I’m an assistant Prekindergarten teacher. The daycare I work at has two pre-k classes. While heading to break, I see a teacher from the other class putting on gloves and heading toward the children’s bathroom with a look of dread.

Me: “Uh, [Teacher]. What are you doing?”

Teacher: *Sighing.* “[Student] swallowed his mom’s wedding ring. She asked if we’d sift through his bowel movements if he had any here until it’s recovered.”

Me: *Wide eyes.* “Girl, she’s lucky he is in your class because that would have been a no from me. We do not get paid enough for that.”

Teacher: “I know, but [Mom] seemed really upset that she potentially might not get her ring back.”

I asked the head teacher in my classroom what she would have said or done, and she said if it had been one of our students, she guessed they would be staying home until the ring was recovered because she would have said no too.

The teachers did end up finding the ring and basically got a half-hearted ‘thanks’ from the mom when she got it back.

I love having conversations with my students about their post-school plans. Some have definite plans. Others need help with their next steps. Then there is this conversation I had this morning.

Me: “So, what do you want to do when you get out of here?”

Student: “I’m getting tacos, maybe a torta.”

Me: “No, I mean when you graduate.”

Student: “Oh! I wanna move to California and be a lineman. They make a ton of money.”

Me: “That’s a great idea! We can research what you will need to do in order to get there.”

Student: “Then my BIG goal is to buy a big-ass house and throw a big-ass party. My mom will be so mad at me when I call to get bailed out!”

Me: “…”

Student: “Yeah, that’s my dream!”

Me: “I don’t think I can help researching that.”

My friend and I are at a movie theater at the midnight opening night release of ‘The Force Awakens’, so the atmosphere is buzzing. We’re buying some concessions, and I spot my friend talking to an older guy. They have a friendly chat for a few minutes before saying ‘bye’, when my friend then walks back over to me, smiling.

Me: “Who was that?”

Friend: “That’s my college professor.”

Me: “Oh, cool. Why are you smiling so much?”

Friend: “Yeah, I have a class with him tomorrow morning. He told me he better not have to ‘force awaken’ me due to my lack of sleep.”

Me: “That’s… a terrible dad joke.”

Friend: “That’s what I said, but terrible dads are kinda par for the course for Star Wars, so it fits.” *Shrugs.*

We laughed and enjoyed the movie. We saw his professor again on the way out, and he said, “Goodnight, younglings!”

I am a middle school teacher. One day, there is a tornado risk, and we lock down in our storm shelters – the PE locker rooms. Some students get anxious, particularly students who moved from places that don’t get tornadoes. I give them the most information I can in a reasonable tone – knowledge is power – and they seem reassured, or at least too busy thinking over the info to be panicked. 

To further reduce the tension, I take out my secret weapon – a small, palm-sized yellow school bus stress toy made of foam. I hurl it into the back of a student’s head. The kid laughs and launches it in kind. Soon enough, we have a seated, hushed hybrid game of catch/dodgeball going, and the storm is forgotten by the students as I keep an eye on the radar.

As he prepares to throw the bus, a student pauses, thoughtfully inspects the bus, and informs the students around him:

Student: “You know, there might be a bus flying outside just like this.”

He then hurled it across the room, and the game continued.

My poor bus landing in the toilet notwithstanding, all was well, and we eventually resumed classes.

After leaving the Marines, the spousal unit was able to get his teaching certification through the Troops to Teachers program and began looking for jobs. The staff at a small country school district where he applied interviewed him, liked what they saw, and submitted his CV to the school board for approval to hire him as a geography teacher. However, some of the members expressed concern about his lack of pedagogical experience.

First Board Member: “I see he’s certified for geography, but other than student teaching, he has zero time in the classroom.”

Second Board Member: “I don’t see the problem. H***, he’s probably invaded most of them countries he’s gonna be teaching about.”

They hired him.