Absent-Mindedly Kidnapped

, , , | Learning | March 12, 2018

(I am a student at an adult learning centre, which is basically high school for adults. Unlike traditional high school, this school’s attendance policy is very strict, and one of my teachers is explaining this to the class.)

Teacher: “Here at [School], you are only allowed up to three absences without notice. If you miss more than three days without prior notice, you will be automatically withdrawn from my class. If you know you will be missing a class on a test day, you need to arrange an alternate test day with me.”

Me: “What if there are extenuating circumstances where I have to miss more than three days, including test dates, but I’m unable to give you any prior notice?”

Teacher: “In what circumstance could that ever be possible?”

Me: “Well, what if I got kidnapped? Even if my abductor gives me a phone call, I don’t think I would use it on school.”

Teacher: “Oh, that won’t be a problem. I’ll probably see you on the news, and I will accept that as notice.”

(It was foolish of me to challenge her wit. Many teachers handle bratty kids just fine, so a smart-mouthed adult is probably nothing in comparison.)

A Different Kind Of “F” Word

, , , , , , , | Learning | March 12, 2018

(I’m hanging out with my friends during lunch break, and two of them are bantering like typical teenage boys.)

Friend #1: “Dude, why are you being so gay right now?”

Friend #2: “You’re the one being a [gay slur], not me.”

Friend #1: “No! You’re gay!”

Friend #2: “You’re gay!”

Friend #1: “Homo!”

Friend #2: “[Gay slur]!”

(At this point, they’re being so loud that a teacher has overheard them and is walking towards us.)

Teacher: “Hey, guys, I’m not here to change your political views, but do you really have to be using that word?”

Friend #1: “Yeah! He’s a [gay slur]!”

Friend #2: “No! He’s the [gay slur]!”

Teacher: “There you go again with that word! Why are you calling each other ‘[gay slur]’? Why not just call each other ‘[racial slur]’ or something?”

Friend #1: “Whoa, not cool! What if a black person walks by when you say that?”

Teacher: “Exactly. What if a gay person walks by while you two are doing that?”

Friends #1 & #2: “Oh.”

(We learned a very powerful lesson that day.)

You’d Be Barking Mad Not To

, , , , , | Learning | March 11, 2018

(In my study hall class, there’s this one girl who is know for being rather disruptive.)

Girl: “Hey, Mr. Teacher, can I play this video for [Classmate]?”

Teacher: “No. Do your work, please.”

Girl: “But it’s ten seconds long and has a dog in it!”

Teacher: “So, it’s not important?”

Friend: “Did you just say dogs aren’t important?!”

Teacher: “Good point; you can play it.”

You’re Not Born To Do This

, , , , | Learning | March 10, 2018

I have just turned 15, which is the minimum age to get your driver’s permit in my state. However, I need to take a written test based on the driver’s manual, and I’m a bit stressed out by this. My grandmother drives me to the DMV and tries to calm me down while I fill out the initial paperwork and turn over my birth certificate to the staff. The staff give me the rundown of all the rules, and then direct me to the computer with the test all set up.

The first thing the test asks for is confirmation of my personal information. No problem; I can do that. I put in my full name and my date of birth. I click the button to proceed, but get bounced back to the information page. Confused, I re-enter the information and try again. Again, I click the button to move on to the actual test, but again, it doesn’t let me. A window pops up saying that I have failed the test and need to speak with DMV staff.

I head back to the main desk, trying not to freak out. The woman behind the desk is just as confused as I am, since the computer is saying that I have failed, but is also saying that I didn’t answer any of the content questions. As we start to go through the forms I filled out to make sure information isn’t missing, I discover that I have written down the wrong date for my birthday; the month and year are correct, but I had, for some reason, written down the wrong day. I get some weird looks for that, but my birth certificate confirms the right day, and I am able to take (and pass) the test.

I was the only one in my group of friends to fail the test for getting my birthday wrong.

The Grade Is Mightier Than The Sword

, , , , , , | Learning | March 9, 2018

I am an avid reader; I’ve read The Lord of the Rings at least twice a year between ages ten and fifteen.

At age twelve, my English class requires us to do book reports on a regular basis. Because I read quickly and am able to smoothly summarize the books I read, for one report I ask if I can do an entire four-book young adult series; in total, it’s still under the size of any one The Lord of the Rings book. The teacher agrees, and I write a report on each book, being sure to include a magical sword which is clearly described as being conscious in its own right.

I got a poor grade for not doing a single report, and because “swords can’t be characters.” But at least I learned that I never had to put any real effort into my future book reports.

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