(There is a big wedding that takes the majority of our 56-room base facility. As check-in for wedding party is a success, I receive a phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]! This is [My Name].”

Guest: “Hey, this room 318. I just checked in, and your closet is way too small. What do you plan on doing about this?”

Me: “May I put you on hold for a second?”

(I put him on hold because I literally do not know what to say. I pick up the phone again.)

Me: “Well, sir, you can use one of our rollaway carts or our employee closet.”

Guest: “Well, how is that going to help me when I am up here?”

Me: “I do not know, sir. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

Guest: *hangs up*

(I tell manager about the event that just occurred.)

Manager: “Well, what did he want us to do? Build a closet real quick?”

(I work in a pet store that sells fish, small animals, birds, and reptiles, as well as supplies for the animals. One day I answer a call to our store.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you sell cows?”

Me: *long pause* “No, ma’am. We do not sell cows.”

(A customer comes in and purchases some food, using a credit card to pay. Everything goes as normal, but one hour later he returns.)

Customer: “I came in earlier and you overcharged my credit card! It was only $13.53, but you charged me $112.94!”

(He starts waving around a credit card receipt.)

Me: “Sir, that is not our receipt; we use thermal paper, and I can see that it is carbon-copy paper.”

(For those that do not know, thermal paper is glossy and white, while carbon-copy is yellow and rough.)

Customer: “Yeah, it is!”

(He literally throws the receipt at me. I then pull out the merchant copy and hold it in front of him while holding his carbon copy receipt right next to it.)

Me: “Sir, this is not [Hardware Store]. This is [Restaurant]. This is not even the same street, and not the same type of paper. This is not our receipt!”

(The guy left, angry.)

Several years ago, a friend and his wife invited my wife and me to dinner at a very nice local restaurant. The two of them had visited the restaurant several times previously, and they were pleased with both the food and the price. This time, the reservations happened to be on Valentine’s Day.

We arrived at the restaurant in good time. We were a bit surprised that there were more empty tables than we expected. We were seated, and read the menus. The offerings were their standard meals, but the menu itself had, “Valentine’s Day Specials,” printed on it. The prices were four times the usual amount, too! We asked the waiter why the prices were higher than usual, and he said something like, “Well, it is Valentine’s Day, and you should be giving your ladies something special!”

We decided not to pay the highly-inflated prices, and got up to leave. A customer at an adjoining table looked at us, then spoke up and said, “I wish I had done that, too!”

(My son shares a name with a character in a series of children’s books. I understand the series is popular and often read to children of his age, but I have never been a fan of the character. The books themselves are fine, but that character, I just can’t stand. If it weren’t for a promise I made my great-grandfather, he would have a very different name. He comes home from school and tells me that they read a book in class today and the teacher told the whole class that my son was named for the character. I tell him to tell the teacher, “Mommy says I’m not named after the book character.” He says he did, and then a few days later, he says the teacher read another book in the series, and again claimed that he was named for the character. He also says that some of the kids are making jokes about him being like the character. I arrange a meeting with the teacher to discuss this.)

Me: “If [Son] told you that he wasn’t named for the book character, why did you say he was?”

Teacher: “Oh, I just figured he didn’t know what he was talking about. I mean, with a name like [Son], who else could he be named for?”

Me: “There are plenty of possible namesakes besides the stupid [species of character]. He could be named for, oh, [Famous Historical Figure], [Famous Author], [Secret Identity of a Superhero], or any of the many politicians, actors, artists, or other authors who share his name. Or, maybe, just maybe, he is named after the man who saved my great-grandfather’s life in WWII.”

Teacher: “Well, I already told the class he was, so I’m not going to tell them otherwise.”

Me: “Fine. Whatever. Just stop pointing it out every time you read a book to the class. They are starting to tease him.”

Teacher: “Oh, no. I always point out when kids are named after book characters; it helps the class relate better to the books.”

Me: “BUT HE ISN’T NAMED AFTER THE CHARACTER AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE COMPARED TO HIM!”

Teacher: “But the class thinks he is; that is all that matters.”

(After much more yelling, and a talk with the principal, I finally had to have my son transferred to a new class.)