(I have been working at the same bookstore for three years, but I have a terrible memory for faces and names. Customers remember me much more frequently than I remember them. One day, I am very busy and overtaxed when a lady walks up to me.)

Customer: “I’m sure you don’t remember me, but I was in here last year.”

(I don’t remember her at all and cringe inwardly, waiting to hear what her complaint is.)

Customer: “You recommended this travel guide to me, and I had the most lovely vacation! I just wanted to let you know.”

Me: “Oh. Uh, thank you! People never come back and tell me when something was good.”

(She left with another travel book.)

(I am ringing up a man and his family. He is probably in his 50s and his wife is a little younger, and they have a quiet teen daughter.)

Me: “Do you have any coupons?”

(He hands me one for 20% off of juniors’, which would apply to the $150 of the daughter’s clothes. I scan the coupon and the computer kicks it back.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir.” *now reading the coupon* “This one starts next week; it won’t take it now.”

Male Customer: “What? Well, I need this stuff now; we don’t want to come back next week. Why would I have the coupon now if I can’t use it?”

Me: “We send the coupons out a couple days early so that you can have them ready, and they have the dates printed right on the front” *I show him*

Female Customer: *very nicely* “Oh, okay. Sorry, we didn’t read that part.”

Male Customer: “WELL, I DON’T CARE! It creates ill will with the customer when you send us coupons we can’t use and don’t honor them! I’m spending $150 dollars here, and I want to use it!”

Me: “I’m sorry I can’t apply it right now. We have other—”

Male Customer: *repeating* “No! It creates ill will with the customer and makes me not want to shop here. I want to see the manager; he just DOESN’T understand!”

(I called for the manager, who came and manually gave the customer the discount, to my disapproval.)

(For the final exam, the teacher allows the math class to bring two specific notes pages, as well as one index card with any additional formulas they want to have available on the test. During the test, a couple of students ask questions:)

Student #1: “I don’t see #1 on my notes pages.”

Teacher: “It’s not there, but there was a formula.”

Student #1: “Where would it be?”

Teacher: “I don’t know where you wrote it.”

Student #1: “Do you know the formula?”

Teacher: *pause* “Yes.”

Student #1: *tries to hand notes to teacher* “Will you write it for me?”

Teacher: “No.”

Student #2: “I’m confused on how to do these two problems.”

Teacher: “Those require you to use either the Law of Sines or the Law of Cosines.”

Student #2: *blank look*

Teacher: “…or use ‘eeny, meeny, miny, moe,’ since it’s multiple choice.”

Student #2: “Works for me.” *circles answer*

(I share an apartment with two other guys. One of them is pretty sharp and shares my sense of humor; the other has lived a sheltered life and is a bit naive, though he’s very reluctant to admit it. I’m in law school, and decide to have a bit of fun with [Roommate #2], knowing [Roommate #1] will pick up on the joke and play along. “Intestate” may sound like a medical condition, but it just means a person dies without having made a will.)

Me: “Hey, guys. You’ll never believe this. In class today, I learned about a guy who had five kids with his wife, but after he died, they found out he’d been intestate the whole time!”

Roommate #1: *playing along* “Wow, really? And he had five kids?”

Roommate #2: *pretending to understand* “Wow!”

(Five minutes later:)

Roommate #2: “[My Name], what does ‘intestate’ mean?”

(I am the manager of a makeup counter located within a department store. It is a fairly slow business day, so I am taking the time to sort some of our stock alphabetically. My counter next to the register is covered in stacks of our eye pencils that I am sorting, when two women came up to the counter with their purchases. I push the eye pencils aside and begin to ring them up. I am generally very friendly and conversational.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay today?”

(They are talking over me, talking to one another, and generally being very tactless, but I continue ringing them up, keeping any further questions to myself.)

Customer: *grabbing a handful of the eye pencils* “What are these? Are they free? Just throw ’em in my bag.”

Me: “Those are some of our eyeliners. I was just sorting—”

Customer: “I’ll take some for me and some for my friend.” *starts tossing them in their bag*

Me: “Ma’am, I would gladly give them to you, but you’d have to pay $16.50 a piece for them.”

Customer: “Ugh! Then why are they here?!”

Me: *pause* “Because we sell them?”

Customer: *literally throwing them out of her bag* “Never mind!”

(She snatched the receipt from my hand, and both women walked off, badmouthing me.)