Don’t Do Coke, Kids!

, , , , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

Customer #1: “What kind of soda products do you have?”

Me: “Coke.”

Customer #1: “I’ll have a Pepsi.”

Customer #2: “Dude, she just said they have Coke products.”

Customer #1: “Isn’t Coke a Pepsi product?”

Me: “Coke is Coke.”

Customer #1: “Okay. Cherry Pepsi, please.”

Customer #2: “Me, too.”

The Only Letter That’s Useful Is A Four-Letter Word

, , , | Working | October 10, 2017

(I have an appointment with my neurologist scheduled for December 22nd. The night before, I go on their online scheduling system to double check the appointment time, but it says I have no upcoming appointments. However, it says I missed an appointment on the 16th, which doesn’t make any sense because I had college finals on that day and would not have scheduled an appointment then. I call the office as soon as I get up the next morning.)

Me: “Hello, I had an appointment scheduled for December 22nd, but [Online System] says I don’t have any appointments coming up, and I missed an appointment on the 16th. I pulled out my visit summary sheet, and it says I scheduled my next appointment for the 22nd, not the 16th, so I’m not sure what’s going on. Do I still have an appointment?”

Receptionist: “Hmm, let me see… No, you don’t have an appointment today. Hm. Oh, I see what happened! It looks like your doctor cancelled the appointment for his holiday. [Other Receptionist] rescheduled it for you and sent you a letter letting you know.”

(It takes me a few seconds to comprehend this. In 2016, this person decided the best way to contact me was a letter, even though they have my phone number, email address, and a personal messaging system through their scheduling site.)

Me: “She… what? I never got a letter. I’ve gotten a couple of bills from [Hospital], but I definitely didn’t get a letter.”

Receptionist: “Well… hm. Give me a minute, I’m going to transfer you to her.” *a minute later* “Huh, she’s not answering for some reason. Did you just want to reschedule? We’ll put you on a waiting list in the meantime.”

Me: “Yeah, okay, sure. When can you get me in?”

Receptionist: “How does June 28th at 8:30 in the morning work for you?”

Me: *thinking I heard her wrong* “I… I’m sorry, the 28th of what?”

Receptionist: “Of June.”

Me: *faintly* “Do you… have anything later in the day?”

Receptionist: “How about July 5th at 11:30 am?”

Me: “Sure, I’ll… take that.”

Receptionist: “All right, then. You’re scheduled for July 5th at 11:30! You have a great day.”

(I realized afterward I probably should have kicked up more of a fuss, but I was honestly still in shock over the entire situation. It’s now become a running joke between me and my partner to go, “A letter. They sent a LETTER!” We’ll see if I actually get in earlier or not.)

Hands Off The Merch(ant)

, , , , , | Right | October 9, 2017

(I am working as a cashier at a fast food place during my senior year of high school. One day an older lady comes in with three grandchildren.)

Me: “Good morning! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Just a moment; let’s figure out what we want.”

(She proceeds to talk with the kids and argue about what they want for about five minutes before I finally have everything in the machine.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, if that’s all…”

(I put my hand out for her change and she grabs my hand.)

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Not so fast! I still have to order for me.”

(She continues to hold my hand for the duration of the order, even as I try to pull my hand back. Only at the end when she gets her money out do I get my hand released. Needless to say I kept my hands behind the counter for the rest of the order.)

Customer: “Here you are!”

(She apparently saw nothing wrong with what she did, and I was too polite to mention anything. All of my coworkers saw this and teased me for a month, asking where my “girlfriend” was.)

Grilling Yourself For The Right Word

, , , , , | Working | October 5, 2017

The restaurant I’m going to has an app that lets you order a meal ahead of time to be picked up. Before I leave for the restaurant, I order a pasta dish with chicken added to it on the app. A minute later, I get a phone call from the restaurant, and a flustered employee tells me, “The, uh… the machine that makes the chicken is down.”

I change my order to have meatballs instead. On my way to the restaurant, I’m wondering what “the machine that makes the chicken” is. A meat slicer, maybe? When I get there, I see approximately five signs warning me that they cannot make any pot-stickers or chicken because a particular piece of equipment is broken.

It’s the grill. The word she was looking for was “grill.” She must have been having a rough day.

You Need Something? Shoot!

, , , , , , | Working | October 2, 2017

(I manage a chocolate shop. I have the weirdest, but most upbeat employees ever. One night, three police men walk in with full gear on.)

Head Police Officer: “We need to ask you a question.”

(One of my employees and I do the wide eyed “Oh, crap; which law did I break!” look.)

Me: “Sure. What’s up?”

Head Police Officer: “We are running a shooting drill in a week, and we need volunteers for it. You would just pretend to be running around or shot.”

Me: “THAT SOUNDS AWESOME!” *I stop and clear my throat.* “I’ll ask my employees and get back to you. Free samples?”

(All of my employees stayed late or showed up on their day off to do it. We didn’t get paid extra, but it was wicked fun to trade roles, calling 911, acting dead, or running and screaming through the mall.)

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