Even In Your Second Life, They Can Get You

, , , | Right | April 14, 2020

(This happens in the virtual world of Second Life. I work in Second Life, organizing shopping events where many merchants sell their virtual products, and it’s very common to send notices to customer groups so that the info about the event reaches everybody, i.e. address, flyers, number of participants, and so on.

Usually, store owners have time until the day before the opening to set up, so the location is closed to the public; otherwise, the flux of incoming people would make it almost impossible to decorate, etc. A random person sends me a message out of the blue:)

Customer: “Hello, [My Misspelled Name]. Is there any reason why you would send out the info about your event today—” *the seventh* “—when you state that it started on the second?”

Me: “Because it’s still going on until the tenth. It’s a fair.”

Customer: “Why wasn’t it sent out before the second?”

Me: “Because before the second it was not open.”

Customer: “But you knew it was going to happen.”

Me: “Guilty as charged.”

Customer: “Bloody ridiculous.”

Me: “It was an interesting conversation; thank you for your feedback!”

Customer: “Your attitude is appalling.”

(Seriously, I thought she was trolling me and sooner or later she would say something like, “Gotcha!” but sadly, she was serious! Entitled much?)

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The Hamster Is Probably More Self-Aware

, , , , , , , | Healthy | April 12, 2020

I’m in my mid-forties. My beloved hamster started to have blood in his urine at about the worst possible time, during the start of a widespread illness. I got a same-day emergency appointment and took him to my local vet who, thankfully, was open.

There was a large sign on their door asking patients not to enter if they showed any signs of the illness, but rather to call for further instructions. I stopped, read the sign, and then carefully entered, stopping at the tape marker before the receptionist’s desk. The receptionist was a woman in her sixties wearing gloves and other protective equipment.

I noted after greeting her that I had read the sign and had no symptoms. The vet, the receptionist, and I were all careful to keep separation as much as possible during the visit.

The visit went well and my hamster was prescribed antibiotics. As I was waiting to check out and pay, a woman in her sixties walked in the door with no pet and stood right next to me, despite the fact that the place had no other clients and she could easily have moved further away.

I moved away as far as I could get and still conduct my transaction.

The receptionist told the woman, “I need to ask you if you have read the sign.”

“What sign?” the woman asked.

“Please go outside and read the sign.”

The woman stepped out, huffing, and read the sign while the receptionist and I looked at each other in horror like, “Duh? There is a flipping world-wide crisis going on.” The receptionist actually smacked her forehead and I shook my head in sheer disbelief.

The woman stepped back in and said, “I read the sign. I’m fine,” and then flopped down in a chair as close to me as she could possibly get.

I looked at the receptionist like, “Help!” and she got me checked out and on my way as fast as possible. I fled out the door with my sweet boy — the receptionist was kind enough to hold the door for us — and I hear the woman asking her if she could buy a commonly available brand of dog food you can get at nearly any store.

I still can’t believe she’d risk her life in an international health crisis for dog food she could have ordered online or had delivered to her car at the nearest pet store, and then further do so by standing right next to someone.

If I get this illness, I have a pretty good chance of making it. People her age are dying at a rate of one out of three. If the CDC and WHO and everyone else tell you to separate as much as possible, do it!

Much as I am annoyed by young people partying on the beach during this, it’s not just them that are acting foolishly.

My hamster, by the way, is doing fine.

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Hitching Your Way To A Speeding Ticket

, , , , | Friendly | April 11, 2020

Years ago, I used to make a regular run between two cities for the company I worked for. I frequently picked up hitchhikers.

Hitchhiker: “Where are you headed?”

Me: “[City].”

Hitchhiker: “Great! The [Bus Company] driver knows me and he was being an a**hole and stranded me here. When do you expect to get to [City]?”

Me: “[Time].”

Hitchhiker: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. I know my route pretty well.”

Hitchhiker: *Laughing* “We’ll beat the bus back. I’ll go talk to the station master when we arrive and I’ll tell him what the jerk did. The proof will be my luggage on the bus.”

I used to drive like a bat out of h***, so I beat the bus by about an hour. My return trip was 225 miles and we passed the bus on the highway before reaching town. I don’t know how it turned out as I dropped him off at the depot when we got in.

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A Fountain Of Jerkitude

, , , , | Friendly | April 10, 2020

I am shopping at a mall in Pennsylvania and I sit down at the fountain in the middle. I get up to strap my shoes on properly and find someone has already sat down where I was.

Me: “Excuse me, I was already sitting there.”

Customer: “Well, I’m sitting here now.”

Me: “I’m sorry if you thought I was going, but I was still using that place.”

Customer: “You’re not sitting here now, so I suggest you get your skinny little a** out of here.”

Me: “Don’t call me that.”

The guard comes up and hears me argue.

Guard: “What’s going on here?”

Customer: “This boy told me to piss off and did the finger.”

Me: “I didn’t! I promise that I didn’t do that. You can check the cameras; I didn’t do that!”

Guard: “What happened?”

Me: “I got up to strap my shoe. I was less than six inches from the fountain edge but he just sat down. And he wouldn’t let me get up.”

The customer tuts and shakes his head.

Customer: “When will you kids learn that lying gets you nowhere? Just look at him; he’s obviously a yob. Besides, he’s scruffy.”

I am sweaty because I had to run across the store from one side to the other, hence my rest.

Me: “But you did! I didn’t do anything.”

Customer: “It’s wrong to lie. I just don’t know where the young people get their ideas from.”

I plead with the guard but he grabs my arm and starts taking me away when he suddenly stops and picks something up from the ground. It is a bag of weed.

Guard: *To the customer* “Care to explain where you got this from? I obviously saw you trying to put it in the boy’s pocket, so whatever you say will be taken against you as evidence. Shall we?”

The customer was arrested on false accusations and drug charges. It turned out he had also gotten a child in trouble with her parents some years earlier because he planted stolen items in her house.

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A Good Job On A Bad Good Friday

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 10, 2020

Easter is a four-day weekend in the UK, Friday to Monday. It’s Good Friday morning, and we are on the Eurostar heading to Brussels for a weekend break. Most of the other travellers will be doing the same, or heading back home after working in London. The train stops unexpectedly in the countryside. An announcement explains that there has been some sort of accident ahead, a pole has been hit, and there are live electrical cables across the tunnel entrance. We spend several boring hours as the buffet car sells out of everything. Eventually, we start moving again, with a brief unscheduled stop to pick up bottles of water. None of the passengers can get off, because we have been through emigration and are not legally in the UK anymore.  

All in all, it’s a frustrating start to the weekend.

When we finally reach the tunnel, we can see the workers who fixed the problem sitting near the tracks with a cuppa and maybe a smoke. It’s a well-earned rest for them after they were presumably called away from their families on a day off, and have spent the morning working hard under pressure as trains backed up across the French and English countrysides.  

One of my fellow passengers rolls her eyes and says, “Look at them, just sitting there doing nothing!”

I point out they are doing nothing because they have finished the job!

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