Beware: Contractors Afoot

, , , | Right | January 7, 2018

Customer: “I need something to fill in between metal and concrete.”

Me: “Silicone adhesive or concrete adhesive in caulking tubes?”

Customer: “No, no, no.”

Coworker: “Sounds like you need some type of mortar?”

Customer: “No. That’s not it. I KNOW! I DO THIS FOR A LIVING!”

Coworker: *quietly to me* “If he does this for a living, than he should probably know what he needs.”

Customer: *to Boss* “Those guys don’t know ANYTHING!”

Boss: “Um… yes… Yes, they do.”

Customer: “Okay. I’ll just take these.”

(“These” being what I had recommended to the “Professional” in the first place.)

Returner Burner: International Edition

, , , | Right | January 5, 2018

(I have been working at this store only a few months. A customer walks in and asks me a ton of questions about one of our tool sets.)

Customer: “…and these are the best, yeah?”

Me: “Top of the line, sir.”

Customer: “What happens if these break?”

Me: “This particular set has a lifetime warranty, so just bring it back and we’ll exchange whatever you bring in then and there.”

Customer: “Can I call to exchange them?”

Me: “Our company won’t allow that, unless all of our stores close down, to be perfectly honest.”

Customer: “Oh. See, I’m shipping them overseas to a relative, and I need to make sure they can exchange them easily.”

Me: “There’s no way you can call to exchange. My recommendation is to just send them money and have them buy tools where they are.”

Customer: “They are nowhere near a hardware store where they live. Thanks anyway.” *leaves*

Me: *to Coworker* “Does that kind of conversation happen a lot here?”

Coworker: *sighs* “I’m surprised today was the first day you got it.”

Returner Burner, Part 7
Returner Burner, Part 6
Returner Burner, Part 5

Thinking Outside The Box And The Car

, , , | Right | January 2, 2018

(I work at a DIY store which sells six-piece garden furniture sets all in one box. These boxes are not small, as you could imagine.)

Me: “Hi there, are you okay? Do you need anything?”

Customer: “Well, we like [set in the box], please. Can you help it to my car?”

Me: “Of course, that’s what I’m here for. Is your car a decent size, as the box is quite hefty and large?”

Customer: “Yeah, it will fit; no problem.”

Me: *thinking he has a van or pickup* “Okay, great. Let me get you a trolley.”

(We load the box up and pay through the till and out we go.)

Me: *looking into the car park* “Which is yours?”

Customer: “Oh, the red one over there.”

(I glance up and see a little car.)

Me: “Really? There’s no way this will fit into that. You don’t have any boot space or a back seat to put it on?”

Customer: *looking a bit irate as I’ve doubted him, taking the trolley off me* ” Of course it will; I’ve had these before without a problem. You just don’t know what you’re doing.” *humph*

Me: “Okay, if you’re sure and you don’t want my help. If you need me I will be inside.”

(I got called to the main desk about 30 minutes later by my coworker who was watching them struggle, and she turned to me and asked why didn’t I help. I just rolled my eyes at her and she nodded with a knowing smile. He did manage to fit it in an hour later; however, his girlfriend had to make her own way home from our store as there wasn’t room for both of them in the car.)

Don’t Know What Lead Them Here

, , , | Right | December 15, 2017

(I work in a home improvement store, mixing paint.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need some lead-based paint.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t sell lead-based paint.”

Customer: “I bought some here the other day.”

Me: “Lead-based paint has been off the consumer market since 1978, sir; we don’t sell it.”

Customer: *blank stare*

(At this point the customer and the woman with him proceed to walk down the aisle where our paint is kept, swearing they bought lead-based paint from us. They pick up a can of paint and turn it over to read the back of the label.)

Customer: “See?! Right here! Lead-based paint!”

Me: “That’s a warning against sanding on surfaces coated with lead-based paint, sir; it’s printed on every can of paint we sell.”

Customer: “Then what am I holding?!”

Me: “Oil-based paint for metal.”

Both Customers: *blank stare*

Customer: “Can I get it in white?”

Me: “It’s premixed white.”

(They then walked off without saying another word, and I bid them a good rest of the day.)

Out To Extinguish A Dog’s Fun

, , , , | Working | November 23, 2017

(I am checking out with just three items: a dog toy, a fire extinguisher, and a compost aerator. It is Halloween.)

Cashier: “Looks like you’re making a really interesting costume!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s actually my dog’s birthday, so I had to get her a toy to rip apart.”

Cashier: “Ah, and for when things get out of hand…” *gestures toward fire extinguisher*

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