A Whisker Away From Insanity, Part 2

, , , , , | Related | September 22, 2020

When I am ten years old, I beg my mom for a cat and she finally relents. We bring home the cutest but fiercest black and white girl. Ten years later, my live-in boyfriend at the time and I are driving her back from visiting my parents for the holidays and she is meowing the entire way with me answering her with small reassurances. He is so amused by me having a conversation with a cat, commenting on how she doesn’t understand me anyway.

A few years after that, she passes. There are many tears from both of us, but we eventually move on, and he gets me another cat who turns out to be an absolute daddy’s girl, while he gets himself a male cat.

I am walking by his office when I hear the following conversation with “the other woman” in his life.

Cat: “Meow.”

Fiance: “Yeah, well, she told you not to do that.”

Cat: “Meoooow.”

Fiance: “Fine, I’ll talk to her about feeding you on time. I have to go get something. You aren’t going to steal my chair, are you?”

Cat: “Mew?”

Fiance: “I am going to have to pick you up if you do.”

Cat: *Indignantly* “Meow!”

Fiance: “Okay. I will be right back.”

I walked away laughing hysterically before he could see me.

A Whisker Away From Insanity

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So That’s How He Ended Up On So Many Hundreds…

, , , , | Right | September 21, 2020

When I am at a physical therapy session, two of the other patients start a political debate. I know better than to get involved, but I do hear this gem.

Patient: “Look at Benjamin Franklin! He invented the printing press, then he could get all the money from making the printing press and pursue his life’s work, like inventing the lightbulb.”

I was vastly amused, after I got done being appalled that a woman in her thirties could be so ignorant.

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Unfiltered Story #208798

, , | Unfiltered | September 20, 2020

(I work in a small cafe where people can perform music as long as they secured a spot 4 weeks prior.One of regular performers is girl in her late teens-early twenties who goes by the stage name “Luna”,complete with wolf ears,a tail,fake fangs,fake claws,contacts,a wig and edgy clothes.She came in early,out of costume with her guitar and a duffel bag.I make her usual drink and we make small talk.)

Me:Hey Amber,ready for the show?

Amber:You bet.I got a new song that’ll shake this place.

Me: You say this about every song.

(At that moment I see two boys from our school who are known for their long list of ex girlfriends.They’re the most shallow creatures I have ever met.They find girls to date and after they get bored they dump them.)

Guy #1:Hey pancake,make me a [ridiculously complicated drink] and make it large.

Guy #2:I’ll have [simpler drink],large. I’m paying good money for it so don’t make me wait.

Me:*fake smile*Right away sir.

Inner me:Rich D****-Bags.

(I’m pretty flat compared to other girls my age and Amber,while a very busty girl,her shapes are hard to see because of her baggy clothes.As Luna she wear much more provocative yet modest enough clothes.)

Guy #1:Hey Amby,you singing tonight?

Amber:As a matter of fact I do.

Guy #2:Hah!You a plank of wood with zero talent.Unlike the gorgeus Luna.I’ve been in love with her ever since she sang at my birthday party.I’m getting excited just thinking about that mismifyng siren.(Yes,he actually said that.)

Amber:*mortified look*

Me:I think the word you’re looking for is “mesmerizing”.

Guy #2: Whatever.Just make our drinks.

(After they left)

Me:I feel tempted to spit in their cups. Should I tell them?

Amber:I have a better plan.

(When she flashes that devilish smile it’s always a good show.After performing her new song,Wich was about standing up for yourself,by the way,she removed her wig,fangs and contacts.)

Amber: I’d like to dedicate this song to[Guy #1 and #2]. I hope you liked the song,you pigs. I’m I still the girl of your dreams -[guy #1]?

(They went beet red and dashed out of the cafe.Almost everyone laughed at them.)

Random customer:What was that all about?

Me:Those two compliment Amber’s alter ego but insult Amber.I think their little bubble just burst.

Random customer:I haven’t seen that kind of speed since my sister’s​ Doberman scared the fur off my cat.

Unfiltered Story #208761

, , | Unfiltered | September 18, 2020

I used to work in purchasing for a lighting store. When someone placed a special order I would call them from my office to let them know when it was ready to be picked up in the showroom, in a different building. many of our customers were designers or contractors who came back often. One day the showroom buzzed me saying:
Sr- Mr Jones says you called and said his order is in and I can’t find it.
Me (trying to get them to ask the right questions in the future): ask had m if it could be under a different name.
sr asks, comes back: He said no
Me: ask him if it could be under his company name
Sr: he says he doesn’t know
Me: ask him if he works for designer?
Sr;yes he does
Me: is it under that name?
Sr- never mind
Me, to self, why do I know where he works and he doesn’t?

Unfiltered Story #208008

, , | Unfiltered | September 13, 2020

(I worked for an eye doctor close to the Navajo Reservation. Many of the elderly Navajo grew up speaking Navajo and did not learn English until they were adults. (In fact, even my boyfriend at the time did not begin to learn English until kindergarten) as a result my customers often had a unique accent. One day I had and older man, who was very soft spoken with a heavy Navajo accent.
I respond to all of his questions in the same volume that he is speaking at. At the end of the eyeglass fitting, he stops and tells me thank you for not yelling at him! This broke my heart. He told me that because he speaks quietly and English isn’t his first language, most people end up speaking very loudly at him and it hurts his ears due to damage from when he served in WWII.
He was so grateful to me and also never complained about my own, heavily Southern accent that at times made it hard for him to understand what I was saying.
The point is, just because some is elderly or doesn’t speak English flawlessly doesn’t mean you have to yell to be understood.