I am the Science Teacher in this story. 

This was close to the end of the year, and I was trying to review several concepts with the Grade 10 class. I hadn’t picked up that they were getting bored, probably because they were familiar already, but they were restless and not really paying attention. I was getting a little frustrated, and finally, I had had enough, and spouted off on them by saying something like:

Me: “I think I could teach heads of cabbage easier than you lot today.”

I didn’t get much reaction, but they did settle down for the rest of the class.

So, the last day of classes finally arrives. My next science class was just after lunchtime, and I had gone home to have lunch. When I got back to school and entered my classroom, there was a head of cabbage on each and every desk. 

I busted out laughing and couldn’t contain my mirth. The students started to hesitantly enter the classroom, not knowing what my reaction would be, but when they saw that I wasn’t mad, but in fact quite happy at the troll they had played on me, they all had a good laugh too. They all passed my exam that semester.

I’m learning how to drive. I’ve just gotten comfortable and am driving, holding the steering wheel with my fingertips.

Instructor: “You shouldn’t do that.”

Me: “Is it on the list of reasons why you can fail me?”

Instructor: “No, but… what if your passenger reaches over and grabs the wheel like this?!”

He does just that, grabbing the wheel and giving it a yank.

Me: “Uh, if my passenger does that, they’re about to stop being my passenger. Ever again.”

I submitted “The Secretest Santa That Ever Secreted“:

I had a field trip that happened in that same school year that I mentioned in the comments as an example of how I was one of the few impoverished students in a program full of wealthy (or wealthy-in-appearance) students and classmates–here is an elaboration on it.

We were sent downtown for this field trip. Rather than going on a school bus, this program preferred to have parents volunteer as chaperones. For this one, students were randomly assigned to a group of four to five, plus a parent. I had been given $5 for this field trip to buy lunch. We were poor (I was on the free lunch program), so while it wasn’t much, I appreciated it. The field trip was divided into two parts, with an hour-long lunch break in between.

When it was time for lunch, we got in the parents’ car and drove off; she asked the group if there was anywhere they’d like to go. We passed by an interesting-looking place, which I now know is the Grand Central Market. I suggested we get lunch there. The parent, knowing what I was referring to, said:

Parent: “No, that’s poor people’s food.”

Ultimately, she made the final decision as no one else in the group had suggested anything, none of the others being too familiar with the area either. We went to an area in the business district with no one else around that I could see and except at a Starbucks attached to an office building; we went there. Now, this was the late 2000s. In this area, at the time, Starbucks hadn’t been around for too long, so it was locally known as a place to get coffee more expensive (that is, classier and more sophisticated) than at other places, so it was popular among the wealthy and those who liked to appear wealthy, especially teenagers who wanted to look mature.

We all went inside. I don’t know if this was because Starbucks was more limited in its menu at that time or if it was a small location with a deliberately limited menu, but all it had for non-coffee items were cookies, some simple pastries under a heat lamp, and muffins. The only thing I could afford with the $5 on me was a cookie. Not in the mood to have a single cookie for lunch and nothing else, I walked out looking for anywhere else to eat in the area. There was nothing within sight except for this one place that was not only closed at the moment, but the menu posted outside had even more expensive stuff. I just sat on an unused chair in front of the Starbucks.

Eventually, everyone else in the group walked out with coffee. They had no solid food. The parent turned to me.

Parent: “You didn’t get anything?”

Me: “I couldn’t afford anything there, and I didn’t want just a cookie by itself.”

Parent: “I see. Well, I’m shocked. Shocked that you didn’t get anything. Oh well.”

She turned to the rest of the group and chatted about what they experienced in the first half of the field trip, while I continued to sit in that chair to kill time for the lunch break to end. They sat together at another table. I wasn’t going to tell anyone else during the second half of the field trip, knowing I would be mocked and teased about it to the end of the year over it.

I should’ve just accepted the cookie.

This was way back when. More years than I can count on ten fingers, and more than I care to think about.

We were on a coach headed on a school trip to Hadrian’s Wall. At the time, we were all probably around ten years old. We were excited. At one point during the trip, with still a good while to go, one of my classmates pipes up excitedly:

Classmate #1: “Look! There it is! I see Hadrian’s Wall!”

Cue excited scrambling while we try to catch our first glimpse. And then, from around the midsection of the coach:

Classmate #2: “That’s someone’s garden wall, ya idiot!”

I’m attending a free “Intro to Photography” class at the community center.

Instructor: “Alright, everyone, welcome! Tonight’s about the basics: light, composition, and using the camera you’ve got. Don’t worry, no jargon, no tech overload. Just a comfortable introduction.”

Half the class nods eagerly, but one guy in the back, arms folded and smirking, raises his hand.

Show-Off: “What’s your stance on full-frame sensors versus crop sensors for dynamic range at higher ISOs?”

Instructor: “Good question. In short, full-frame sensors usually handle noise better because they’ve got more surface area to capture light. But for beginners, the difference isn’t something you’ll notice right away. Composition and lighting will matter more.”

The instructor keeps going, but barely a slide later:

Show-Off: “Yeah, but what about pixel pitch? Doesn’t that make crop sensors superior in certain conditions?”

Instructor: *Still smiling.* “Pixel pitch plays a role, sure, but again, that’s splitting hairs most novices don’t need to worry about. The important thing is learning to control exposure and framing.”

A few people shift in their seats, sensing the tension. The instructor starts a section on the “rule of thirds.”

Show-Off: *Interrupting again.* “Okay, but how does that apply if you’re shooting RAW and planning to crop extensively in post-production?”

Instructor: *Calmly.* “It still applies. Cropping doesn’t change the principles of balance in an image. It just gives you flexibility.”

Show-Off: *Leaning back smugly.* “Hmm. I don’t know about that…”

The class grows restless. The instructor sets down the clicker and looks straight at him.

Instructor: “You know, based on the questions you’re asking, it seems like you already have an advanced level of knowledge of photography.”

Show-Off: *Grinning.* “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

Instructor: “So that means one of two things. Either you came here with the sole intention of showing off how much you know and undermining a free class for novice photographers in the community… just to be an a**hole. Or you’re an idiot who can’t read, because the flyer said ‘Introductory Class.’ Which one is it?”

The room erupts in muffled laughter. The show-off shrinks back in his chair, suddenly very quiet.

Instructor: *Cheerfully to the group.* “Alright. Back to the basics. Who wants to learn how to take a photo without cutting off someone’s head?”