No Work And All Play Makes Jack A Broke Boy

, , , , , , | Working | June 30, 2020

My aunt recently moved into a new house and has to do some renovations, so she’s hired a worker from a local construction company to do so.

He set off a big red flag on his first day on the job; he was asked to clean out the gutters, and yet he didn’t bring a ladder. This meant he had to climb out of the window onto the roof to clean them, dealing some damage to the shingles in the process.

For some reason, my aunt still goes with this guy. Unsurprisingly, it only gets worse.

The next day, he comes in to install a curtain pole on one of her second-floor windows. When it comes out crooked, this happens.

Aunt: “Why is this thing crooked?”

Worker: “What do you mean? It’s up the right way.”

Aunt: *Sighs* “Okay, measure it again, then.”

The worker uses a TAPE MEASURE instead of a bubble level to see if the curtain pole is level on both ends, using the SOFT CARPET to base it on.

Worker: “Again, it looks level to me, ma’am.”

Aunt: *Pause* “Okay, repeat what you just said to me and think about it.”

Worker: *Pause* “I said it’s level?”

Aunt: *mental facepalm*

At this stage of the renovations, she now has several big, ugly holes in her wall due to the worker having to realign the curtain pole.

On another day on the job, the guy says he’ll install plumbing and connect them to some washing machines in an upstairs room, which my aunt bought specifically FOR the new house. She gets back from an errand, and no progress has been made on the room OR the washing machines. My aunt looks on her back porch and catches this guy talking on the phone to one of his friends about a potentially lucrative music commission he got assigned, as he is apparently a composer, as well. My aunt, who the guy still hasn’t noticed, loudly announces that she would like to see how it turns out. The guy doesn’t last too much longer after this.

When my aunt texts the guy to tell him that she is changing to a different company — no surprise there — he still has the gall to try to guilt-trip my aunt into paying through their last series of texts.

Worker: “I would like to remind you that you still have not paid for my services. Please do so as soon as possible, as I’m struggling and need to put food on the table for my family.”

Aunt: “Man, are you serious right now?! I told you in person why I’m not paying you, and apparently, I have to tell you again! When I asked you to clean the gutters out, you didn’t even bother to bring a ladder.

“When you installed my curtain pole, you didn’t even bother to use the proper equipment to see if it was level, instead half-a**ing it using a tape measure and the carpet, and left a bunch of holes in the wall you didn’t even bother, nor offer to fix!

“When you were told to install plumbing upstairs, you not only did nothing during the time I was gone, which should have been more than enough for you to get started at least; no, you spent that time talking on the phone about another job!

“That’s an entire month down the drain with almost no progress on my house! You want your money? Go find a client for a commission; of course, with an experience like this, it sure as h*** won’t be me! Do you want to know why you’re not getting a d*** cent out of me for this job? There’s your reason! There are your reasons, plural!

“And I’m sure as h*** not going to regret this. I am more than perfectly capable of doing most of these tasks; I’ve moved into multiple houses and performed repairs on all or most of them. I hired you because I wanted to, not because I needed to. Goodbye, and do not contact me again.”

A few days later, she got a call from the construction company itself, saying she had been “constantly rude and abusive” to one of their employees, and they were also inquiring about the payment. She cleared the situation up and they said they’d look into it. They also said they were now VERY interested in talking to [Worker]. Apparently, he had been getting similar complaints from lots of his clients.

A few weeks later, when she checked the website of the construction company, [Worker]’s contact information was no longer there. Thankfully, the company she switched to actually did the work they were assigned, and her new house looks amazing!

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Talking On Eggshells Around This Customer

, , , , , | Right | June 23, 2020

Paint comes in sheens — not shiny to ultra-shiny. To make a color, we add tint — dye — to gallons of “tint base,” a semi-translucent goo that is lacking certain solid polymers — added by the tint — that actually makes it a paint. 

Customer: “I can’t find a sample of a color I bought last week. The color is ‘eggshell’ by [Paint Company].”

Me: “Sure, let me look up the color to get its number.” *Does so* “Sir? I cannot find the color; the only color close is ‘eggshell crème.’”

I get the sample.

Me: “Is this the color?”

The customer flings the sample back at me.

Customer:  “No! You sold me this paint last week and now you are refusing to help me?! I need the color sample for ‘eggshell’! I bought it here! It’s on [Paint Company]’s website!”

My coworker is on that website.

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s not listed here. Are you sure it’s [Paint Company]’s color?”

Customer: “Of course, I’m sure! I am friends with the person who invented that paint. I only buy his paint! Find it!

Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t seem to have this color in our system or in any samples. Can you bring back the can so we can look at the label for the color formula?”

Customer: “You carry the color in the store! It’s right down there!

He points down the paint aisle.

Me: “I assure you, we do not have that color pre-mixed.”

The customer marches down the aisle, grabs a gallon off the shelf, and slams in on the counter:

Customer:This one!

Coworker: “…”

Me: “Sir, that is just a sheen and a tint base. That is ‘eggshell’ sheen, which means it is not a shiny finish. That’s not a color. That’s not even paint. That is ‘deep base’ — what we add colorant to that makes paint.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! I know the guy who makes this and I know what I am talking about! This is paint and it has the perfect raw egg color. I painted my living room and dining room in this and my neighbor wants the color sample. You are obviously stupid. I will just take her the gallon.”

The customer left with paint while I just sighed.

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Clashing With Carrots? How Could You?!

, , | Right | June 19, 2020

It’s my first day working in a popular kitchenware shop, and I’m given the food prep section to manage, partly to learn the products but also because it’s one of the smaller sections, so an easy start for day one. Or so I thought…

A lady comes up the stairs to my section.

Customer: “Miss? Miss! I require assistance!”

I am slightly alarmed, thinking she’s hurt herself or something. Nope. She just wants help shopping. Okay, cool! Phew!

Me: “Absolutely, madam, how may I help?”

Customer: “I wish to purchase some of your marvellous microwaveable bowls. They’re perfect for my dinner party!”

Me: “Okay, great! They’re just over here.”

I take her to the only microwaveable bowls we sell, which happen to be red-coloured. The customer wrinkles her nose.

Customer: “Oh. Oh, what are those? No, I don’t want those. They’re so ugly! You sell clear ones. I know; I’m a regular shopper here.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, madam, but these are the only ones we sell. I am new here, however, so we may well have sold different ones in the past, as you say. But these are very good and will do the job just as well, I’m sure.”

Customer: “Oh, no, no, no. That’s just no good!”

She holds one and looks it over before putting it back.

Customer: “No, absolutely not. I can’t serve vegetables in something in such a horrible, garish red colour. It will clash with my carrots!”

Words failed me when I realised she wasn’t actually joking or trying to be funny in any way. I know everyone has their eccentricities, but refusing to buy something purely functional on its colour alone just struck me as odd. I mean, plastic, microwaveable dishes don’t really equate to Royal Doulton, y’know?

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Swipe Left For This Customer

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2020

Our debit machines are a bit outdated and do not accept chip and PIN, instead requiring customers to swipe their cards. Many customers have a hard time wrapping their heads around this.

Customer: “I’ll use debit.”

Me: “Okay, please swipe your card with the stripe facing toward me.”

Customer: “Can I use the chip?”

Me: “No, please swipe your card with the stripe facing toward me.”

Customer: “But I have a chip.”

Me: “Our machines don’t take chips; please swipe your card with the stripe facing toward me.”

Customer: “Well, which way do I swipe it?”

Me: “Please swipe your card with the stripe facing toward me.

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There’s An Issue But You Can’t Put Your Finger On It

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2020

My friend works as a carpenter. He builds patios for people and cuts everything on site. A customer insists on making conversation as my friend is cutting the wood. My friend responds occasionally to be polite but hopes the client takes the hint because he really shouldn’t be distracted.

Finally, my friend looks at the client as he’s addressing him and accidentally saws off the tip of his index finger. He shuts off the saw, still in shock. Both my friend and client stand still in shock for a minute or two.

Client: “Uh… Do you need a bandaid?”

Friend: “No… I need you to call the ambulance.”

Client: *After a minute* “Okay! I think I have a bandaid in the house!”

Friend:Call. The. Ambulance!”

Client: “I’ll get you a bandaid!”

The client ran back into the house. My friend ended up calling for an ambulance himself. Luckily, they managed to save the finger and reattach it. He’s now a chef and runs his own restaurant.

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