We had a new hire get fired during training because she thought it was funny to prop her filthy feet (she was wearing sandals) on the shoulders of other new hires in the class. The trainer told her in no uncertain terms that this was inappropriate behavior and it needed to stop NOW!

New Hire: *Giggling* “I’m not hurting anyone.”

That didn’t go over well with the trainer or her classmates, but she “behaved” herself for the rest of the morning. Then, she decided to do it again after their lunch break.

This time, it didn’t go well for her. The classmate she propped her feet up on reached up and shoved the bottoms of her sandals so hard that her chair wheeled backward for a short distance and then tipped over, leaving her sprawled on the floor screaming her head off.

Just then, the trainer walked into the classroom.

Trainer: “Shut up, get up, grab your stuff, and go to the site supervisor’s office.”

There, she was promptly fired. [Trainer] told me later that she was screaming at the site supervisor:

New Hire: “[Classmate] should be fired, too! He assaulted me!”

Yeah, no. Not gonna happen.

I am waiting to be served at the service desk of a major supermarket in a suburb known for drug problems, crime, and s***ty people in general. This store only has a handful of trolleys, and today, there are none in the bays. The cashier is a young woman of eighteen or nineteen.

The cashier has just started to serve me when I’m pushed out of the way.

Customer: “Why aren’t there any trolleys?”

Cashier: “Ma’am, please don’t touch other customers, and wait your turn.“

Customer: *Now yelling* “F*** THE OTHER CUSTOMERS! WHY ARE THERE NO TROLLEYS?“

Cashier: “Customers are using them?“

Customer: “THIS IS F****** RIDICULOUS! WHY ARE THERE NO TROLLEYS?”

I’ve had a long day at work and just want to do my return and go home, so I step in.

Me: “Because some idiots take them away from the shop and don’t return them.”

Customer: *Turning to me* “WHO THE F*** ASKED YOU?”

Me: “Well, considering you literally pushed your way into my conversation and are harassing a poor worker who has no control over how many trolleys there are, you did. Now, shut the f*** and use a basket like anyone with half a brain. Just f*** off and let the five actual customers here get served, or the security guard there can call the cops and I’ll press charges for assault. Take your pick.

Customer: “F*** YOU, YOU FAT—”

Me: *To the approaching security guard* “Please call the cops. This woman just… Oh, look at that; she ran away.”

Many years ago, I was poring over a clearance rack, looking for clothes for my niece and nephew, who always loved Aunt [My Name]’s clothes gifts when they were small. Now, I shudder to think what would happen if I tried to buy their clothes, but they are not part of this annoying experience.

I had pulled quite a few pieces for them and was looking for more when I felt a pain in my leg from behind. I turned and saw nothing, so I went back to bargain-hunting. Then, there was another pain, and again, I saw nothing to have caused it, so I turned sideways for better viewing.

Suddenly, a little boy jumped out from under the next rack full of adult clearance clothing with some kind of stick, and he poked my leg. This time, I saw him.

Me: “What’s your name?”

He did not answer but disappeared under the clothing again.

Now I was standing facing the rack he used for hiding. I saw him about to launch another assault, I stepped back, and he missed. This prompted him to scream as if he had been hurt, and a woman emerged from another part of the store. (Mamas know the cries of their offspring.)

Woman: “What did you do to my baby?!”

Me: “He’s been hiding under the clothes on this rack and poking my leg with a stick. The last time he tried it, I moved, and he missed. That’s when he started screaming.”

Woman: *Standing there with her arms crossed* “What did you do to him?”

Me: “Again, I just moved away on his last attack, and he was angry that I moved.”

She snatched him up and dried his tears.

Woman: “I will report you to the store if you bother my child again.”

I watched her walk away and hoped I would never be that way if I had a child.

We have this obnoxious guy in the office who ticks off so many annoying boxes. He thinks he’s God’s gift to women, he’s loud and crass with all his achievements (both work- and non-work-related), and he likes to boast about things that are obviously fake or impossible. “Oh, some kid finally beat Tetris? Pfft! I did that when I was a kid on my first try!”

I’ve come back from a week’s annual leave, and he passes me by.

Obnoxious Coworker: “Oh, you’re back. You couldn’t even get a decent tan when you were away?”

Me: “Well, it’s hard to get a tan when you’ve been indoors all week.”

Obnoxious Coworker: “What a waste of a holiday to be indoors!”

Me: “It wasn’t really a holiday, more of a competition. I was competing in a Judo tournament.”

Obnoxious Coworker: *Snorts* “Hah! Whatever.”

Me: “I placed third.”

Obnoxious Coworker: “You’re havin’ me on!”

Me: “I assure you I’m not.”

Obnoxious Coworker: “A skinny twig like you does Judo?”

Me: “I do Judo because I’m a skinny twig. It’s great for figuring out how to take down stronger and larger opponents.”

Obnoxious Coworker: “I bet I could still take you on with an arm behind my back.”

Me: “I doubt that.”

Obnoxious Coworker: “Oh, yeah? Come on, then. Come at me!”

Me: “I’m not going to do that.”

Obnoxious Coworker: “That’s what I thought.”

Me: “It’s not that. I don’t want to be at the center of a Human Resources incident where I caused you any injury—”

Obnoxious Coworker: “Come on! Don’t be a p***y! Come at me! I dare ya!”

Me: “You dare me? What are you, eleven?”

Obnoxious Coworker: “Come at me!”

In his excitement, he actually comes at me! Instead of trying to make a display, I simply slide to the side, using my foot to easily trip him up. Honestly, it isn’t even a Judo move, just a simple tripping up. He falls to the ground, more embarrassed than hurt. He glares at me and storms off, but he is literally back a minute later with one of the managers, who is also an HR manager. This manager has been having a coffee in the breakroom — in full view of our encounter, I might add.

Obnoxious Coworker: “Well! You saw him trip me up on purpose, didn’t you?”

HR: “I saw you fall.”

Obnoxious Coworker: “Because he tripped me!”

HR: “Well… you did dare him.”

Obnoxious Coworker: “This is ridiculous!” *Storms off*

Me: “So, I’m good?”

HR: “You’re good. Try to resist the urge to ‘Judo Chop’ him if you can.”

Me: “That’s gonna be a struggle…”

Thankfully, [Obnoxious Coworker] ignored me for the rest of the day. Bliss!

I wear my insulin pump on the back of my arm. A customer comes up behind me, grabs my arm with one hand, and tries to pull the pump off with the other.

Me: “Excuse you. Do not touch me.”

Customer: “Is that a nicotine patch?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “What is it?”

Me: “None of your business.”

Customer: “Excuse me? Get your manager.”

Me: “Sure.” *Into my headset* “Manager to clearance aisle to speak with a customer.”

Manager: “Why?”

Me: “He tried to take the device off my arm, I told him not to touch me and wouldn’t tell him what it was, and now he wants to talk to you.”

Manager: “Okay.”

Me: “He’ll be here soon.”

Customer: “You didn’t need to tell him all that!”

Me: “Was any of that a lie?”

Customer: “All I wanted to know was what it is!”

Me: “I would have told you if you had asked before you grabbed me and tried to take it off.”

Customer: “You’re just being a b****.”

Me: “Okay. You can talk to my manager when he gets here.”

I start to turn away but think better of it. As I turn back to the customer, he is reaching out again. He recoils.

Me: “Touch me again and I will drop you like a dead bug.”

Manager: “I can handle this, [My Name].”

Customer: “She threatened me! Did you hear her?”

Manager: “Yes, sir, I did hear my associate warn you not to touch her. And I saw the security video where you tried to remove the device from her arm without so much as greeting her, let alone asking to touch her.”

Customer: “You’re all full of s*** and shady a**holes!”

The man leaves. [Manager] gestures at my arm, and I turn so he can inspect it. We have known each other for years, even before we were coworkers, so he knows my medical history and we are comfortable talking about it.

Manager: “It looks good. Why didn’t you just tell him it was an insulin pump?”

Me: “I don’t owe strangers an explanation of my body. I’m tired of justifying how I look to people who have no impact or input.”

Manager: “Well… yes. But it would have been less stressful.”

Me: “And even less so if he had just asked first.”

Manager: *Sigh* “True. You are correct.”

[Customer] tried to go to corporate, claiming I had harassed him and taunted him with my “IV drug use”, but [Manager] had my back. He sent the CCTV and a written statement that I was under no obligation to explain my medical needs to anyone. 

Related:
What A Diabeetus, Part 12
What A Diabeetus, Part 11
What A Diabeetus, Part 10
What A Diabeetus, Part 9
What A Diabeetus, Part 8