Great-Grandmother Is On A Great Trip

, , , , , , | Related | December 3, 2019

While our house was being built, my parents had the option to customize some areas. One thing they decided on was a sunken living room: to move from the dining room to the living room, you take a step down. My great-grandmother was vocally opposed to this, insisting it was just begging to trip someone. She passed away before the house was completed. 

The first family gathering that we hosted, my great-grandfather — her husband — tripped on that step and cut his head badly. My mother was beside herself, rueing the sunken living room she’d been warned against while she helped my great-grandfather. We all tried to reassure her that it was just an accident and that he would be okay. Then, my grandfather — their son — spoke up. “No accident. Mom was probably haunting the house, just waiting for a chance to push Dad so she’d be proven right.”

My great-father was indeed fine and lived several more years, and my grandfather’s comment made my mom laugh and forgive herself.

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Unfiltered Story #178386

, , | Unfiltered | November 28, 2019

(My brother works in a home improvement store. This day, two elderly customers, man and wife, come to him for advice.

Elderly woman: I have a question about your toilets. Which one has the lowest water level?

My brother (confused): You mean the smallest water tank? Well, this model right here-

Elderly woman (interrupting him): No dear, I’m talking about the water in the bowl, not in the tank.

My brother (still confused): It will vary depending on the size of the bowl and the size of the tank, I guess. But we don’t have any way to be sure until the toilet is installed and functional.

(The elderly gentleman has remained silent up to this point, but clearly seems to be irritated)

Elderly woman: No, that won’t do. We have to make sure the water doesn’t get higher than a certain level.

My brother: I’m sorry ma’am, but I cannot provide you with this information at this time. I would have to ask my supervisor. Do you mind me asking why the water level is so important to you?

Elderly man (screaming): BECAUSE WHEN I SIT DOWN, MY BALLS TOUCH THE WATER!

Those Kinds Of Electronics Are Pie In The Sky  

, , | Right | November 28, 2019

(I work in a home improvement store.)

Customer: “Do you have something to make apple pies?”

Me: “Like an appliance?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “No, madam, unfortunately, we don’t have anything like that.”

Customer: “I’m looking for something electric.”

Me: “Um, yes. For apple pies?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “As I said, ma’am, we don’t carry anything like that.”

Customer: “So, what do you have?”

Me: “For apple pies?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “That is electric?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Nothing.”

Customer: “Oh.”

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Trolley Folly

, , , | Right | November 20, 2019

(We have ordinary trolleys as well as flat-bed trolleys for large items. The flat-beds are supposed to be pulled along as the steering is in the back wheels. We tell customers this when we see them struggling. On this day, my coworker notices a lady heading out of the store having a lot of trouble pushing her flat-bed trolley.)

Coworker: *with a smile* “Those trolleys are a lot easier to pull along behind you, ma’am. The steering is in the back wheels. You’ll find it easier if you spin it around.”

Customer: “No! The customer is always right! I’m so sick of people telling me how to push my bloody trolley!”

(My coworker had not had any previous interactions with this customer, so her outburst was completely out of the blue!)

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Marriage Can Be Hard

, , , , , | Romantic | November 15, 2019

(I’m in the process of scraping paint off the door frame in the kitchen. Much of it has come off fairly easily, but there are about twelve inches of space that are really tenacious. As I’m grappling with it, my husband asks me how it’s going.)

Husband: “How’s the project coming?”

Me: “This one bit of paint is really hard to get off!”

(My husband takes the putty knife from me, and I think, “How sweet! He’s going to take over for a while.” He chips at the paint with the putty knife for about four seconds and then hands it back to me.)

Husband: “You’re right! It is.”

(He then wandered off, leaving me to my task.)

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