N.U.T. Getting It

, , , , | Right | September 6, 2019

(We have a little display that sells breads, cookies, brownies, etc. Our breads are always labeled. We have banana, banana nut, and cranberry. One customer comes up to me and asks:)

Customer: “What does banana N.U.T. stand for?”

Me: “It has nuts in it.”

Customer: “Oh.”

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The Ins And Outs Of Retail

, , , | Right | September 3, 2019

(I work at a shoe store that has an in door and an out door. I could fill up a couple pages of Not Always Right with stories of people coming in through the out door despite it not having a handle, but this one takes the cake. My manager and I are closing up for the night. We have locked the in door and turned our open sign off. We go to the back to put the money in the safe when we hear:)

Customer: “Hey, are you guys open?!”

(Something to keep in mind here is that the lights were turned off. Anyone with ANY common sense would think we were closed, so I respond with:)

Me: “Uh… no.”

Customer: “Oh. Your door is unlocked.”

Me: “Our out door is unlocked but our in door is locked.”

(The customer turned around and walked off. Seriously, how do you pry open a door with no handle and not realize that the dang store is CLOSED?!)

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That’s Just How Karens Roll

, , , , | Right | August 21, 2019

(An elderly customer comes up with her middle-aged daughter.)

Customer: “I want to exchange these for the ones on sale.”

(The items in question are three packs of toilet paper, on sale for $5 per, but not the $4 per in the ad. I ask my manager to grab them what they want because a line is forming and they said they couldn’t find the ad toilet paper. My manager slaps the packs up on the counter and runs to help check people out.)

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know about this. It’s so soft. There isn’t much to it.”

Customer’s Daughter: “Just do a refund and we will talk it over.”

(I refund the original toilet paper. They talk about both to the side while I ring up other people. Thirty minutes later, they walk up with three new packs of the original items.)

Customer: “I just don’t think there is anything to that other stuff, so I’ll get this.”

Customer’s Daughter: “You’re killing me, Mom.”

Me: *mentally* “You worked in retail once.”

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Gives New Meaning To “Spillover” Parking

, , , | Right | August 9, 2019

(I am working for a large music festival doing gate security. I often have to deal with drunk or confused individuals, but this guy was my favorite.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t come in without a ticket.”

Drunk: “I am trying to find my car.”

Me: “Okay, sir, but the parking lot is in the other direction; this is the festival grounds.”

Drunk: “I know that. I parked my car over there—” *waves hand towards fairgrounds* “—I need to get through to get to my car.”

Me: *look over shoulder* “Sir, the other side of the grounds is Lake Michigan. Are you trying to tell me you parked in the lake?”

Drunk: “Yes. Can I come in now?”

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Overly OVERLY Protective Mother

, , , , | Related | August 7, 2019

(I’ve recently come out as a lesbian, and my religious parents are really cool about it. I’m hanging out with a female coworker and her husband, and I’m driving us to a local fair. Suddenly, a call comes in over my car’s Bluetooth option. I answer.)

Me: “Hey, Mom.”

Mom: “Hey, kiddo. Can you stop by later to let the dogs out? Your dad and I are going to your uncle’s house in a little bit.”

Coworker: “Ooh! What breed are they?”

Mom: “Is that a girl? Are you on a date?”

Me: “No, Mom. I’m hanging out with some friends and we’re going to the fair.”

Coworker: “Aww, baby. Haven’t you told your mom about us yet?”

Mom: “Well, at least you won’t give us grandchildren before you’re married. Use protection! STDs are an awful way to live.”


(My idiot friends were silently cracking up as I said my goodbyes and hung up.)

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