Fire All Of Them Just To Be Sure

, , , , , , | Right | November 25, 2019

(I work in the customer service center of a major theme park. My coworkers and I only deal with problems related to our particular park, and not any other parks or properties owned by our company. I get a call.)

Me: “You’ve reached the [Theme Park] customer service center. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “You need to fire [Extremely Common Male First Name]!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “[First Name]. You need to fire him right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry your experience with us was not what you were expecting. Could you tell me a little more about the problem you’re having?”

Caller: “[First Name] was rude to me! I demand you fire him!”

Me: “I’m afraid I’ll need a little more information before I can help you, ma’am.”

Caller: *raising her voice* “[First Name]! [FIRST NAME]! HE WAS RUDE TO ME! FIRE HIM!”

(I feel like I probably shouldn’t humor her by checking our employee database, but I do anyway.)

Me: “Ma’am, there are 27 employees of our park with that name. I’m not sure which [First Name] has been giving you a problem.”

Caller: “It wasn’t in your park, you idiot! It was in the restaurant!”

Me: “Which restaurant?”

Caller: “THE RESTAURANT! THE ONE ON [STREET]!”

(The street she names is several blocks from the edge of our company’s property.)

Me: “Wait a moment. You’re calling the [Theme Park] service line to complain about an employee of some other business?”

Caller: “[Our Company] owns this whole state! Everyone knows that! Now you need to fire that rude boy!”

Me: “[Our Company] does not own that restaurant, ma’am. I suggest you speak to the manager of the restaurant because there’s nothing I can do for you.”

Caller: “Listen to me, you key-pushing nitwit. Do you have any idea how much I spent on my [Our Company] vacation? [Five-digit amount]! Everyone knows that if you spend [less than what she claims to have spent] then you’re entitled to a superior level of service! [First Name] was rude to me and he must get what he deserves!

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t help you with that.”

Caller: “Then let me speak to your boss! I’ll have him fire [First Name] and you, too, or else I’ll just take my [amount of money she claims to have spent] to [Rival Theme Park Company], instead!”

Me: “I’ll be happy to transfer you to my supervisor, although he’s currently in a meeting with the head of our division and it might be several minutes before he can take your call.”

Caller: “NO! THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! I SPENT [AMOUNT] ON MY VACATION! YOU GO TELL YOUR BOSS HE’S GOING TO LOSE MY BUSINESS! I’LL GET HIM FIRED, TOO!”

Me: “If you continue to threaten our employees, ma’am, I’m going to disconnect this call.”

Caller: “Why are you protecting [First Name], anyway, huh?! Is he your boyfriend or something?!”

Me: “WHAT?”

Caller: “It all makes sense now! Trash boys always date trash girls!”

Me: “The [Company] is grateful for your business and hopes your experience with us was truly magical.” *hangs up*

(That night in our break room, I overhear this conversation between two of my coworkers.)

Coworker #1: “And then I got this angry lady on the line demanding to speak to [First Name]’s girlfriend. She just screamed gibberish at me for like three minutes straight.”

Coworker #2: “Wait a minute, you got her, too? ‘I spent [amount] on my vacation and you need to fire [First Name] and his trash girlfriend’?”

Coworker #1: “That’s her, dude.”

Coworker #2: “Ugh. I hung up on her after like two minutes. She kept saying we were conspiring to protect these ‘trash’ people and threatening to get me fired.”

Me: “I guess the phrase ‘first available representative’ is lost on some people.”

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Now This Is How You Deliver On Delivering

, , , , , , | Working | November 20, 2019

(I find a box set video game from a well-known online marketplace that I have been after for a while. It recently went on sale, so I decide to treat myself. I live in a block of flats with a communal mailbox area, rather than each apartment having a letter box. This occasionally leads to delivery people putting post or packages into the mailbox that has the same number as the building — e.g. the building address is 111, and there is also an apartment 111 — so I always make a point to write in the notes which mailbox to use, even though it should be clear enough in the address. A few days later, on Friday, I get a notification saying it has been delivered, and when I get home I excitedly check my mailbox. Surprisingly — or maybe not so much — it isn’t there, so I peek through the mail slot of the other mailbox, and sure enough, I can see it in there. I text my neighbour, who agrees to pass it to me when they get home, but that won’t be until Monday. In the meantime, I call the customer service for the online marketplace.)

Agent: “[Online Marketplace], how can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I ordered an item and it has been posted in my neighbour’s post box. He won’t be back until after the weekend, so I can’t get it. It wouldn’t have happened if the driver had just read the actual address, so I would like you to pass the message along.”

Agent: “So, I see it says the package was delivered, but you didn’t get it.”

Me: “Well, I sort of did. I just can’t physically reach it without breaking into my neighbour’s mailbox.”

Agent: “No problem. I will arrange a replacement to be sent out to you. You should get it tomorrow. I apologise for the inconvenience.”

Me: “What? No, you don’t need to do that! I just have to wait a few days, that’s all. I just wanted to pass along the message to stop it happening again.”

Agent: “Oh, no, ma’am, this is a clear failure to deliver as it was not delivered to you. I’ve already authorised the redeliver for you.”

Me: “Oh, well, then, how do I sent the other one back?”

Agent: “No need. It wasn’t delivered to your address, so the failure is ours.”

Me: “Okay… thanks?”

(I hung up, slightly baffled. The next day, I got my game as promised — they sent it overnight — and after the weekend, I got the original order from my neighbour. I was worried that if I tried to return the game they would refund me, so I just gave the spare game to a friend who had also been eyeing it!)

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Two Minutes Of Agony

, , , | Right | November 12, 2019

(Our customer service deals both with emails and calls, and you are either scheduled on email or call. You are not supposed to do the other when scheduled for one.)

Caller: “I want to know when I will get my money!”

Me: “All right, let’s pull up your file. I don’t see any money ready to be transferred; what is this about?”

Caller: “I was asked to sign a slip and then I would get money because of [case].”

Me: “Ah, I understand. But I don’t see the slip in your file. When did you send it?”

Caller: “I already sent it!”

Me: “But when?”

Caller: “I already sent it; why is it not in my file?!”

Me: “Maybe you can resend it and I can see if the email arrives this time?” *which I am not supposed to do, but hey, service and all*

Caller: “But I already send it two minutes ago!”

Me: “Two minutes ago? You send the first email two minutes ago?”

(And look what just popped up in our mailbox!)

Me: “I got your slip, miss. I will put it through to our financial department for you.”

Caller: “Good. So, when will I get my money?”

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Only Thing They Are Providing Is An Annoyance

, , , , | Working | October 28, 2019

(This particular bank branch is closing. Because of this, I’ve had to deal with angry customers all day, so I’m not in the greatest of moods. The phone rings.)

Me: “[Bank] on [Street], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, my name is [Caller] and I’m with [Internet Provider]. Do you have a few minutes to talk about your current Internet service?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but all service and sales calls are handled out of our corporate office. Let me get you that number. It’s—”

Caller: “But do you have a few minutes to chat? Are you really happy with your Internet speed?”

Me: “Seriously, I don’t make those decisions. And this branch is closing, anyway, so we don’t need anything. The number for corporate is—”

Caller: “I’m guessing your Internet is pretty slow. You can’t be happy with that. We can provide you with—”

Me:Lady! Open your ears! This branch is closing in three weeks! I’m pretty sure we’re not getting any sort of Internet upgrade in the next three weeks! Now, do you want the number for corporate or not?!”

Caller: “Oh. Never mind. Thank you for your time.” *hangs up*

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Unfiltered Story #173069

, , | Unfiltered | October 25, 2019

This happens WAY too often.

Me: [Book Company]. How may I help you?

Caller: Is this [Book Company]?

Me: …Yes.

Caller: Oh good. Can you help me with something?

Me: …Yes.