I’m at the customer service desk, and a customer storms up and slams a receipt down on the counter.

Customer: “You crooks stole from me! You charged me twice on almost all of my items!”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that, ma’am. Is that the receipt?”

Customer: “D*** right, it is! It’s a good thing I checked it when I got home! I knew something was wrong when the total came to almost double what it normally is! That was four days ago, and I’ve had to walk around for that long out of pocket because of you!”

Me: “And this is definitely the receipt that was printed for the transaction with the issue?”

Customer: “Yes! Does it tell you who checked me out? I want them written up! You should not be having people that incompetent working the checkouts!”

Me: “It’s just… this receipt… it’s from the self-checkouts.”

The customer opens her mouth to protest, but then immediately shuts it again as I can only assume she racks her brain for the specific memory of the checkout experience in the hopes that she can prove the receipt wrong.

Apparently, she cannot, as she snatches the receipt from my hand and double-checks it.

Customer: “Well, there’s something wrong with your machine, then!”

Me: “Of course, ma’am, let me get that sorted out for you.”

Normally, we would do some due diligence to make sure she wasn’t trying to refund items she had actually taken, but she seems too embarrassed for me to be cruel enough to keep her around any longer.

I process the refund (about $30) for her, and she snatches her copy of the refund receipt from my hand.

Customer: “Get your machines fixed! It’s still your fault!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. We’ll get on that.”

This story reminded me of what happened the last time I had to update my phone contract.

I got a notice that my discounted rate would end soon. Since I was heading over to a store to buy an unrelated item, I decided to ask about a new rate while I was at it. Apparently, the very best they could offer me at [ISP] was about one and a half times the rate I had now.

I told my significant other about it, and they told me that they had recently updated their plans with a rate that was about the same as my discounted one, with the same services, at a kiosk in a mall nearby.

“Great! This will be easy,” I thought, and headed over to the mall to find the kiosk.

At the kiosk, it was explained to me that yes, they could offer the rate my SO had told me about — but only for new customers. Since I was an old customer, no good rates for me.

So, I walked over to the kiosk of [Rival ISP] and asked for their best rate if I switched over. I got something a bit higher than the rate for new customers at my current ISP. I signed the papers right there and went home.

A couple of days later, as expected, my still-current ISP called me. They noticed I was switching ISPs and wanted to offer me a good deal if I stayed. Somehow, that deal was the exact same one offered to new customers at the kiosk.

I ended up accepting that deal. It was a pretty good deal, but holy crap do the ISPs make you jump through hoops to get those deals. I’ve been a customer of the same ISP for over twenty years now, and the only thanks I get is having to jump through the same hoops every two years.

I swear, the day one ISP implements discounts for staying over two years, I’m switching over.

Related:
Welcome To The Call Center Centrifuge, Part 3

During the summer of 2020, I worked in customer service for an online retailer. It was the worst job I’ve ever worked. While most people were polite, kind, and understanding, I had to deal with many people who were (often justifiably) upset about a problem with their order, but even then, most people would be sure to say their anger was not directed toward me. Faking sympathy for these people was hard enough, but then there would be people berating me personally as if I had something to do with whatever problem they were complaining about.

One day, the system we used to track peoples’ orders was down. I wouldn’t be able to cancel orders, check when shipping dates were, change shipping addresses, nothing. The supervisor told us to tell the customers to call back in an hour, at which point the system would hopefully be back up. Again, most people understood that there was literally nothing I could do to modify their orders and said they would call back later.

This one lady calls me who is upset about something and wants me to cancel her order.

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am, but I can’t cancel orders at the moment as our system is down. Call back in an hour and we should be able to take care of it.”

She is not happy with the response, and she starts going off.

Caller: “That’s unacceptable! I don’t have time to call later! Just take down my information now and do it later once your system is back up. This is horrible customer service!”

And so on.

I constantly have calls coming in, so I can’t be dealing with her problem at the same time as speaking to another customer. More importantly, my shift is going to be finished in twenty minutes, and I’m sure as h*** not waiting around for the system to be back up and doing overtime to cancel this lady’s order, especially with her rude, entitled attitude.

Eventually, she decides that she has had enough of me and asks to speak with my supervisor. The summer of 2020 is the peak of the global health crisis, so I am working from home. I explain the situation.

Me: “I can’t just pass the phone to my supervisor, but what I can do is escalate the issue by putting in a ticket, and a supervisor will call you back in twenty-four to forty-eight hours.”

Of course, this is not good enough for her. She is yelling at me at this point, going on and on about how awful this customer service is, and she is not accepting that there is nothing I can do at the moment. She decides she doesn’t want to speak to me anymore and screeches at me:

Caller: “Just transfer me to anyone else; I don’t care. I don’t want to speak to you anymore!”

Me: “Okay, just give me a moment.”

As I was thinking, “You did say ANYONE,” I transferred her to the Spanish customer service line.

Customer: “I want to return this.”

Me: “Can I see the receipt, please?”

Customer: “I don’t have it anymore.”

Me: “We haven’t sold this item since last year. Normally, without a receipt, I can only give you store credit, but since this item is no longer one that we sell, I can’t even do that, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Just give me the store credit based on how much you’d resell it for, then!”

Me: “That would just be a penny, sir.”

Customer: “Why are you refusing me customer service?!”

Me: “The return policy is within thirty days and requires you to have a receipt. Those are the terms of customer service.”

Customer: “You’re just paid to say that!”

Me: “As a matter of fact, I am paid to say that. That’s how jobs work.”

Related:
Well, We’re Not Here For Fun!

This happened a couple of years ago at a department store with one of their tools that often go on sale for huge discounts.

We were helping my in-laws clear out old belongings when they were moving, and I found an impact wrench that looked unused with an old receipt attached. My father-in-law said that there was always a problem with it, so he never used it and forgot to return it.

I decided to try to return it to [Department Store] since they have long warranties on their products. The customer service representative looked at the receipt for $60 (on sale from $200).

Representative: “You can’t return this item with this receipt. Too much time has passed and the receipt is useless.”

I tried explaining that there were issues with the wrench, but she didn’t believe me. I Googled the issues right there, and it came up as a recall item for the exact reason I had stated. I showed it to her, and she begrudgingly agreed that I could return it as a recall.

She asked for the receipt back so she could refund me.

Me: “No, too much time has passed and the receipt is useless.”

She glared at me and processed a cash refund for $225+ including taxes.