But The Internet Is Forever

, , , , , , | Romantic | July 25, 2020

My wife and I have been together for nine years, living together for seven years, and married for almost four years. For the first two years of our relationship, we were long distance, and part of how we communicated with each other was through writing daily haiku on each other’s Facebook profiles. I am scrolling through my Facebook memories when I see a haiku my wife wrote for me in 2012.

Amused, I walk to the bedroom where my wife is playing our Switch. Note that I can be very loud and obnoxious, and I love doing very weird and cartoonish voices when I’m bored.

Me: “Hey. Apparently, in 2012, you wrote this haiku: ‘I love hearing your / voice, and I wish I could hear / it all of the time.'”

Wife: “Uh-huh.”

Me: *Smirking* “How do you feel now?”

She pauses.

Wife: “File that under ‘Things that did not age well.'”

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Soothing The Skittish Cat

, , , , , | Romantic | June 21, 2020

My wife and I were long-distance while dating, and between my last visit and when I moved in, she adopted a cat. The cat was so skittish she hid from nearly everything. She hid during thunderstorms, fireworks, plastic bags being opened, and visitors coming over, and only barely allowed my wife to sometimes pet her.

Me: “When did you know you wanted to marry me?”

Wife: “The day after you moved in.”

Me: *Laughing* “Why, because I cleaned your entire apartment while you were at work and had dinner ready when you got home?”

Wife: “Nah, it was [Skittish Cat]. She wasn’t hiding like I thought she’d be with a new person in the house; she was on your lap! You were even petting her and she was just purring away, happy as could be. You looked up, smiled, and said, ‘I thought you said she was skittish!’ That was when I knew. If you could win over [Skittish Cat] that fast, you were someone I needed to be with.”

Me: “And because you like my meatloaf.”

Wife: “And because I love your meatloaf.”

This story has been included in our June 2020 roundup as one of that month’s most memorable stories!

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You’re The Cat’s Pajamas, Honey!

, , , , , | Romantic | April 24, 2020

A few months ago, my wife and I adopted a pair of cats that we both absolutely adore. My wife and I are in our home office doing our own things when I spy the cats entering the room. I reach back and give them both pets, cooing at them.

Me: “Love you, [Cat #1]! Love you, [Cat #2]!”

I notice my wife looking at me, amused.

Me: “Love you, [Wife]!”

Wife: “Oh, I see. I rank below the cats for your affections.”

Me: *Looking insulted* “Of course not! You’re more of an afterthought.”

She laughed and gave me a thumbs up.

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Moms Will Be Moms

, , , , , | Related | April 10, 2020

I’m a 34-year-old man living on the opposite side of the country from my friends and family. I’ve always been kind of a loner and have found it hard to find people I’m really comfortable around. I also don’t go out much and work weekend nights only, so I usually spend my time by myself.

However, I’ve met a college student here who I have a lot in common with and we’ve formed a friendship. It’s an unusual relationship given that she’s only 19, but we appreciate each other’s company. We have lunch together once a week and sometimes she hangs out at my apartment where I cook for us and we play my video games.

It’s entirely platonic and neither of us is interested in a romantic relationship, but as a couple of loner gamers, it helps us both to have someone with whom to socialize.

I recently broke up with my long-term girlfriend for various reasons and I’m talking to my mother on the phone after having made lunch for my friend when she visited earlier that day. I sent my mother a picture of the steaks I made with my friend sitting at the table.

Mom: “I saw the picture you sent me. That looked like a nice meal you made for her. Are you two dating?”

Me: *Sigh* “No, Mom, I told you, we’re just friends and we’re only going to be friends. She’s not looking to have any relationship at this time and I’m not looking to start a new relationship since I probably will be leaving Michigan in a few months. Besides, she’s almost 15 years younger than me.”

Mom: “[Aunt] is fifteen years younger than [Uncle].”

Me: “Yeah, but [Aunt] was 29 when they met. They were both adults who were well established in their lives. [Friend] and I are in two entirely different stages of life.”

She saw my point, but she still isn’t entirely convinced that our relationship has zero romantic potential. I know she really wants me to find someone I can happily settle down with, but if I do, it will be with someone who can legally drink at our wedding.

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Listening And Communication Are Also Options

, , , , , , , | Romantic | April 9, 2020

I’m a 12-year-old boy. I’m sitting at the dinner table with my dad and my stepmom, who are having a conversation about some details of their relationship. When they successfully finish the conversation, I speak up.

Me: “I don’t understand women.”

Dad: “You’re twenty years ahead of the game, then.”

Me: “What?”

Dad: “Men cannot understand women. The best you can manage is to be loving and kind to them.”

Stepmom: “He’s right. Don’t bother trying to figure us women out. Just give us cuddles and listen when we speak.” 

Dad: “And if you’re ever tempted to argue with one, just remember that the woman is always right.”

I filed that advice away and have had great success in my romantic relationships by following it.

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