Flush With Coffee

, , , | Right | January 20, 2021

I’m a casino table games dealer. I was dealing four-card poker. The lady on my first seat had a really good hand going for her. When I flipped over the second-to-last card, she took a drink of coffee and then looked down, and when she saw it was the card she needed, she choked herself out of excitement and spit out her coffee… all over the felt table, the cards, the chip rack, and my arm.

Of course, I was not allowed to move because of strict security measures, and there was a game that still needs to be paid out in progress, so I hollered out to my floor manager.

She looked over at me and just kind of glared off into the distance until she realized what had happened and saw me covered in coffee. I had preemptively dealt this lady a straight flush, which apparently excited her. I mean, to be fair, this does pay quite a lot in four-card, especially when you bet the side bets, as well.

I had to stand there literally frozen in place for what felt like thirty minutes as my pit manager and security took the cards to dispose of them properly. They had to take everyone’s chips and issued them redemption slips, as they couldn’t leave the table because they were contaminated.

They had to make sure everything was in the proper order following safety and security protocols. Coffee was all over my arm, and I was just staring off into the distance. The table had to be properly closed and everything had to be properly accounted for before I could leave to go clean up. I had to fill out an incident report to remove liability of assault, as well as track if I did get sick from it.

I still don’t even know if that lady ever got paid for the hand because the hand had not been — nor could have been — completed.

To this day, my friends who still work there still haze me about my “orientation.”

1 Thumbs

You Have To Be Smarter Than The SmartBoard

, , , , , , | Learning | January 19, 2021

My high school building is three stories tall and is old enough that the classrooms still have large windows that are meant to allow access to an exterior fire escape, which were removed before I got to high school.

SmartBoards are the newest must-have piece of technology in schools, so my school installs SmartBoards in every classroom during the summer before my tenth-grade year. Most of the teachers love their SmartBoards, but my tenth-grade math teacher… doesn’t. He is a severe technophobe and doesn’t even like electronic calculators, let alone computers and other “modern” technology. The school board and administration force him to accept the SmartBoard and do his best to figure out how to use it. For the first month or so, he does try really hard to get it to work, but he always ends up going back to his trusted chalkboard.

One day, our math teacher is trying to use a relatively simple drag-and-drop program on the SmartBoard but can’t get it to work, and he has finally had his fill of frustration.

First, he shouts some choice swear words at the SmartBoard, which prove ineffective in making it work the way he wants it. So he punches the SmartBoard, repeatedly, until it literally cracks and breaks.

He declares the SmartBoard broken and unplugs all the cables from it. Then, he tears it off the wall, carries it over to the window, and drops it.

His classroom is on the third floor.

He gets in a bit of trouble over it, but the school board and administration allow him to go without a SmartBoard for the rest of the year. He happily uses his chalkboard until the end of the year, and then he retires because the school wants to keep adding more technology, and he knows he won’t be able to keep up.

1 Thumbs

Parking Mad

, , , | Right | January 18, 2021

I’m a shelver at a public library. Unlike most of the libraries in the area, our parking lot has meters. This is the city’s decision, not the library’s, but that doesn’t stop people from complaining to the staff about it.

I’m shelving in the children’s section when I overhear this happening.

Little Kid: “Mommy, I don’t wanna go! I wanna stay!”

Mom: “I know, honey, but Mommy doesn’t have more money to put in the parking meter.”

As they walk out of the children’s section, she announces loudly:

Mom: “That’s why we don’t come here very often! [Nearby Town #1] doesn’t have parking meters at the library… [Nearby Town #2] doesn’t have them… only [Our Town]!”

It was definitely the most passive-aggressive complaint I’ve heard yet. The funny thing is that when I mentioned it to the children’s librarians later, they hadn’t even noticed her!

1 Thumbs

Made A Baraboo-Boo

, , , , | Right | January 1, 2021

I’m being helped at the customer service desk when the store phone rings. I hear the associate’s side of the conversation. It’s worth noting that the store is having a major promotion and the line at the service desk is quite long.

Associate: “Hello, thank you for calling your [Town] [Store] today. How can I help you?”

The associate pauses while the customer speaks.

Associate: “I’m sorry. I don’t have a phone book here, so I wouldn’t be able to look up a number in another city.”

There’s another pause.

Associate: “No, our registers can’t get on the Internet. And we really don’t—”

The associate is cut off by the customer.

Associate: “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

There’s a pause.

Associate: “No, like I said, I don’t have a phone book. You could call directory assistance.”

One more pause.

Associate: “Again, I’m sorry. I can’t help you. Goodbye.”

Me: “Weird question?”

Associate: “He wanted me to look up a phone number for a person in Baraboo. Just a random person. I have no idea why he thought we could do that.”

1 Thumbs

We’re Really Starting To Get Heated Over This Hotel Staff

, , , , , , | Working | December 29, 2020

I am the author of this story and a few others. Here is another story from the same hotel.

Every winter holiday season, our catering department holds a holiday banquet where people can buy tickets and come and eat at the buffet. This runs over the course of multiple days.

Our catering department puts up decorated trees and lights everywhere in the lobby and ballroom. The electrical breakers periodically pop because, between the lights and the heated buffet tables, it is just too much.

This leads to a cycle where the maintenance staff unplug lights to keep the buffet running, but then the catering manager just goes and plugs all the lights back in, and around and around.

The solution that management comes up with is this.

One maintenance worker is selected to stand at the electrical breaker panel during the banquet hours with an oven mitt on to turn breakers back on when they pop. Why the oven mitt, you ask? Because the panel gets so hot that he can’t touch it with his bare hands.

This Whole Staff Is Totally Methed Up
In This Case, MOD Apparently Stands For Master Of Drunkenness

1 Thumbs