This Conversation Spins Around Like A Rotary

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2018

(There used to be a fabric and sewing notions store in my hometown, but they went out of business. Eight months after they closed, the building was bought and was being renovated into a house. For at least six months the building had sat completely empty and all of the previous business’s signage had been taken down. From the outside of the building, it was obvious that some major work was being done on it. I knew the people who bought the building and I was hired to do some painting. One day, I am painting what is now the living room, and a woman I have never seen before wanders in the front door.)

Woman: “Oh, wow! It sure looks different in here!”

Me: “Um… Can I help you with something?”

Woman: “Yeah, I need a new rotary cutter; do you know where they are at?”

Me: “The store that was here went out of business last year; I’m afraid you’ll have to go somewhere else.”

Woman: “But I just need a rotary cutter. Surely there must be some laying around somewhere.”

Me: “All of the inventory was sold off months ago. This building is currently being turned into someone’s house.”

Woman: “I only want a rotary cutter! [Competitor] is an hour-and-a-half drive away! You can’t expect me to drive there. I’ll pay whatever you want for the rotary cutter, but I need it now!”

(I’m thoroughly irritated and dumbfounded at how this woman can’t understand that this is no longer a business.)

Me: “Ma’am, you are trespassing on private property. If you don’t leave, I will call the police.”

Woman: *long pause* “So, you don’t have any rotary cutters?”

Me: “No!”

(The woman wanders back out the door, muttering to herself, when one of the contractors who was working in the kitchen approaches me.)

Contractor: “Did that woman really think this was still a business?”

Me: “Yeah, I guess so.”

Contractor: “Wow, the stupid was strong with that one!”

What Home Isn’t Improved With Milk?

, , , | Right | October 27, 2018

(It is a half-hour before the home improvement store where I work closes for the night.)

Customer: “Where is the milk?”

Me: “We don’t sell milk. “

Customer: “What do you mean, you don’t sell milk? “

Me: “We don’t sell milk. We never have. Try the [Store #1] next door, or the [Store #2] across the street.”

Customer: “Not any food anywhere in the whole store?”

Me: “We have chips and pop up at the registers.”

(The customer stared at me, confused, for a while before finally leaving.)

Get Behind Me, Pikachu!

, , , , | Right | October 7, 2018

(I am working the registers. Work has provided employees with foam cups to refill at water coolers near the registers when we are not busy. Between customers, I have drawn different water-type Pokémon and water-related Pokémon items on my cup. I happen to see an elderly customer approaching with a cart, stop drawing, and set my cup near the screen.)

Me: “Good evening. Did you find everything?”

Customer: “Yes, I di—”

(She turns to see my screen as I start scanning her items, and then gasps).

Me: “Is something wrong?”

Customer: *points at my cup* “What the f*** did you draw all over your cup?!”

Me: “Oh, just some things from a video game.”

Customer: “You drew Pokémon all over it! Don’t you know they are satanic?! There are children here! I demand you throw it away!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m not going to throw it away.”

Customer: “Well, then, I’ll just find your manager and he’ll fire you!”

(I chuckle mentally as a few moments ago the front end manager complimented my drawings, but I decide to take my cup and “throw it away,” only to set it under my counter.)

Customer: *smirking* “I knew that’d change your mind. Now, why don’t you be a good, God-fearing citizen…”

(She forces a pamphlet at me as I resume scanning her items. She rants and raves about Pokémon, demons, gays, and the like.)

Me: *gritting my teeth, knowing that I shouldn’t lose my temper at work* “Your total is [total].”

Customer: “And my military discount?”

Me: “May I see your ID?”

Customer: “I don’t have it; every other cashier just give it to me!”

Me: “Sorry, but I’ve been informed to ask every time.”

Customer: “THIS IS BECAUSE YOU ARE A F****** SATAN-WORSHIPPER AND I’M A GOD-FEARING CITIZEN!”

Me: “If you are such a ‘God-fearing citizen,’ then you should know how to ‘obey the laws of the land.'”

(The customer mutters a few more curses before tossing me her money and storming out.)

Customer #2: “Wow… I saw you drawing on your cup; it’s a shame she made you throw it away.”

Me: “Zoroark and God aren’t the only ones that know Illusion.”

(I pulled out my cup and put it where it was before checking out his item.)

Inconsideration On Tap

, , , , | Right | October 4, 2018

(I work in a home improvement store, and it’s a fairly busy afternoon in the kitchen and bath department. I have been helping a few customers select their bathroom faucets without too much problem, but then comes this customer.)

Me: “Hi, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I’d like to see the connection of this faucet. Can you open the box?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I take out my box cutter and open it for him so he can properly inspect the product. After about five minutes of examining, he puts everything back in the box, but not exactly the same way as before it was opened, which makes closing the box properly impossible.)

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take it, but I want a new box.”

Me: “What’s wrong with this one?”

Customer: “It’s opened. I’d rather have a closed one.”

Me: “But I opened it for you. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

Customer: “But I’d rather have a new one.”

(In my store, an open box usually means a returned item, and no one usually buys it unless I do some type of markdown. I want to avoid having an open-box product on the shelf.)

Me: “This is new. I just opened it, and you just inspected it.”

Customer: “So? I just want one in a closed box.”

Me: “Aren’t you just going to open this when you get home? What difference does it make if you just take the one you looked at?”

Customer: “No one wants an open-box item; just give me a new one, sealed.”

(I sighed and handed a sealed box to the customer. I had to treat the open-box product as a return and put a reduced-price sticker on it so it would have a chance of selling.)

They’re Not Going Far In Life

, , , , , | Right | September 12, 2018

(We not only rent equipment, but sell bulk material — topsoil, sand, and gravels, etc. We load customers’ vehicles, but cannot tie down loads or do maintenance on their vehicles for liability reasons. A customer has just had a large, top-heavy piece of equipment loaded into the bed of a pickup.)

Me: “Okay, you’re good to go as soon as you tie that down.”

Customer #1: “Oh, I don’t have anything to tie it with. Do you have any ropes?”

Me: “No, unfortunately, we don’t do that anymore as they were never returned. All we have is twine, and you’re welcome to that.”

Customer #1: “It’s okay; I’m not going far.”

(Later, another customer has just had half a yard of gravel loaded into a utility trailer that looks like it hasn’t been on the road since the 1950s. The threadbare tires are so flat that the trailer is practically riding on the rims.)

Me: “Ooh, that doesn’t look good. If you can pull around to our service bay, we have an air hose so you can top the tires up.”

Customer #2: “It’s okay; I’m not going far.”

(Later, yet another customer has rented a 40-foot extension ladder — 20 feet long and quite heavy. He has us put it on top of an old compact car with no roof rack. We give him some cardboard to protect what’s left of his paint.)

Me: “Okay, you’re good to go as soon as you tie it down.”

Customer #2: “I don’t have any rope. Can’t you do that?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we can’t; you have to do that.”

Customer #2: “Well, what do I do?”

Me: “Well, we can give you as much twine as you need, but you have to tie it down yourself.”

(The customer takes about half an hour and half a mile of twine to strap down a ladder that’s far longer than his car. Finally, he’s done.)

Me: “Are you sure that’s going to hold it?”

Customer #2: “Sure. Besides, I’m not going far.”

(The customer was traveling to another town about 30 kilometers away. Sadly, just about everyone who failed to understand their responsibility to safely transport goods or equipment had the same answer: “I’m not going far.” We had a running joke that there must be a vast, subterranean city beneath us, as nobody seemed to ever go “far,” and feared for those who had to share the road with these stunned weekend warriors.)

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