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Better Measure Up If You’re Going To Act Like A Tool

, , , | Right | December 4, 2021

I was in the tool aisle of a home improvement chain. There was an actual employee in the aisle next to mine helping another customer. Then, a man walked up to her and tapped her shoulder while she was speaking to the customer she was helping. She told him she would get to him in a moment. He got impatient and huffed and puffed for a minute. I could actually hear him doing this from where I was.

The employee interrupted the first customer to ask the man who’d approached:

Employee: “What do you need?”

Impatient Customer: “What do I need to make a bell siphon?”

For those who don’t know, this is a plumbing device used to automatically suck water out with no mechanics like pumps when water gets to certain levels.

Employee: “I don’t know. You need to go to plumbing.”

She then turned back to help the first customer.

Impatient Customer: *Mad* “You need to help me!”

Employee: “I don’t work in the plumbing department. All I know about what you’re asking is that a siphon is something for water. That’s plumbing. This is tools.”

The man got mad and stormed off. He ended up on my aisle and saw me. I was wearing nothing that said I worked there, other than blue jeans.

Impatient Customer: “Tell me what I need to make a bell siphon.”

I would have helped him had he not just demanded that.

Me: “I don’t work for this store. You need to ask the plumbing department employee.”

Impatient Customer: “I see you all the time in here. YOU ALL NEED TO STOP LYING TO YOUR CUSTOMERS!”

Me: “Okay.”

And I went back to what I was looking for in the tools department.

The man went to some other employee and demanded to see the manager. The manager came over and told him exactly what we both told him.

Manager: “You’re asking in the wrong department, and that person doesn’t work here. I know how to make a bell siphon, though. Can I have your project measurements so I can get the right sized pipes for you?”

The man had to go home and get them because he never bothered to do get measurements before coming to the store for the parts.

How To Floor A Racist

, , , | Right | December 2, 2021

I am organizing the installation of flooring for an older customer.

Customer: “I don’t want any black men to install my flooring.”

Me: *After a pause* “We don’t select which individuals exactly will install the floor; you’ll get who you get.”

She had a fit about it, demanded white installers, and asked to speak to my manager.

I’m so glad she did because my manager is a real big black dude with a black-sounding name.

Turns out she didn’t want to speak to the manager after all.

The Incredible Hulk Goes Shopping

, , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: ANONYMOUS BY REQUEST | December 2, 2021

I work in a large home improvement store. The health crisis is at its peak in my state and lines are bonkers at our store — wrapped around the inside of the store to the back wall. As you may imagine, we have many crazies come in over this time, as well as just impatient and frustrated people, which is understandable.

There is a line at self-checkout and this guy is already huffing and puffing and causing a scene in line about having to use self-checkout and having to wait in line. He gets to the self-checkout and proceeds to reluctantly scan his items. As he gets ready to pay, the card reader declines his card due to a chip error — we still don’t know if it was the card or the reader, as our new readers do this a lot.

So, what is the natural reaction for the customer in this situation? Ask for help? Retry the card again?

No. The man straight-up sucker punches the screen, breaking the screen and damaging the LEDs in the screen, rendering the whole system useless as our registers are all on one computer.

My coworker calls over our store manager to notify her that this man has just damaged about $700 worth of stuff and caused a scene while doing it. The store manager shows up to speak with him, and what do you think she does? Call the police? Have Asset Protection put this man on a trespass notice and force him to pay for damages?

No. She gives him all his stuff for free and makes no effort to punish him for breaking our stuff. This makes our jobs more difficult as we have to wait well over a week for a new computer, and this is one of the only two self-checkout machines that take cash, so it slows our lines even more.

I’m so glad I’m out of retail and only have to deal with people yelling at me over the phone now!

Taking “It Takes A Village” A Little Too Far

, , , | Right | November 16, 2021

I’m standing in front of my register in a home improvement store when a customer with a baby carrier walks up to me.

Customer: “I forgot something in the car. Can you watch my baby while I go and get it?”

I look at her like she has lost her mind.

Customer: “Well, you see, it’s because it’s windy outside.”

Yes, because leaving your kid with a complete stranger is much safer than a little wind. I am briefly contemplating telling the woman that I eat babies for breakfast because the look on her face indicates that if I tell her “no” out loud, we will have a six-hour-long argument about why refusing is unacceptable.

Thankfully, my boss steps in.

Boss: “Sorry, ma’am, we cannot be made to be responsible for children.”

She tries to argue, exactly as I predicted, and he shuts her down so completely that it cuts her off, mid-argument.

About twenty minutes later, she walks through my line, and the first words out of her mouth are:

Customer: “What kind of discount are you going to give me for refusing to watch my child?”

I bite my tongue.

Me: “There’s only one discount available: our credit card deal.”

When she learns that she can’t negotiate the interest percentage the credit card will charge her — “Guarantee me only 2% interest or no deal!” — she decides she doesn’t want it.

Customer: “No, I should get a discount as compensation for the inconvenience of not receiving help with my child.”

I refused to budge, and she finally moved on from that topic and put some paint up to be rung.

This Is A Bad Sign, Part 4

, , , | Right | November 16, 2021

I oversee the self-checkout at a big home improvement store. Right next to the self-checkout is our indoor plant display. The display has an overhang of hanging house plants. As I stand there, a customer walks up.

Customer: “Do you have any plants? I want some and can’t find them anywhere!”

I laugh a little because I think they’re making a joke about the large number of house plants.

Customer: *Glaring* “I don’t know what you think is so funny. I am looking for a plant for my living room!”

Me: “Um, like those?”

I point at the huge display, part of which is literally hanging over the customer’s head. A spider plant (Chlorophytum comosum), affectionately nicknamed Jumbo, is currently making affectionate acquaintance with my shoulder as we speak.

Customer: “You all could make a clearer display.”

Me: “No, we literally couldn’t without physically hitting you with it. Have a nice day!”

The customer tried to complain to the manager, but he had been standing a few feet to my left and just laughed.

This Is A Bad Sign, Part 3
This Is A Bad Sign, Part 2
This Is A Bad Sign