(In the state where I live, minors cannot sell alcohol, so we have to call over a supervisor when customers come through with it. Unfortunately, many customers get infuriated when I say I’m a minor, so I’ve come up with a new method, which I’ve used on multiple occasions, to keep the peace. Below is an actual account of one of those occasions.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but a supervisor will have to come over to scan your vodka.”

Customer: “Why’s that?”

Me: “It’s in violation of my parole to handle alcohol.”

Customer: “Seriously?”

Me: “Yeah, I can’t touch it until I’m 25.”

Customer: “I’m sorry, man. That sucks. I’ll wait for your supervisor.”

(A few seconds pass.)

Customer: “Was it for driving?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Well, it’s a good thing you can’t touch it; that’ll save you money. If you don’t mind me asking, what was it for?”

(At this point the supervisor showed up and sold the alcohol. The man left, still thinking I was on parole. I told my supervisor what happened and we laughed about it.)

(Another staff member and I unofficially run our department because the manager who is supposed to run it only ever works at the registers and usually has no interest in anything else. But there is also another staff member who thinks he runs the store. He’s made some of our staff put stock out in a particular way, and had it wrongly priced. I am about to put it right when the store manager comes along.)

Store Manager: “Who did this?”

Me: “[Coworker #1] and [Coworker #2] put it out this way; I’m just about to redo it.”

Store Manager: “Why did you let them do this? You are supposed to be supervising them.”

Me: “I didn’t. I was at lunch. [Coworker #3] told them to do it this way.”

Store Manager: “[Coworker #3]? When will people ever learn he doesn’t run this store?”

(A few days later, the store manager is away, and for the first time, the woman who is supposed to run our section decides she will take an active role in our section — for about five minutes. She has the brought [Coworker #3] with her.)

Department Manager: *looking at stock she has no idea about* “Where is this going?”

Me: “It’s going in the floor stack right here. I have to condense this stock to fit it.” *pointing to other stock* “I’m about to start on it right now.” *I describe how I’ll set it up*

Department Manager: *turns to the other coworker* “Is that okay with you if [My Name] does it that way?”

(Maybe the store manager should have told his second in command that [Coworker #3] doesn’t run the store.)

(I’m taking care of a big rush of customers at the register as quickly as I can, with another cashier and one of my managers, when a customer comes up with a hair dryer that she wants to exchange.)

Customer: “Hi, I bought this a few months ago and it just stopped working on me for no reason. I don’t have the receipt.”

Me: “Okay! Do you have a loyalty card with us? We can look it up.”

(She gives me her number and it pulls up her mother’s account.)

Me: “I’m not seeing this product. Do you have your own account that we can look it up on?”

(The woman clearly looks annoyed, but gives me her number. Our system usually will trace back purchases for about nine or ten months after, but nothing is showing up in her transaction history)

Me: “So, I’m not finding it in this one, either. You said you bought this a few months ago?”

Customer: “Yeah, can you just go back and find it?”

Me: “That’s the problem, ma’am. There’s absolutely nothing here to go back to. If you want to grab the new hair dryer you wanted to exchange it for, you are more than welcome to.”

(She leaves and I begin to process the return without a receipt. When you don’t have a receipt or proof of purchase, our system rings it up at the highest price possible. The woman is very upset that we can’t evenly exchange it.)

Customer: “Well, this is just ridiculous. I shop here all the time and spend a lot of money here, so it should be in there.”

(The rush has died down, so my manager comes over to ask what is going on. I explain the situation.)

Manager: “Let me call customer service to see what’s going on. Why don’t you go help the other guests at a different register?”

(I obliged, and was grateful she took over. Especially when I found out that the customer had not made a purchase at our store for four years and tried to exchange a hair dryer from 2011!)

(I work in a large department store. The homewares department is made up of a lot of different brands, all with their own staff. However, you can pay at any cash register, so quite often I will be putting another company’s product through my till. A customer comes to the till with one of my items and an armful of items from [Brand], whose till is just across from mine.)

Customer: “Can I pay for all of this here?”

Me: “Yes, that’s no problem!”

(I scan my item and wrap it, then start on the items from [Brand].)

Customer: “Do you have more of those?”

Me: “Unfortunately, this is from a different department, so I don’t know about their stock levels. Their own staff will be able to help you with that!”

Customer: “Okay… What about these, do you have more of these?”

Me: “These are also from [Brand], so I’m afraid I don’t have any information.”

Customer: “You probably have them in your stockroom, though, right? Can’t you just check?”

Me: “I only have access to my brand’s stockroom, so they’re definitely not in there!”

Customer: “But I need more.”

Me: “Well, if you ask the gentleman standing just over there in the blue shirt, he is the manager of [Brand]. He will definitely have the answers for you. Sorry I can’t be of more help!”

Customer: *sigh* “Fine, whatever.”

(I finish the transaction, and the customer moves to the end of the till to sort out his bags and put his receipt and change away. I move on to the next customer in line.)

Customer #2: “Hi, I was hoping to get a set of [item]; do you have any more?”

Me: “Yes, absolutely. We just got a box in this morning. I’ll just grab them for you.”

Customer #1: “YOU LAZY COW!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer #1: “I kept asking you for more s***, and you kept saying you didn’t have any! You f****** liar! You just couldn’t be bothered to even check!”

Me: “Sir, I explained to you that the items you wanted were not from my department, so I was unable to check for you. This customer is purchasing my stock, so I can get more. I’m sorry for the confusion, but as I said before, the manager just behind you—”

Customer #1: “You’re such a lazy f****** idiot. How did you even get a job for [Brand]?!”

Me: “Well, I didn’t. I work for [My Brand], and if you had asked for more of my own items, I would have been able to get them. Instead, I directed you to the appropriate person, who is still standing in the same spot, waiting to help you. I hope you’re able to find everything you need. Have a lovely night.”

(The customer proceeded to go to the [Brand] manager and give him a list of reasons he should fire me, despite being told, once again, that I didn’t even work for them!)

(A coworker and I are straightening the items on a shelf in the aisle we were sent to by our manager. A friend, who does not work with us, happens to be shopping and stops in our aisle for quick chat. Our manager walks by and sees the three of us.)

Manager: “Hey, I don’t need three people organizing the same aisle! SEPARATE!”

Me: “Uh, [Manager]? She doesn’t work here.”

Manager: “Oh…”

(He walked away without another word.)