You’re Only Meant To Have Five A Day

, , , , , , | Legal | March 18, 2019

(My wife and I are in adult Sunday School when the teacher is covering Galatians 5:22-23.)

Teacher: *reading* “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

Me: *whispering to wife* “Wow, hard to be good in so many ways.”

Wife: *whispering to me* “Just pick one.”

That Kind Of Thinking Got You Pregnant In The First Place

, , , , , , | Romantic | February 11, 2019

(I’m six months pregnant and don’t have many maternity clothes, so I throw on a dress and tights before going to work.)

Husband: “You look really nice today.”

Me: “I ran out of pants that fit.”

Husband: “You’re carrying our child. You are the hottest woman in the world, even more so without pants.”

Technically It’s Bee Vomit, But It’s Still Sweet

, , , , , , | Romantic | January 15, 2019

(My parents rarely show romantic affection towards one another, particularly out in public. We’re all in the family SUV, and we’ve just gone through the drive-thru at a fast food place when I notice my order’s not right.)

Me: “Oh, geez, they forgot the honey for my chicken nuggets.”

Dad: *pats Mom’s leg* “I’ve got my honey right here.”

Mom: “Aw, you’re so sweet!”

Dad: “Just like you; you’re my sweet bee s***.”

Not A Top-Heavy Romance

, , , , , | Romantic | November 4, 2018

(My husband and I are cuddling in bed, topless. He starts talking to me very tenderly and sweetly.)

Husband: “Never leave me.”

Me: “I would be the biggest fool in the world if I did.”

Husband: “Be with me forever, darling.”

Me: *kissing him* “Of course I will.”

Husband: “And never… never… put your shirt back on.”

(I cracked up. So much for the sweet, romantic mood!)

Not All Recoveries Are Medical

, , , , , , | Related | August 4, 2018

My uncle recently passed away due to tumors in his lungs and brain. After the memorial service, my cousin relates this story.

After a brain surgery, a therapist is asking Uncle how much he knows and remembers. He points to my aunt and asks Uncle if he knows who she is. Uncle looks at her and clearly draws a blank, before smiling and saying, “The love of my life.”

He had (temporarily) forgotten her name, but it was generally agreed he made a smooth recovery.

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