let me work on it, and the library is always closed, so I have no choice but to turn in a handwritten essay. My teacher keeps me behind and starts screaming.)


Me: “I tried, but nowhere is available.”

Teacher: “Stupid little boy! I will be having words with your parents, and we will see how much of a liar you are.”

(She calls my mum in a few days later with me.)

Teacher: “[My Name] has been turning in some very subpar assignments, and he claims—” *laughs* “—that you don’t have a computer to type them up on. I just don’t believe that, and think it’s simply down to spite.”

Mum: “Well, times are difficult for us, and I’m really trying to save something for one, but I don’t know how much longer that will be. Why are handwritten notes not acceptable, by the way?”

Teacher: *immediate snapping* “What?! How can you not have a computer?! You have to!”

Mum: “They’re quite expensive, and we don’t have the money. But you aren’t answering my question; why are handwritten essays not good enough?”

Teacher: “You irresponsible parent! Your first investment should be in your child’s education. You should have bought it years ago! How could you not plan like that?! Your child cannot pass with this!”

(My mum asks me to leave the room. I just remember a massive shouting match between them. I remember my mum screaming about how she’s struggling to buy food, and the teacher saying she doesn’t care because she wants an easier time reading essays.)

Mum: *leaving* “I’m pulling you out of this school!”

(My mum eventually complained to the principal. Within a month, letters were sent home to everyone saying that handwritten essays were also accepted. A week later, to the shock of everyone, the IT rooms were opened for everyone, and I never saw that teacher for the rest of the year.)

Having A Field Day With This Parent

, , , , | Learning | May 2, 2018

(I work as a teaching assistant in a special education classroom. Every year, the students in each grade have a “field day,” which includes a number of games and activities held outside on the playground for most of the day. My students have theirs a week earlier than the others in their grade, to prevent them from becoming overwhelmed, and so that we can modify activities if needed. This takes place the morning of our field day, as parents are dropping their children off. I am outside setting up some of the equipment.)

Woman: *approaching me* “Oh, are the kids doing something special today?”

Me: “I’m just setting up for the special education students’ field day.”

Woman: “That’s great! My son loves field day; I’m sure he’ll have a great time today.”

Me: *thinking it’s odd that I haven’t seen her before* “Sorry, who is your son? I teach the special education kids; I’m sure I know him.”

Woman: “[Son] isn’t ‘special’! Why would you say that?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I must have misunderstood. Today is only field day for my students, so he won’t be participating yet.”

Woman: “Then where do I sign him up?”

Me: “You don’t. His class will have theirs next week.”

Woman: “No, no, he wants to do it today. I’ll write a note.”

Me: “Ma’am, this really is only for the special education students.”

Woman: “I know. Don’t worry; it’s okay with me.”

Me: “Well, that’s fine, but it doesn’t matter. Your son will have to wait until his class’s turn.”

Woman: “Of course he won’t. He’d rather play with the special kids, anyway. He hates losing.”

Me: *getting irritated* “My kids are very intelligent and capable. And anyway, he is not a part of their field day today. I’d like to finish setting up now, if you’ll excuse me.”

Woman: “Don’t be stupid; they’re not over here. You don’t have to lie like that. I know what they’re like. They would love to have a normal child pay attention to them! If you won’t help me, I’ll talk to the principal.”

Me: *fuming at this point* “You do that.”

(To no one’s surprise, the principal told her that her child would have to wait for his class’s field day. I later found out that she pulled her kid out of school early that day and attempted to send him into the playground with my students. Luckily, the security officer made it very clear that if she did not leave on her own, he would be escorting her out.)

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