That Will Knock You For Six

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 27, 2018

(I am sitting in the lobby of the state university I attend when I overhear this conversation:)

Man: “I have so much debt. I don’t know what I’m going to do. My students loans are going to kill me.”

Woman: “Why don’t you transfer to [Nearby Private University that is four times more expensive]?

Man: “I’ll look into it. I have to figure out what I’m going to do about this. I have my mortgage, my student loans, and a bunch of credit card debt. I only make six figures a year.”

(ONLY six figures?!)

Put Our Service To The Test

, , , , , | Friendly | November 27, 2018

(My husband and I own a four bedroom house — two up, two down. As my husband is disabled and uses a wheelchair or crutches to get around, we have converted the downstairs bedrooms and bathroom into one big suite, as he also works from home and uses the second bedroom as his office. Our long-term boarder — a guy in his late 20s — is moving out soon, so we post an ad on a popular free website advertising for someone working full time or studying to rent the second bedroom upstairs. They would be sharing the second bathroom and a small lounge room with our boarder until he moves. We have quite a few interesting people come to have a look, but this girl and her parents take the cake. The girl is eighteen and about to start university; her parents come along as they will be paying her rent. We chat for a bit, and they meet our boarder briefly before he leaves for work. Before I show them around the house, the mother asks to use the toilet, so I show her to the half bath we also have on the ground floor. A few minutes later, she comes back.)

Mother: “I saw the room. So big, and the en suite is brilliant. We’ll take it.”

Me: *confused as the ad had pictures of the medium-sized room and bathroom* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you must have looked at our room. The room available is upstairs.”

Mother: “Oh, no. We want the room down here. It’s perfect, with the extra room for her to study and a nice big bathroom.”

Husband: “Ma’am, that is our bedroom. If you’d like to see the available room, [My Name] will show you upstairs.”

Wife: “No. [Daughter] will be a guest in your home. We will not pay [extremely reasonable price for a fully-furnished room including all bills] for her to be stuck in a tiny room upstairs and share a bathroom with a junkie pedophile. The room down here is perfect.”

(Now I’m getting angry, as the ad clearly states that the room is upstairs, and that the top level will be shared with our boarder, who will actually be moving out to go to the police academy.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is obviously not going to work. Thank you for coming, and good luck finding something to suit your tastes.”

Mother: “What? We are guests here and are willing to pay good money for the room. Now, she will move in on [date]. And since you’ve upset us, we will not be paying the first two weeks’ rent or paying a bond.”

(I’m seeing red, so my husband steps in again.)

Husband: “Okay, that’s fine, but you are going to have to pay for a lift to be put in — as I can’t get up and down the stairs — a remodel of the bathroom to accommodate my wheelchair, and an extension to be built for my office, as I run my business from home. All up, I’d say $80,000 should cover it. If we get started tomorrow, it may be ready by [date].”

(The father, who has been silent the whole time, starts laughing while the mother is spluttering.)

Mother: “What?! No, she will be a guest in your home; you need to cater to what we want.”

Husband: “Ma’am, I think it’s time for you to leave.” *to the daughter* “Miss, good luck with university, and I hope you find suitable accommodation.”

(The mother grabs the daughter’s hand and drags her out, yelling that they’re guests and  that we should cater to what she wants, and leaving the father behind.)

Father: “I’m so sorry about her. Things like that are the reason we split up. I’m only here because of my daughter. Thank you for your time, and I sincerely apologize for my ex-wife’s behavior.”

(We did end up getting a student in, and it worked out brilliantly. The father, who was a CEO of a big company, even ended up hiring my husband to build and maintain the company’s new website. The young woman ended up finding accommodation in a flat with other students, and in the end, cut all ties with her psychotic mother.)

They’re All Just Strolling By

, , , , , | Friendly | November 26, 2018

Since having a baby, I rarely go into the city centre alone these days, and after this instance I remember exactly why.

I was at the central train station, where there are several doors side by side to get outside. The doors open inwards. With my baby sitting happily in the stroller, I approached a set of doors leading outside and pushed the stroller slightly to the side so I could swing the door open.

I guess someone decided that opening one of the other doors was too much of a hassle since I was holding one open already, so they breezed past me outside. And after them another. And another. Until I was kind of stood there, slightly bewildered, with an unbroken stream of people marching out the door.

My baby in the stroller, on the other side of this stream of people, started to look increasingly panicked, with all these strangers suddenly between her and mummy. Not one person stopped and offered to hold the door so I could get to my daughter, or God forbid, get through the door with the stroller, too. I guess I could have just let go of the door and pushed my way through the stream of people, but I was honestly too shocked that this was happening to begin with.

I did learn a lesson, though: I now never let go of the d*** stroller when opening a door. Good luck pushing past me, then.

Some People Have Been Disabled All Their Wife

, , , , , | Friendly | November 26, 2018

This was a story my father told me back when we lived on an Air Force Base. The Air Force has a place called the Base Exchange; it’s a military department store. Like all stores, it has handicapped parking. One day a lady is about to pull into one of said spots when another zooms into the spot.

The lady who gets out of the car in the handicapped spot has no sticker and no mark on her license plate. The first lady clearly has the blue rear view mirror tab plus a sticker. She rolls down her window to ask the lady in a hurry if she could move or put up her handicapped tab. She says this all politely. The lady in a hurry proceeds to rant at nearly the top of her lungs about how she can park wherever the h*** she wants, that her husband makes way more than here, and that she should mind her own business.

The first lady who has the proper stickers is obviously upset, so she goes to BX management, and they eventually notify the SPs (Security Police). But when they hear who the rude lady is, they call someone else. It turns out she is married to a general, who personally comes down to tell her that she has no right to do something like that and that he isn’t paying to get the car back when it gets towed. Apparently, this isn’t the first time she has done this, but this time he’s calling her out in front of others, tired of this. He personally apologizes to the lady who needed the spot and has his fuming, embarrassed wife do the same.

Smiling Like The Cheshire Cheese Cat

, , , , , , , | Friendly | November 26, 2018

Our cats have a raging addiction to sharp cheddar cheese. They also prefer it to be finely shredded. Because “finely-shredded, sharp cheddar cheese” is rather long to put on the grocery list, we instead write “cat cheese.”

I was grocery shopping when my husband called to ask when I’d be home. I answered, “I just need cat cheese and I’ll be checking out.”

The shopper about two paces in front of me abruptly stopped and turned to stare, obviously puzzled. She followed me to the cheese and watched me pick up a package. When I walked away, she started picking up different cheeses and examining them.

My husband and I had a good laugh speculating about her thoughts; maybe she was picturing a dairy barn with rows and rows of cats hooked up to milking machines?


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