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When The World Goes Paper-Free, They’ll Find New Ways To Scam You

, , , , | Working | September 27, 2021

I’m a contractor running a one-man company. I use a second phone line for my business and, despite being careful who I hand it out to, scammers and cold callers still manage to get hold of it.

Me: “Hello, [Business].”

Caller: “I need to speak to whoever manages your company’s printers.”

Me: “Oh, we don’t have anyone like that. You see—”

Caller: *Interrupting me* “Fine, just put me through to whoever orders your stationary.”

Me: “That would be me, but I don’t have any—”

Caller: *Interrupting me again* “Okay, so I need you to tell me what printers you have.”

Me: *Fed up* “You haven’t told me who you are or what company you are calling from.”

Caller: “Look, I am trying to save your company money on printing. Do you want your boss to find out that you are wasting company money? Because I could ring and tell him that.”

Me: “Listen, d**khead, I am the boss, and if you listened for more than five seconds, I would tell you we don’t own a printer. Our yearly printing expenses are zero. You got that?”

Caller: “…”

Me: “That’s the most sense you’ve made all call.”

I hung up and made a note of the number in case he should ring again, but I must have made myself clear, as he never did.

Contracting A Serious Problem

, , , , , | Working | April 27, 2021

I am having some remodels done to my home, and while I consider myself pretty handy, I simply don’t have the time to devote to the work, so I hire a contractor and crew. The problem is that the lead contractor keeps calling for countless questions. It’s not things like, “Do you prefer this color or the other one?” but rather questions like, “How are we going to build this?” It begins to feel like I am supervising the lead rather than hiring him.

Finally, I get fed up.

Contractor: “Hey, I tried to call you. Why didn’t you answer?”

Me: “I’m working. That’s why I hired you guys to do this.”

Contractor: “Well, I’m trying to figure out how to do [task], and it’s giving me a headache. I need you to come sort this out.”

Me: “Look. At the end of this, one of us is going to have a headache and the other is going to have a bill. Which would you like to have?”


This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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How To Lose A Woman (And A Contract) In Less Than Sixty Seconds

, , , , | Working | November 27, 2020

I am a housing officer in a mental health specialist housing group. I’m responsible for over 100 properties over a large city. I am responsible for maintenance and tenant welfare and am extremely busy because of it. I’m a woman in my twenties but can easily pass for an eighteen-year-old.

I need to find a new carpet supplier and have arranged for several companies to provide quotes. The successful company will become our exclusive supplier, and we are recarpeting 90% of our existing properties with new ones coming in the next few weeks. On this day, I’m scheduled to work from home but I’m coming in as a favour. I am dressed in workout gear — leggings, trainers, and a hoodie — with my ID badge on display.

As I pull into the street, a van cuts me off coming down a pedestrian walkway. The driver beeps and makes vulgar gestures at me, all of which is captured on my dashcam. He races off, breaking the speed limit, and parks across two driveways, blocking me from parking on the property.

I drive past and walk to the property, and I notice the driver standing on the doorstep repeatedly ringing the bell and hammering on the door.

As he drops a cigarette butt on the floor, he notices me and lets out a shrill wolf-whistle.

Worker: “Oi, oi! How’s it going, baby?!”

Me: “Hello, are you [Worker] from [Company]? I’m [My Name] from [Housing Organisation]. I believe you’re here to bid for the carpeting contract?”

Worker: “Err, uhh, yeah. Yeah, that’s right, love! I thought I was meeting the officer, not their assistant! I’m only gonna deal with the big boss, all right, sweetheart?”

Me: “Actually, you won’t be dealing with anyone. I am [My Name] and I’m the officer dealing with contracts. Your conduct has been disgraceful; you’re not coming anywhere near my tenants or properties. I will be calling your supervisor to confirm exactly why you won’t be getting the contract and to let him know about your behaviour. Have a wonderful rest of the week, Mr. [Worker].”

Leaving him speechless, I stormed back to my car and went back to my office. His company was apoplectic with rage when they heard what he had done and he was fired on the spot, due to this incident combined with previous issues. They sent both their other workers who would be carrying out the work to meet me and sign up for mental health awareness training, AND they gave us two carpet fittings free. Due to this, we gave them the contract and have had no trouble since.

A Sudden Switch In Their Understanding

, , , , , , | Right | June 26, 2019

I’m on a job to, among other things, repair a light over a client’s front door. The issue as described by the client is that it doesn’t always come on every time they flip the switch.

I talk to the property manager and he shows me the switch — in a bank of about eight others — that controls the light. I turn it on and off several times and cannot replicate the issue, but to be thorough, I open the fixture and inspect everything. I tell the property manager that it seems to be in proper working order, but I can replace the functional parts just to be certain. He agrees and I proceed.

When I’m finished, I show him that it’s working properly by again repeatedly turning it on and off. He agrees that it’s good to go.

The next day, when we return to finish the rest of the work, he approaches me again and says they’re still having the same issue. This time the client is home so I speak to her directly. I ask her to show me what happens when she turns it on.

She proceeds to flip every single one of the aforementioned eight switches before coming to the one that actually controls the light, and then she says, “See? It doesn’t work.”

Containing my laughter, I show her that it’s only tied to the one switch and repeat the process of turning it on and off, showing her that it’s functioning normally.

The client says, “Oh, well, now it works!”

Noodles And Woods And Caulk, Oh My

, , , , , , | Working | November 12, 2018

(My husband is a contractor for a rental company. He usually gets called to do repairs and repaint and whatnot between tenants. When he needs an extra set of hands, I usually offer to tag along and help out. This particular day, I’ve been watching him cut and replace the wooden trim on a door frame, and now he’s filling in the cracks with caulk, using his fingers and hands to get into the creases.)

Me: “Man, you are always playing with your caulk, aren’t you?!”

Husband: *smirking at me* “Got to make sure it’s smooth. Only way to do that is by rubbing my caulk with my hand.”

Me: “Looks messy. You’re going to get your caulk all over everything!”

Husband: “Good point. Maybe I should go back to playing with my wood.”

(We both start laughing. Then, the rental agent, whom my husband has been working with for nearly 15 years, calls.)

Agent: “[Husband]! That job done yet? I’m not paying you to stand around, yankin’ your noodle!”