Relying On The Crutches

, , , , , , , | Friendly | May 16, 2020

One morning, during my first year of college, I woke up to discover I couldn’t bear weight on my left leg, nor could I bend my knee. It was eventually diagnosed as a repetitive stress injury from sports and resolved with a simple surgery, but for a few weeks, I was on crutches with no clue as to how I’d been injured. 

I was also in ROTC at the time, and I took the bus to ROTC classes and other events. One day a week, all of us ROTC cadets were supposed to wear our military uniforms. I caught the bus with mine on and made my way to a seat on my crutches. 

A fellow passenger near the front of the bus kindly offered me his and asked, “How did you get hurt?”

Since it was before my doctor figured it out, I replied honestly, “I couldn’t tell you.”

He looked stunned and stammered out, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. Top-secret stuff, probably; I shouldn’t have asked.”

Realizing he assumed I was active duty and had been injured in some fantastic clandestine escapade, I laughed and explained, “No, I mean I have no idea. I woke up with my leg hurting a couple of weeks ago but I can’t pinpoint any specific time that I got hurt. I’m not even active duty; I’m in ROTC and won’t be commissioned until I graduate in a few years.”

He laughed, too, and wished me a quick recovery. I decided to be sure to answer plainly and clearly if asked again!

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Unfiltered Story #193788

, , | Unfiltered | May 15, 2020

I was walking to my apartment and it was ugly raining. I didn’t have an umbrella and I was carring two heavy bags. Some old lady came to me and said “here, take this umbrella and let me help you with those to your place so you won’t get too wet”
It was the most beautiful thing a stranger have ever done for me because I’ve always all my life helped people when they needed it and didn’t thought I will get the same from a complete stranger.

The Reference Is Worth A Google. Trust Us.

, , , , | Friendly | May 14, 2020

I’m a huge LEGO fan and have collected LEGO since 1986. I was browsing the LEGO aisle at a store where the employees wear red shirts and khakis in early December a few years ago. I was wearing a dark navy blue polo and khakis at the time.

A couple of elderly ladies were there and, out of the blue, one of them said, “Excuse me, which set would be appropriate for a nine-year-old boy?”

I looked over, surprised that she was speaking to me.

I asked a bit about the boy’s thematic interests and price points and showed her a few sets that I thought might fit the bill. I was just trying to be generally helpful.

After I finished — maybe fifteen or twenty minutes later — she thanked me for my assistance and tried to tip me. I said, “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t take that. I don’t work here. I’m just a LEGO fan.”

The elderly lady immediately looked me up and down then got this look of horror that I could only equate to Donald Sutherland’s expression in Invasion of the Body Snatchers before hurrying out of the aisle.

So much for being helpful, I guess.

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Failed The Perception Check On That Turtle’s Danger Level

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 13, 2020

A few years before I was born, my parents borrowed my dad’s parents’ cottage for a weekend — a cottage my dad, along with his parents and siblings, had built by hand. My mom hadn’t spent as much time in the area, but both of them are lifelong Canadians who grew up in Ontario.

They were driving along bend after bend of the single-lane road to the cottage, really a pair of dirt ruts with grass in between, crowded on either side by trees. They came around a curve and there was a car stopped, facing the other way.

There were occasional grassy pull-outs. If you met someone coming the other way, you would both stop, you’d have a brief negotiation as to who drove backward better and who had a shorter distance to go, and then one of you would back up to a pull-out and let the other guy by. And hey, this guy was already stopped! So, my parents got out to chat.

Then, they realized why the guy stopped: there was a turtle in the middle of the road! The guy was standing there watching it from a wary distance.

My mom got a stick and started trying to gently “hockey” the turtle off the road, into the forest on one side. After all, it was just some poor, helpless turtle. Right?

The guy blurted out in a thick German accent, “Careful! Ees un schnapping turtle!”

My mom was about to ask how he could tell when the turtle spun around to face her, lunged up at her face, and snapped — on thin air, thankfully. She dropped her stick and jumped back with a yell.

The schnapping turtle landed, turned back the way it was originally facing, and hurried into the forest, because f*** humans with our cars and sticks, apparently. Negotiations regarding backward driving were peacefully concluded and the cottage weekend otherwise unfolded as intended.

And that’s the tale of how some guy born and raised on the other side of an ocean beat some born-here Canucks at a Knowledge (Canada) check.

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You Think Being Old Is Hard? Try Listening To Unsolicited Lectures!

, , , , | Friendly | May 12, 2020

My boyfriend and I are out for a stroll at a popular walking park and have sat down at a picnic-style table along the route to catch a breather after walking for forty-five minutes.

An elderly couple approaches and the woman is huffing and puffing exaggeratedly. She slumps down on the bench beside me. I stand up to make room for her. 

Woman: “Oh, don’t get up for poor old me! It’s okay; you can sit. I just have to rest for a bit. I’m over ninety years old you know! Not unlike you healthy young lot!”

Me: “Well, we were sitting here for a while already, so we don’t mind getting going again. Have a nice day!”

Woman: “Oh, no, don’t let us shoo you away! But if you were sitting here for quite a while… ha! Isn’t that just lazy? Are you tired already from your little walk? You and your young legs!”

Her husband chimes in. 

Husband: “Yeah, we’re both over ninety and still taking long walks! Let’s see if you can still keep that up when you reach our age! You think you have it easy now? Just wait until you’re old! Same with jobs nowadays. You youngsters think you have it tough, but we had it much tougher back in the day, you know!”

Both of them go into a spiel on how young people are spoiled and lazy and their generation had it worse, etc. All the while, they keep a friendly smile going. They ask what kind of jobs we are doing and how it’s probably all a piece of cake for us.

I stand to the side a bit, biting my tongue and restraining myself from giving them a piece of my mind and telling them how I’m currently struggling to get a job with my muscle-condition, which is also causing quite some pain on my legs and feet at this very moment, even after the ”little walk” we had. 

My boyfriend is politely answering their questions but also giving signs that we want to continue our walk. The couple seems determined, however, to keep us there as long as they like so they can tell us how privileged our generation is. 

We finally shake them off and walk along.

Me: *To my boyfriend* “Jeez, with all due respect for the elderly, did they just really want us to keep them company so they could spew their opinion about lazy youth on us?”

Boyfriend: “Babe, do us both a favor and let’s never become an old, spoiled, rich couple with matching designer parkas and [Expensive Brand] walking shoes like them!”

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