A Chemical Reaction To Get You Fired

, , , , | Learning | December 13, 2017

During my senior year of high school, the last day of classes before Christmas break was interrupted by a fire alarm. We all evacuated, thinking at first that it was just a drill, but quickly realizing that the first floor of the building was filling with smoke. There was so much that it started setting off people’s asthma.

Still, everyone was able to evacuate safely and there was no visible fire, so no one was worried. We just enjoyed the impromptu break from classes and being able to be outside, since it was nice weather, despite being late December.

We were outside for quite a while, while the fire department cleared out the smoke–so long that we ended up missing three periods. The whole time, we were talking about what was going on, debating on how the fire could have started.

After they gave us the all-clear and we returned inside, we were informed of what happened. The fire had started in the chemistry lab–by the chemistry teacher, who thought it would be a good idea to throw hot, burning embers into a trash can full of paper towels.

Perfect Portrait Of A Substitute Teacher

, , , , , | Learning | December 12, 2017

(I’m in eighth grade. At our school, everyone has a free period that lasts about half an hour. During this time, you can have a study hall period or join a club. I join an art club. I walk into the room and see an older male sub sitting at the teacher’s desk. We all settle down and wait for instruction.)

Substitute Teacher: *being totally serious* “So, [Regular Teacher] is out today, in case you couldn’t tell. I am not [Regular Teacher], because she is a young, married lady. I am not any of those things.”

(My friends and I are looking at each other and trying not to laugh.)

Substitute Teacher: *still being serious* “She didn’t leave any plans, and I don’t feel like thinking, so you can have a study hall. Do homework, play computer games, nap, meditate…”

(By now, the whole class is giggling. We try to hide it to be respectful.)

Substitute Teacher: *still serious* “I don’t have roll paper thingy for you guys, so I’m going to pass around a sheet of paper. Please keep the paper in portrait form. Write your names in a list, each one parallel to the prior one. Some people may drop the paper. In this case, the top may become the bottom and the bottom may become the top. If this happens, carefully proceed to pick up the sheet of paper and continue writing your name under everyone else’s. If you drop the paper, it may also flip from portrait to landscape. If this happens, make sure you return the paper to its original position before continuing to write your name.”

Me: “We’re in eighth grade! We should know how to write our names in a list and pick up a sheet of paper by now.”

Substitute Teacher: *flustered* “Well, I didn’t have a good childhood, and I didn’t know, so there’s no need to be disrespectful, young lady.”

(He proceeded to pass around the paper and then meditated throughout the class. My friends and I were laughing so hard. That’s probably the best encounter I’ve ever had with a sub.)

Math Is High Art

, , , | Learning | December 12, 2017

(I have started college and go to an early-learning program to boost my math grade. On the last few days, an adviser is given to each student that pertains to our specific major. The college I attend is the same college my mother and father graduated from, but I am shocked when my adviser is my mother’s math teacher.)

Teacher: “Hello [My Name], it’s nice to meet you.”

Me: “Hello [Teacher], it’s nice to meet you, too. I don’t know if you remember her, but I’m [Mom]’s daughter.”

Teacher: “Oh, I remember her! The artist right?” *giggles* “And now you’re a math major?”

Me: “Yep, I’m hoping to become a math teacher.”

Teacher: “…and my daughter hopes to become an artist. Are we sure you and my daughter weren’t switched at birth?”

Nurses Are Hard-Working Before They Are Nurses

, , , | Learning | December 12, 2017

(I work at a training school for LPNs – the level of nurse below Registered Nurses. One day one of my students is feeling ill, and throws up in the bathroom. After she is finished, she goes to the secretary to explain why she is leaving school early.)

Student: “Hey, I just vomited so I’m going home for the rest of the day.”

Secretary: “I’m sorry to hear that! You go home and feel better. I’ll tell our custodian to take care of the mess.”

Student: “Oh, I already cleaned it up; just tell him he needs to sanitize the handicapped stall really well. I would have done that, too, but didn’t have the supplies for it.”

(The secretary told me later that when she told our custodian what the student had said, he replied, “This is why I love working at a nursing school – easiest job ever!”)

Auto-Rejected

, , , , | Learning | December 11, 2017

(The academy I work in has a sponsor who also owns an obscure chain of carpet shops. One day, he decides to write an autobiography and sends 20 copies to the staff room.)

Coworker: “The note says two of them are for the library. Do the ten-year-olds really want to read them that badly?”

Me: “What are the rest for?”

Coworker: “They’re for staff members to buy.”

Me: “Wait, so, they’re not even a gift?”

Coworker: “No.”

Me: “What are we going to say when we send 18 of them back?”

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