Doesn’t Provide Lip Service

, , , , , , | Right | June 19, 2018

(I work for an HVAC company. We have a deaf customer, but she can read lips. We send a tech out to her home.)

Coworker: “I just got a call from [Tech] saying that [Deaf Customer] is completely ignoring him! He’s trying to explain something but she won’t even look at him; she keeps turning away!”

Boss: “What? Why?”

([Coworker] and [Boss] are discussing this while I’m on the phone with another customer.)

Me: *getting off the phone* “Who did we send out to [Deaf Customer]? She usually loves [Usual Tech]!”

Coworker: “Oh, no, we sent [Other Tech].”

Me: “You sent a heavily-bearded man to a deaf woman who reads lips?”

Boss: “Oh… no…”

Time To Teach Them About Time

, , , , , | Learning | June 19, 2018

(While in high school, I work a couple days a week at a daycare after school. I am with the first- and second-graders, waiting for the older kids to join us.)

Second-Grader #1: “Are you a mom yet?”

Me: “Oh, no, I am still in school. I got to [High School that these kids have visited on a field trip].”

Second-Grader #2: “Isn’t that, like, really far away?”

Me: “Not really; it’s only about twenty minutes away from here.”

Second-Grader #1: “Wow… That’s like an hour!”

It’s The Perfect Crime

, , , | Right | June 4, 2018

(I work in a retirement home as the activities director. I have a resident who is very forgetful. However, she is always up for anything we do, as long as she can sit in the middle seat in the middle row of our van, because she likes to be able to see everything. This conversation takes place as we are driving down the street.)

Me: “[Resident], you would make the perfect lookout if I ever robbed a bank.”

Resident: “Oh, yeah? Why is that?”

Me: “Because you always know what’s going on around you, and then you forget it 40 minutes later!”

Resident: *laughing* “I wouldn’t tell on you, anyway!”

(Later that day, as we are pulling into the driveway:)

Me: “Now, [Resident], don’t tell anyone about that bank we robbed today!”

Resident: “We robbed a bank?!”

(This is what makes my job worthwhile!)

Unfiltered Story #113838

, | | Unfiltered | June 4, 2018

(I was living with my parents after a failed relationship when I received a call from a number that I didn’t recognize. Against my better judgement, I decided to answer.)
Me: Hello?
Caller: Hello! Do you have a few minutes to talk about the schizophrenic softball league? We accept donations  and help these people out.
Me: I’m sorry, I don’t have a job right now to help.
Caller: Listen, lady! These guys work really hard! We need to supply them with bats, balls, gloves, knives-
Me: You’re giving knives to schizophrenic people? Who is this?
Caller: Who is this?
Me: Do I know you?
Caller: Do I know you?
(At this point it’s obvious that I am on the receiving end of a prank phone call and he is doing ‘the repeater” but something made me want to know what was going on, so we continued to banter until I convinced him to let me guess his name.)
Me: Is your name the name of an Apostle?
Caller: Yes
Me: Good, that narrows it down. Do you share a first name with a past president of the United States?
Caller: Yes. More than one actually, I think. (Obviously speaks to someone else away from receiver but I can still hear him) Wait, there was more than one, right? Thomas Jefferson… Oh, crap.
Me: Hello, Thomas!

(And THAT was the first conversation that I ever had with the man that would one day become my husband.)

Sounds Like They’ve Been Babied

, , , , | Right | June 4, 2018

(I work at a smallish, family-owned restaurant as a hostess. This restaurant has three sections, and one of these sections we call the bar area. There are six tables in this area. We are pretty busy most of the time and this is the day before Mother’s Day, so we are very busy. Every table has been seated and we are on a small wait. We have a reservation coming in for eight people. In the comments section of this reservation it says, “Wants to be in bar, as private as possible.” So, I reserve them a table in the bar, our smallest section. They come in and I bring them to the table. The conversation goes like this.)

Customer: “We wanted to be alone!”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Customer: “When I called, I told the person on the phone that we wanted to be alone in the bar. We wanted the entire room to ourselves!”

Me: “For eight people?”

Customer: “Yes! I was assured that no one else would be here!”

(I’m pretty sure no one would have told this lady that she could have an entire section to herself. We sometimes rent out sections for people having parties, but they are charged for it, and those parties have twenty people or more.)

Me: “Well, I’m sorry about that, but we are very busy.”

Lady: “We have a baby with us and I don’t want her to be near other people.”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

(Then, she walked away. I don’t know why this lady thought that she could just request to not have people sat around her. They stayed, and the waitress said they were nice enough and didn’t cause any problems. Plenty of people bring their babies in the restaurant. If you don’t want your baby to be near people then don’t go to a restaurant.)

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