(I teach young kids how to swim. After the last group, I change into my clothes and wait in the hall for my ride. I spot a few kids from my group and overhear them.)

Kid #1: “Are you wearing your pajamas?!”

Kid #2: “Yes.”

Kid #1: “What are you, a baby?”

(Mind you, the kid is about six years old. The other kids start laughing. Having been bullied most of my youth, I can’t stand this behavior, but I also have a responsibility as a teacher to not just scream what I want to scream. I take a gamble.)

Me: “Well, I think it’s efficient!”

Kid #3: “What’s efficient?”

Me: “Well, [Kid #2] is very smart. By changing into her pajamas here, she doesn’t have to change at home. She saves a lot of time.”

Kid #1: “So?”

Me: “The time she saves by undressing and dressing again, she can now spend hanging out with her parents or watching TV. This way, she can stay up a little bit longer!”

(The group fell silent, and their parents picked them up. I wondered if my words had even helped. The next week, three more children were wearing pajamas after the lesson, and [Kid #1] screamed at his mother he wanted to wear his pajamas, too. Guess I set a trend?)

(We are all talking before the start of class when the following exchange occurs.)

Classmate #1: “Here’s a good one. ‘So, a man comes into a bar—’ Wait; it was a horse. Let me start over. ‘So, a man comes into a horse…’”

(Entire class groans while the professor gives him a look.)

Classmate #2: “You know, that’s actually legal in some states.”

Professor: *long pause* “Get out.”

(I am in math class at college on the first day of the semester, quietly sitting in my seat. The professor comes in and begins reading off the attendance list. When he gets to me:)

Me: *casually* “Hey, Dad.”

Father: *sigh* “Go to the office and tell them you need a different math teacher.”

When I was ten years old, the summer program I attended went on a field trip to a local indoor waterpark. I tried using a feature where one walked across on lily-pad-like flotation devices while also using a net above, but ended up slipping off and getting trapped underneath one of them.

The worst part was that the lifeguard — nor anyone else, for that matter — seemed not to notice, and the other kids continued to walk on the lily pads, despite my predicament. After what felt like forever, I freed myself, but due to embarrassment, I said nothing about it and went to do something else.

Ten minutes later, the summer program staff announced we were going back to the site early — we’d been there for only an hour — due to inattentive lifeguards, which made me wonder what else had happened, since none of them asked if I was okay.

Math Problem: “Solve for X.”

Me: “[Teacher], I don’t know how to do this.”

Teacher: “You need to solve for X.”

Me: “I know, but I don’t know how to do it.”

Teacher: “Solve for X.”

Me: “I know that; I don’t know how.”

Teacher: “Oh! Okay, I see what the problem is now. Here, look. X stands for a number, and you need to figure out what that number is.”

Me: *pause* “Thanks.”