That Hit You For Six

, , | Right | February 17, 2019

(I’m what’s known as a “party host” at a trampoline park, so when birthday parties come in, my job is to spend time with them on the trampolines playing games, and then help serve the party food after they’ve finished their jumping session. This includes getting the birthday cake and candles ready. One party is for a six-year-old boy, but when I open the cake box I see that there’s a candle in the shape of the number nine. I go out to speak to the mother to clarify that he’s definitely six, and show her the candle.)

Party Mum: “Yes, he is six, but the shop didn’t have any ‘six’ candles, so I thought you could just put the ‘nine’ on upside down.”

Me: “Okay… I’m afraid I won’t be able to do that, but we’ve got a box full of spare candles in the back, so I’ll see if I can find either a number ‘six’ or a set of six matching candles.”

Party Mum: “Why can’t you just use this one? Just turn it upside down, it’ll be fine.”

Me: “Um… I can’t set fire to it that way.”

(She realised what I meant and felt very embarrassed, but we laughed it off, and luckily in the spare candle box I found a number ‘six’ that was the identical design to the one that she’d brought.)

Unfiltered Story #137103

, , , | Unfiltered | January 22, 2019

(I work as a party host for children. I’m a nineteen year old girl, and this conversation comes up frequently. However, this one takes the cake!)

Two ten year old boys (While I was cutting the cake): You have to kiss the closest boy!
Me: Nope. That’s illegal.
Them: No it isn’t.
Me: Yup. It violates my Blue Card. I’m not allowed to kiss anyone under the age of eighteen.
*Father of kids confirms this*
Them: Well, he’s over eighteen, could you kiss him? *indicating the dad*
Dad: I think my wife would disagree.
Me: And my boyfriend would too.
*One boy loses interest. The other is quiet for a few minutes.*
Boy: You have a boyfriend?
Me: Yes…
Boy: When are you going to marry him?
*Said at the same time*
Me: Not anytime soon, trust me!
Dad: Jeez, let the girl graduate uni first!

Unfiltered Story #137070

, , , | Unfiltered | January 20, 2019

(This incident was related by my friend in a Facebook status. His small, half-blind dog was playing with another dog at a leash-free park, and in his words: Since she [the other dog’s owner] wasn’t aware that dogs play, decided she would try to kick my dog in an attempt to get them to break it up. My dad spots her and they have the following exchange:)

Him: “Really? You’re going to try to f***ing kick my half-blind dog?”

Her: “Yep!”

(Also in my friend’s words: Some people really aren’t worth the space they take up.)

Just Axing For Trouble

, , , , , | Romantic | January 6, 2019

This happens when I am a single 24-year-old. I am walking home through my local park around nine pm — so wickedly late! — when a girl comes up to me. She’s young, maybe 16 or so, and she tells me she’s been sent over by her friend sitting at the picnic tables to ask me for my number. Apparently, her male friend is too shy to ask me himself.

While this might be considered cute to some, I have literally never seen this boy in my life before. I find it stupid and creepy. But then, I have an idea. While I have no interest in the boy, I am curious about his tactics. I let the girl take my number, and she gives me hers as well as his, so I have some back up that he’s “not a creep or anything.”

About an hour later the young man texts me. Nothing spectacular, but with traditional w1ck3d l33t txt sp33k, with no sense of grammar or spelling, asking me about maybe a date. I text back with proper spelling, capitalization, and grammar — as a hint — to suggest that I don’t know him at all, and point out that asking some stranger for their number in the middle of the night is not the smartest thing to do.

Two more rounds of text ensue; he seems puzzled by my lack of interest. Finally, I drop my kicker.

“You don’t know me at all. I’m just some stranger from the park. For all you know, I could be a psychotic ax-murderer.”

Strangely, he never texted me again after that.

I always wonder if he got the hint about harassing strange women, or if he went around freaked out that he might have just gotten himself put onto a hit list.

This Clever Girl Is On The Extra Nice List This Year

, , , , , , | Related | December 24, 2018

(While with a friend and her daughter, my daughter and I are having lunch and people-watching. The kids are pretty close to finished, but get distracted by a kid a few years older having an absolute meltdown. She is accompanied by her elderly grandmother, who is attempting to balance herself with a can while helping this kid into her coat. The following conversation ensues:)

Grandmother: “Please get your coat on, [Child], because it’s too cold outside to be without it!”

Child: “No, I will not! I don’t have to listen to you! You are stupid and mean and I’m not done playing!”

(This continues in the same vein for a few minutes, with the child getting louder, attempting to hit her grandmother, and getting a bright red face. The grandmother nearly falls, and a dad sitting nearby helps steady her. Before any adults can say anything, my friend’s daughter walks over to the other girl, and very calmly says:)

Friend’s Daughter: “You know Santa can see you, right?”

(The girl having the tantrum immediately shut up and turned an even brighter shade of red, and tears started streaming from her face. As they left, we could hear her blubbering about how Santa wasn’t going to come, and the grandmother, clearly trying to hide a smile, saying that maybe they could get her back on the nice list.)

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