I generally work closing shifts and, as such, I’m responsible for mopping our dining area. We always do it in sections so that there are always tables available to sit at.

I’ve pulled out one section of tables and created a decent barricade around the area with them, the chairs, and wet floor signs. It’s obvious I’m mopping, as the bucket is in the middle of the section and the floor is wet.

I get halfway through this section when three or four guys come in. As I’m also responsible for cash, I stop mopping to take their orders. As I’m preparing their drinks, they go over to the section I’m mopping, dismantle the makeshift barrier, and set up a full table right in the middle of it, despite the dozen other places to sit.

They come in every night for two weeks, and it didn’t matter which section I am mopping; they always put a table back in it and sit there.

(It’s the end of September and the store where I work starts taking applications for temporary seasonal workers. My boyfriend and I are out on a double date with his best friend and his new girlfriend, when the topic of work comes up and I casually mention this fact. As it turns out, the new girlfriend has never held a job before, is looking to get a bit of experience, and asks if I could get her an application. The next day, I pick up an application after my shift is over and head back to the apartment my boyfriend and I share to find that his best friend and his girlfriend have stopped by for an impromptu video game night. I hand her the application, instruct her to fill it out, and head over to the store the next day to turn it in. As she isn’t interested in video games like the rest of us, she spends the evening filling out the application. I think nothing more of it until she has a question.)

Girlfriend: “So, what do I do about time off requests?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Girlfriend: “I have plans to go back to my parents for the holidays this year. They’ve already bought the plane tickets, so I can’t exactly cancel on them. They’d understand, right?”

Me: “I’m sure they’d understand, but as you’re applying for temporary seasonal work, how long you’ll be gone may affect their decision to consider you. If it’s only for a couple of days for Christmas or something, you might be fine, but I would certainly bring it up if you get called for an interview.”

Girlfriend: “It’s… not exactly for a couple of days.”

(It turns out this girl is planning on going back home for a week for Thanksgiving, meaning she won’t be available to work Thanksgiving Day or Black Friday. She is also planning to go home for two weeks for Christmas and New Year’s, meaning she won’t be around for the last couple of shopping days before Christmas and any post-holiday sales or returns. Everyone knows those are the busiest times in retail, and it is because of the increase in business that stores hire temporary seasonal employees. I want to be tactful, but I end up blurting out the obvious.)

Me: “So, what you’re saying is you’ll be away for Thanksgiving Day as well as Black Friday, one of the busiest shopping days of the year, and you’ll be gone right before and after Christmas, which are always super busy?”

Girlfriend: “Well, yeah, but I’m fine with that. I’ve seen the videos, and I’ve heard the horror stories about Black Friday, and you’ve got to be crazy if you think I’d agree to work on a day like that for minimum wage.”

Me: *dumbfounded* “I should probably tell you that the job only lasts between ten to eleven weeks. If you’re already planning on being gone for three of those weeks, and those three weeks happen to be during the busiest times of the season, there’s probably a good chance they won’t consider you. I’m not saying you need to change your plans or anything, but I don’t want you to be surprised if you don’t get a call back for an interview. And that’s not just at [Store where I work]; that’s any retailer looking for temporary seasonal help.”

(The girlfriend submitted her application, anyway. No surprise that she didn’t get a call back for an interview.)

(I am selling a customer nicotine patches to help them quit smoking.)

Customer: “So, can I still smoke when I’m wearing the patches? Someone said I can.”

Me: *head-desks internally*

(This sounds like an old joke, but I swear it happened. We are in the checkout line at a hotel in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. The clerk asks the woman how her stay was.)

Woman: “Oh, this part of it was good, but now we have to go home.”

Clerk: “Yeah, I know. It’s no fun when your vacation is over.”

Woman: “Yeah, we were going to go to Yellowstone, but Old Faithful is closed this week, so we have to come back another time.”

Clerk: *with a strange look on his face* “Closed? Who told you that?”

Woman: “We were talking to some people in the restaurant last night, and they told us it was closed for cleaning.”

Clerk: “No, ma’am. It’s a natural hot spring geyser. It will still keep erupting a hundred years from now… I think someone was pulling your leg!”

(I have to give the clerk lots of credit, though. He waited until they were outside to start laughing.)

(I’m hiring for a new position on my team. The salary is very attractive, as it’s a specialised role. I’ve offered to meet anyone who has any questions about the role before they apply. The meetings are informal, but I am shocked by just how informal some people are.)

Me: “So, do you have any questions about the role or the responsibilities?”

Applicant #1: “Well, could you start by talking me through the role? I haven’t read the job description yet; I just saw the salary and decided to apply.”

Applicant #2: “I don’t have any questions about the job, because I don’t care what I do. I just saw it’s Monday through Friday only; is that right?”

Applicant #3: “Would I ever need to travel to [Site #2 about one hour away]?”

Me: “More than likely, as the team there will be part of our core users. You’d probably need to be there once a week at least, but your expenses will be covered.”

Applicant #3: “Hm, is that negotiable? I don’t have time to be driving to the site.”

Applicant #4: “Will I be busy all day, or will I have downtime?”

Me: “Uh, well, the workload isn’t unmanageable but there will be enough work to fill your entire day, every day.”

Applicant #4: “Do you ever have quiet periods, like the way sales aren’t busy after Christmas?”

Me: “No, our workload stays consistent throughout the year.”

Applicant #4: “Oh, I was really hoping I’d have some downtime during the day.”