Stop Being A Pill And Get Back To Class

, , , , , | Learning | March 31, 2020

I teach workshops to the general public. I allow a ten-minute break about halfway through. I use breath mints to keep my mouth moist as I have to talk for about three hours. At break time, I finish the last mint and throw the tin away. One of the participants sees me.

Participant: “Hey, don’t do that; you could use those for pills or something.”

Me: “I didn’t need it, so…”

Participant: “Yeah, but those tins are useful. You can use them for pills.”

Me: “Well, I’m not going to take it out of the trash, but feel free if you want to.”

She looked at me like I’m the one who was crazy. At the end of the workshop, I looked in the trash and the tin was still there. I guess she wasn’t that gung-ho about it, after all.

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When A Fabulous Dress Can Cause Distress

, , , , , , , | Friendly | March 11, 2020

I work on delivering packages for a major online store. They have recently started scheduling delivering as early as 8:00 am, so this means I’m up around 2:30 am to be ready for the early-morning delivery blocks. I am on the way when I realize I should put more gas in the car and grab some liquid caffeine at the same time, so I pull into a local gas station to tank up.

When I get there, I notice a rather thin man walking around in a thin coat — which is understandable, as it can get quite cold at night here, even in the desert. What I do not expect is that he is wearing sandals… and a red, ankle-length dress. I am a little unnerved, but he doesn’t make any violent moves toward me as I get out of my car and doesn’t even seem to notice me. I think, “Live and let live,” and head in to get a drink and some fuel.

As I’m paying, I mention the guy to the cashier, because he should probably know the guy’s around for safety reasons. When I describe him, he says, “Yeah… he used to be a cashier at one of our other stores.”

Already thinking this night might be a little too surreal, I ask, “Used to be?”

The cashier responds, “Yeah. He got fired when he spilled a soft-serve cone on the floor and then began licking it up. He hangs around a few of the stores sometimes.”

When I step outside, the man is gone, leaving no trace behind. I pump my gas, looking around me multiple times, but he does not reappear.

I still think about him. Shine on, you crazy, dress-wearing, ice-cream-off-the-floor-licking diamond.

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Unfiltered Story #187699

, , , | Unfiltered | March 1, 2020

(A friend and I are waiting in line for concessions before our movie. The theatre we’re in is undergoing renovations, meaning that only two registers are open. There is a single file line for concessions, which splits as the employees at the tills are available. We’re waiting in line behind an older man, customer #1, and in front of two other men, customers #2 and #3.)

Employee: (Gesturing to the line). Why don’t all of you go ahead and make two lines?
Customer #1: No!!! Absolutely not!!!
Friend: I think he wants to expedite service by splitting us into two lines. It should be faster that way.
Customer #1: Absolutely not! I’m staying right here!
Employee: Sir? If I could get all of you to form two separate lines, we can get you to your movies faster.
Customer #1: Absolutely not. WHY DON’T YOU GO F*** YOURSELF!!!! F*** YOU!!!!
Customer #2: Now, there is no reason to speak to him that way. He is just trying to do his job. You owe him an apology.
Customer #1: (Over his shoulder as he approaches the counter) I DON’T OWE HIM ANYTHING.
Customer #3: (To friend and me) Here’s to hoping that he’s not in either of our theatres!

(My friend and I both apologized profusely to the employee at the receiving end of this man’s tirade. For being incredibly young, he handled the situation very well.)

Lost His Ability To Think As Well As See

, , , , | Right | January 27, 2020

(I work in the call center for an online contact-lens seller. A gentleman calls in upset that he has ripped his last pair of lenses. I help him place an order for a new box. Everything is going fine until we get towards the end of the call.)

Me: “Okay, sir, how did you want your lenses shipped? We offer free shipping via USPS which usually takes five to seven business days, or you can have them shipped next-day via [Shipping Company] for $19.95. Please be advised that since it’s Saturday, though, your order wouldn’t ship until Monday, so the earliest you’d receive them is Tuesday.”

Caller: “No, I need them now.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry for the miscommunication, sir, but our distribution center is not open on Saturday, so the earliest I can get them to you is Tuesday.”

Caller: “But I need them now! You will get them to me now! I need them to see; bring them to me.” 

Me: “Sir, we are in a different state than you. I am unable to bring you lenses.”

Caller: “I know that! You need to fax or email me my lenses immediately!”

Me: “You want me to email you your contact lenses?”

Caller: “Yes! Or fax! I need them now! If you can’t do it, I’ll find someplace that can.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t do that.”

Caller: *click*

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Unfiltered Story #163299

, , , | Unfiltered | September 18, 2019

(I’m working in box office when I receive a phone call.)

Me: Thank you for calling (theater), this is (name), how can I help you today?

Caller: Hi, I was wondering if you had a lost and found.

Me: Yes sir, we do.

Caller: Can you put me through to them?

Me: I can actually check it for you. What am I looking for?

Caller: Okay, it’s a blue and white iPhone.

(Note: we have a lost and found in box office for items lost that day and one upstairs for for items lost further back)

Me: Okay, and when was it lost?

Caller: July.

Me: Okay, please hold while I look.

(I check our lost and found log book. Seven iPhones were lost in July, five of which match the description to a degree.)

Me: (on walkie) Is there someone upstairs who can check the lost and found for me?

Manager: Yeah, what am I looking for?

Me: A blue and white iPhone lost in July.

Manager: (somewhat taken aback) Did you say July?

Me: Yup.

(We didn’t have it.)