Russian Coffee

, , , | Learning | August 10, 2017

(A few classmates and I are sitting in a classroom waiting for our lecturer. It’s a small early morning class. A cold front has just passed by and brought cold, rainy weather. The building we’re in is cool at the best of times and has no heating, which is common for buildings here since it’s so rarely needed. Needless to say, we’re all feeling a bit miserable. Suddenly, one classmate pipes up:)

Classmate: “You know, I brought a flask of vodka. That could come in handy right about now.”

(We’re all jokingly discussing how to distribute it among ourselves and have settled on adding it to coffee when the lecturer walks in. He’s caught the tail end of the conversation.)

Lecturer: “Vodka? At this time of the morning? In my class? Are you alcoholics?”

Classmate: “Not in class… and we’d be adding it to coffee. It’s just to warm up.”

Lecturer: “Do it now, on one condition: make me one as well.”

(And that’s how we ended up drinking in class…)

The Lunch Bunch

, , , , | Learning | August 10, 2017

(Every day, we’re called to lunch in groups, then left to wait in a cramped, drafty corridor until a teacher comes up to tell us they’re ready. Or often, just left there for ages for trivial reasons…)

Worker: “Well, the thing is, they’re ready now. But I’m not the one who’s been scheduled to send you down today. As soon as we work out who it is, we can send them up.”

(She disappears for a long time. We’re getting restless and hungry.)

Worker: “Okay, we’ve worked out who’s supposed to do it, but we’re not sure where she is. We’ll all just have to wait a while longer.”

Me: “If you’re ready, can’t we just—”

Worker: “No!”

(She leaves and my friend stands on a bench.)

Friend: “Right! On the count of three, we all just go down there! One, two three!”

(The whole crowd rushes through the doors as one. Since they couldn’t punish all of us, there was nothing they could do and had to get on with serving us.)

Both Sound Inappropriate

, , , , | Learning | August 9, 2017

(We are talking about low-level disruption, largely because the teachers are sick of it.)

Teacher: “Off-topic discussions, teachers stroke students—”

Student: “Teachers stroke students?”

(The class laughs.)

Teacher: “Teachers SLASH students.”

Me: “Teachers slash students?”

(Now that was an off-topic discussion.)

Keeping This Partnership Civil

, , , , | Learning | August 9, 2017

(The year is 2004 and same-sex marriage is a hot topic. For some reason this is discussed in my economics class.)

Teacher: “Banning same sex marriage is not prejudice.”

(Most students let out an audible ‘What?’)

Student #1: “How is banning same-sex marriage not in anyway prejudice? It’s banning a minority from a right the majority has.”

Teacher: “It is not. For example I won’t be allowed to marry a man.”

Student #2: “That is so stupid. You’re already married.”

Teacher: “Yes, but I won’t be able to marry a man. And don’t call me stupid.”

Student #1: *now raising her voice* “You can’t marry a man now because you’re already married. These people are not allowed to marry the people they love but you are because some people a long time ago said so.”

Teacher: “Lower your voice. This discussion is over.”

Student #2: “You brought it up.”

Teacher: “ENOUGH!”

Student #1: *now practically shouting* “NO! You can’t bring this up and not defend what you say. Nothing you said makes any sense. You say the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard and you expect us to not say anything about it.”

Teacher: “Enough. Let’s move on.”

Student #1: “Gladly.”

(She gets up and leaves with Student #2 following behind her.)

Teacher: “Let’s just read for the rest of class.”

(The following week a memo was sent to classes that current events would no longer be discussed during class. Student #1 never came back to that class.)

The Cult Of The Living Skull

, , , | Learning | August 9, 2017

(My friend works as an anthropologist at a university.)

Friend: “Funny story; I was glancing through our skull models and apparently we have the cast of Charles Manson’s skull in our collection? I just thought that was an odd choice.”

(Friend thinks for a moment…)

Friend: “Or wait, maybe it’s Charles Mason. That would make more sense.”

Me: “Charles Manson isn’t dead, so I hope not.”

Friend: “That’s why I was confused. Must have been the English astronomer, then.”

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