Isn’t That Extortion?

, , , , , | Friendly | March 7, 2020

(This story takes place when I’m about six months old and going to Nova Scotia with my parents. We board the plane and notice that our seats are separated, which would leave six-month-old me alone with a stranger.)

Mom: “Excuse me, sir, but my six-month-old son is sitting next to you and I have a seat away from him. If you could go to my seat so I can sit next to my son, I would be very grateful.”

(The seats are identical.)

Man: “Nope, I paid good f****** money for this f****** seat, and I won’t have some needy b**** taking it!”

Mom: *calmly* “Well, I’m terribly sorry for this, but if you feel so strongly about this then you’ll have to take care of my son. He likes to eat food from [Brand] at six o’clock and needs to be rocked to sleep. Do not feed him peanuts, because he is very allergic to them. Do you understand?”

(The man, speechless, moves to the seat that my mom suggested to him.)

Mom: “Was that so hard?”

(The man gave us dirty looks for the rest of the flight, and once the flight was over, he started to insult us once more until my 6’1” Italian father came in and asked him to take a hike.)

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New Band Name: Sluts And Punks

, , , , , | Friendly | March 6, 2020

(One of our regular customers is a girl in her late teens who often babysits for the parents in her apartment complex. Thus, she tends to come in with a different number of kids and different ages when she visits. On this day, she has five children with her, all of whom are clearly under the age of four.)

Child #1: “[Teen], can I get soda with the ice cream? I want soda!”

Teen: “I know it’s hot, but no soda, sweetie. How about lemonade, instead? You and [Child #2] can have lemonade.”

Child #1 & #2: “Okay!”

(As the kids get their drinks, the customer I’m currently helping starts whispering to me.)

Customer: “Ugh! Can you believe that? She’s what, 16? And she doesn’t even seem ashamed. Kids today. No morals. They’re all just little sluts and punks.”

(Before I can say anything, the girl speaks up, having overheard her.)

Teen: “Excuse me, ma’am. It’s not your concern, but since you’re so curious, I’ll tell you. I happen to be celibate. I have never had a boyfriend, let alone been sexually active. Second, I babysit a lot for the parents who live in my building. That’s why I have these children with me. I’ve been babysitting since I was 11.”

(The customer just stammers, trying to figure out what to say.)

Teen: “Also, my own mother was a teen parent, but she is a wonderful mother. I certainly hope she doesn’t consider herself a slut for having had me when she was a teen because I wouldn’t want to be anyone else’s daughter.”

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They Kind Of Look Like Chow Chows

, , , , | Friendly | March 5, 2020

(I got my dog last Friday. When I’m picking him up from the bath, a man approaches me and this conversation ensues. I’m Asian.)

Man: “Cute puppy! Is it Chinese?”

Me: “No, he’s a Keeshond.”

Man: “And that’s Chinese?”

Me: “No, it’s Norwegian.”

Man: “Oh. What’s his name?”

Me: “Brynjolf.”

Man: “And that’s…?”

Me: “Nordic.”

Man: “Oh! So you’re from Japan?”

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You Can Never Be Too Careful

, , , , , | Romantic | March 4, 2020

(I take regular walks around my neighborhood for exercise and relaxation. I’ve just walked past the entryway for a business that crosses the sidewalk when a car that was heading towards me on the road pulls into the entryway behind me and the driver calls out. Figuring it’s someone looking for directions, as this is a touristy area, I turn around and answer.)

Me: “What can I do for you?”

Man: “You from around here?”

Me: “Yes, I’m a local. Where are you heading?”

Man: “Cool. So… what’s your name?”

(I go from zero to SUSPICIOUS.)

Me: “Why do you want to know?”

Man: “No reason! Nevermind!”

(He threw his car into reverse and peeled out of there so fast I was left completely stunned for a moment. Only after I shrugged and continued my walk did I happen to glance down at my shirt and realize I was wearing an old high-school tee that would have been clearly visible to someone coming towards me. I’m short and young-faced, despite being almost ten years out of high school, so there’s a distinct possibility that man thought I was a minor. I always carry my phone with me on walks, but maybe I should add a weapon.)

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Taking Personal Space A Step Too Far

, , , , | Friendly | March 4, 2020

(My mother and I are waiting in line for one of those money withdrawal machines at the grocery store behind another woman. To be polite, my mother is standing back about five feet. I pretend to play on my phone and watch the following unfold.)

Woman: *suddenly* “That’s very rude, you know!”

Mom: “What?”

Woman: “Standing so close behind me while I’m using the machine!”

Mom: “Exactly how far back do you expect me to stand? I’m as far back as I can get!”

Woman: “You’re far too close! It’s incredibly rude!”

Mom: “You need to chill out. I’m five feet back! A cart could pass between us!”

(Several passing customers have stopped to gawk, and the nearby cashier is laughing.)

Woman: “I bet you’re trying to steal my PIN number! You shouldn’t stand so close! When you get up here, I’m going to stand behind you and see how you like it!”

Mom: “Do whatever you want; I don’t care.”

(I stood behind my mother with our cart as the woman moved away from the machine. She tried to approach my mom from behind but found herself blocked by my cart, so she LEANED OVER IT to try to see the screen. Both my mom and I ignored her completely. Finally, she gave up, frustrated, and left in a huff. Every customer and cashier in the vicinity cracked up.)

Mom: “Have a nice day!”

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