A Catalog Of Physical Errors

, , , , | Right | February 6, 2019

(My mother works as a customer service representative for a company that makes lamps. About five years ago, they started listing all of their products online, rather than in print. Today she told me about a particular customer that called her.)

Mom: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I have an old catalog of yours, and I was wondering if you could send me a more current one.”

Mom: “You can see our most current catalog online at [Website].”

Caller: “No, no, I need it in a book.”

Mom: “The last physical copy of our catalog was printed in 2012. Our catalog is online now.”

Caller: “So you haven’t been making lamps since 2012?”

Mom: “No, we still make lamps. Our catalog is on our website, [Website].”

(The caller starts to get angry.)

Caller: “No, no, no! I need a physical copy of your catalog to put on my shelf! Send me your most recent catalog in a book!”

Mom: “Sir, I can’t do that. We don’t print our catalog anymore. You need to use our website.”

(This went back and forth for another minute or so before the caller hung up. Some people just can’t take no for an answer.)

Online Bug = Immediate Bigotry

, , , | Working | February 5, 2019

(A crowdfunding website which allows you to organize communal funds has a bug. Anyone can change the description of all the communal funds on the website. Obviously, some Internet users take the opportunity to replace communal funds descriptions with sexist, racist, homophobic, and/or transphobic descriptions. Since no one answers on their Twitter, I call customer service.)

Me: “Hello. I wanted to know if you were aware that your site has a bug.”

Customer Service: “No, what bug?”

Me: “Anyone can change the description of all the communal funds.”

Customer Service: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer Service: “You are sure you do not have permission to modify the description of this communal fund?”

Me: “You need an account with a password to modify normally, right?”

Customer Service: “Yes.”

Me: “So, yes, I’m sure I don’t have the nickname and the password of all the members of this website…”

Not In The Market For That Kind Of Talk

, , , , | Right | February 2, 2019

(I work in the complaints section of a call centre for a very well-known supermarket chain.)

Me: “Hello, and thank you for calling [Supermarket Chain]. How may I help you?”

Male Caller: “Hey there, baby girl. I was wondering if you could help me—“

(CLICK. Don’t get that kind of call often in my type of call centre.)

The Data Hater

, , | Right | January 31, 2019

(The customer in this story is the friend of a friend of mine. We all have the same ISP, which is going through a massive upgrade to bring Fibre Optics to home users. The rival cable company offers the same high download speed, but much lower upload speed, but to most people, only the download speed matters. This person shares a community house and has his own Internet connection with our ISP. He calls in calmly, but demands that they match the cable service’s plan.)

ISP Agent: “I’m sorry, sir, but the service is not available in your area.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***. I want the Fibre Optics you’re advertising! I want you to match [Rival Cable ISP]’s price!”

ISP Agent: “There’s nothing we can do because your neighbourhood has not been upgraded yet.”

Customer: “Then I’m going to cancel my service and get [Rival Cable ISP]!”

(He tries this again with three other agents, hoping someone will give in and give him what he wants. By the third call, he completely loses it after being told, again, that it’s not available.)

Customer: “Well, f*** you, then. Cancel my service.”

(The agent goes through the complete cancellation process with him. He then calls up [Rival Cable ISP], and requests the high-speed plan.)

Rival ISP Agent: “I’m sorry, sir, we can’t provide the service to you.”

Customer: “What? Why not?”

Rival ISP Agent: “Because there’s already an active cable line to your house.”

(It turns out, other tenants have their own cable service to the house already.)

Customer: “So what? I want that plan.”

Rival ISP Agent: “We can’t run another line to the house; we’d have to split the current line into two connections. But that would decrease the speed severely, and we wouldn’t be able to provide the promised speeds to either customer. We can’t do that.”

(The customer calls the first ISP back.)

Customer: “Yeah, I changed my mind. I decided to keep you.”

ISP Agent #2: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. We’ve sold the port you were using after you requested to be cancelled. There are no other available ports to provide you service.”

(He goes several days without Internet service until he finds some local ISP no one has ever heard of that runs off of larger ISP networks. They are willing to split the cable ISP’s connection, so he’ll get a service plan — one that is HALF the speed of the DSL plan, and has multiple random disconnections throughout the day. When my friend asks if he regrets what he’s done, he responds:)

Customer: “No, I’m pissed off they wouldn’t give me that plan!”

If You Spend $200 On A Calculator, You’re Not Good With Numbers

, , , , , | Right | January 9, 2019

(I work at a small chain grocery store at the customer service desk. This woman calls in claiming to have been triple-charged, and I tell her to come in the next day with her receipt.)

Customer: “Hi. I spoke to [My Name] on the phone yesterday, and she told me to come in today with my receipt for a refund.”

Me: “Hi! Yes, I was the person you spoke to yesterday. Let’s take a look at your receipt.”

(I look at her receipt, and she has a total written down next to her balance that is $20 less.)

Me: “Ma’am, you got your three free items. You purchased three and got three free. Here, I’ll circle it for you.”

(I circle the free items in red and the paid items in green.)

Customer: “No! You’re wrong! My total should be $82.91 and not $102.91! I was overcharged!”

(I take out my calculator and calculate her total which comes up to her subtotal.)

Me: “Ma’am, your total is correct. You weren’t overcharged. I promise.”

Customer: “No. You’re wrong. I’m going to go home and calculate my total on my husband’s $200 calculator, and if it’s different than what I paid, I’m coming back for a refund.”

(She never came back.)

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