Speaking The Bare Condom-minimum

, , , , | Right | May 27, 2021

I have just started a new job as a stocker in a popular chain store. So far, I’ve mostly worked one department while occasionally jumping into other departments. The one department I’ve worked the most is Health/Beauty and Cosmetics. Even though I’m only been here three weeks, I’ve gotten the area down. One day, during my third week here, I am stocking some shampoos when a customer comes up to me.

Customer: “Do you have male gloves?”

Me: “Yes, what kind of gloves are you looking for?”

I think he’s looking for automotive gloves or gardening gloves.

Customer: “No, no. Male gloves.”

What the h*** else would be ‘male gloves’? I have a very confused look on my face.

Customer: “MALE GLOVESSSSS!”

He points to his pants. Sometimes I can’t catch onto things, so I still look confused.

Customer: *Sighs* “You know, condoms?!”

Me: “Oh, yeah! They’re just a couple aisles over in the cosmetics section.”

Who the h*** says, “Male gloves,” for condoms?

Me: “You could have said that; there’s no shame here.”

Customer: “I didn’t want to make it weird.”

Well, congratulations. You did!

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They’re Still Frozen On Their View Of The World

, , , , , | Right | April 27, 2021

The power company comes out to our store before we open to shut off the power for a bit to test stuff. Turning it back on shorts out our freezers for the frozen aisles. No one notices until it is too late, so for the next five and a half hours, five other workers and I spend our time clearing out the messy, now unfrozen, items.

Customer #1: “Oh, what’s going on?”

Me: “Our freezers shorted out, so we have to pull all this product.”

Customer #1: “Oh, okay.”

She proceeds to attempt to shop in the freezer section anyway.

Coworker: “Ma’am! We just said that the freezers were broken. We can’t sell that right now!”

Customer #1: “Oh, but I was going to have it for dinner.”

Next customer:

Customer #2: “Why’s this so warm and wet?”

Coworker: “Our freezers broke. I’m sorry but we can’t sell that.”

Customer #2: “Well, you should have said something!”

This is after they have bypassed our barricades and such.

Coworker: “Right.”

The next customer is holding literal cartons of ice cream soup, trying not to squeeze too hard so the top pops off or spills.

Customer #3: “Oh, what happened to your ice cream?

Me: “All our ice cream is melted. Our freezers aren’t working. None of it is frozen anymore.”

She is still holding the ice cream. Ice cream is now dripping from it and several other tubs have popped open and are leaking.

Customer #3: “Oh. Are you sure I can’t grab some?”

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I Bet You’re Worried. I Was Worried.

, , , , , | Working | January 15, 2021

I work in a library. One day, the phone rings and my coworker answers it. She is a middle-aged lady who is very mature and proper.

Coworker: “Hello, [Library], how may I help you?”

I hear the garbled sound of the caller speaking over the phone.

Coworker: “Oh, my! Watch your mouth, young lady!” *Hangs up*

Me: “What did she say?”

Coworker: “She was a prankster. She said she wanted something called The V-A-G-I-N-A Monologues.

Me: “Um, [Coworker], you do realize there is an actual book called The Vagina Monologues, right?”

My coworker turned bright red.

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And They Weren’t Even Fishing For It

, , , , | Friendly | November 30, 2020

I just moved back to this state. I decide I want to take up fishing again. I go to the store so I can get a license and new gear at the same time. I end up spending about $90, which is about what I budgeted.

I’m walking out with this obviously brand-new fishing gear, and as I’m nearing the door, I see this friendly-looking stranger approaching.

Stranger: “Hi there! Have you just started fishing?”

We talk for a few minutes. He says goodbye and holds out his hand to shake, and as we shake, he slips a $100 bill in my hand.

Stranger: “Congrats on the new hobby!”

And he walks away, quickly blending into the crowd, and all I have time to do before I lose sight of him is to yell, “Thank you!”

This happened three years ago and I will never forget this random act of kindness. If you’re reading this, sir, again, thank you!


This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for November 2020!

Read the next Feel Good roundup story!

Read the Feel Good roundup for November 2020!

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Giving Jerks The Boot

, , , , , | Friendly | November 11, 2020

It is early morning and I am dozing off in my seat on the bus. I have slumped over on top of my bookbag and no one can see me since I stand under five feet tall. This woman sees the seat I’m napping in and doesn’t bother to look before sitting down. I jerk awake in time to stop her by placing my boots up, so she has her a** on them instead of me.

The woman turns around and sees me.

Woman: “You shouldn’t be sleeping on the bus.”

I’m aggravated by the stupidity.

Me: “Well, maybe you should watch where you sit your fat a** next.”

The woman stormed off with the dirty prints of my boots on her cheeks for everyone to see.

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