(I work with a few other people at the front desk of a suite-based hotel. It’s vacation season, and the lobby is super busy. A girl who looks about 17 comes in and bee-lines for the concierge.)

Coworker: “Hello, miss, how can I help you today?”

Girl: “Uh, there’s a problem in our suite.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry to hear that. What seems to be the matter?”

(The girl glances around, leans across the counter, and beckons [Coworker] towards her. She says something to him in a very low tone, and he immediately goes pale.)

Coworker: *leaning back* “Oh, wow! I am so sorry you have to deal with that. We will take care of that right away. Is there anything I can do for you or family in the meantime?”

Girl: *at a normal volume* “Nah, don’t worry about it. I took care of most of it. Just thought you ought to know before you get anyone else in. Take care!”

(She turns and leaves.)

Me: “What was that all about?”

Coworker: “Only the chillest guest ever.” *lowers voice to whisper* “She wanted to tell me that she found some cockroaches in their room and that we should take care of it before we rent the suite out to anyone else.”

Me: “Are they asking us to comp them on the suite?”

Coworker: “She isn’t even asking to be moved! Said they’re checking out tomorrow, anyway!”

Me: *stunned silence*

Coworker: “I’m going to go make her a basket.”

(We have gift baskets with candy bars, snacks, and coupons to various local businesses and restaurants for VIPs. With all the unreasonable complaints we get, it was MIND-BLOWING for someone to come in with a legitimate issue like that without getting angry or making any demands. We still thank our lucky stars that someone that polite got the room with cockroaches. And yes, we immediately scheduled an appointment to have the room treated after they left.)

(I pump gas at a full-service gas station at a time when gas costs between a buck and a buck-fifty. A crusty geezer comes in and gripes about prices.)

Customer: “When I was your age, gas cost 17 cents a gallon!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: *continues b****ing about gas price* “…17 cents a gallon!”

Me: “Sir, when you were my age, how long did it take to earn 17 cents?”

Customer: *grumbles under breath and walks away*

(An elderly woman is paying for her purchase with a credit card. I help her swipe her card through the reader and prompt her to sign on the screen with the stylus. She is having some difficulty.)

Customer: *shaking the stylus* “This pen must be out of ink; it won’t write.”

Me: “It doesn’t use ink, ma’am. You need to keep your signature within the box.” *pointing at the box on the screen*

(She managed to make some illegible squiggles in the box. I handed her her receipt and wished her a pleasant afternoon. I giggled inside because I’m pretty sure she thought her shaking the stylus for ink is what made her signature appear.)

(I work for a moving truck rental company. One Sunday morning, a customer who looks to be in her mid-30s walks in with pop music playing quite loudly from her phone’s speaker. She sets the phone on the counter, music still playing, before talking to me.)

Customer: “Can I get a truck?”

Me: *having heard her perfectly well* “I’m sorry; I couldn’t hear you over your music.”

Customer: *not getting the hint and just raising the volume of her voice* “I WANT A TRUCK.”

(The transaction continues as normal until the song ends and another one starts playing.)

Customer: *still yelling* I don’t even like this song!

(I stand there for a minute, expecting her to maybe turn it off or at least change the song, but she doesn’t do anything, so I continue with the transaction. I finally get to the payment portion.)

Me: “Will you be paying cash or card today?”

Customer: “What do you mean, today? I’ll pay when I come back. That’s how I always do it.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s company policy to take money up front. We’re not able to just give trucks out on good faith and hope they’ll come back paid for!” *slight chuckle*

Customer: *still completely serious* “I want to pay cash, but I want to pay when I get back.”

Me: “We can’t do that, ma’am.”

Customer: “Fine, put it on my credit card!”

(Thankfully, the card goes through and I’m able to finish the transaction and get the customer out the door and into her truck. When I get back inside, my coworker, who was listening the entire time, starts laughing.)

Coworker: “Why didn’t you just ask her to turn her music off?”

Me: “Do you really think she would have listened?”

Coworker: *pauses for a second* “Not a chance, no.”

(My 16-year-old sister and her boyfriend are sitting together before church. A young girl who is in the Sunday school class my sister teaches walks up to them. My sister is shy and very easily embarrassed.)

Girl: “Hi, [Sister]! Hey, who’s that?”

Sister: “Oh, this is [Boyfriend].”

Girl: “Oh, okay.” *pauses* “Wait, is he your boyfriend?“

Sister: *blushing furiously* “Er… Yes.”

Girl: *delighted* “Are you in love with each other?”

Sister: “Uh… Um… Heh… I really don’t know how to answer that—”

(The girl reaches out and pats her on the shoulder.)

Girl: “You just say yes, or no!”