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This Defeat Is Humiliating But Adorable

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 9, 2021

This was in the early 2000s when arcade games were still popular. I was touring in Japan and decided to stop into a large arcade. With this arcade, you had the option of paying money up front and having the credits added to a card as opposed to the old-fashioned method of stacking coins on the machine as you played. With each play, you simply swiped the card over a reader and it would add another credit for you to play.

I came upon the wildly popular Street Fighter game and noticed there were two of the same arcade cabinets positioned back to back, facing away from each other. A Japanese girl who looked to be between six and eight years old was kneeling on a chair and playing away at one of them. I took the game opposite from her, swiped my card, cracked my knuckles, and got ready to throw down.

I got practically MASSACRED to a point where it was nearly humiliating, considering the fact that I was usually untouchable at this game. I wondered out loud:

Me: “Do the Japanese put the difficulty level at nightmare level for their games? God Almighty!”

Ego got the better of me, and I swiped that card for game after game, determined that I wasn’t walking away until I could beat that thing. And game after game, I got absolutely demolished. My sister who was touring with me strolled past.

Sister: “Why do you look so pissed?”

Me: “The AI in this game is insane! Nothing like the version in America! It’s like it’s practically predicting my every move and has a counterattack for it. I can’t touch it!”

Finally, I ended up running out of money on my card, and I slammed my fist on the game cabinet, yelled a string of profanity, and began the loser’s walk of shame to the exit. As I was walking away, the little Japanese girl I mentioned stuck her tongue out at me. A small group of children who had since congregated around her began laughing.

That was when it occurred to me: all this time, I wasn’t playing against the arcade CPU. IT WAS HER! It was the first time in my life I’d ever had the urge to smack a kid!

I went back about two other times, and each time, when I was playing some other game, I would feel someone tap me on the waist and I would turn to see that little girl smiling sweetly at me, waggling her little fingers, and then pulling up a chair and swiping her card over the credit reader, ready to completely decimate me at whatever I was playing. And that she did without fail, while always gesturing for me to swipe my card so she could murder me again. And again. And again…

This Hetero Seems Upsetero

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | November 8, 2021

I regularly have to go to hospital for eye checks, and my husband usually comes with me. On one of the appointments, I had to fill in a standard diversity form. I went in for my appointment, and my husband stayed in the waiting room, where he overheard an old lady and her daughter discussing the form. The daughter was reading the form out to the old lady and filling it in depending on the old lady’s answers.

He told me afterward that one answer caught his attention.

Daughter: “What sexual orientation do you identify as, Mother?”

Old Lady: “Er… What are the options?”

Daughter: “You’re heterosexual, aren’t you?”

Old Lady: *Indignant* “No, I am not! I like MEN!”

New Friendship: Not Unlocked

, , , , | Friendly | November 5, 2021

I come home one Sunday to find that I have not got my key. A nearby relative has a spare, but I can’t get hold of them. A friend also has a spare but it turns out they are on holiday. I ring around and visit everywhere I’ve been all day, and I search the car and car parks — everywhere I parked or walked. Nothing.

Eventually, I call an emergency locksmith, and a few hundred pounds later, I’m inside and have a new lock.

A few days later, someone posts online that they found some keys — my keys. I reach out to them so I can collect the keys and we meet at a public place.

Me: “Thanks for this.”

Woman: “Oh, that’s okay. I know how annoying it is to lose keys.”

Me: “Where were they, by the way?”

Woman: “Oh, [Supermarket], just by the entrance.”

Why didn’t she just hand them in to the supermarket?! I left my number there and could have spared us both the trouble of meeting out of the way. But whatever, at least I have my other keys.

Me: “That makes sense; I was there when I lost them. Crazy, I swore I looked there just after I lost them. Maybe someone kicked them out of the way.”

Woman: “Oh, no. They were right in the doorway. I must have been there just before you came back.”

Wait. She had these for two days, didn’t hand them in, didn’t do anything until today, and cost me hundreds of pounds and worry?

Me: “Okay, well, thanks. Maybe next time, just hand them in to the shop?”

Woman: “Oh, no. I would rather sort it out myself. I like to see people happy collecting their lost things.”

My face was not a happy one. I tried to explain that she would have been better just leaving them there if she wasn’t going to do the right thing. She just called me ungrateful.

Whatever You’re Thinking Of Doing… Don’t

, , , , , | Legal | November 1, 2021

I am travelling on the bus from Vancouver to Seattle. As I am getting on the bus, I see another traveller rock up who immediately looks suspicious. He’s arrived with zero luggage and looks far too relaxed. Something about his body language and demeanour looks funny, and a couple of travellers even mention the fact he has no luggage. I put this down to me just being paranoid and decide that as long as he’s not causing trouble I’ll pay him no mind.

When we get to the US/Canada border, his demeanour immediately changes. He appears a little more jittery and nervous and begins to pace around. Immediately, one of the US border agents takes notice. 

Border Agent: “Hey, sir… Are you all right? Why are you pacing around so much?”

The guy tries to ignore him.

Border Agent: “Sir… why are you pacing around?”

The guy then gives him an extremely arrogant sneer and shrugs. Instantly, all of us can tell this was a dumb move! 

Border Agent: “Come with me, please, sir!”

He gestures for him to follow, but the guy remains rooted to the spot.

Border Agent: “Sir, come this way immediately!”

The guy very sheepishly followed him into the building. When we left the border, the guy wasn’t on the bus. I have no idea what he was doing, but I have a feeling it was illicit. The lesson here when dealing with border agents: don’t be that guy!

Ok, Assumer

, , , | Friendly | October 29, 2021

I am in the swimming pool when I want to know what the time is. I look up at a woman passing by.

Me: “Excuse me. What’s the time?”

Woman: “There’s a clock up there, millennial.” *Sneers* “Read it.”

She’s referring to an analog clock. She then walks off.

Nearby Man: “It’s 3:45 pm.”

Me: “Thanks.”

When I got out of the pool, I saw the woman again. She paled when she saw the giant, coke-bottle glasses on my face.