A Ticket For The Entitlement Bus

, , , , , , | Friendly | August 19, 2020

Our son’s college orientation is held at a posh hotel. The first group of parents and students are entering when I hear a woman asking for money for the bus.

A few give her some. Just the three people around us who do give her over fifty dollars total. Most of us, though, just shake our heads and move on.

As we do, I hear her muttering.

Woman: “D*** stuck-up rich b****es can’t even give me money for the bus.”

That is the last straw for me.

Me: “Lady, most of us are working class. We all have kids entering [Prestigious Local College]. We don’t have money to spare. I know you’ve gotten more than fifty dollars in the last five minutes. I haven’t had that in my wallet since the college application process began.”

I wish I could say she slunk off in shame, but as we left, she was begging the second wave of parents for a little money for the bus.

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She Sounds Like A Real Pest-o

, , , , | Friendly | August 18, 2020

I am on a date with a guy. We’ve known each other for a while due to mutual friends and it’s our second date. We are at an Italian restaurant.

Me: “Oh! The bruschetta comes with pesto. I love pesto. Do you want to share?”

Date: “Sorry, I wish I could but I don’t eat pesto; it has pine nuts in it.”

Me: “Pine nuts? Oh, wow. I did not know that.”

Date: “Yeah, I’m severely allergic.”

Me: *Joking* “I guess I should forgo the pesto if I want a good night kiss, huh?”

We are both laughing when a woman from another table, about three empty tables away, marches over to us.

Woman: “He’s lying!”

Me: *Confused* “Um? Hello? Are you okay?”

Woman: “He’s lying. Pesto doesn’t have pine nuts in. He’s a f****** liar.”

Date: “I think you’ll find that pesto is made from pine nuts and basil.”

Woman: “No. It isn’t.”

Me: “Whatever. Can you go? We’re trying to enjoy our meal.”

Waiter: “Hi, everyone! Can I take your order or do you need a few more minutes?”

Woman: “These two idiots think that pesto comes with pine nuts.”

Waiter: “Miss, this is a two-seater table. If you have a party of three, would you like me to move you to a bigger table?”

Date & Me: “No!”

Me: “We don’t know her. She just came over and started going off about pesto.”

Waiter: “Miss, if that’s true, you’re going to have to return to your seat.”

Woman: “But they’re lying!

The woman refused to move until the chef, manager, and waiter returned with provided allergy information. She was taken back to her table to get her purse before she was escorted from the building. Her husband and children did not get up from their food to join her, meaning this probably wasn’t an unusual occurrence.

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You Don’t Have To See To Feel That Sick Burn

, , , , , , | Friendly | August 7, 2020

I’m waiting in line behind a couple when a woman with a seeing-eye dog and a white cane walks by. The dog is wearing a vest that says “SEEING-EYE DOG” in large letters.

Man In Line: “Lots of security around here, huh.”

Woman In Line: “Is it really a good idea to let the disabled handle the bomb-sniffing dogs, though?”

Blind Woman: “He’s a seeing-eye dog! I’m blind! I’m not deaf, but after hearing that conversation, I wish I was.”


This story is part of our Best Of August 2020 roundup!

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Geeks (And Doctors) Come In All Shapes And Sizes

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | July 31, 2020

It’s the middle of winter with a decent amount of snow outside, late in 2006, and I am waiting in line at a shop. The little girl standing right in front of me, about eight, maybe ten years old, is wearing a big, thick, puffy, bright pink winter jacket and a purple hat and gloves.

The little girl turns around and looks up at me, very serious-faced, her head tilted to the side.

I smile down to her and nod in greeting.

The little girl pulls off her gloves, dangling them at the ends of strings, and then unzips her jacket. She pulls one side open and reaches inside to pull out a blue-light sonic screwdriver. As I watch in surprise, she scans me foot to head, head to foot, and then she tosses the screwdriver a few inches up and catches it sideways, staring at it as if examining a readout, in perfect David Tennant style. Then, she gives a satisfied, serious nod, tucks it back into her jacket, zips it up, and turns back around.

“Did… I… Wha… Did you just sonic me?!” I say in shock.

The little girl’s dad turns around to give me the biggest proud grin and then turns back to sign his receipt.


This story is part of our Awesome Girl Gamer roundup!

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This story is included in our Feel-Good roundup for July 2020!

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A Charitable Response To Harassment

, , , , , | Working | July 31, 2020

I’m doing a little shopping in the city with my mom since we have a little time to kill before an appointment. We’re chatting a little and not really paying attention to our surroundings until someone all but jumps in front of us.

Guy: “Hi! My name is [Guy] and I’m from [Charity Organisation]! Do you have a few minutes?”

Mom is a bit startled and wary but still willing to listen.

Mom: “Well, we’ve got a little time to spare, I guess…”

Guy: “Great! Could I have your name, please?”

Mom: “It’s [Mom].”

He writes that down. During the whole discussion, he uses the informal variant of “you,”which in German is mainly used for friends and family but not strangers.

Guy: “So, [Mom], as I said, I’m from [Charity] and we—”

Mom: *Cutting him off* “Before you start, maybe you can save your breath. I know what [Charity] does, but I’m not interested in giving money to some stranger that stopped me in the streets.”

The guy smiles, but it starts to seem a little forced and condescending.

Guy: “[Mom], why don’t you just listen and let me talk?”

He then launches into an extensive spiel about his charity and what they do. During his last sentences, he almost pushes an empty form into my hands.

Guy: “So, now, if you just enter your information and sign here—”

Mom: “Wait a minute. I just told you I won’t give away any cash and that includes not signing any membership application. If you have some flyers or pamphlets, I’d happily take them with me so I could make a donation via money transfer, but I’m not comfortable giving my bank account information to someone I don’t even know.”

Guy: “No, I don’t have any pamphlets. I told you I’m [Guy], so we’re not strangers anymore, right? Now, just fill in your information and sign here, please. Why wouldn’t you want to?”

Mom: “For one, it’s my decision how I spend my money. And besides that, I’ve had bad experiences with a scammer that pressured me into signing a contract when I was younger.”

Guy: “Well, we’re no scammers; we are [Charity]!” *Points to his name badge* “[Mom], it’s really not difficult. You could be really making a difference with your donations!”

Mom: *Getting really fed up* “Look, I’ve repeatedly told you I won’t be signing this. You say you are with [Charity], but anyone could print a badge like yours and claim that.”

The guy tries to speak up again but she raises her hand to stop him.

Mom: “Besides, we’ve got an appointment and need to go now so we’ll be there on time.”

He tried to keep us for a little longer but we left. On our way back, we made sure to take a different route just to avoid running into him again. It’s not like my mom or I don’t want to donate money for a good cause, but if an organisation doesn’t offer pamphlets or accept one-time donations via money transfer, they can’t really expect people to sign a membership form just because someone on the street pushes it at them.

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