Humanity Is On A Downward Slide

, , | Right | April 23, 2019

(A few years ago, we went on holiday to a park with its own waterpark and slides. On our first day, the slides were closed, then the same on day two. I went to ask when they were opening and was informed that the day before we arrived, a small child had gone down the slide, got trapped, and drowned, so they were closed until further notice. After the shock of the story, the slides being closed was justifiable and we got on with our holiday. Jump forward to the end of the holiday. We are checking out at the main office.)

Employee: “How was your stay?”

Me: “Great, thanks; we had a fantastic time.”

Employee: “We would like to apologise for the slides being closed during your stay.”

Me: “No problem. It’s a horrible thing to have happen and we fully understand.”

Employee: “…!”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Employee: “You are the first person this week not to complain about how they were inconvenienced and ask for a refund!”

(I was amazed at the callousness of people asking for a refund when some poor family lost a child on holiday. Unfortunately, some of those people were our friends we were there with! As you can imagine, the friendship sort of faded out once we knew this.)

Thinks He’s The Top Dog

, , , , | Friendly | April 23, 2019

(When I walk my dogs, one of them wears a “halti,” basically a horse-style halter for dogs. This lets us tug on her chin instead of her neck, perfect for a dog who would otherwise spend every moment of a walk with her nose to the ground. We’re sitting at the park and a guy walks by on the way to the restroom.)

Guy: “I see your dog’s wearing a muzzle. I was a dog trainer in the army for ten years, and I’m used to dealing with aggressive dogs. Maybe I can help.”

Me: “Thanks, but we’re good.”

(The guy sort of shrugs and continues on his way. The way a halti fits around the dog’s face, it DOES look a bit like a muzzle. It’s an honest mistake that many people make. However, they’re common enough that I’d expect a “professional” dog trainer to be well aware of their existence even it if wasn’t something they used themselves. Assuming the interaction is over, my companion and I continue our conversation. However, when the guy comes out of the bathroom, he approaches us again.)

Guy: “Now.” *staring at my pup* “What seems to be the problem?”

(The words seem innocuous in writing, but his tone was, for lack of a better word, aggressive. Not wanting to embarrass him, I’d refrained from correcting him before, but since he insisted on butting into our business, I explain:)

Me: “Actually, this isn’t a muzzle; it’s a halti.”

(That’s when my dog — the sweetest, most lovable little lab mix anyone could ever want, a dog who’s all wags and licks when she meets new people — starts snarling. Her teeth are bared, hackles raised, the whole shebang. I’ve never seen her behave like that in her entire life. She clearly wants nothing to do with this dude, who now has a smug look on his face.)

Guy: “See? I knew your dog was vicious.”

(Finally, after standing there staring for what felt like forever and causing the dog to stress out more and more, he took the hint and left, but I wonder… was he just a blowhard trying to impress strangers with his “dog training expertise”? Or was he an actual dog trainer who gave off such a bad vibe that he couldn’t even approach a sweet-tempered family pet without freaking it out? If that were the case, no wonder he was used to working with “aggressive” animals. Either way, I agreed with the dog. Grrr.)

Revenge Of The Nerds

, , , , , | Friendly | April 9, 2019

(I’m sitting on the grass in the park on a sunny day. A few meters away, two guys in their early twenties are sitting on a bench. I don’t really pay much attention to their conversation until suddenly, a woman their age walks past with a dog and settles on the grass a bit further away.)

Guy #1: “Did you see who that was?”

Guy #2: “Huh?”

Guy #1: “The girl with the dog. It’s Veronika!”

Guy #2: *leans over and looks in the girl’s direction* “Veronika? You mean, from high school?”

Guy #1: “Yeah!”

Guy #2: “No…”

Guy #1: “It is! Imagine her with shorter hair.”

(There’s a pause while both guys try to make eyes at the girl inconspicuously.)

Guy #2: “Gosh, it is her! Wow, she’s hot!

Guy #1: “Check out her legs.”

Guy #2: “She’s changed so much.”

(There’s another pause while they check out the girl in silence.)

Guy #2: “In retrospect, throwing that basketball at her face and calling her a nerd might’ve been a stupid idea.”

Unfiltered Story #145970

, , | Unfiltered | April 1, 2019

(I was volunteering at a park about three years ago and I was the “Undercover” – A stream of crime had came to that part of the neighborhood, and they wanted someone to handle it. I was with two of my friends that day that lived behind the park’s entrance near the basketball and tennis courts. One of them was walking quickly, three boys following him. One was taller than the average bear; about an extra foot on each of us as well as the other two whom I presumed were hooligans as well.)

Me:”So, [Name of Friend #1], the soda fountain needs new drinks, and they’re half off to employees. Want me to get you one while you wait?”

Friend #1-*nods, looking behind him under the pavilion*

Me-*staring at him* “Umm…You ok? You can sit down if you want.”
*He sat down rather nervously. I got a bit worried, and I go to the concessions stand by the pool and I come back with two root beers. I see the three boys were sitting right on the other side and I come over with the drinks*

Lesser Goon #1-“Hey, you got us drinks! How thoughtful!”

Me:”Actually, I-” *They swipe them both from my hands, spilling some on my white shirt, and I just shrugged while the lesser two drank the smalls, the bigger one came up to me.*

Greater Goon:”…Medium. Sprite.”

Me:*snickering* “I’m sorry, what?”

*His glare was the best part-I kept laughing since I laugh out of nervousness.*

Greater Goon:”SPRITE. MEDIUM. Just for that-I’ll also take a [$15,00 Sheet pizza for a small party or family]!”

Me:”You, Tarzan. Me, Jane. Sprite-What is?”

*He attempted to pick me up and I just let him, and while I’m nearly faint of breath due to laughter, he was tapped on the shoulder by my friend’s younger brother-Who is 6′ 7″ (A whole half a foot to the Great Goon), and 13 at the time.*

Friend #2-*Hands me a large machete* “[Co-worker] lent it to me, and they’re not here today. Do you know where this goes?”

Me:*Trying not to laugh* “I-I may need it now!”

*The three goons ran off, and were not rewarded with their treats. Looks like having the nervous people pay off at times!*

Sadly Can’t Run From The Comments

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 28, 2019

(I’ve always had a weight problem. I have a history of diabetes type 1 and 2 in the family and I often flirt between normal and pre-diabetic. As a result, I try to keep my weight down, but it isn’t easy, particularly belly weight which is the worst for diabetics. I take up running, and at first, I lose a lot of weight. Then, I rebound and my weight is higher than ever. I’m still running and mixing in different exercises to try to regain control. I often run through a local park. The neighborhood is rather diverse, but there is a large population of people of a particular nationality that wear traditional garb. The men congregate at the benches, and one day they flag me down.)

Man #1: “We noticed that you are out here a lot.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m trying to lose some weight.”

Man #1: “You are overweight.”

Me: *laughs nervously*

(I jog away, chalking it up to cultural differences. But yeah, that’s why I’m out here! I’m out there again on a different day, and I run into a different guy at the same park. He is on a bike and he stops me.)

Man #2: “You are always out here!”

Me: “Yeah.”

Man #2: “How far?”

Me: “Oh, three or four miles today.”

Man #2: *nods like that’s good* “How old are you?”

(Odd question, but okay.)

Me: “Thirty-three.”

Man #2: “You have babies?”

Me: “Nope, just a cat.”

Man #2: “No husband?”

Me: *starting to wonder* “No?”

Man #2: *nods again and pedals away*

(I think this is weird, and now I’m wondering if I’m being set up. This last encounter happens at the same park but on a different day with a different guy.)

Man #3: “You losing weight?”

Me: “A little bit, but not as much as I’d like to.”

Man #3: “You need to lose more.”

(Maybe I should stop running through the park.)

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