Location Is Your Vocation

, , , , , , | Working | November 30, 2017

(Wherever I go, if I hear someone with an accent, I like to ask where they are from because I like placing accents. I am at work and am helping an exchange student from Ireland with my boss nearby.)

Me: “Pardon me, but where are you from?”

Customer: “Ireland.”

Me: “What city?”

Boss: “Hey, knock that off! You can’t ask foreign people questions like that. It’s racist!”

Me: “Actually, I am just trying to figure out his accent. He sounds like a friend of mine from college who is from Killarney.”

Customer: “Actually, I’m from County Kerry. Killarney’s county. You have a mighty ear.”

(My boss then started helping another customer without even acknowledging his outburst. I continued helping the first customer as we chatted about Ireland.)

This Stuff Sways In The Family

, , , , | Related | November 28, 2017

(My entire family has managed to come down with something all at the same time. With Mom, it manifests as a mild head cold, but my Dad and I are both dizzy on top of that. Several years ago, I had 18 months of near-constant vertigo, and got used to working around it. This dizziness is a lot milder, so it slows me down but isn’t severe enough to stop me from doing little things, like getting a drink or taking care of my pets. This happens while I’m making my wobbly way to the sofa. Dad is sitting in the room, watching me.)

Me: “We’re quite a pair today, aren’t we?”

Dad: “What’s that they say? ‘The family that sways together, stays together.’?”

Has To Be Some Kind Of Record

, , | Healthy | November 25, 2017

Customer: “I need my birth record in order to request a new Social Security card, because I don’t have a copy of my birth certificate.”

(This is a fairly common request, so I nod as I look over his Release of Information to make sure all the fields have been completed. Before I get to the end, he adds:)

Customer: “I wasn’t actually born at this hospital. Does that matter?”

(Yes, it matters. He left empty-handed.)

Missed Calls Means Missed Meals

, , , , , | Right | November 24, 2017

(I am a delivery driver for a restaurant.)

Me: *calling customer but no response* “Hi, this is [My Name] with [Restaurant]. I am having difficulty finding your house, so if you could call me back, that’d be great. Thanks.”

(An hour goes by, and I call my manager because the customer won’t pick up his phone. Now my manager and I are both calling.)

Manager: *finally gets through* “Hi, my driver is having difficulty finding your location.”

Customer: “Yeah, I see the thirty missed calls and two voicemails. We’re supposed to be eating now; why aren’t they here yet?”

Manager: “I’m sorry. The driver had a difficult time finding your address.”

Sprinkling A Few Hints Around The Office

, , , , , | Working | November 14, 2017

(I’m queer. I don’t hide it from my coworkers, but sometimes I have to openly state it before they realize otherwise. Currently, I’m working in the kitchen and frosting donuts for the next morning.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], do we have any more rainbow sprinkles?”

Coworker: “I don’t think so. What we have on that shelf is what we’ve got.”

Me: “D***, how am I going to make these donuts as gay as I want without rainbow sprinkles?”

Coworker: “Now, [My Name], that’s not the right word to use.”

Me: *after a pause* “These donuts are now gay. Just like me.”

Coworker: “Oh!”

(We then had a nice chat where he told me all about his awesome, butch aunt.)

Page 5/13First...34567...Last
« Previous
Next »