All Relationships Start Out Cheesy

, , , , , , | Romantic | October 20, 2017

(My fiancé has recently proposed to me. We rent our home next door to my father in an effort to save money. This can be convenient at times, if my father or I run out of something, if one of us can go to the store for the other, etc. My fiancé and I are sitting at home for the evening when I get a call from a family friend, who is currently visiting my father.)

Friend: “Hey, [My Name], do you guys have any cheese?”

Me: “Yeah, but it belongs to [Fiancé].”

Friend: “Oh. Do you think I could have some? Wait… Your dad wants to talk to you.”

(My father comes onto the line and asks the same question, saying that our friend is out of the usual snacks we keep on hand for her when she visits, since she is allergic to gluten.)

Me: “Hey, [Fiancé], can [Friend] have a couple slices of cheese?”

Fiancé: *rather reluctant since it’s an expensive brand* “Ehhh, I dunno.”

Me: *to my father* “[Fiancé] wants to be compensated. What does he get?”

Father: “He gets to marry my daughter. How about that?”

Me: “Okay!” *to fiancé* “My dad says you can marry me if you give [Friend] cheese. What do you think? You wanna buy me for two slices of cheese?”

(Our friend got her cheese!)

Chicken And Buzzers And Gorilla’s, Oh My

, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2017

(I work as a cashier at a popular pizza parlor and place to play arcade games. A man and a woman come in.)

Me: “What can I get for you today?”

Man: “What y’all sell here?”

Me: “Pizza.”

Man: “Y’all got chicken?”

Me: “We have chicken wings, and there are slices of chicken you can put on your pizza.”

Man: “But you don’t got no, like, fried chicken?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Man: “Oh. Y’all got waiters?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Man: “Then how does the food get to us?”

Me: “I’ll give you a buzzer, and when it goes off you can pick your food up over there.”

(By his point, it seems as though the woman he is with is beginning to grow impatient with him.)

Woman: “Okay, we’ll have some breadsticks, and what do you think of a medium pizza for the two of us?”

Man: “Man, I need more than a medium pizza and some breadsticks. I’m like a gorilla!”

Unfiltered Story #97374

, , | Unfiltered | October 11, 2017

(So my number is very close to Safeway Pharmacy. Becuase of that, I get a lot of wrong numbers for people wanting to get their prescriptions filled, check in on some info, etc. Unlike most people, I do answer the phone because I know that making sure you know about your medication is important (I have multiple family members who need to take meds and if they felt like they were being ignored by the pharmacy, they’d either be incredibly stressed or incredibly annoyed). I Normally when I tell people they have a wrong number, they either apologize and hang up or just hang up. This time, I have someone who is obviously foreign with an accent I can’t really identify)
Me: *Answering the phone* Hello?
Man: *Immediately starts to give me a list of medications that he needs and his information*
Me: *Kindly interrupting him* Sir, I’m sorry but you have the wrong number.
Man: This isn’t Safeway Pharmacy?
Me: No, sir. It isn’t
Man: Why not?
Me: … Because it’s not…
Man: Well transfer me to them!
Me: I can’t.
Man: Why?!
Me: Because this is my personal cell phone.
Man: Just transfer me! I just moved from overseas and I need my medication filled here! I’m almost out!
Me: Sir, if I could, I would, but I can’t.
Man: I want your manager!
Me: That’s not possible.
Man: Why not?!
Me: Because I don’t work.
Man: Now you’re making excuses! I’m going to complain about you! You’re being incredibly rude! Give me your manager or I’ll report you!
Me: Sir, I’m trying to be nice. This is my own personal cell phone. You have the wrong number.
Man: I do not! (He hangs up)
(Yes, I know, most people who just hang up after saying that they have the wrong number if they even pick up in the first place but I’m a nice person. I just wonder what the pharmacy got an earful of when he actually called the right number because I never got a call from him again)

Cashing Out Some Kindness

, , , , | Hopeless | October 8, 2017

(I work for a bulk store that also has a little eatery inside where you can purchase freshly-made food like pizza and hotdogs. I am wearing slacks and a polo shirt, which is the requirement for my area. I don’t have on my lanyard with my name tag, because I’m on my lunch break in line for the eatery. There are two older ladies who are in front of me, with three or so people in line in front of them, and they look me up and down a few times before it clicks in their minds.)

Lady #1: *with a sound of concern* “Do you work here?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m on my lunch break right now.”

Lady #2: “Then you have to go in front of us!”

Me: “Oh, no, that’s fine. You don’t need to—”

Lady #1: *cutting me off and gently taking my arm to move me in front of her* “Yes, I do! You’re on a time limit; you go right ahead!”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Lady #1: “Oh, yes. We used to work for a living, too; we know how it is.”

Me: *touched, because this has never happened before* “Thank you! You know, in almost five years, you two ladies are the first people to ever let me go ahead of them.”

Lady #2: “I bet that’s because you’re not wearing your vest or your name tag! You should try that; I bet it’ll happen more often!”

(I didn’t have the heart to tell them that I don’t usually wear my name tag on my lunch breaks, because every time I forget someone sees it and spends the whole time either trying to ask me about what specials we’re going to have in six months, which they’ll know about before we do, or complaining about someone who made them wait five minutes while they helped another customer. These two ladies lit up my entire week with that little show of kindness on their part.)

Impossible To Get A Handle On This

, , , , , | Right | October 3, 2017

(I work in a showroom for kitchen and bath fixtures and faucets.)

Customer: “I need a handle for a faucet. Mine is broken.”

Me: “Okay, we can probably get you a replacement. What faucet is it?”

Customer: “A kitchen one.”

Me: “Okay… what brand?”

Customer: “A kitchen one.”

Me: “Uhm… okay… is it—” *lists popular brands*

Customer: “I don’t know. It’s my kitchen faucet.”

Me: “How many handles does it have? One? Two?”

Customer: “A broken one.”

Me: “So… one handle?”

Customer: “And a not broken one.”

Me: “Okay… So, two handles?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do any of the ones on our wall look like it?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have the handle with you?”

Customer: “No, I threw it away.”

Me: “I have no idea how to help you. I need a brand to start with, or the handle, or even a picture. Do you have a picture?”

Customer: “No. Can you get me a handle?”

Me: *internally screaming*

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