I work for an up-and-coming camera company as a Level 1 tech support agent. I got a customer on the line the other day who began the conversation by letting me know he was an electrical engineer and that he didn’t need to troubleshoot because there was clearly something wrong with his product.

I calmly let him know that I was still required to troubleshoot, as we cannot replace his device without going through the motions. He agreed, though he was clearly irritated. This was his first product and he loudly let me know that he was not impressed at how useless the setup procedure was.

I asked him what the camera was doing, and he said that it was doing absolutely nothing. I had him press the “setup” button, and as he said, nothing happened. I had an inkling of what could be wrong but was baffled by the thought that it could be so simple.

Going through my normal troubleshooting, I had him plug the battery-powered camera into the charger, and wouldn’t you guess, but the camera’s lights all turned on.

I then proceeded to educate this electrical engineer that battery-powered cameras need to be charged in order to set them up.

This, unfortunately, happens at least once a day with someone beginning the conversation with how much technical experience they have, and that is the reason why we have to troubleshoot before replacing.

Customer: “I want three-quarters of a pound of turkey.”

Me: “Okay, which turkey? We have a lot of them.”

Customer: “Three-quarters of a pound of turkey.”

Me: “Ma’am, what kind of turkey are you looking for? We have [Brand #1] and [Brand #2].”

Customer: “I don’t know! Any turkey!”

Me: “Okay, so, better quality, then? What kind?”

Customer: “I don’t know! Honey mustard?!”

Me: “We have honey maple.”

Customer: “Yeah, sure, that one.”

(We go on to her next item.)

Customer: “Half of a pound of baby swiss.”

Me: *internally* “Okay, so you knew the f****** name of your cheese, but not of your turkey?”

(A customer comes up to the grocery store deli counter and asks for some chicken tenders. After I package them in a bag and place a barcode on it, I give it to him. A few minutes after, as I am cleaning out parts of the deli, I notice that the same customer is still around with his smartphone out around the salad bar. I stop what I am doing and go to him.)

Me: “Hello. Is there anything else you want?”

Customer: “No. I’m just taking a picture here.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I head back and continued to clean up the place. Not too long after, the customer leaves. Around thirty minutes later, a couple of customer service workers are standing where the customer was earlier. I look at them and I realize that they are looking for something, so I stop wiping down the table and go over to them.)

Me: “Hello. Is there anything wrong?”

Customer Service #1: “Yeah. We received a complaint about there being a piece of metal on a turkey breast.”

Customer Service #2: “He was going, ‘I took a picture of it and everything.’”

Me: *recalling said customer who was taking a picture* “Mind if I help you out?”

Customer Service #2: “Sure!”

(I go around the case and stand near the two workers. Soon enough, I do see a very small metallic shine, though I have a good idea of what it really is. I open up the salad bar case and remove it.)

Me: “It’s aluminum foil.”

Customer Service #1: *clearly annoyed* “Are you freaking kidding me?!”

(The two workers walked away as I wondered why the customer didn’t tell me about his concerns.)

(This story is about when my mom is a teenager. The first time my mom goes to a fancy-ish restaurant, at one point she needs to go to the bathroom.)

Mom: “Mom, I need to pee.”

Memaw: “Don’t say that! You need to use etiquette here!”

Mom: “Okay.”

(A few minutes later, the waiter comes.)

Mom: “Excuse me? Where’s the etiquette?”

Waiter: “…?”

(This happens when I am about four. It’s New Year’s Eve, and the house at the corner is having a party. Someone sets off fireworks in the empty lot near said house, and my sister and I run down to go watch. We are standing near the fence of the house party. As we’re watching the fireworks, a young woman leans over the fence.)

Woman: “Hey, what are you two doing?”

Me: “We’re watching fireworks!”

Woman: “That’s cool.”

(Then, for no reason, she DUMPED her entire cup of beer on my sister and me. We both squealed and ran home, crying. My mom called the cops, and the party was shut down after it was revealed that the majority of the young adults drinking weren’t of age yet.)