Gatekeeper Of The Mind Readers

, , , | | Right | May 14, 2019

(I’m working near our service desk when a customer comes over.)

Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: “How much are your gates?”

Me: “Well, that depends on what kind you’re looking for. We’ve got light-duty, heavy-duty, wire-filled for keeping smaller animals contained, and corral panels, a type of movable fence that comes in ten-foot sections. Which are you interested in?”

Customer: “I don’t know.” *incredulously* “How much are they?”

Me: “Ah… they range in price significantly, depending on which kind you’d like.”

Customer: *incredulously again* “I don’t know.” *just stares at me*

Me: “Well… light- and heavy-duties range in size from four to twenty feet wide…”

Customer: “Yeah, that one. How much is it?”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a range of nine different sizes. All are different prices.”

(The customer just stares at me. I feel pressured to come up with SOMETHING, even though they’re not giving me any information to go on.)

Me: “Well… for example, a fourteen-footer is $[total]. Would you like something larger? Perhaps smaller?”

Customer: “I don’t know.” *same incredulous tone, stare*

(The customer’s husband comes strolling up.)

Husband: *to Customer* “Hey, I’ve been looking for you. Did you get the info you were after?”

Customer: “Well, I was trying to find out how much one of those sixteen-foot light-duty gates is but he—“ *hooks a thumb in my direction* “—doesn’t know.”

Me: “…”

Using Her Outside Voice

, , , , | | Right | May 13, 2019

(This happens about two minutes before we close. My coworkers and I are in the back of our department in the garden section discussing the recent World Cup match with Portugal when we hear a customer yelling.)

Customer: “Hello?! HELLO?!”

(A coworker and I walk around to see what is going on. Finally, we find the yelling customer in the middle of the department just standing by the Vincas — a type of flower. She is already very clearly upset about something.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, did you need any help?”

Customer: “Yes, I want these in white but you don’t have any in here; they are only outside.”

(I don’t realize that the gate is locked.)

Me: “Well, then, you can grab them from outside. They should be on the first table to the right as soon as you walk out the gate.”

Customer: “Well, how am I supposed to get out there?!”

(I now see the gate locked.)

Me: “Oh, I am sorry. They did not tell us that they had locked our gate. We can go around there and see them if you’d like. We can go through our service gate over here.”

Coworker: “How many did you want? I can run out there and get them for you.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t f****** know until I see them! You know what? F*** it! F*** both of you. Obviously, no one wants to help me. I am done shopping at [Company]. You just don’t care about the customers!”

(She stormed off while giving us both the finger, leaving my coworker and me just standing there with our jaws open.)


Unfiltered Story #147750

, , , | Unfiltered | April 24, 2019

(I am trying to help a man)

Me: How can I help you?
Man: I need a screw driver
Me: Ok, any certain brand? Type?
Man: Well I was thinki- HOLY SHIT I JUST FARTED

Unfiltered Story #147170

, , | Unfiltered | April 19, 2019

(I get a call from a register):
Me: “Outside Lawn and Garden, how can I help you?”

Cashier: “Do you still have tomato plants on sale for 4 for 10$?”

Me: “I’m not sure, what kind of tomato plant is the customer buying?”

Cashier: “I’m not sure, it says ‘assorted.’ It’s ringing up 4$ each.”

Me: “Ok, I’ll be right there to check on it.”

(I walk over to the register and engage the customer)

Me: “Hi, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Either you sell me these plants at 4 for 10$ each or cut down your sign.”

Me: I’m sorry about the price sir; you said there was a sign?

Customer: “Yes! The sign said 4 for 10 dollars!

Me: Ok, I’ll look into it (note that the plant in question has its price determined by an outside source).

Me: Unfortunately, I can’t look up the price of this plant on my (store issued phone). I can take the plant out there and try to find the sign though.

Customer: “I’ll show you where I found the sign! But if I leave this store, I’m NOT coming back (to purchase the plants).

Me: OK! Then you stay here and I will look for the sign on my own.

Customer: No!, I’m coming with you!

(The customer proceeds to lead me to the sign that supposedly reads that the plant is on sale.)

Me: “Sir, the sign says that any 19 oz plants are on sale. The size you are buying is far above that. These plants here below the sign have their size written on them as 19 oz plants,
I’m sorry for the confusion, but the smaller plants are the only ones on sale.”

Customer: “Then the sign shouldn’t be here.”

(He then proceeds to pull out his pocket knife, and cut off the zip tie that holds the sign in place. It falls to the ground and he walks away.

Me: “Do you want me to put your plants back?”

Customer: “Do whatever you want with them (turns and continues leaving).

Me: “Ok, have a good day!”

(Customer walks off without any acknowledgement.)

I then place one of his plants back on the rack, pick up the fallen sign, and walk back to the register that he was supposed to have checked out from.

Register Operator: “What happened?”

Me: “He was wrong. He didn’t read the sign correctly.”
(I then proceed to tell the cashiers what happened, including the part where he cut off the sign.

Register Operator: “Are you kidding me???”

Me: Nope, he just walked off after he cut the sign. Do you have any zip ties that I can use to replace the sign with?

(Of course they do and I immediately replace the sign)

(I call my wife and relay the events to her)

Me: (To my wife) I’m not even mad at the customer. In fact, I actually found it funny. I was laughing as I went to replace the sign. What kind of idiot either: cant read, chooses not to read, or reads and doesn’t care what he has read? Either way, the fault definitely lies with him! I honestly hope we lose him as a customer because it will be more detrimental to keep him as one!

Not Happy With This Tree-tment

, , , , , , , | Right | April 15, 2019

I do landscaping for a major chain restaurant and I notice that a tree has Borers and needs an injection. I tell the managing partner, who informs me she does not want to spend the $50. I tell her the tree will die, and she repeats that she does not want to spend any money. I tell her she can call any tree company, pick one out of the phone book, or ask friends, but the tree needs the injection or else.

She continues to say she does not want to spend any money. I give up; she is the customer and is therefore always right.

The following season, I am at the restaurant having dinner, and she sits down and asks why the tree is dead. I reminded her of last fall’s conversation, and she is pissed at me. She says she’s going to “rip the d*** thing out of the ground.”

I just keep my mouth shut and think of how she saved $50 at a cost of $700 to remove and replace the dead tree.

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