Airing Out Your Dirty Laundry

, , , , , | Right | July 31, 2018

(I work for a large, well-known retail store. Our policy for returns states that you either have to have the receipt or a valid ID. This is an exchange I have with someone trying to return an item.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to return this laundry soap. I got the wrong kind.”

Me: “No problem. Do you have the receipt?”

Customer: “No, I just want to switch it out.”

Me: “Okay, do you have an ID? I can use that, instead.”

Customer: “Not a valid one.”

(At this point, I lean over to my manager and explain to her that he doesn’t have either, but ask if it’s okay because it’s just a small purchase and a straight-across exchange. She says it’s okay. I start ringing it up, until I get to the part where it asks for an ID.)

Me: “Okay, what do I do now?”

Manager: “Just put in his ID number.”

Me: “Um… he doesn’t have one.”

Manager: “Oh! Then we can’t do it.”

Customer: “I have an invalid ID; can I use that? The d*** state took and suspended it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but no.”

Customer: “Seriously?! I drove all the way here, and you can’t just f****** exchange it?! It’s the same d*** thing!” *walking away now* “I can’t believe this f****** place!”

Me: *to manager* “If the state suspended his license, why is he risking going to jail to exchange some laundry soap?”

No Agency To Pay Until It’s With An Agency

, , , , , | Right | July 19, 2018

(I’m in accounts receivable, and my company has been back and forth with a customer for several months about $20,000 they owe us. After months of broken promises about payments, we put their company on hold, meaning they can no longer place orders with us until they start paying. Two months later, still no payment, so I reach out one more time before sending their case to a collection agency.)

Me: “Hi. I’m [My Name] from [My Company], and I’m looking to speak to [Owner] about—”

Owner: *enraged* “Oh, I know who you are! Listen, [Their Company] is no longer buying from you! Say goodbye to our business! Is this how you treat long-time customers? You cut us off two months ago with no warning or explanation as to why, and now you’ve come crawling back to beg for our business? You’ve got some nerve!”

(While he is ranting, I pull up his case notes, where we’ve documented every interaction regarding their $20,000 balance.)

Me: *cutting in* “I’m very sorry you feel that way, [Owner], but we have actually spoken with you every month for the last seven months about a $20,000 balance on your account. Just this year, you spoke to [Colleague #1] in January, and [Colleague #2] in February. You and I actually spoke three weeks ago, where you personally promised me a check was going in the mail towards the balance that afternoon. This was a courtesy call to let you know that, unless we receive a payment toward your balance by the end of the week, we will forward your case to a collection agency.”

(Maybe twenty seconds of silence.)

Owner: “How much can I put on a credit card?”


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Mona Gleasa

, , , | Working | July 17, 2018

Customer Service Rep: “Can I have your last name, please?”

Me: “Gleason.”

Customer Service Rep: “Okay, Lisa! And can I have your last name?”

No Perception Of No Reception

, , , , | Working | July 4, 2018

(I am having terrible cell phone reception with my carrier, which is weird because for years there has never been any issue. I have checked with my coworkers; everybody on this carrier has been having trouble all day, while everybody else has been fine. I decide to call up the rep to report the incident.)

Rep: “Thank you for calling [Carrier]. My name is [Rep]. May I verify your number, please?”

Me: “It’s [cell number]. I am not the owner of the account, but I am an authorized user to make changes as needed.”

Rep: “Okay, thank you. How may I help you?”

Me: “This entire day, I have not been able to get cell reception in this area. I talked to other people on the same carrier and none of them have any signal, either.”

Rep: “Okay, thank you. So, to verify your identity, can you please tell me the security PIN on the account?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I don’t know what that is; my father owns the account.”

Rep: “Okay… I’ve gone and sent you a message to your phone. Can you please read me the security numbers on the phone?”

Me: “Umm… That’s kind of hard when I have no phone reception.”

Rep: “Ooh… Right… Oookay.”

(I started laughing and we managed to go another route. Whatever happened was fixed and service was restored later on.)

Call Of Grandma: Outdated Warfare

, , , , , | Right | June 30, 2018

(My fiancé works in a customer service call center for a large cable, Internet, and phone company. He takes mostly calls related to cable, or payment questions and issues. This occurs one night close to the end of his shift.)

Fiancé: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [Fiancé]. If I could just start off with your name and account number, I’d be happy to assist you.”

(The caller, an elderly woman, gives her information.)

Fiancé: “All right, Ms. [Caller]. What can I do for you this evening?”

Caller: “I’m trying to buy a game for my grandson, but I’m not entirely sure how to do it.”

Fiancé: “All right, ma’am. I’m sure I can help with you that. Were you talking about [Special Product]?”

(This is a product sold by the cable company, allowing access to several PC games provided by the company, with an addition to the customer’s bill.)

Caller: “No, no. It was some kind of war game… Modern Duty, Calling Something… I’m not entirely sure.”

Fiancé: “Okay, well, I’m not seeing anything in my system matching that description. Is there any other information you could give me?”

Caller: *yells to grandson in background* “[Grandson]? What was the name of that game you wanted?”

Grandson: “‘Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.’”

Fiancé: *overhearing the grandson and containing his laughter the best he can* “Ma’am, we are an Internet, cable, and phone provider. The only video game service we offer is [Special Product]. What you are asking for is a disc game, designed to be played on a gaming console. Now, it’s a decently dated game, so your best options for finding it would probably be Amazon or eBay.”

Caller: “What’s Amazon?”

Fiancé: *facepalm*

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