Cross-Species Really Gets My Goat

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 13, 2019

(I have pygmy goats which I sometimes walk on a leash at the nearby lake. Little kids often come by wanting to pet the goat, some mistaking it for a sheep. On two different occasions I have had adult women come up and ask what kind of animal I am walking.)

Me: *straight-faced* “This is a dogalope; it is a cross between a dog and an antelope.”

Woman: “I had no idea they could do such a thing!” *walks off shaking her head*

Me: *grinning to myself, also shaking my head that any adult would fall for that*

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The Internet: If It’s Outside Your Normal Experience Then It Never Happened

, , , , | Friendly | November 13, 2019

I sometimes answer questions on a popular website where users can ask or answer questions. I’ve only answered a few so far. One evening, I answer a question somebody has regarding any support for autistic children. One of my children is autistic, so I share links to as many charities and organisations as I can and offer advice based on my experience.

The next morning, I wake up to a lot of email notifications from the site. I don’t usually get many responses, so I check it out.

It turns out somebody made the following reply in the night:

“Hmm. I’m not sure whether anyone can take any of your advice seriously. In one post, you’re a student. In this one, you have an autistic daughter, but in another, you claim to have a son? There’s also the post where you claim to be an accountant. If you’re going to lie, at least be consistent. People here actually need help. Go lie somewhere else.”

Apparently, the idea of a mature student with two children, who used to be an accountant, is too much for them, I guess.

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Humanity Has Forgotten How To Take Stairs

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 13, 2019

On my way back to the office after going to grab a tea and some food, I decided to take the underground route as opposed to going the outside route. I was on the escalator going down watching two ladies at the bottom. The up escalator was off for maintenance and blocked off so we were required to take the stairs.

The two women stood at the bottom looking rather confused. Finally, one of them moved forward, walked up a couple steps, stopped and looked around, and turned to the other and asked, “Why is it not moving?” Her friend, looking equally perplexed, shrugged her shoulders in response.

One of the women looked at me for a moment as I turned my gaze to the clearly out of service escalator on the other side. She followed my gaze and it suddenly dawned on her. She looked at the other woman and exclaimed, “Oh, it’s broken; that’s why it’s not moving,” and proceeded to run up the stairs. The other one looked around and said, “Well, it should be more clearly marked!”

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His Excuse Of “She Was Wearing Makeup” Doesn’t Dance With Us

, , , , , | Romantic | November 12, 2019

(In my teens, I used to dance competitively. If you’ve ever been to a dance competition, you know that even the young kids have to wear a LOT of stage makeup. This happens right after a competition day. My family has taken me to a restaurant for dinner to celebrate my new medals. I’m tired and sweaty, not all of my makeup would come off, and the waiting area is standing-room-only, so with my parents’ permission, I step out to a bench directly outside the waiting area. It’s a cool night, so I sprawl out on the bench and am soaking in the cool breeze when I hear voices nearby. I sit up and see some guys around eighteen or nineteen pointing at me and nudging each other. Before I can really ascertain what they are doing, one of them comes over to sit next to me.)

Guy: “Hey there. What are you doing here all alone?”

Me: *immediately flashing back to school warnings of strangers in white vans offering candy* “U-um… my parents are right in there!”

Guy: “Ugh, parents, right?”

Me: *visible confusion* “Um… yeah?”

Guy: “So, are you from around here?”

(The conversation continues for a few minutes with me giving vague, confused answers while the guy’s buddies stand around snickering at their friend apparently getting nowhere. I still haven’t figured out what’s going on, but then…)

Guy: “You’re kind of young, aren’t you? How old are you?”

Me: *honestly* “Th-thirteen…”

Guy: *jumping off the bench like it is white-hot* “WHOA! Okay! You have a great night, hon! Uh… call me in like… five years!”

(He bolted, his friends following after howling with laughter. I uneasily returned inside. My mom nearly had a heart attack when I recounted the exchange to her. Somehow she managed to miss the whole thing, even though I was within line-of-sight!)

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The Home School Fool

, , , , | Friendly | November 12, 2019

(I am visiting another state to attend a convention that my dad volunteers for every year. My mother and I are out shopping for some snacks. An old lady seems to be following us through the grocery store, until she finally speaks up.)

Old Lady: “Why aren’t you in school?”

Mom: “We’re on vacation.”

(It’s not a lie. I am still being homeschooled at this time, but during the convention I don’t have to do any school work.)

Old Lady: “That’s irresponsible! You shouldn’t go on vacation during the school year. Your daughter isn’t going to pass her classes.”

Me: “It’s fine. I’m homeschooled so I can do my work whenever I want.”

(The old lady is aghast at this point, so I slide closer to my mom. We’ve had so many interactions like this that I know what’s coming.)

Old Lady: “Homeschooled?! How horrible! You’ll never get into college or get a good job! And how will you get a husband with such poor socialization?”

Mom: “Hey! Don’t talk to my daughter that way. Get away from us.”

(The old lady grabs my mom’s arm and yanks her towards her. The cashier sees this happen and picks up the phone while the old lady chews out my mom.)

Old Lady: “You are ruining her life! She’s going to be stupid and too shy to do anything!”

Me: “Let go of my mom!”

Old Lady: “Don’t talk back to your elders!”

(She raises her hand to me, but my mom blocks her and then pulls her own arm away.)

Mom: “If you touch either of us again, I will be pressing charges. Look up, dumba**. You’re on camera, and the cashier already called the cops.”

(The old lady backed off and went back to shopping as if nothing had ever happened. When the police finally arrived, they took everyone’s statements but did little else.)

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