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Thanks For Being Stupid, Scammers!

, , , , , , , | Legal | October 28, 2021

I’m walking in the city when a woman stops me. Through broken English, she explains she is new to the country and lost. She doesn’t want money but does ask if I can walk her to the bus station. She seems quite helpless and nice, so I start to walk with her, but before I know it, I’m surrounded and feel very vulnerable. 

Me: “The bus station is just down there.”

I pick up speed.

Woman: “Wait, walk with me some more.”

Me: “Nope.”

The others start to pick up speed, too. Clearly, this is a setup for pickpocketing or worse. I run toward a shop and dart inside. They call the police and, to my surprise, the group waits outside.

The police arrive and they speak to the group before coming inside.

Police: “I’m told that you took something from that woman and ran off.”

Me: “Is that what they told you? No, they started to follow me. I think it was a pickpocket scam.”

Police: “They allege you took money and jewellery.”

Me: “I doubt they gave you any description. Keep things vague, huh?”

Police: “I’m just telling you the information they gave me. Do you have any cash or jewellery on you?”

Me: “No, I don’t carry cash on me. And the only jewellery I have is my wedding ring, but look: it’s inscribed.”

I take off my ring and show it to him. He hands it back to me and tells me to stay inside. He speaks to the crowd, and when backup arrives, they arrest all of them that don’t run off. I head back outside.

Me: “So…”

Police: “We have everything we need.”

Me: “Do I need to give a statement or anything?”

Police: “Please do when you next have a chance to, but it’s unlikely we will be able to bring any charges against them on that front.”

Me: “But you’re arresting them anyway?”

Police: “Oh, yes. They gave fake names; however, the fake names were already wanted. Luckily, one of the officers recognised them and we believe them to be wanted on a number of other charges.”

Me: “Not the brightest criminals.”

Police: “And yet far from the worst. Stay safe.”

Trying To Keep It PG

, , , , , | Right | October 28, 2021

We rarely go out to eat — the few restaurants that are family-friendly are quite a distance and not exactly cheap — so this meal is pretty special.

Unfortunately, our youngest — four years old — is a bit overtired and is uncharacteristically acting up a little. After a bit of a chat, we make it to the restaurant and are seated without issue, until we come to order, and he has decided he wants “that,” referring to a picture of an adult’s curry on the menu.

It should be noted that he doesn’t like spicy food, has a sensitive stomach to these dishes, and will take one bite only to admit he doesn’t want it. The wait for food is pretty long, so this isn’t the time for entertaining him.

We are talking to him gently to try to get him to realise that he doesn’t want it and to choose from literally anything else on the children’s menu, when a middle-aged woman from the next table leans over.

Woman: “Oh, just let him order what he wants! How is he supposed to express his opinion if he can’t make his own decisions?”

Wife: “We know what’s best for him, so please, just leave us be.”

Woman: *Loudly* “Now listen to me! Children need their own voice; they need to be heard!”

Wife: “I think we know our own child, what he does and doesn’t like, better than you do. Please leave us alone.”

Woman: “These young parents don’t know their a** from their elbow.”

Me: “Will you shut up and mind your own business?! No one asked you to speak. We are not going to order him something he hates and then make him wait another thirty minutes for the food he actually wants to arrive.”

Woman: “Well… I never thought just—”

Me: “Just don’t. Mind your own business.”

Everyone was feeling uncomfortable. Thankfully, my youngest decided that what he actually wanted was something he did like, and we got our food.

A waiter came over — to check on our food, I assumed. Instead, they told me there had been a complaint about us force-feeding our child. Of course, by this point, he was happily chomping through his meal, and after I explained, the waiter went away satisfied.

Of course, children should be listened to, but maybe listen to the parents, as well, and don’t try to parent other people’s children when you have no clue yourself!

Some People Need Lessons In Consent

, , , , , | Friendly | October 25, 2021

I am at a wedding with my boyfriend and I’m wearing a dress since it’s in the summer. I have multiple tattoos, but the most prominent is on one of my legs from my hip down past my knee. My dress is modest and goes from mid- to lower thigh. 

My boyfriend and I are chatting with other guests when a lady I don’t know walks up and starts chatting with us. 

Lady: “Oh, my, that tattoo on your leg must have hurt. It is pretty, though. What does it mean?”

Me: “Thank you. Some of it is just because I think it looks nice. The other part is in memory of my grandmother.”

Lady: “That is very nice.”

This seems to be the end of the conversation, and I turn back to my boyfriend. All of sudden, this lady LIFTS MY DRESS up to my stomach to see the rest of the tattoo. Being in a public place with many people around, this is highly inappropriate — not to mention thinking it is okay to expose a stranger you’ve never met before and touch them without permission. 

I am livid. I slap the lady’s hand away and start yelling. 

Me: “Who in the heck do you think you are, touching me and exposing me to all these people?! Never touch me again, and stay away from me.”

Lady: “I don’t know what the big deal is. Don’t get tattoos if you don’t want people looking at them.”

Boyfriend: “There is a difference between looking and grabbing my girlfriend’s clothes off of her!”

My boyfriend then guided me away from the situation because I was still fuming. This is why I rarely wear clothes in public that reveal my tattoos; some people have zero respect for personal space. Don’t get me wrong. I will always talk with people and explain my tattoos if they ask respectfully. This lady crossed a line and still gives me shudders to this day.

I Am Iron Man. And You’re A Jerk.

, , , , | Friendly | October 23, 2021

This takes place back in 2013. I am a petite nineteen-year-old female. My boyfriend and I are on a double-date seeing “Iron Man 3” on premiere night. We arrive at that theater well before it starts to get good spots.

A few minutes into the movie, my boyfriend gets a bloody nose and goes to the restrooms to take care of it. The movie is about twenty minutes in when a man and his date walk into the theater. The theater is full and there are no seats together anymore. They spot the seat next to me with my boyfriend’s jacket in it and walk over.

Man: “Is that seat available?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Man: “No one’s sitting in it.”

Me: “My boyfriend is.”

Man: “Well, he’s not here right now. We want seats together.”

Me: “He’s coming back.”

Man: “There are no more seats next to each other. Get up and find somewhere else.”

Me: “No. We were here an hour before the movie started to get spots and you just now walked in, with concessions, on opening night, and the movie has already been playing for twenty minutes.”

Man: “I want that spot. Get up.”

I ignore him.

Man: “I said get up, girl! Don’t make me move you.”

I ignore him again, which results in him reaching toward me to grab my arm.

Me: “Woah, dude! No! Not okay! Don’t touch me.”

This has now gained the attention of my boyfriend’s friend, who is 6’2″; the guy is probably 5’8″. My friend gets out of his seat.

Friend: “Is there a problem? What are you trying to do to my buddy’s girlfriend?”

Man: “I… uhhh… Nothing, man. We’re all good.”

He slunk off to his girlfriend, and thankfully, we didn’t see them for the rest of the night.

We Hope This Wasn’t Memorable For Either Kid

, , , , | Friendly | October 21, 2021

After nearly two years cooped up due to the recent global health crisis, after finally getting vaccinated, we’ve decided to mask up and go to the county fair out near my mother’s house. My four-year-old has never been to a fair — that he’s old enough to remember — and today is his very first day on the rides.

This happens just as I’m placing my son onto the mini dragon coaster, intending to ride with him since I’m rather short, he doesn’t want to be alone, and it’s our first big family outing with him as a big boy.

A random grandma shoves in front of me just as I’m getting him settled in his seat.

Grandma: “Here, baby! Ride with him; there’s plenty of room!”

She promptly TOSSES her tiny barely-three-year-old granddaughter into the seat next to my son, just as I’m putting my leg into the cart. The girl CLEARLY wants nothing to do with the ride.

Me: “Uh… I was just about to—”

Grandma: “This boy looks nice! Ride with him, dearie!”

She proceeds to shove me out of the way. Given that I’m arthritic and left my cane down at the walkway with my wife, I nearly fall over.

Grandma: “Watch where you’re going, fata**!”

I choose to ignore the insult.

Me: “I was going to ride with my son on his first roller coaster.”

Grandma: “Ohhhhhhh, you were going to ride with him? I didn’t know they’d let you on the ride! Well, thanks for the seat! I’m sure they’ll be friends!”

She proceeded to body-check me out of the way by crowding so closely that I was forced to back up away from my now distinctly worried child or risk falling onto the track.

The ride operator, not hearing the exchange, was pissed at this point and demanded we both leave the platform so he could get going. I was forced to wait at the exit gate while the random grandma wandered off for a smoke and the ride operator glared at me.

Thanks to that grandma, her granddaughter spent the entire time screaming in terror in my son’s face and flailing her arms around to smack anyone within reach, which had my son crying for Daddy halfway through the ride. He climbed over the little girl to get out as soon as the ride stopped, sobbing his eyes out and demanding to go home.

Thirty dollars were wasted on unlimited ride wristbands, only three rides were ridden, and we drove straight home so my poor kid could hide under his weighted blanket and ask me why I didn’t ride with him.

So much for a memorable first fair with my kid.