Show Me The Money!

, , , , | Right | October 25, 2017

(I work customer service where we do a number of things including wiring money. As people like to use this to get free cash, we are told to hang up if someone calls claiming to be from the company.)

Me: *answering phone* “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Scammer: “Yes, this is [Name] from [Company]. I need you to enter a transfer to see if your new security upgrade went through.”

Me: “Oh, you need me to make sure the system is secure by sending someone money when no one is here to give me money to validate the transaction.”

Scammer: “Yes, that is correct.”

Me: “Yeeeaaah, that’s not gonna happen.” *click*

(The sad part is some people actually follow through with these and complete the transaction.)

A Warning For A Warning

, , , , , | Working | October 24, 2017

(I am visiting my friend at her new house for the first time. There is no parking, so she says to call and she will show me somewhere to park then I get there. I pull over and call, and then start driving to our meeting space, which is a jewelry store. As I’m pulling in, a cop car turns on its lights. I stop, wait about two minutes, then try to get out to see what is going on.)

Officer #1: “Get back in your vehicle!”

Me: “Ah! Sorry!”

(I’m a woman, 5’7”, and 110 pounds. I’m not exactly threatening-looking. Another cop car shows up.)

Officer #2: “Licence registration and proof of insurance!”

(I hand it over. My license is paper because it is being replaced.)

Officer #2: “What’s this?”

Me: “My license is being replaced because I misplaced it in Israel.”

Officer #2: “What were you doing there?”

Me: “Visiting family, sir.”

Officer #2: “What are you doing here? Why were you pulled over back there?”

Me: “I’m meeting a friend. I pulled over to call her. Look: she’s texting now!”

(The text says, “How did you get surrounded by police in five minutes?!” I wait for them to process my info.)

Officer #1: *walks up* “Here. We will let you off with a warning.” *walks away*

Me: “For what?”

Stupid Minds Think Alike

, , , , , | Romantic | October 24, 2017

(It is our day off and my boyfriend and I each make something simple to eat for lunch. I mix salsa and sour cream together just to eat with some chips, but I unfortunately pour way too much salsa into the bowl.)

Me: *thinking to myself* “Hmm, [Boyfriend] might like to eat his pizza rolls with my salsa. Oh, don’t ask him that; what a stupid idea.”

(I leave the room for a couple of moments, and then come back and finish eating, but unfortunately end up tossing the rest of the dip.)

Boyfriend: *while I’m throwing out the salsa* “You know, while you weren’t in the room I tried my pizza rolls with your salsa, and it was really good, but I didn’t want you to see me eating it because I thought it was such a stupid idea!”

Unfiltered Story #97930

, | Unfiltered | October 22, 2017

Me: “Welcome to (restaurant), how can I help you?”
Customer: “I’d like two senior black coffers, and one with cream.”
Me: (confirming order) “Okay, that’s three coffees total, two black, one with cream?”
Customer: “NO! Two senior black coffers, and one with cream!”
Me *sigh* “Okay, one senior black coffee, and one senior coffee with one cream?”
Customer: (angrily) “Yes!”

Folks, “black” coffee means no cream! If you want cream, don’t order it black!

Unfiltered Story #97908

, , | Unfiltered | October 19, 2017

(I am a paralegal, and one of my jobs is to answer the new client call-in line for my department. This happens at least once per intake session.)

Me: Hello, you’ve reached the [Department] intake line, this is [My Name], how can I help you?

Client: Is this [Department]?

Me:…Yes.

Client: And who am I speaking to?

Me: (sighs internally)

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