Technically It’s Bee Vomit, But It’s Still Sweet

, , , , , , | Romantic | January 15, 2019

(My parents rarely show romantic affection towards one another, particularly out in public. We’re all in the family SUV, and we’ve just gone through the drive-thru at a fast food place when I notice my order’s not right.)

Me: “Oh, geez, they forgot the honey for my chicken nuggets.”

Dad: *pats Mom’s leg* “I’ve got my honey right here.”

Mom: “Aw, you’re so sweet!”

Dad: “Just like you; you’re my sweet bee s***.”

Not A Top-Heavy Romance

, , , , , | Romantic | November 4, 2018

(My husband and I are cuddling in bed, topless. He starts talking to me very tenderly and sweetly.)

Husband: “Never leave me.”

Me: “I would be the biggest fool in the world if I did.”

Husband: “Be with me forever, darling.”

Me: *kissing him* “Of course I will.”

Husband: “And never… never… put your shirt back on.”

(I cracked up. So much for the sweet, romantic mood!)

Not All Recoveries Are Medical

, , , , , , | Related | August 4, 2018

My uncle recently passed away due to tumors in his lungs and brain. After the memorial service, my cousin relates this story.

After a brain surgery, a therapist is asking Uncle how much he knows and remembers. He points to my aunt and asks Uncle if he knows who she is. Uncle looks at her and clearly draws a blank, before smiling and saying, “The love of my life.”

He had (temporarily) forgotten her name, but it was generally agreed he made a smooth recovery.

Winded And Wounded

, , , , , | Romantic | April 26, 2018

(My husband and I are lying in bed, both on our phones, before going to sleep. He’s laughing, apparently reading something funny.)

Husband: “I promise you that if I live to 100, I will still find fart jokes hilarious.”

Me: “Oh, hun, that’s optimistic of you. Like I’m going to let you live that long.”

Being Clean And Dirty At The Same Time

, , , , , , | Romantic | April 22, 2018

(My husband and I are taking advantage of the kids being asleep to get intimate. Having not folded laundry in a week, we’ve accumulated a pile of it, which we have pushed off the bed first. We’ve just gotten naked and are now on the bed. I am face-down.)

Me: *coquettishly* “Now what are you going to do to me?”

Husband: *whisper-laughing* “Make you fold the laundry.”

Me: *laughing* “And they say romance is dead!”

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