We’re Angry For You, Too!

, , , , , , , | Friendly | January 19, 2021

I am unloading a truck in my section with my coworker, talking about holiday shopping.

Me: “I bought an item on [Handmade Goods Site] and it never showed up. I didn’t think too much because of [health crisis] delays until [Handmade Goods Site] let me know I could open a case. Turns out they took my money and then shut down their shop without ever letting me know and didn’t even refund me.”

Customer: “What?!”

We turn and see a customer who apparently has been nearby and overheard.

Customer: “Oh, honey, I’m gonna be mad for you. That’s completely messed up! The balls that person had.”

I thought it was so funny that she got really fired up over it. Thankfully, though, the website gave me a complete refund on the item.

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Not Always Bright

, , , , | Friendly | January 18, 2021

A coworker accidentally locks her keys inside her car while at a gas station. Luckily, she has her cell phone to call for help, but while she’s waiting for help to arrive, someone approaches her.

Stranger: “Could you please move your car out of the way so I can get gas?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but I’ve locked my keys inside—”

Stranger: “Okay, but can you still move your car so I can use the pump?”

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What Subject Do You Teach? Just Curious.

, , , , | Friendly | January 12, 2021

I am in college and I’m trying to find a parking spot. Once I find one and park, a lady in the car in front of me swings her door open and starts yelling at me.  

Lady: “You hit my car!”

Me: *Calmly* “No, ma’am, I did not.”

Lady: “Yes, you did! Do I need to get the police involved? I will call them. You’re going to make me late to the class I have to teach!”

Me: “You are welcome to call the police if you feel the need to, but I can assure you that I did not hit your vehicle.”

Lady: “Oh, yeah?! How are you so sure?!”

I point to the cement post for the streetlight directly in front of my car.

Me: “Because if I had, my front bumper on the passenger side would be completely smushed in.”

The lady realizes there’s no way I could have actually hit her car.

Lady: “Well… I… Uh… Well, I guess since there’s no damage to my car, I’ll leave it this time and won’t call the police.”

She walked off toward the building and I moved my car to a different area just in case.

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Miss Frizzle’s Cousin Is A Lot Of Fun

, , , , , | Friendly | January 10, 2021

I’ve just arrived at the bus station having got off a plane at Heathrow Airport, a journey I know well and strangely enjoy. Now is the final leg before I make it home.

I arrive at the embarkation point just before the bus is due, having heard that there was a holdup on the bus route, and the previous bus has not arrived.

I talk to the glum-looking guy at the bus stop.

Me: “Come far?”

Guy: “Yeah, flew in from [Location] and I’ve been waiting an hour for this bus to come.”

Me: “Never mind. Now that I’m here, it will arrive in no time.”

And as I speak, it comes trundling into the bus station and pulls up in front of us.

Guy: *Amazed and delighted* “How did you do that?”

Me: “I’m the Magic Bus-Bringer!”

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I Guess We Both Get To Sit Here Forever, Park-Camper!

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 9, 2021

This happens more than ten years ago when I’m barely thirteen and my family has just moved from the southern USA to the North East. We arrive in mid-February, just two days before a massive nor’easter hits, dumping just about a foot of snow. My mom is from the area, so she knows how to deal with this. My little brother and I do not. He was born in the south and we moved there when I was just six months old, so both of us are just this side of useless when it comes to snow, having never seen more than five inches our whole lives.

The day after the storm, my brother and I have to get to school. We wake up extra early and spend the better part of two hours shoveling our sidewalk, digging out the car, and clearing out the parking space — there’s street parking only on this block.

When we’re finally done, my mom marks her parking space with a chair. It’s common practice up here to save your space, because people who have lived here forever and know what happens every winter will still refuse to shovel their own space and use whatever is available, no matter who shoveled it.

We pile into my mom’s little Audi. While waiting for it to warm up, we see a big Hummer screech to a halt behind us and flip his blinker on. He’s clearly waiting for us to leave so he can take our spot. My mom isn’t having this. She shifts the car back into park, turns the blinker off, and waits for him to leave. 

After a few minutes of waiting, we can see the guy getting more and more frustrated. He’s gesturing at my mom, banging his steering wheel, laying on his horn for twenty-plus seconds at a time. He’s just so ANGRY he can’t have the spot all the way down the block from his house that HE DIDN’T DO ALL THE WORK FOR.

Finally, after about five minutes, he gets out and storms up to the driver’s side window. My mom barely cracks it.

Mom: “Yes, can I help you?”

Angry Guy: “YOU NEED TO F****** MOVE THIS PIECE OF S*** RIGHT THE F*** NOW!”

Mom: “Oh? Is there a plow coming or something?”

Angry Guy: “NO, YOU STUPID B****! I’M TRYING TO F****** PARK AND GO HOME! NOW F****** MOVE! NOW!”

Mom: *Laughing* “Yeahhhh, I don’t think so. We just spent half the morning shoveling this spot. I am legally parked in front of my house, and I know you know the common courtesy in this state of not parking in a spot you didn’t clear and didn’t claim. So you can go shovel out in front of your own house!”

She rolled the window up and pretended to answer her phone. The angry guy stood out there in around twenty degrees Fahrenheit having a Grade-A hissy fit — screaming, stomping, banging on the car window, and even throwing snowballs at the windshield. That one made us laugh, which only made him angrier. His face was so hot I think there was actual steam coming off of his cheeks. 

Ten whole minutes later, he finally got in his car and slammed on the gas. The satisfying ending? D**khead had left his car going so long he ran out of gas and had to call a tow truck. We were late for school. Totally worth it.


This story is part of our Best Of January 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of January 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of January 2021 roundup!

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