Figuring Out The Dummies With The Dummy

, , , , , , , | Learning | October 19, 2017

I took a foods course that was divided into “Theory” and “Cooking,” with half the class doing each at any given time, then swapping to the other. I always did the theory first for any given unit, and was one of the few who actually did the work, and one of fewer who actually got good marks from it.

Most of the rest of the class were, unfortunately, the types who scraped by if given the chance, and it showed during the cooking portion when they barely got passing marks. They all saw that I frequently got good marks, and because our paperwork was kept in a public area, they tried to use mine to cheat for marks.

I saw this, but had no real way to take care of it; if I kept my work in my locker, it wouldn’t get marked by the teacher. However, for the final assignment, effectively a “Final Exam” worth around 35% of the final mark, I concocted a scheme to punish them for cheating. I informed my teacher about my suspicions, and told him that I would submit a “dummy” exam with intentionally wrong answers, and give him the proper exam later. He agreed that would be fine. I did so, leaving this “dummy” exam in the main pile, and then let my fellow students know my opinion on cheaters. They laughed at it, and I went about my business.

We got our final marks back, this final assignment included. The cheaters all looked shocked at their final marks, until I heard them at the next table over trying to whisper, “That makes no sense, I copied him…” and “That means [My Name] also got a 0!” as they walked over to me, laughing. “Hey, [My Name]. What did you get?”

“I got 95%,” I said.

They just stopped, took a moment, and walked away, as my professor sat in the corner laughing at the exchange.

The Gloves Are Off

, , , , , , | Learning | October 19, 2017

(I’m the teacher’s assistant for a freshman biology lab class. I’ve worked with this professor for several years, and he’s as much my friend as he is my professor. Today’s lab is about running DNA on electrophoresis gels, which involves a lot of fairly hazardous chemicals. After the professor gets done explaining the concepts, he picks up one of the gels with his bare hands.)

Me: “Dude! Put some gloves on! Do you want to get cancer?!”

Professor: “Eh, whatever. I’ve already had all the kids I’m planning on having, and I figure I’m bound to get cancer, anyway, given how often I work with this stuff.”

(I face-palmed. I will say though, I’ve never seen so many freshmen scramble to get their lab gloves on that quickly!)

The Joke That Killed Itself

, , , , , | Learning | October 18, 2017

(As I am leaving a trumpet lesson, I sling my backpack onto my shoulders, followed by my trumpet case, which has a shoulder strap, and a messenger bag that I carry my music folder around in, since it is too large for my backpack. I now have a bag over each shoulder, in addition to my backpack. I make some little quip about how much stuff I had to carry, and my teacher chuckles.)

Teacher: “Ha. Yeah, you look like a suicide bomber.”

(Having no idea how to respond, I said something like, “Ha, okay,” and promptly left.)

Principal Needs To Get With The Program

, , , , | Learning | October 18, 2017

(It’s back-to-school week, and we parents are all listening to a presentation by the teachers about what the school year will be like for our kids. One of the parents asks what the program is like, and the principal replies.)

Principal: “You can go see on our website. We have all the program detailed there in really simple terms, using words even you can understand, as parents: nothing too complicated, no difficult words…”

(She went on and on, explaining how they dumbed down the vocabulary for us. This is a private school; all the parents are high-powered CEOs, bankers, and doctors. I had a good laugh.)

Boy Bothered By Bonus Brother

, , , , | Learning | October 17, 2017

(It’s “Meet the Teachers” night at the high school. Due to a large age gap with our children, we are attending for the first time in a long time. We get to the language teacher’s classroom. He was a favorite with my older children and their friends. The teacher loved these kids, and has an awesome sense of humor.)

Teacher #1: “Welcome. My name is Mr. [Teacher #1], and I teach languages. This should be the parents of the first year German students. It looks like you are all new to the school, correct?” *notices us* “Oh! No, I see some repeat offenders.”

Me: “Yes, you do. I should start by saying I’m sorry. I let my son spend his summer with his brothers and Mr. [Teacher #2]. I’m really sorry.”

Teacher #1: “You should be. He’s been telling horrible jokes and repeating terrible things.”

Me: “Yeah, I suspected as much.”

Teacher #1: “You really shouldn’t have let him spend time with them.”

Husband: “We know, but it’s hard, since he lives in the same house as his brothers.”

Teacher #1: “And Mr. [Teacher #2]? You really owe me for that.”

Husband: “Well, he is our bonus kid.”

Teacher #1: “Fine. But be aware; I take cash, checks, credit cards…”

(We laughed and he turned to look at the rest of the room. All of the new parents were staring and looking very worried. That was the day I realized my kid went to school with the children of humorless people.)

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