(I am picking up a gift on my way to a baby shower. Most of the items I’m purchasing are not “typical” shower gifts, but they are very obviously baby items, plus a card, a baby shower gift bag, and tissue paper.)

Me: “You can just put all the items in the gift bag.”

(The cashier puts the gift bag in a plastic bag and continues scanning my items.)

Me: *speaking up* “Sorry, I said you can put all my items in the gift bag.”

(The cashier now starts putting my other items into a second plastic bag.)

Cashier: “I didn’t want to mess up the gift bag!”

Me: “Well, everything is going into the gift bag, anyway, so…”

(At this point, I’ve just given up, as the cashier continues putting everything in plastic bags. When she’s finished ringing me up, she takes the first plastic bag, opens the gift bag — but leaves it inside the plastic bag — and then takes the second plastic bag and tries to put it, still bagged, into the gift bag.)

Me: “Just… Never mind. Don’t worry about it.”

Cashier: “You said you wanted it in the gift bag!”

Me: “I wanted it in the gift bag so I wouldn’t need all these plastic bags!”

Cashier: “Oh…”

(The cashier then took everything out of the plastic bags and re-bagged it in the gift bag like I asked, but she wasted five minutes of her time, my time, and the time of the other customers behind me by doing it the wrong way first.)

(I work in the linens department of my store.)

Me: “What can I help you with, ma’am?”

Customer: “My son says this pillow case is too long. I need something that will fit.”

(She shows me the case, and it is meant for a standard-size sleeping pillow.)

Me: “Are you looking for a standard pillowcase, then?”

Customer: “No, I want a king-size.”

Me: “It sounds like your son has a standard-sized pillow, so a standard- or queen-size pillow would fit.”

Customer: “No, it’s too long! I need something else like this, king-size.”

Me: “Ma’am, these pillowcases are made this way so they can fit onto the pillow easier, especially after being washed. If you buy a king-size case, then it’s going to be even longer, because it’s meant for a king-size pillow.”

Customer: “No, these cases are too long! I want something bigger!”

Me: “Ma’am, these cases are meant for these standard pillows here. King-size cases are meant for these larger pillows here.” *showing her the pillows* “This standard case will fit a standard pillow.”

Customer: “Here! You open this and show me that it will fit!”

(I open the standard pillowcase up and put the pillow inside, and it fits like any standard pillow would.)

Customer: *mutters* “Thank you.” *walks away*

Me: “No problem, ma’am.” *grinning slyly*

(I’m one of those students that does everything on time, gets As and cries at Bs, takes all high-level classes, does the extra credit, and is heading for a burnout. This class is an English Dual-Credit class.)

Teacher: “I’m going to treat you like college students, since this is for a college credit. Do not think you can skate by like you do in the rest of your classes.”

(Over the semester, no one but a handful of students — me included — ever turns their assignments in on time, or does the reading.)

Teacher: “Well, that’s okay! We can do the assignment and the reading in class. Don’t worry about it.”

(During Christmas break, I think to myself, “If she doesn’t care, why should I?” Instead of finishing my essay, I decide to blow it off. When we come back:)

Teacher: “Raise your hand if you’ve done your essay.”

(Surprisingly, everyone but another girl and me raises their hands.)

Teacher: “What happened?”

Me: *lying* “I couldn’t print it at home.”

Classmate: “Me, too.”

Teacher: “Go to the computer lab and print it.”

(To our luck, the computer lab and the library are actually closed! We head back.)

Teacher: “You know, I’m so disappointed in you. My due dates are very firm, and I told you that you couldn’t treat this like the rest of your classes. You can turn it in tomorrow for 10% off.”

(I have never hated a teacher more.)

Related:
Time To Assay The Essay Situation, Part 8
Time To Assay The Essay Situation, Part 7
Time To Assay The Essay Situation, Part 6

(My mother-in-law has always been an attention-seeker, to the point that she has let her health fail, and she has intentionally fallen over or injured herself just to get people to notice her. We mostly ignore it, because we have gotten used to her antics. We have gathered up for Christmas to swap presents. At first, we were going to gather at my brother-in-law’s house, but since my mother-in-law threw such a fit, it got switched to her tiny house. As a result, there are ten of us crammed in this small living room with only a few seats, while the rest of us stand. My brother-in-law opens a present from his wife, which turns out to be a sonogram picture. Everyone jumps in on the hugs and congratulations immediately, except for my mother-in-law, who I notice slides out of her chair, braces herself on the floor, and then flops to her back.)

Mother-In-Law: *screaming* “I fell! I fell out of my chair! Oh, my back, it hurts!”

(Everyone immediately rushes to help her, except for my husband and me. He also noticed her intentionally slide onto the ground. He goes to check on her back.)

Husband: *barely touching her back* “Does it hurt here?”

Mother-In-Law: “Yes! Ow, yes! It does!”

Husband: “Here?”

Mother-In-Law: “Yes, it hurts all over! I need you to call me an ambulance.”

Husband: *not even touching her now* “What about here?”

Mother-In-Law: “Ow, yes! Stop doing that; it hurts.”

Husband: “I didn’t even touch you that time, Mom.”

(She claimed that it hurt so bad, she couldn’t tell whether he touched her or not. Either way, people clued in on what she did and had very little sympathy for her antics.)

(My coworkers and I are going out for lunch during the workday to celebrate a special occasion. One of my coworkers has made a reservation for eight people. We arrive as a group at the restaurant.)

Coworker: “Hello, we have a reservation under [Coworker].”

Hostess: “Oh, is it for a bridal shower?”

Coworker: “No, just a normal reservation for eight.”

Hostess: “Oh, well, we don’t have any other reservations.”

Coworker: “I just called and made a reservation yesterday. Could you please check again?”

Hostess: *suddenly surprised* “Oh, you mean for today?!”

Coworker: *looks around at our group of people, obviously confused as to why we would all be standing there waiting for a table if our reservation was for a different day* “Yes, for today.”

Hostess: “Well, in that case, right this way.”