Near Death And Blind

, , , , , | Right | March 19, 2019

(I am walking a family of two around my department, trying to help them get the correct products to paint their kitchen. When it comes to color choices:)

Adult Grandson: “Meemaw, she needs you to choose the color you want.”

Meemaw: “Shoot, I don’t care! You choose; you’re going to live longer than me, anyway!”

Adult Grandson: “Meemaw, I’m colorblind!”

(In the end, Meemaw chose the yellow, and I ended up choosing the brown for the cabinets. Hope they like it!)

Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 14

, , , | Right | March 16, 2019

(I work in a store that sells various kitchenware items, including electrical products. A perfectly pleasant lady whom I have just served at the till approaches me at the door on her way out.)

Customer: “Dear, can I ask you a quick question?”

Me: “Sure! How can I help?”

Customer: “Well, you probably can’t do anything about this, but I have a [Brand Name] food mixer that I purchased, but never have used. It was over a year ago, but it’s just too powerful! I switched it on once, but it scared me! Am I able to return it to you? Can you do something with it?”

(Our policy includes a several-year guarantee on electricals, so returning it with a proof of purchase would be totally fine in this case.)

Me: “Oh, no! Okay, do you have a receipt for it?”

Customer: “I expect so!”

Me: “Then that’s fine. Just bring it in to us and we can issue a refund to you with your store receipt.”

Customer: “That’s wonderful! It’s from [Different Store], and I’ll bring it in next time!”

Me: *blink* “Wait, I’m sorry; did you purchase the mixer here?”

Customer: “Oh, no, dear, from [Different Store]. Is that a problem?”

Me: “Ah. I’m afraid so. We can’t accept returns or issue refunds for products purchased from other companies, I’m sorry.”

Customer: *visibly disappointed* “Oh. Right… Even with a receipt?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Oh. Well… What would you suggest I do with it?”

Me: “Hmm. Have you considered eBay?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s a good idea! I’ll get my daughter to help me with that!”

Me: “All right, then; good luck!”

Customer: “Thank you, dear!”

Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 13
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 12
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 11

Concretely Resolute That I Will Not Help You

, , , , , | Right | February 25, 2019

(Our customer base is an odd mix: angry, irrational, helpless, entitled, crazily demanding, and often any random combination of those elements. My department is on the far side of the store from the break room, which means I must cross the entire store to get there after I take a break and/or after I clock in for my shift. The cement aisle is right outside the break room. I have just taken a break during a miserable, hot day during which customers have yelled at me multiple times for no reason. I am exiting the break room to go back to my department. Two reasonably healthy-looking, strapping male customers are standing in the aisle looking at bags of concrete.)

Customer: “HEY! YOU! We need some of these! Come help us load our cart!”

Me: “Okay, sure.”

Customer: “Those!” *points at a skid of 80-pound concrete bags and starts to walk off with the other customer*

(I load up two bags, but as I said, I am fed up already, and tired, and frankly, it’s not my job to wait on anyone hand and foot like this. Plus, the bags are very heavy. I also have my own department to get back to, since no one else is working it while I’m gone.)

Me: “Um, wait. How many did you need? And could you please help me load these?”

Other, Nicer Customer: “Sure, but we only needed those two bags of that brand. We actually needed a couple of these down here…”

Customer: *whirls back in my direction, interrupting his friend* “WHAT?! How about you do your job?!

Me: *over it* “Tell you what. I will go back to my department right now and do my job, which does not include what is happening right now.”

Customer: “FINE! WHATEVER!”

(I turn to walk away, and there is third customer standing right behind me who just saw the entire exchange. He is grinning ear to ear and laughing.)

Grinning Customer: “Hi! Could you show me where the glue is?!”

(Glue, epoxy, etc., are all in paint, which is right next to my department.)

Me: “Sure! It’s right this way. Let’s go!”

(As we are walking through the store, he talks to me.)

Grinning Customer: “You know, I’m from Brooklyn, and hearing that exchange made me homesick. Nobody back there is fake or pretends to be nice when someone is an a**hole like that. You sounded exactly like someone from my old neighborhood. That was great.”

(I laughed, thanked him, and showed him our glue selection. He pretty much made my day.)

Throwing The Blinds Out With The Bathwater

, , , | Right | January 21, 2019

(I work at the customer service desk of a popular home improvement store. A married couple comes up to the desk with a box of blinds to return.)

Me: “So, did you have any problems or concerns with the blinds?”

Husband: “No, we decided to sell our house.”

Me: “Wait, the blinds didn’t work for you, so you decided to sell your house?”

(They realized how odd that sounded, and we had a good laugh about it.)

The Collapse Of Education

, , , , , | Learning | January 13, 2019

(My school building has been around since the 1950s and has fallen into disrepair. Despite years of campaigning for a new building, the county keeps pushing the construction date back by years. It’s become a running joke in the school that the building will collapse before we get a new one. On this day, we are having some very noisy work done in the ceiling.)

Me: *glancing up at the ceiling* “They’d better be careful; one wrong hit and the whole thing will collapse. We’ll get a new building, at least.”

Teacher: *laughs hysterically*

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