Stories from school and college

Enunciation Is So Important

, , , , , , | Learning | May 2, 2021

A kindergartner is sent to the principal for writing on his bus seat.

Principal: “Did you write on your seat on the bus?”

Child: “Yes.”

Principal: “Do other kids write on the seats?”

Child: “No.”

Principal: “Do you write on the furniture at home?”

Child: “No.”

Principal: “Then why did you think it was okay to write on the bus seat?”

Child: *Bursts into tears* “Because the driver told us to sit in our ‘signed seats, and mine wasn’t signed!”

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At Least Her Future Is Bright

, , , , , | Learning | May 1, 2021

I work with preschoolers at a daycare. I have a little girl who is incredibly smart but also can have incredibly silly moments. It is the end of daylight saving time, and as such, it gets dark before some of the kids leave. I decide to use this as a teachable moment and talk about the sunset. I turn their attention to the outside and they notice that it’s dark. I ask them why, and they all look at me with blank stares. I explain to them that the sun went down — the sun set.

Girl: *Gasp* “We have to set the sun!”

I was so surprised, I didn’t know how to respond. I think I just said that the sun had already set, so we didn’t have to worry about it. We talked some more about how the earth turns, which is why we have day and night, and how the earth goes around the sun, which is why we have seasons and years. For the next week, some of those kids would come up to me and tell me, “The earth goes around the sun!” which made my teacher heart happy.

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Dam, That’s A Good One

, , , , , | Learning | April 30, 2021

One April morning, the student body got an email.

“In an emergency announcement, it has been reported that the beavers that own [School] are tearing it down. It will be closed Friday, and on Monday, we will resume study in dams. I have included their locations and which students will be attending them in the attachment.

[Attachment]: Beaver Dam Classroom Arrangement

Mabel Syrup

CEO, Beaver Loan Corp”

When I opened the attachment, it had only two words:

“April Fools!”

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I Pledge Allegiance To Tea And Scones

, , , , , | Learning | April 29, 2021

I was a teenage boy attending high school in the USA. Every morning, the whole class would stand up and, with varying degrees of enthusiasm, recite the pledge of allegiance. I did not join in.

As time went by, the homeroom teacher noticed my lack of standing and pledging, and she got angrier and angrier, until one day, she flipped out.

She grabbed me by my shirt and dragged me through the halls of the school, red-faced and screaming almost incoherently about the pledge, the flag, patriotism, and so on and so forth. She dragged me through the office, past a surprised-looking receptionist, and thrust me through a closed door and almost onto my bum in front of the principal, still screeching away at the top of her lungs.

When he could finally get a word in edgeways, the principal said;

Principal: “Why do you refuse to recite the pledge, young man?”

Me: “Well, I’m English. Why would I?”

I thought the teacher was going to burst a blood vessel in her brain when he calmly accepted my explanation. I ended up changing homerooms the next week. Can’t imagine why.

This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of April 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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Here’s An Itemized List Of Thirty Years Of Disagreements

, , , , | Learning | April 28, 2021

I work at a university. I worked as an administrative assistant in the physical science department for just over a year before transferring to an advising position for incoming freshmen.

My (now former) boss had a nasty habit of: 

  1. spreading gossip (which I hate) about anyone and everyone to anyone and everyone, 
  2. refusing to respect my boundaries and being both verbally abusive and emotionally manipulative,  
  3. taking personal offense at any action they deemed “against” them, and 
  4. taking those offenses and turning them into personal vendettas they tried to spread around campus by making up exorbitant lies.

I joined their vendetta list when I changed jobs without their “permission” (their words). The lies that have thus far gotten back to me include, but are not limited to:

  1. I was a spy and was reporting all of their doings back to the dean so that they would get in trouble all the time.
  2. Because of my excellent spy work, they are being demoted from department head to regular faculty — despite the fact they wrote an official memo requesting that they be allowed to step down.
  3. I spread rumors all over campus that they hated the dean (their boss, whom they do hate) and undermined both their relationship and the dean’s position (which my former boss does all the time to anyone they talk to).

The best rumor, though, came through recently. My former boss claims that I am under investigation by both human resources and the campus police because I have been demanding/extorting money — a felony — from instructors and other staff to do work for them, despite the fact that I look like I’m eighteen and am about as intimidating as a dandelion. And apparently, I am about to be fired for it (I’m not).

All in all, it’s just free — if sometimes inconvenient — entertainment for me, though I did report that last one just in case it made its way to people who don’t know me and became a real issue. Transferring jobs was one of the best things I’ve ever done; I’m not struggling with depression as much and am doing much better emotionally overall. 

And to be honest, it makes me smile every time I remember that I’m living rent-free in their head with the rest of their vendetta collection.

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